


Protecting What Is Precious

by DianneRose2016



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fatherly Jason, Hurt Clay, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Protective brothers, Vic being an ass, mentions of sexual assault in terms of talking, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 117,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28330956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DianneRose2016/pseuds/DianneRose2016
Summary: Set after Vic joins the team. Bravo was tasked with an operation to Kazakhstan, but everything went wrong. Clay and Vic were grabbed from overwatch and for the past ten days they had been looking for them. When Bravo finally finds them Clay is forever changed by the torture he had endured. Jason does everything he can to put his son back together.
Comments: 81
Kudos: 187





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so many people requested that I do another chapter to this oneshot in my Papa Jason Collection. I have been trying to figure out how I could make it into something, and I think I have it all laid out. Enjoy!

Ten days, ten long fucking days Bravo had been travelling through Kazakhstan trying to find Vic and Clay. The mission had started thirteen days ago and it was supposed to be an easy one. All they had to do was eliminate a major player over here. The Kazakhstani police and military weren’t allowed to touch the target so Bravo was sent in to do the dirty work and not cause a political nightmare and potential war. It was a simple mission that had gone smoothly. Due to the lack of ISR from the trees Jason had made the call to send Clay up on overwatch with Vic. It was a decision that he would regret for the rest of his life. Vic had been on the team for only a month and so far Vic and Clay hadn’t really meshed very well. Jason had been hoping that having Clay take Vic under his wing and teach him about overwatch it would force them to talk and maybe start to build a bond. It’s what he did for Sonny and Clay and they were best friends now. Everything had been going well, until Clay’s voice came over coms letting them know that they had company. Clay was going to make them a window so they could get out to their exfil and him and Vic would get to the secondary exfil. Jason didn’t want to do it, but he knew Clay could handle things. He had his other brother’s lives to worry about and he trusted in Clay’s skills. He would keep Vic alive and they would get him at the secondary location. When they arrived to pick them up, they were nowhere to be found. 

They made the journey back to where Clay and Vic were on overwatch, hoping to find them along the way, but they didn’t. They only found evidence of a fight and then tire tracks. Clay and Vic had been taken, his kid had been taken. They searched the area, but came up with nothing. They had no choice, but to go back to HAVOC and hope that they could find something on them. Alpha team had been brought in to help them with the search and after ten days of searching they had finally got a strong lead on where they were being held. They were making their way through the forests towards a compound where Clay and Vic were suspected of being held. Bravo and Alpha had already gotten a plan together to search the compound and to focus on finding their boys. Alpha was to try and find Vic, while Bravo would search for Clay. They were all exhausted and hungry. They hadn’t been resting very much or eating anything real. They had been settling for small naps and quick bits of food just so they could keep going and searching for their boys. They were also cold from the beginning of winter. It was nearing fourteen degrees fahrenheit and each of them were feeling it. There wasn’t any snow on the ground thankfully, but it was hard and frozen and they could all see their breaths. They had dressed warm and had brought extra clothes and boots for both Vic and Clay just in case theirs were missing. Both Trent and Derek had extensive medical kits with them so they were prepared for any injuries to come their way.

They were almost at the location when they heard someone coming their way. They all put their guns up, but instantly lowered them when they saw Vic coming through the trees. He was limping slightly and Ray went over to help him. The others all joined them as Ray spoke.

“What hurts?”

“It’s just my ankle.” Vic answered, as he leaned into Ray to take the weight off his ankle.

“Sit him down.” Trent said, as he went over to start checking Vic out.

From what they could see Vic still had all of his clothes and his boots on, even his jacket. He didn’t seem to have any injuries, just some bruising around his right eye and his sore ankle. 

“Where’s Clay?” Jason asked. Right now that was all that mattered.

“I don’t know.” Vic answered, with just a slight tired voice.

“What the hell do you mean you don’t know?” Sonny growled.

“We were separated.” 

“What the hell happened Lopez?” Jason asked.

“We were on Overwatch and waited until you guys were cleared. We were just heading out when a group of ten got the jump on us. They all had guns and we were both grabbed, they took our guns and tied our hands. They took us to this compound about ten miles from here, put us in separate rooms. I don't know about Spenser, but they had my hands shackled to the floor. I hurt my ankle on the trip to the compound. They left me locked in the room this whole time. Brought me food and water once a day.”

“They didn’t ask you any questions?” Derek asked, as that didn’t sound right at all.

“They asked who I was, what division of the military. I told them that I was Navy and just a rookie. They asked who Clay was and I said I didn’t know, that it was my first time seeing him. They didn’t ask me anything else after that.”

“For fuck’s sake. Of course they didn’t ask you anything else, you told them you were a rookie. They would have figured Clay to be your superior and they would have gone after him. There’s no point in torturing some rookie who wouldn’t know anything.” Sonny said, pissed that Vic had said anything at all. You were trained to keep your mouth shut and only give your identification number if you had to. 

“I did the same thing in SERE and no one corrected me. I’m sure Spenser is fine, he probably got out.” Vic said, in his defense.

“He wouldn’t have left without getting you out. How did you get out?” Jason demanded.

“I was able to get the lock to snap and I went out the door. I came across two tangos, I knocked them out, but I couldn’t find Spenser, so I left. I figured he escaped.”

“So you just left him there?” Sonny said, outraged by this.

“I looked around, I didn’t see him. I hadn’t heard him either. Figured he escaped and didn’t find me.”

“What do you mean you hadn’t heard him?” Jason asked.

“His cell was next to mine. I could hear them talking to him and I could hear his voice. It was mumbles through the wall. I hadn’t heard him since the last time the door was opened. He wasn’t in the room, so I figured he escaped. We didn’t talk to each other, so he might not have known I was even next to him.”

“And at any point in the past ten days did you hear him yell?” Full Metal asked.

“Ya he screamed a lot.” Vic easily stated.

Sonny went to lunge for Vic, but Derek and Full Metal were able to hold him back. “He screamed a lot and you just left him there? He wouldn’t have been screaming if you hadn’t said you were a rookie. They would have taken turns with you. He would have been given a break instead; he's been tortured for the past ten days probably. While you were sitting pretty getting food and water.” 

“I didn’t do anything wrong. They teach you in Green Team that if you get captured your only focus is surviving. Telling them I was a rookie was the best chance I had of avoiding torture and surviving. I did what everyone would do in that situation. I went looking for him, I didn’t see him, I wasn’t going to hang around and wait to ask a guard where he was.” Vic argued right back. He didn’t do anything wrong and he had no idea why they all seemed so pissed off at him for it. He didn’t get them kidnapped. Clay was the one to make the call to hang around and take out the tangos from Overwatch, putting them in danger. 

“We don’t have time for this. Trent, he good to move?” Jason asked, they needed to find Clay.

“He’s not dehydrated, no bruising, only injury is his black eye and a sprained ankle. He’s fine.” Trent said, with an edge to his voice. He wasn’t impressed anymore then the rest if the guys were. It was one thing to try and survive and another to knowingly throw the other guy under the bus. They left Vic alone because there was no point in torturing information out of a rookie. 

“Let’s move.” Jason ordered.

The guys all headed out, Alpha’s rookie grabbed Vic to help him walk as they made their way towards the compound. They were five miles away when they heard more footsteps coming through the trees, this time to the left closest to Jason. They all stopped and pointed their guns in the direction of the sound, ready to fire should they need to. They were shocked when it wasn’t a hostile, but Clay stumbling through the trees. Jason was instantly heading his way as he called out.

“We need a blanket.”

Clay was completely naked and covered in dirt and blood. Once Jason was close enough Clay’s legs gave out and Jason caught him and gently brought him down to the ground. 

“It’s ok I got you.” Jason said, as the guys ran over to them.

Trent had a blanket in his hands and was instantly wrapping it around Clay to try and get him warm. It was way too cold for him to be out in this weather with no clothes on. The guys all took in Clay’s appearance. He was covered in blood, it was all over his body and his face, along with dirt. His whole body was trembling and his breathing was full of wheezes. They could see bruising, but it was hard through the dirt. The worst part was Clay’s eyes. They were blank, his mind had checked out. Trent moved the blanket open a bit so he could look at Clay’s torso and he couldn’t help but close his eyes for a moment at the sight. His whole torso was covered in bruising, he knew there would be some broken ribs. There were also cuts all over him, deep enough that they would need stitches, but not so deep that he would bleed to death. They were all over his arms, his stomach, chest and his legs, Trent figured there were at least a hundred of them. All of them would need to be cleaned and stitched. He had electrical burns as well as second degree burns all over his torso. His fingernails were all removed, a quick look at his feet revealed his toenails were as well. 

“He’s not talking, why isn’t he saying anything?” Sonny asked, panicked by Clay’s condition.

“He’s in shock.” Trent answered as he covered Clay’s torso back up so he could look at his feet and legs.

“It’s ok, you’re safe son, it’s ok.” Jason calmly repeated as he held Clay against his chest as best as he could with his vest on. 

The bottom of Clay’s feet were torn up from running or walking through the woods without shoes. His legs were covered in bruises, but what made everyone’s breath stop was seeing the blood between Clay’s legs and on the back of his thighs.

“They” Ray started, but he couldn’t seem to form the words to finish his question.

“Ya.” Was all Trent said, as he fought to get his own anger under control.

The guys were all struggling with their emotions right now. It was one thing to be tortured, but it was something completely different to have been raped. Jason found himself having to force his own body to not shake. He was pissed, he wanted blood. He wanted to get to that compound and kill every last person within it for what they had done to Clay, to his son. A sharp groan of pain brought Jason’s mind back to Clay. He was in a lot of pain and had to be his priority.

“He’s in a lot of pain, can you give him anything?” Jason said, to Trent.

“I’ll give him half a dose now and see how he reacts to it.” Trent easily agreed.

He went through his medical bag and grabbed what he needed as Jason spoke to the others. “Derek, take your team and eliminate anyone within that compound. I’ll have Chalk Two meet you at a secondary exfil. Bravo will take Clay to Chalk One and head back to the hangar.”

“I’m going with Alpha.” Sonny said, as his body shook. He was doing everything he could to keep himself from ringing Vic’s neck. 

“Go.” Jason easily agreed. He knew Sonny had some anger he had to work out. 

Brock came over with the extra bag that would have Clay’s clothes in it as the other guys stood watch. 

“Let’s go.” Derek ordered his guys.

They all headed out and Trent grabbed the morphine shot and spoke to Clay before he did anything. “I’m going to move the blanket for a second to give you some morphine Spense.”

Clay didn’t say anything or give any indication that he even heard him. Trent knew Clay’s mind was in a state of shock, so he didn’t expect anything from him. He moved the blanket just enough to get to Clay’s outer upper thigh and he gave him a half dose. He would be able to give him more later once he watched how it affected him. He was worried about Clay’s breathing. Trent grabbed his stethoscope next as he spoke.

“We’ll need a litter and he’s going to need a hospital or a base with an infirmary.” 

“I got the litter.” Full Metal said, as he moved to the bag and started to pull it out to put it together.

“We could take him to Kabul, they have a large base. It’s Army, but I don’t think they’ll care.” Ray said.

Jason moved his hand over to his radio as he spoke. “Bravo One to HAVOC.”

“Go ahead Bravo One” Blackburn said.

“We found Bravo Seven and Clay. Alpha and Sonny are going to do the compound raid. We need to take Clay to Kabul, he’s severely injured.”

“I’ll have it arranged and set up a second exfil location for Alpha. You will need to come back to the hangar to refuel before you will be able to make it to Kabul.”

“Copy, we’ll be there soon.”

It wasn’t lost on Vic that Jason had referred to him as Bravo seven and Clay as Clay. Nor was it lost on him that Jason didn’t state that he was ok and Blackburn didn’t ask. Vic knew he was in the doghouse, but he really didn’t understand why. He was hoping later that he could ask Ray about it. Trent listened to Clay’s lungs for a moment before he pulled back and picked up a thermometer. 

“How are they?” Jason asked.

“Congested and he has a fever. So either he has pneumonia or they waterboarded him and he has some water left in his lungs. The fever could be connected to an infection from the cuts. Spense, can you tell me if they waterboarded you?” Trent asked, gently.

Clay didn’t respond though. He didn’t act like he had even heard Trent speaking. He just continued to stare off into space against Jason’s chest. When Clay didn’t say anything Jason tried.

“Sunshine, can you answer Trent for me?” 

Clay only continued to not talk and Jason looked up at Trent completely worried about what was going on with Clay.

“Why isn’t he talking? I know you said he was in shock, but this seems more than that.” Ray said, worried as well. Clay always talked.

“Ten days being tortured and raped, no food, he’s dehydrated, possible concussion to go with it. His mind is in shock and taking a break. There’s not much I can do for him right now. We need to get him dressed and on the chopper. Once in the air I can start working on cleaning the wounds.” 

Trent would have loved to do that here, but it was too cold and too close to danger. They needed to get Clay up in the air where he would be safe and it would be warmer. Brock helped Trent to get Clay dressed while Jason held him. Everytime they moved Clay he would groan or moan in pain with each little movement. They all knew he was in a great deal of pain, but the small amount of morphine was all he could have right now until Trent was able to monitor his breathing. Trent and Brock worked quickly and efficiently so they could get Clay dressed and ready to be moved. Once he was dressed and his boots were on it was time to move him over to the litter.

“I got him.” Jason said.

Jason very carefully moved to pick Clay up bridal style and lifted him ever so slightly up off the ground as Trent slid the litter underneath. The small scream of pain didn’t go unnoticed by the guys and they hated that Clay was in this much pain and they couldn’t do anything to help him. 

“I know, I’m sorry Sunshine. Almost done.” Jason said, as he gently laid Clay down on the blanket that was placed on top of the litter. 

They wrapped the blanket around Clay before they strapped him in. With Clay set they were ready to move out. Trent took the top of the litter by Clay’s head while Full Metal grabbed the bottom. Jason walked right next to Clay so he would be able to see him should Clay need him. Ray helped Vic walk and together they all made the journey back to where exfil was. They didn’t run as they didn’t want the jostling to hurt Clay, but they couldn’t go slow either. Clay needed medical attention and he needed to get out of the cold. He was most likely already going to have hypothermia and they needed to get him warmed up. It was an hour later when they reached exfil and they quickly loaded Clay up in the chopper as they got in. Once the doors were closed Jason spoke.

“We gotta get him to Kabul Army Base.” 

“Commander Blackburn informed us. We just need to stop real quick to refuel then we’ll be on our way.” The pilot said, as they started to take off.

The jostling of the helicopter only caused Clay more pain, and he couldn’t stop the groan and moans that escaped his lips. Once they were in the air and at a safe distance, Jason couldn’t do it anymore. He removed his vest as he spoke.

“I’ll take him.”

Trent started to remove the scraps that were holding Clay down as Ray spoke. 

“Jase, taking your vest off isn’t a smart idea. Something could still go wrong.”

“I’ll be fine. He’s in too much pain lying down right now like this. I’ll hold him and Trent can start to look him over more.”

Trent got the straps off and they all moved Clay as gently as they could so he was laying on his right side in Jason’s arms. Once Clay was situated Jason ran his hand through Clay’s hair as Trent started to get a better look at his injuries. Brock, Full Metal and Ray took out their flashlights and held them up so Trent would have proper light to look Clay over. Trent started with Clay’s feet, he removed his boots and socks and worked on cleaning the cuts to the bottom of his feet from running through the woods. He worked as quickly as he could as he cleaned them and once he was done he put Clay’s socks and boots back on just so he could keep him warm. 

“Brock, can you grab some heating packs and get them going.” Trent said, as he moved to roll Clay’s pant legs up. He wasn’t going to remove his pants, but he did want to try and clean as many of the cuts as he could.

Brock got the heating packs out and snapped them to get them warmed up. Once they were ready he went and placed one against Clay’s chest to help warm his core temperature before he moved the other to place it between Clay’s thighs to help warm his legs up. Clay’s whole body was trembling and they knew it was from the cold and the pain his body was in. They wished they could make it better, but right now they were helpless to do anything. 

“It’s ok Clay, you’re doing good.” Trent said, as he worked on getting as many cuts as he could clean on Clay.

He wished he could have given Clay more morphine, but he needed to monitor Clay’s breathing first. They sounded congested and he was really worried about water being in his lungs. He had questions that he needed answers, but right now Clay’s mind wasn’t in the position to give that to him currently. Jason continued to hold onto Clay and tell him he was safe and that he would be ok for the whole chopper ride back to the hangar. Once they landed Trent was getting off and running into the hangar to grab more medical supplies, like an oxygen tank. The pilots got out and worked as quickly as they could to get the chopper filled up. The guys all saw the second chopper land and everyone in Alpha and Sonny ran over to them and over to the open side of the chopper. 

“How is he?” Sonny asked.

“Get in, we’re taking him to Kabul Army Base.” Jason said and Sonny was instantly getting in. “Blackburn needs Alpha to stay and get everything wrapped up before you all will meet us there.” Jason said to Derek.

“We’ll handle it. Everyone in the compound was dead when we got there. We’ll talk more when we get to the base.” Derek said, as Trent came running back to the chopper with a small oxygen tank and a pillow.

“I’ll leave you my supplies just in case you need em.” Derek said to Trent and he placed his bag down on the chopper floor. It was a tight fit, but he knew all of the guys would want to stay with Clay.

“Appreciate it.” Trent said to Derek, before turning his attention to Clay. “Clay, I have a pillow for you to lay on, it’s going to be more comfortable for the flight. I also have an oxygen mask I need to put on you to help with your breathing.”

Jason helped to get Clay’s head up so Trent could get the pillow under his head and the oxygen mask on him. Every little movement caused Clay more pain and the guys wished they could just knock him out for the rest of the flight. Once the chopper was filled Derek spoke. 

“We’ll see you soon.” 

Jason gave a nod and Derek closed the door and all of Alpha ran towards the hangar so they wouldn’t be in the way of the chopper as it took off. The rocking of take off caused Clay to scream in pain, but they knew once they leveled out in the air it would be a smoother ride.

“You can’t give him anything?” Sonny asked Trent.

“Not yet. I’m worried about his breathing, it’s already shallow and the morphine will suppress it.”

“How could you allow this to happen?” Sonny snapped at Vic.

“Me? How the hell is this my fault?” Vic argued right back. He wasn’t going to take blame for something that wasn’t his fault.

“You allowed them to torture him while you sat nice and safe in your cell. He was the one to be tortured. Then you left him while you ran to safety.”

“I didn’t know where he was. I tried to find him, but he wasn’t in his cell.”

“No, he was buried fucking alive while you were getting your own ass safe.” Sonny said, and that had everyone stunned.

To hear that Clay had been buried alive, it broke their hearts. At the same time, it made sense. Clay was covered in dirt and it was more then you would have gotten if you were sitting in a dirty cell. 

“What?” Ray asked, softly.

“Roxy found the hole. Looks like he dug himself out and then killed everyone he came across. Most of them had their throats slashed or their necks broken. They were all dead when we got there.” Sonny explained.

Clay’s breathing had picked up and Jason could feel the anxiety within him. Clay’s mind wasn’t all there to the point where he was talking, but he was able to hear them and he understood what they were saying. And right now they were making him worse.

“That’s enough. No more talking about it, you’re making him worse.” Jason ordered.

The guys all looked over at Clay and Cerb moved closer so he could lay down next to Clay to offer some comfort. Clay moved his one hand over and placed it in Cerberus’ fur. 

“Sorry brother. We didn’t mean to upset you.” Ray instantly said. 

“He needs rest. Everyone quiet.” Trent said, as he worked on getting Clay calmed back down and checking his breathing.

Everyone within the chopper stayed quiet for the remainder of the flight. They didn’t want to cause Clay any more pain. They all sat back and just watched Clay as they flew the distance to Kabul where he would hopefully be able to get some pain meds into him and they would finally get to see what all of his injuries were.

XXX

Arriving at the Kabul Army Base was similar to touching down on a Navy base. The second the chopper landed the doors were being opened and a doctor was there with a stretcher ready for Clay. Jason gently picked Clay up bridal style and moved him over to the stretcher as Trent spoke to the doctor.

“He doesn’t do well with strangers touching him, it’s going to be worse after what he’s been through.” 

“You the medic?” The Doctor asked.

“Trent.” Trent answered with a nod.

“Dr. Roth, you can stay with us as we examine him. Having you around might help keep him calm. What do you know?” Dr. Roth asked, as they started to head off to the infirmary. 

“He’s got close to a hundred cuts to his whole body, they will need to be stitched. I’ve cleaned as many of them as I could without removing his clothing fully. He’s had half a dose of morphine, his breathing is shallow and laboured. His lungs sounded congested and he had a fever. I suspect at least four broken ribs and a concussion. He was naked walking through the forest, so possible hypothermia, his feet are cut up, all of his fingernails and toenails were pulled. He also has electrical burns and second degree burns on his torso. As well as, he’s been sexually assaulted.” Trent said, with as much professionalism as he could manage given the severe level of injuries that Clay was suffering from.

“We’ll take care of him. Debbie, let’s get him sedated and a new IV bag hung with broad spectrum antibiotics to get started.” Dr. Roth said, as they rolled Clay into an empty room within the infirmary.

Nurse Debbie gave a nod and together Trent and Dr. Roth transferred Clay over to the bed. 

“I know you all want to be here, but I need room to move. Please, go and wait in the waiting area.” Dr. Roth said.

“I’m not leaving him.” Jason instantly said.

“I know you are worried about your man.” Dr. Roth started, but Jason cut him off.

“He’s my son. I’m not leaving him, I’ll stay out of your way but my eyes aren’t leaving him.” 

Dr. Roth nodded with understanding, he wouldn’t be leaving his son either. “I need everyone else to please go and wait in the waiting room.”

“Come on Son, we gotta give them room to work.” Ray said, looking to get the guys out of there as the nurse got Clay sedated so he would sleep through the whole examination and tests. 

The guys all headed out and Jason kept his word and stayed back and allowed the nurse, Trent and Dr. Roth work on Clay. He watched as Trent removed Clay of his clothing and got the hospital gown on him. Seeing Clay in the light of the base only made him look worse. He was filthy, covered in blood and dirt that had turned into mud in sections. He needed a bath, but that would come later. The doctor got Clay on an oxygen mask that they had while Trent started to clean the cuts closer to Clay’s private area. Trent and Dr. Roth worked together to get all of the cuts cleaned and stitched. Close to six hundred stitches all over his body from the cuts alone. Jason couldn’t imagine the pain that Clay would have felt during it. 

Once the cuts were taken care of Dr. Roth turned his attention to Clay’s head. He moved the portable MRI machine over and did a scan of Clay’s brain to see about any damage done. It was very easy to pick up the damage within Clay’s mind on the scan, but Jason had no idea what it meant.

“What is it?” Jason asked.

“Grade Three concussion. He’s going to be pretty sick with it for the next few months.” Trent answered.

Dr. Roth moved the portable MRI back and grabbed the x-ray machine. He was worried about Clay’s breathing and he wanted to make sure there wasn’t any water in his lungs. He took various pictures of his lungs as well as his rib cage and then looked at them on the screen.

“Five broken ribs, three on the right and two on the left.” Dr. Roth said with a shake of his head.

“Lungs look clear though.” Trent said, as he was more worried about that.

“They do. He’s got pneumonia and not water in his lungs.” Dr. Roth agreed.

“Why the trouble breathing?” Jason asked.

“It’s the pain and the pneumonia. Can also throw in the cold weather to go with it. His breathing should get better in a week or so. We can give him a proper dosage of morphine.” Dr. Roth said feeling confident that Clay’s breathing would be able to handle it.

Trent moved to give Clay a proper dosage of morphine while Dr. Roth got the X-ray put away and started to grab what he needed for the sexual assault exam.

“I need to give him a sexual assault exam now. The sedation is going to start to wear off soon and I would like for him to not be awake for that.” Dr. Roth said.

“Can I hold his hand?” Jason asked. He knew Clay was asleep, but he didn’t want him to be going through this feeling alone.

“Of course.” Dr. Roth said.

Dr. Roth and Debbie got Clay on his left side and moved his legs so they were curled up towards his chest. Jason went and sat down on a metal stool and held Clay’s hand and ran his hand through his hair. 

“I’m going to update the guys.” Trent said. 

He couldn’t be here for this, he couldn’t handle seeing this and it wasn’t something Clay would want him to see. Jason gave a nod, understanding why Trent needed a break. They had been doing this for close to four hours now, the guys deserved to be updated on Clay’s status. Trent made his way out to talk to the guys as Jason stayed with Clay to be there for him through this. Trent walked out into the waiting area and saw all of Bravo there, but also Alpha, Blackburn, Mandy and Davis as well. 

“How is he?” Sonny instantly asked.

Trent let out a sigh and the guys could all see he was exhausted. They couldn’t blame him, he had been in there for four hours helping Dr. Roth treat Clay. “He’s going to make it. He’s got over six hundred stitches to over a hundred cuts all over his body. We cleaned them all and so far none of them are showing signs of infection, a miracle all in itself. He has five broken ribs and a grade three concussion. There’s no water in his lungs though so it’s just pneumonia. His breathing isn’t a concern so we were able to give him a full dose of morphine to help with the pain. He’s still sedated and Dr. Roth is doing the sexual assault exam to make sure there’s no damage.”

“No lasting damage?” Blackburn asked.

“None so far. His nails will grow back and in two weeks the stitches can be removed. The electrical burns and second degree burns have been treated and we’ll keep putting a cream on them throughout the healing process. He’s covered in bruising, but nothing is bleeding internally. It’s a lot of superficial wounds done to inflict the most pain. Once the exam is done I’ll help Jase get him washed up and cleaned before he wakes up hopefully.”

“Do you know when he would be able to be transported home?” Blackburn asked.

“A few days most likely. There’s nothing that the doc can do but keep him on pain medication. Clay has to just rest. As long as nothing comes up within the next few days we should be good to fly him home.” Trent answered.

“So there’s nothing we can do for him?” Sonny asked.

“Not right now. He just needs rest. I’m gonna go back in there and be with Jason. I’ll come back out and let you know when you can come see him. We need to get him cleaned up first. Probably another hour and then you should be able to come see him.”

“I’ll go get us some coffee and food. You guys all need to eat.” Davis offered. It was something she could do for them instead of sitting around feeling useless.

“I’ll come help you.” Mandy said.

Trent headed back into the room and stood off to the side as he waited for Dr. Roth to finish getting Clay’s exam done. Once it was finished he spoke. “I’ve used dissolvable stitches and removed any trace of semen and blood that was in him. Based on what I can tell, he’s been raped multiple times over the course of his captivity. I’ll run his blood to check for any STDs, but realistically it’s too early to tell. You’ll need to get another blood test done when you get back to the states in a couple of weeks. He’ll also need to get tested in six weeks for HIV.”

“I’ll set it up.” Trent said, knowing that it would be on him to make sure Clay got the tests done that he needed to.

“I know you all want him to return to active duty and there’s nothing physically keeping him from doing so once he is healed. It’s going to be at least three months before his ribs and concussion are healed. With that being said though, he has undergone extreme torture and trauma. The mental and emotional injuries are extensive and there is a high probability that he will have PTSD. You need to be prepared for the possibility that he won’t be able to return to active duty. The most important thing you should be focusing your energy on is him just making a full recovery physically, mentally and emotionally, even if that means he doesn’t return to active status.” Dr. Roth advised.

“We just want him healthy Doc, we don’t care about anything else.” Jason said. 

Whether Clay could come back to Bravo or not didn’t change the fact that they all loved him. Clay was their kid brother, their family and they would be there for him through it all. They would get him through this and everything else that came his way. 

“I’ll leave you alone now to get him cleaned up. I’ll be in frequently to check in on him. If everything goes well, he can be flying home in three days.” Dr. Roth said.

Jason just gave a nod and Trent moved over to the bathroom as Dr. Roth and Debbie headed out to give them some privacy. Trent started the water for the bathtub and got it at the right temperature as he heard Jason’s voice speaking to Clay, who had started to come around as the sedation was wearing off. Trent got busy with getting everything they needed to get Clay cleaned up. He made sure it was all within reach and then went back to the bed. 

“I know you are tired, but we just need to get you cleaned up. Then you can sleep as long as you want.” Jason said.

Clay gave no indication that he even heard them, but they didn’t expect him to. Together Jason and Trent got Clay up and they slowly moved him into the bathroom. Jason held onto him as they walked, as he knew that Clay’s body was weak and he was in pain still. They got the hospital gown off of Clay and Jason picked Clay up bridal style for a moment to get him down into the tub. Clay groaned in pain as the water hit his cuts.

“I know, I’m sorry, but we need to get the mud and blood off of you Spense.” Trent said, as he picked up a cloth and got started.

Jason held onto Clay as Trent worked on getting his body cleaned. They did his legs first and Trent was gentle when he washed Clay’s private areas before he moved up to his upper body. Jason spoke softly to Clay the whole time, letting him know that he was safe and that it was only his and Trent’s hands on him. Once his body was cleaned, Trent emptied the water out and added fresh so they could get his face and hair cleaned up. Trent was very careful as he washed Clay’s hair, he didn’t want to hurt his head and cause any further pain from his head injury. They could both see that Clay was fighting to keep his eyes open. He was finally in a safe place and his body was demanding sleep from him. 

“It’s ok, you can sleep. We got you Sunshine.” Jason said.

They watched as Clay lost the fight to keep his eyes open and he was slowly slipping into sleep. They finished getting Clay cleaned up before Trent got the water out and they waited for it to drain. Once the tub was empty, Trent grabbed a towel and started to lightly dry Clay off as Jason continued to hold Clay up. Once he was dried they got a clean gown onto him and then Jason picked him up as carefully as he could and carried him over to the bed. He placed Clay down and Trent had the back lifted up slightly to help with his breathing and any coughing that might start due to the pneumonia. With that done he placed the oxygen mask back onto Clay before he texted Ray to let them know they could come in, but to be quiet. Jason got Clay covered with a blanket to help keep him warm, but not too warm so it would increase his fever. 

The door softly opened and everyone walked in. Jason turned to see Cerberus jumping up on the bed.

“Careful of his ribs Cerb.” Jason said.

Cerberus belly crawled up the bed and laid down right next to Clay. He was as close as he could be to Clay without putting any of his weight onto him. Jason gave Cerberus a pet to show his appreciation.

“What did the doc say?” Ray asked.

“He can fly in three days if nothing comes up. He said though there was a good chance that Clay would have PTSD from this.” Jason explained, but kept his eyes on Clay.

“We’ll get him through this. We’ll take it one day at a time and get him through it.” Ray promised.

The guys were not going to allow Clay to disappear on them. They would be there for the good and the bad. No matter how bad it got they were not going to lose Clay to an enemy or to his own mind. They would get him through this, it was just that simple to them. 

XXX

The guys all headed onto the plane and Jason and Trent helped to get Clay situated on a cot within the plane. He needed rest and he wouldn’t be able to do so in a hammock. Clay’s body was in a great deal of pain and he was very dizzy and nauseous from his concussion. He had a long road to go until he would be healed, but Jason and the guys were all going to be there for him and make sure he healed from this. They were still pissed off about Vic and what had happened to Clay because Vic played the rookie card. They had yet to speak with him, because they wanted to wait until they could talk to Clay about what had happened, to see if he had heard anything. The problem with that though, Clay had yet to say anything. It had been a week since they had found Clay and taken him to the base in Kabul and the whole time he didn’t speak. The guys didn’t know what to do, but the doctor had advised them to be prepared for Clay to have PTSD due to what happened to him. He had been tortured for ten days, raped every day by multiple people and was buried alive. The only reason he was still alive was because he dug himself out of the shallow grave. It wasn't something that people just get over, it would take him a long time for the physical injuries to heal as well as the mental and emotional ones. Clay not talking was only proof of that.

Jason and Trent got Clay laying down on the cot and the second he was tucked in Cerb was right there with him and Clay wrapped his arms around Cerberus. Since he had gotten into the infirmary Clay had found comfort with having Cerb with him. Between Cerberus and Jason, Clay hadn’t been alone. He was in a great deal of pain though and it seemed like even being maxed out on morphine wasn’t enough to take the pain fully away. 

“Spense, I’m going to give you a sedative so you’ll sleep the whole way. I’m also going to have an oxygen mask on you to help with your breathing during the flight.” Trent explained, as he grabbed what he needed.

Clay didn’t show any indication that he had heard Trent, but they were all expecting that. Trent got to work on getting Clay setup while Vic hobbled over to get his own hammock up. He was tired and had no interest in standing around looking at Clay. That was all the others had done since they had found Clay and Vic was getting tired of it. They were acting like he hadn’t been captured as well. He was hurt, he was upset from being captured. The only difference was, he wasn’t acting like Clay. To Vic, Clay was over exaggerating with his injuries. He couldn’t have been that hurt, yes he was tortured, but Vic felt like he should have gotten over it by now. At least, enough to be talking and trying to move on from it. It seemed very melodramatic to him and he wanted no part in it. 

Everyone on Alpha gathered around to keep an eye on Clay as Trent got him settled, their dog Roxy also joined Clay and Cerberus on his cot, but at his back instead to offer what comfort she could. 

“I think I lost my dog.” Jackson mumbled jokingly to Brock and Trent.

“He has that effect on people and pets.” Brock easily agreed. He could still remember the first operation with Clay and Cerberus spent most of their downtime with him. 

The guys watched as Clay’s eyes closed and they knew the sedation was kicking in now. It would keep him asleep and oblivious to the pain that his body was in. Trent and Jason moved back and joined the others so they could get their gear off and get themselves situated as well. 

“He hasn’t said a single word this whole time. I know the doc said that wasn’t uncommon after what he went through, but how long do we go with him not speaking?” Sonny asked, worried about Clay’s mental state.

“He’ll talk when he’s ready. We just have to give him time.” Jason said. He was worried too, but pushing Clay right now was not the way to go. He needed time to heal and process what happened. When he was ready he would talk.

“Do you think what the doc said was true, that he’s got PTSD?” Sonny asked. 

“He might. It’s a little too early to tell right now. He needs to heal from his injuries first and then we’ll know if he’s struggling with it. Even if he does get PTSD that doesn’t mean he won’t be able to operate again. Lots of operatives have some form of PTSD from the operations we go on, it doesn’t affect them in the field just in their personal life.” Trent answered.

“It’s something we’ll monitor, but for now we just need to get him home so he can physically heal. He’s got a long road ahead of him with his broken ribs and concussion. We just gotta get him through that first.” Ray said. 

“Who is he going to stay with?” Derek asked.

“We’re taking him home, I’ll stay with him and sleep on the couch.” Jason said.

“You sure? He can stay with me.” Sonny offered.

“I know, but if I was in his position all I would want is my own bed and being around my own things. He should be home. I can sleep on his couch and be there for him.” Jason said, with understanding in his voice.

“What are we going to do about Vic?” Full Metal asked, as he looked over at Vic who was already in his hammock.

“We’ll wait and see what Clay says. For now we’ll hold judgement until then.” Jason said.

“Even waiting to hear what Clay has to say about it, Vic admitted to basically throwing Clay under the bus. He put Clay in danger just to save his own ass some pain. How do we ignore that? How can we keep working with him, trusting him in the field, if we can’t even trust him to not allow one of us to be hurt.” Trent pointed out.

“I know you brought him in Ray, but Trent has a point. He knew Clay would be hurt and he would be left alone if he said he was a rookie. None of us would have done that. We would have accepted that we would be tortured in turns and we never would have left without the other.” Brock said. That is what bothered him the most about this. Clay didn’t need to be tortured to this extreme. They did it because of what Vic had said. Vic should have just manned up and accepted his turn of torture instead he spent ten days with his hands cuffed getting water, food and all the sleep he wanted. While Clay went through complete hell right next door to him. He had done so and listened to Clay’s screams and he didn’t seem to show any remorse for his actions.

“We can’t. He shouldn’t be here. I can’t trust him with any of your lives. He’s not who he said he was, who he presented himself as.” Ray agreed.

He was pissed, beyond pissed, that Vic had done this to Clay. It went against the brotherhood and everything they stood for. He had no business being in DEVGRU or this family. 

“We’ll talk to Clay when he is ready and go from there. I’ve never removed a trident before, never seen it happen in eighteen years I’ve been in DEVGRU. But if that is what needs to happen then I’ll do it. Let’s give Clay a few days at home where he can rest before trying to get him to talk.” Jason said.

“Alright, for now we all need sleep. We’ve been going basically nonstop for the past two weeks. He’s asleep and will be for the whole flight Trent and me will take turns checking on him.” Derek said.

“He’s right, we need sleep. Especially you Jase. Let’s get some sleep while we can. We got a long road ahead of us.” Ray said with understanding. They had been running on fumes for the past two weeks, it was time they got some real sleep.

Jason gave a nod, he wasn’t happy with it but he also knew he couldn’t keep going like this. They all started to remove their gear and get their hammocks ready. Jason made sure he was as close to Clay as possible before he got into his hammock and allowed his exhaustion to pull him under.

XXX

Jason pulled up to Clay’s apartment and parked out front in Clay’s spot. Trent was with them, but Jason had sent the guys home. They needed to see their family and take some down time for themselves. The whole team was going to be down for two weeks to allow them some time to recover from this past operation and to help Clay in the initial phases. Eventually they would all have to go back to operations, but Blackburn was trying to see if Jason could take some vacation days to stick around with Clay longer. Clay was still pretty out of it from the sedative and they were hoping it would help with the pain until they could get Clay in his bed. 

“Alright Sunshine, let’s get you upstairs and into bed.” Jason said, as he got out of his truck. 

He went around to the back passenger side where Clay was laying back in. He opened the door and leaned in to remove the seat belt before he helped to get Clay moving. Clay didn’t talk, and he was pretty out of it for the most part, but he did get up to pee and he would move if you got him started. Jason and Trent helped to get Clay out of the truck and moving inside. Derek was also going to be checking in on Clay once he got home. He had some paperwork to handle at the base first. Together Jason and Trent got Clay upstairs to his apartment.

“Do you need to use the bathroom Sunshine?” Jason asked.

Clay gave a distance nod and Jason was taking that as progress. He brought Clay into his bathroom and left him there to do his business and when he heard the toilet flush and the water running Jason opened the door to see Clay with his hands under the hot water just staring at them. He reached over and added some cold water and lowered the hot to prevent Clay from burning his hands. He added some soap to Clay’s hands and Clay finished washing them. Jason turned the water off and handed Clay the towel.

“Let’s get you into bed Sunshine.” Jason said, gently.

Clay gave a distant nod and Jason helped Clay get over to his bedroom and into bed.

“Spense, do you want to get changed?” Trent asked.

Clay had just gone through the process of getting dressed before they got on the plane, but he didn’t know if he wanted to get out of the clothes he had from the hospital. Clay shook his head slightly as he laid down. Jason covered him with his blanket as Trent checked his breathing and temperature real quick. The pneumonia was giving Clay’s body a good run for its money and it was making him very tired and sick. 

“What is it?” Jason asked.

“One hundred and two point three. Clay I’m just going to give you a shot for an antipyretic to help reduce your fever and I’m going to get you an IV going to help keep you hydrated.” Trent explained.

Clay didn’t respond in any way, he just closed his eyes and the guys both knew that he was good with it. Trent made quick work of getting the IV line in and the shot for Clay. With that done he stepped back and allowed Jason to have some time alone with Clay. Jason ran his hand through Clay’s hair as he bent down so he was eye level with him.

“I’m just going to be right out in the living room. If you need me call. I’ll be checking in on you too. The best thing you can do is sleep Sunshine. Later maybe we can get some soup into you if you are feeling up to it. Are you ok to be alone?” 

Clay kept his eyes closed, but he gave a small nod. Jason leaned in and placed a kiss to Clay’s head before he stood back up.

“I love you, you’re gonna be ok.” Jason promised.

Clay took in a shaky breath but didn’t open his eyes or say anything. Jason knew Clay just needed some time, so he headed out. He closed the bedroom door part way so he wouldn’t disturb Clay, but he also wanted to make sure he could hear Clay should something be wrong. He saw Trent standing in the kitchen going through the fridge and tossing out what was no good now.

“I’m gonna do a grocery run.” Trent said.

“Ok, what about his antibiotic?” Jason asked, trying to get his mind to focus on what needed to be done.

“I’ll pick it up at the same time. I’ll also pick up some chicken noodle soup, the old style kind that is just broth and noodles. He’s going to be pretty sick for a while with the pneumonia, but the grade three concussion will make him nauseous for a good couple of months. Anything you want at the store?” 

“Just grab whatever.” Jason was easy.

“I’ll grab you some clothes from your place as well. He’ll be ok Boss.” Trent said, trying to offer what comfort he could to Jason.

“I know, I just hate that he had to go through this.”

“Me too. I’ll go grab those things, he should sleep the majority of the day and night away for a good week. Just let him sleep as much as he wants and make sure he takes his medication and eats once a day for right now. After a week of antibiotics he’ll start to feel better and then you can press for him to be eating more.”

“Alright.” 

Jason was happy to leave Clay to sleep. His body desperately needed it and it would help to manage the pain he was in. Trent headed out and Jason let out a sigh once he was alone. The past two weeks had been very exhausting and stressful, but being back home with Clay didn’t magically make it all go away. Clay had a long road to go and Jason was going to be there for him through it all. Jason turned his attention to the kitchen as he continued to look for any food that was no good. He saw that the dishes in the dishwasher were clean so he put them away. He then went and made sure there was no laundry that needed to be done. Clay’s place was normally very clean to begin with, he was pretty anal when it comes to that. He wasn’t surprised to see a bit of laundry due to them being spun up on a short notice. Jason grabbed it and tossed it in for a load before he headed back out and figured he would do a wipe down of everything. He knew he was doing this for Clay, but also for himself. He couldn’t take Clay’s pain away, but he could make sure his place was clean and he had food in his fridge. It also allowed him to work off his anxious energy until he could finally settle down and relax. Jason just hoped that Clay slept through the day and night and gave his body what it desperately needed. 

XXX

It had been two days since Clay had arrived back at his place. So far he had felt like complete shit. He was throwing up from the concussion, he was dizzy more than he wasn’t and on top of that he was in extreme pain and sick as hell with pneumonia. He had been trying to sleep as much as he could, but he was often up throwing up in the bathroom for thirty minutes to an hour at a time. His whole body hurt to go with it, no matter how much pain medication he took. He was maxed out and in constant pain and it was only making him more miserable. He was so tired, but everytime he fell asleep he was being woken up by nightmares. He kept feeling the men’s hands on him. He could still smell them on his skin, hear their voices. He still felt trapped there, even though he knew he was home. He knew the others were worried about him, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to talk yet. He couldn’t process what happened to him. His mind couldn’t work it out just yet and something as simple as talking seemed like he was being asked to speak some foreign language that he didn’t know. He knew he needed to figure it out, but he just couldn’t seem to do that just yet.

Clay was laying on the couch against Jason, who had his body turned towards the corner of the couch so Clay could lay against him as they had the TV on. Clay had been pretty sick the last two days and they found that it was easier for him to be up slightly compared to laying down to settle his dizziness. They also had a bucket by the couch for when Clay’s stomach would turn. They were watching the history channel, just something that Clay could watch and get his mind off of things. There was a knock at the front door before it opened and the guys from Bravo walked in, minus Vic. 

“Oh you are not looking so good there Pretty Boy.” Sonny said.

This was the first time they had seen Clay since getting back to the states, minus Trent who had been coming by to check in on him once or twice a day. 

“Still throwing up a lot?” Trent asked, as he went and sat down on the coffee table to look Clay over again.

“Ya, he’s pretty sick and dizzy most of the time. He’s not too bad if he’s sitting up, but laying flat is out of the question. He’s also coughing a lot and that is making him throw up and hurting his ribs more.” Jason answered.

“You can’t catch a break brother.” Ray said, sadly.

“When did he have his meds?” Trent asked.

“Pain meds are still three hours out. He’s had his antibiotic.”

“Food?” Trent asked, as he checked Clay’s temperature.

“Somee broth. He’s been too sick to keep anything down.”

“Fever is almost a hundred and three. I’ll give him a shot to help bring it down and something to help settle his stomach.”

Trent grabbed what he needed from his bag and quickly gave Clay the two shots to hopefully help him out. They could all see that his body was trembling from the fever and the pain he was in. Seeing Clay like this was only pissing them off even more towards Vic. 

“Can you tell us how you are feeling Little Buddy?” Sony asked, gently. Clay had yet to talk and they were all getting really worried about it. 

Clay could talk, he loved to talk about anything and everything. Sometimes it was annoying but right now all they wanted was to hear his voice. To hear him talking about some history or cultural thing that fascinated him. They would happily listen to one of his rants about something they could barely understand. They just wanted to hear his voice. Clay looked up at the others in the room and he could see their concern and worry, they weren’t even trying to hide it. He knew he was causing the worry and he hated it. He had to say something, anything. Clay was really hoping once he spoke then maybe talking would get easier.

“Hurts.” Clay said with a shaky and broken voice.

Just that one word though spoke volumes about the level of pain that Clay was in. It was more than that though, because at just talking something inside of Clay’s mind seemed to snap. Before he knew it the tears were welling up in his eyes and pouring down his face. The reality of the situation hit him full force, everything he had gone through hit him and it was in that moment that Clay’s mind registered being tortured, raped and buried alive, but also being back home safe with his brothers and his dad. 

“Oh my god.” Clay said, before he completely broke down.

Jason wrapped his arms around Clay as Clay turned into him more as he completely broke down. This was the first time that Clay had actually cried since his capture and they knew this was a huge step in the right direction to Clay’s mental healing. 

“It’s ok, I got you.” Jason said.

Sonny moved over and sat down on the free spot of the couch and placed his hand on Clay’s thigh to offer him comfort. Trent reached over and held Clay’s hand, while Ray placed his hand on Clay’s calf and Brock and Full Metal moved closer. 

“We got you brother. You’re safe now.” Ray said, as he fought with his own tears. 

The guys all offered Clay comforting words and were there for him as he cried his heart out over the trauma and pain he had endured. Clay continued to cry hard for over the course of twenty minutes. By the time the tears had slowed down his breathing was hitched and he wasn’t able to get a deep breath. He was too worked up and the guys all knew they needed to get him calmed down so he could breathe properly and not make himself throw up. 

“I need you to try and hold your breath for a few seconds for me Kiddo.” Trent said, as Jason rubbed Clay’s back to try and calm him down.

Clay held his breath for as long as he could, but it wasn’t very long with his breathing being hitched. He listened to Trent and together they were able to get his breathing more normal. Ray went into the bathroom and grabbed a clean washcloth and ran it under cool water and rang it out before going back out to the living room. He handed it over to Trent and Trent gently pressed the cool cloth against Clay’s face to help wipe the tears away and to try and cool his skin off from his fever. Clay hissed slightly from the coldness of the cloth against his feverish skin.

“I know, but it’s going to help.” Trent said, gently.

Trent finished cooling Clay’s skin off and Brock took the cloth and handed Trent a glass of water with a straw in it. Trent held it for Clay and got him to take a few small sips before he left him alone. Trent placed the water down on the coffee table as Jason spoke.

“You’re going to be ok. We’re going to get you through all of this Sunshine, I promise.”

“Everything just hurts.” Clay said, with a great deal of pain to his raspy voice.

“We know kiddo. We would take it away if we could. We’d trade places with you in a second.” Ray said, with complete understanding to his voice.

The guys were all feeling Clay’s pain. Every last one of them would have traded places with him and gone through this hell themselves if it would save Clay from this. Clay was their kid brother, the youngest out of them all and he didn’t deserve to have this trauma. They couldn’t believe Vic could throw Clay under the bus so fast. If they had been the one with Clay they would have made it seem like Clay was the know-nothing rookie and they would have taken the torture on so Clay would be spared. There was a knock at the door and Jason called out.

“It’s open.”

Jason knew it would just be one of the guys from Alpha, most likely Derek, so there was no need to worry. The door opened and Blackburn walked in with a grocery bag in his hand. He closed the door as he spoke.

“Afternoon. I brought some ginger ale and popsicles to help with the nausea.” Blackburn said, as he brought the items into the kitchen and put the popsicles into the freezer and left the ginger ale out.

“Appreciate it.” Jason said kindly.

“How are you feeling Spenser?” Blackburn asked. He had heard from the others that Clay was not doing well. He was very sick and he wasn’t talking. Blackburn wasn’t sure if Clay would answer him, but he was hoping Clay was talking now.

“Like shit.” Clay answered. That seemed to sum up how he was feeling the best at this point.

“The Upper Brass is granting you as much medical time that you need. They know based on your medical report that you have serious injuries and will need time to recover from them all. The team is down for two weeks but then you will need to be back on rotation. Jason, Captain Lindell was able to grant you some vacation time. You had thirty days saved up so after two weeks you will be on vacation, that gives you six weeks off.”

“I appreciate it.”

Six weeks was better than he thought Blackburn would be able to pull off. It would get Clay through half of his physical recovery and he would hopefully be in better shape after no longer having pneumonia. 

“Clay, the Upper Brass knows that you are very sick and injured right now, but they also need to know what happened that lead up to the torture. Vic already gave his report of what happened and they need to know your side of the story. This is very serious because a Seal had never been in captivity before and this operation resulted in two being captive and one severely tortured. They need to know what happened.” Blackburn said, gently. He knew this wouldn’t be easy for Clay to talk about.

“What did Vic say?” Jason asked, giving Clay some time to get his thoughts in order.

“He reported that he told Clay while they were on Overwatch that they needed to move. He states that Clay refused to make the call to leave Overwatch and put both of their lives at risk by Vic not wanting to leave Clay behind. Vic went on to state that while in captivity he never gave any intel to his captors and he was left alone for the most part. He did state that it all could have been avoidable if Clay had listened to him and left when he said to. He stated that he felt because Clay felt threatened by him and his position within Bravo that he took unnecessary risks that could have resulted in both of their deaths. That Clay had been hostile towards him since the first day he was in Bravo despite what he tried to do to build a relationship.”

“That’s bullshit. Clay wouldn’t let any personal shit get between him and Vic while out on an op.” Ray instantly said.

“And what the fuck would Clay have to feel threatened about over Vic. He was the new guy, he hadn’t earned his place on the team. He wasn’t hostile towards him, he was getting used to a new guy, just like I did with Clay.” Sonny said, in Clay’s defense.

“I’m not saying what Vic reported is accurate or the truth. Neither is the Upper Brass. They just need to know Clay’s side of the events leading up to their capture. I will tell you that they are not impressed with Vic’s accounts where he states he told them he was a rookie. If he had been alone in captivity that would have been fine, but him stating he was a rookie with someone else captured would only result in the other captive being the sole focus. Clay, if you could tell me anything about leading up to what happened to you that would be very appreciative. I can then inform Captain Lindell of what you have told me.” Blackburn said, as he sat down in one of the chairs.

Clay took in a shaky breath and Jason ran his hand through Clay’s hair to offer him some comfort as he spoke in a raspy voice.

“We were on Overwatch when a group of hostels started to close in on Bravo. I radioed it in to Jase and I told him we would hold Overwatch for as long as we could so they could get out the south side of the building. Vic was getting nervous with us being out there on our own and having to meet at a secondary exfil. I told him if he didn’t want to stay, then to go, that I wasn’t leaving until Bravo was safe. The only thing keeping them safe was our firing at the hostiles. Vic stayed and once Bravo gave the all clear we moved to the secondary exfil. Enemy troops had been coming up behind us and we didn’t get far before we were surrounded. They spoke english and told us to give up our weapons and I made the first move to hand them over. I knew the odds of us winning against ten of them were slim. Vic handed over his weapons after I did and they restrained our hands and took us to the compound. They didn’t talk the whole time and when we got to the compound they put us each in a cell beside each other. They left us alone for a few hours before I heard someone go into his cell. I could hear them talking, the walls weren’t thick. They asked him who he was and who he was working for. He told them that he was a rookie and didn’t know anything. That this was his first operation. They asked him who I was and he told them that I was his superior and had been fully briefed on the operation. They left him alone after that and then they came into my cell.”

Clay started to cough from all of the talking. The coughing fit was not helping his throat or his ribs. Jason moved slightly so he could rub Clay’s back as he spoke.

“Grab the bucket.”

Trent grabbed the bucket that was on the floor and was ready just in case Clay’s stomach flipped from the coughing fit. That moment came a minute later as Clay reached over for the bucket. Trent moved it so it was under Clay’s mouth and held it as Clay threw up the very little food and water he had in his stomach. 

“Ok, try and take a few slow and deep breaths to settle the coughing down.” Trent said, gently as he knew how much Clay hated throwing up. It was the one thing he hated the most with being sick.

Ray had ran the washcloth under cold water in the kitchen once again and rang it out before he handed it over to Sonny. Sonny took it and held it on the back of Clay’s neck to try and help soothe his stomach. When Clay finished throwing up Ray handed Clay his glass of water so he could rinse his mouth out. Trent then got up and went into the bathroom to empty the bucket out. Clay’s shaking was getting worse and they all knew he was in even more pain now. 

“You need sleep. Let’s get you settled into bed ok?” Jason said, knowing it would be easier for Clay to sleep in his bed sitting up on pillows then in the living room with all of the conversation going on.

Jason and Sonny both helped Clay to stand, the moans of pain tore at all of their hearts at just the simple task of standing. Jason and Sonny got Clay into his bedroom and Trent joined them with the clean bucket. They got Clay laying down in his bed with a bunch of pillows behind him so he was sitting up slightly to help with the pain in his ribs, his coughing and his dizziness. Trent placed a cool cloth on Clay’s forehead to try and help settle his stomach as Jason covered Clay up. 

“Just try and sleep Sunshine.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Clay said, as a few tears ran down his cheeks.

“You can do this. We’re here with you, you’re not alone. We’re gonna get you through this I promise son.” Jason said, gently as he wiped the tears from Clay’s cheeks.

“Do you want Cerb? Brock can go and get him.” Trent offered.

Clay gave a very small nod and they guys knew he was in need of some serious love and comfort. Cerberus was always good for that.

“Ok, he’ll go get him and he can stay here with you.” Trent said, knowing that Brock wouldn’t have a problem with Cerberus staying with Clay for the next couple of weeks.

“We’re going to be right out in the living room. I’ll come check in on you.” Jason said.

The three of them headed back out into the living room. Jason closed the door most of the way, but he left it open enough so that they could hear Clay if he needed them. 

“Brock, can you grab Cerb?” Jason asked.

“Ya, I’ll make sure I bring some food for him and he can stay here for the next two weeks. He wanted to come, but I didn’t know how Clay was feeling.”

“He’s not doing well. He’s feeling defeated.” Sonny said with both sadness and anger in his voice.

“He’s been through a lot and it’s not like what it is for Vic. Vic gets to walk away and he won’t even have any problems afterwards. Clay’s the one that has to heal from his injuries. The trauma and torture doesn’t stop because he got away. He’s going to be sick and recovering for three months.” Trent said.

“What are we going to do about that son of a bitch?” Full Metal asked, with a deadly edge to his voice.

“I’ll report back to Captain Lindell and inform him what Clay told me. It’s technically a he said, he said, but Vic did admit to saying he was a rookie. He didn’t admit to telling them that Clay was the one they wanted. Still, he admitted to putting the attention on Clay and with Clay’s service record they’ll sway his way. With that said though, Vic didn’t do anything criminal. He did what he was told to do, that if you get captured do whatever you have to do to survive. To him that wasn’t enduring the pain, it was getting the attention off of him. How you wish to handle this will be internal and up to you.” Blackburn explained.

“So what are we going to do about him?” Sonny asked his brothers.

“I got a bag of lye and a shovel in my truck.” Full Metal simply said.

“Tempting.” Trent commented.

“There’s only one thing we can do.” Ray simply stated.

“I’ve never done it before, but I don’t see any other option. He went against the brotherhood of DEVGRU, he was a coward and he doesn’t deserve the trident.” Jason said.

“I vouched for him, I’ll do it.” Ray said.

“Bring him in tomorrow at the base and do it there. He’ll be kicked down to the Seals again, no one in DEVGRU will want to pick him back up. I’d like to be there, but I need to be here for Clay.” Jason said.

“I’ll handle it. Is there anything we can do to help Clay?” Ray asked Trent.

“He just needs time to sleep and heal. There’s nothing we can really do outside of making him comfortable and fighting the symptoms. He’s got a long road to go.” 

“I’ll go get Cerb.” Brock stated.

The guys gave a nod and Brock and Blackburn headed out. The rest of them were going to stay for awhile and be here for Clay should he need them. He was alone in that cell, but he wasn’t alone anymore and they were going to make sure he knew it. 

XXX

The guys all made their way into their war room that morning. They weren’t sure how well this would go over, but it was something they needed to do. Vic couldn’t be trusted with their most precious brother’s life. He couldn’t be here and it was just that simple to them. Ray was feeling a lot of guilt right now, because he brought Vic onto the team with the hope that he would be a great number two to Clay. Only he turned out to be a complete fraud and had resulted in Clay being horribly tortured. There was no going back from that and there was nothing Vic could say or do to make up for what he had done. Today was a dark day for the brotherhood, but it was a day that needed to be had. Blackburn wasn’t here, but they weren’t expecting for him to be here for this. This was a team issue and would be handled by the team. They had heard from Jason and Clay was in agreement to Vic being kicked out. He hadn’t been sleeping too great and last night was rough as well. It did help to have Cerberus with him though, he seemed to bring comfort to Clay and had alerted Jason whenever Clay had a nightmare so he could bring Clay out of it sooner. Clay had a long way to go but they were determined to get him through it. 

The door opened and Vic walked in, clearly confused as to why they were all here. He had heard that the team was down for two weeks while they recovered from their past operations. Something that worked out well for him so his ankle could heal. 

“We getting spun up already?” Vic asked, as he went and sat down.

“Don’t sit.” Full Metal ordered.

Jason wasn’t here, so right now he was the Master Chief and in charge. He was not about to let Vic sit down and get all comfortable. His ass was in the fire and he was going to feel every second of it. He didn’t care if he had a sprained ankle and it hurt to stand, the pain he would feel was nothing compared to the pain that Clay was suffering through because of Vic’s choices.

Vic straightened up and pushed the chair back in as he spoke. “What is going on?”

“Do you stand by your decision to tell your captives that you were a rookie?” Ray asked, getting things started.

“I do. I don’t get why it’s such a big deal. In Green Team, we’re taught that if you get captured you do whatever you have to do to survive. My telling them that I was a rookie gave me the best chances of survival.” Vic didn’t get the big deal about any of this. Clay didn’t tell them he was a rookie, to Vic that just made him an idiot. Just like he should have left Overwatch long before they did and this whole mess wouldn’t have happened. Clay did this to himself and he has only himself to blame.

“You are told to do whatever you need to in order to survive. However, you have to do that without giving up intel to the enemy and without putting someone else in harm’s way. Clay overheard what you said to your captors. You told them you were a rookie, but you also told them that Clay was your superior and was briefed on the operation. You saved your own ass, by putting Clay at risk.” Ray explained, hoping to get Vic to see the error of his ways so he would never make the same mistake again should he ever find himself in that position.

“I never said that and if he did, then he’s lying to cover his own ass. He knows he made the mistake in waiting to leave Overwatch too long. Now he wants to try and blame me for what happened to him instead of being a man and accepting his punishment for his own decisions and mistakes.” Vic countered.

That was it for Sonny. There was no way in hell he was going to allow Vic to try and play the victim and make this all Clay’s fault. “Now you listen here you piece of shit. You went against the brotherhood and everything we stand for. You allowed a brother, a kid brother, to be tortured while you sat there getting food and water perfectly safe. You sat there listening to his screams for ten days and didn’t do anything to help him. You didn’t do anything to get the attention of your captors to give him some relief. You didn’t even find him, you left as he was being buried alive. And you want to blame him for staying in Overwatch to make sure our asses didn’t get killed?”

“Full Metal’s plan is looking good right now.” Brock said, referring to the lye and a shovel.

“Still in my truck.” Full Metal said, with an edge to his voice as he looked right at Vic.

“I didn’t do anything that everyone else would have done.” Vic argued.

“No see that’s the thing, you did Vic. If any one of us were with Clay and were grabbed, the first thing out of our mouths would have been that Clay was a rookie and wouldn’t know anything. We would have protected him. Not just because he’s the future of Bravo, but because he’s the youngest, he’s our kid brother and as his big brothers we have a responsibility to protect him. To prevent him from going through something so traumatising it could not only end his career, but his life. We would have taken on the torture. We would have been raped. We would have been buried alive, if that is what it took to protect him. You were supposed to be his big brother, you got five years on him and yet you threw him under the bus the first chance you could. You betrayed him and in doing so, you betrayed every single one of us. And not just in Bravo, but in Alpha and every Tier One team. Clay is the youngest out of everyone in DEVGRU and we all look out for him. We all will go to the end’s of the earth to protect him. You didn’t. And that’s unforgivable.” Ray said, as he moved over to Ray.

He pulled out his pocket knife as he continued to speak. “We can’t trust you with Clay and if we can’t trust you with what is the most precious to us, then you can’t be here.”

“Ray.” Vic started, but he stopped as Ray started to cut the trident off his chest.

“You have brought disgrace and dishonor to your trident and as a result you will never have one again.” Ray said, as he ripped the patch off.

“Get the hell out.” Full Metal said with a deadly edge to his voice.

Vic turned and headed out quickly so the guys wouldn’t see the tears in his eyes. He never thought this would happen. He had worked so hard to get into Bravo, to have a family, and now they were gone for what he considered something that was Clay’s fault. He made his way to his cage room and saw that all of his things were already packed and sitting on the table. Vic allowed himself a moment to let the tears fall as he felt the loss of his dream. He would never get to be in DEVGRU now, no team would want him in fear of pissing off Jason Hayes. Vic couldn’t believe this was happening, he didn’t deserve it. He looked over and saw Clay’s cage all in order and he couldn’t stop the rage that filled up inside of him. He went over to Clay’s cage and opened the door and started to grab the photos he had up and ripped them into pieces. He took his knife out and destroyed the stuffed seal that Davis had given to Clay while he was in the hospital recovering from his leg injury. He threw everything down onto the floor and broke whatever personal items there were that he could, including Clay’s precious books. Once everything was destroyed or on the floor Vic went and grabbed his bags and headed out. He would figure out how to get back into DEVGRU, no matter what.

The guys walked into their cage room ten minutes after Vic had left. They wanted to make sure by the time they arrived in their cage room, all of Vic’s things would be gone so they wouldn’t have to deal with him. What they didn’t expect was for Clay’s cage to be completely destroyed.

“What the fuck?” Sonny growled, as he saw it.

“Little bastard destroyed his cage.” Full Metal said, not impressed at all by the childish actions of Vic.

“He tore up his pictures, his books, even the seal that Davis gave him.” Trent said, as he went over to see the mess.

“Just what the kid needed to deal with.” Sonny said, as he bent down and started to pick up the pieces of the torn photos. 

“Let’s see what we can salvage and replace what we can’t.” Ray said, as he bent down and started to help clean up the mess.

The guys couldn’t believe that Vic had done this, it was just pouring salt in the wound. Regardless, they were going to make sure it was sorted for Clay. He had enough to deal with, he didn’t need this. One thing they did know, they would get Clay through the pain he was in and get him back on Bravo with them where he belonged, even if it was the last thing they did. Clay was their kid brother and they would get him through this and back to being himself. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I will be gone into a writing cocoon for the next thirty days. So this is going to be the last update you get from me for any of my stories until Feb 1st. I will be focusing on writing chapters for my stories and getting some chapters done ahead before I start posting them. I also have a new story in the works that is going to be really good, especially for those of you that love a fatherly Jason fic! Enjoy this chapter and I will see you all Feb 1st!

Jason was woken up once again to the feeling of Cerb’s nose against his arm. Jason took a deep breath in as he rubbed his eyes. He had been staying with Clay since he had gotten home four days ago and so far it was four days of almost no sleep for the both of them. Clay’s concussion was very serious and as a result he was often dizzy and sick. It also didn’t help that the pneumonia was making him cough and that was resulting in him throwing up as well. Combine that with the extreme pain he was in that no pain medication seemed to truly make it disappear, Clay was miserable. He couldn’t sleep properly because he couldn’t lay down without his dizziness getting extreme. Sitting up helped with the dizziness, but it did nothing for his broken ribs. Even when Clay could manage to fall asleep he was plagued by nightmares. It had been a hard few days, a hard couple of weeks as Clay had been suffering since he was captured. Both of them were running low on sleep and Jason was starting to feel like a failure. He couldn’t take the pain away from his kid. He couldn’t help him feel better, because only time could do that. Only time could make his concussion better. Only time could heal his broken ribs. Jason hated this and he wished he could have been there with Clay instead of Vic. He would have taken it all on in a second if it meant that Clay wouldn’t have to go through all of this pain. 

Jason got up as he heard Clay in his bathroom throwing up. He walked in and saw Clay flushing the toilet. His whole body was shaking and he had tears going down his face. Jason bent down and ran his hand up and down Clay’s back as Clay spoke.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. The pain is getting worse and I just want to sleep. I can’t keep seeing it. I can still feel them. I can’t, I can’t.” 

Clay knew as a Seal, as a Tier One Seal he was supposed to be strong. He wasn’t supposed to be weak, but he just couldn’t do it right now. He was in so much pain he just wanted it to finally end. He had fought to survive. He had fought to get himself out of that hole they buried him in. He had fought to get back to the team, back to Jason. At the time that was all he could think about and now he wished he hadn’t fought so hard. He wished he had just stayed in that hole and accepted his fate. It would have all been over with now and he wouldn’t have to be living with this pain. Jason took Clay in his arms and held him against his chest.

“I know, I’m sorry I wish I could take this pain away from you. You just need sleep, everything won’t seem too bad once you get some proper sleep.”

Jason knew that wasn’t helping Clay. He wasn’t able to sleep. He was constantly being woken up to being sick or a nightmare. His mind hadn’t had any real sleep in weeks and that was only making him feel worse. It was doing nothing for his mental health right now. Jason knew he had to do something to get Clay to sleep a good eight hours, uninterrupted eight hours. Jason kissed the top of Clay’s head as he continued to cry. Clay jerked forward and was hugging the toilet once again. The crying was making his stomach worse, it was a vicious cycle and Jason only knew of one way to end it. 

“Ok, I’m going to go and see if Derek has anything that will work to put you to sleep. Your body needs rest, you can’t keep going like this. I’ll be right back.”

Jason got up and headed over to Derek’s apartment. He knew he should be calling Trent, that Trent wouldn’t be happy with him not calling him, but it was just after midnight and Jason didn’t want to wake Trent up. Not to mention by the time Trent got here and assessed Clay it would be thirty to forty-five minutes before Clay got any relief. He couldn’t wait that long and he shouldn’t have to with Derek right across the hall. Jason knocked on the door and waited a moment. He knew that simple knock would wake Derek up, the curse of being a Tier One operator, a moment later the door was opening to reveal a shirtless Derek.

“Jase, what’s wrong?” Derek asked, knowing that something must be wrong with Clay for him to be coming to him this late at night.

“He’s really sick and exhausted, but he can’t sleep between nightmares and throwing up. Do you have a sedative that you could give him that will at least put him to sleep?”

Jason knew Trent wouldn’t be happy with Clay getting a sedative if Derek did have one. Trent was worried about Clay becoming dependent on a sedative to put him to sleep. For the majority of the seven days in the hospital Clay was sedated to get through the hardest part of the pain. Trent wasn’t too happy about it, but he had no say over the doctor. Since being home though Trent had been worried about Clay relying on a sedative to sleep. His body needed sleep, but if it became dependent on a sedative he would never be able to sleep without one. His body would become addicted to it and that put Clay at a serious risk. Jason was going to pull rank on this one though, because Clay’s mind desperately needed the sleep.

“I got a sedative, but Trent won’t be happy about it.” Derek said.

“I’ll deal with Trent. He needs sleep, he can’t keep going this way.”

Derek gave a nod and headed inside to grab the sedative as Jason made his way back into Clay’s apartment and into the bathroom. He knew Derek would find them easily enough. Clay was leaning against the bathtub trembling and still crying. Jason got down on the floor and pulled Clay into his chest. Clay easily curled up into Jason’s chest and continued to cry his heart out. Jason didn’t offer any comforting words, there was nothing he could say at this point to Clay to make it all better. He just needed sleep and then maybe his mind would be able to handle the pain a bit better. Jason looked up as he heard footsteps and saw Derek walk into the bathroom with a syringe in hand. 

“Hey kiddo, I’m gonna give you a sedative and put you to sleep for the next eight hours.” Derek said, but he didn’t breach the bathroom doorway. Instead he waited until Clay gave a small nod before he walked into the bathroom and bent down next to Jason. Derek gave Clay the sedative as he spoke. “This will kick in within a minute and it will keep him down for fourteen hours roughly.”

“I appreciate it Derek.” Jason said.

“It’s no problem. Do you need help getting him into bed?”

“No, I got him. Thanks. Go back to bed.” Jason said with a warm smile.

“Come get me if you need anything. Feel better kiddo.” Derek said to Clay as he gave a small pat to Clay’s knee before he got up and headed out.

Jason continued to hold onto Clay as he felt his body relax and the tears stop. Jason knew that the sedative was taking over and pushing Clay’s mind and body into a deep sleep. Jason didn’t move right away, he just sat there continuing to hold Clay, allowing him to hold his son without any pain. It was only when Clay was sedated was when he could escape the physical and mental pain that he was in. Jason honestly didn’t know if he had Derek sedate Clay for Clay’s best interest or his own. Perhaps it was both. All he knew right now was that Clay was finally sleeping and that was all that mattered. After a good thirty minutes Jason was getting too sore to keep sitting on the tile floor. He also knew it would be doing nothing good for Clay’s injuries. He carefully maneuvered Clay so he could pick him up in his arms and he carefully brought Clay over to his bed. He placed him down onto the bed and then covered him up. Jason took a moment and ran his hand through Clay’s hair, trying to offer what comfort he could to not only Clay, but himself. 

Those ten days of Clay being missing were the worst ten days of his life. With each passing day Jason couldn’t help but wonder what condition Clay would be in when they found him, if he would even be alive. The more days that passed the greater the chances were that he would be finding his son dead. Jason couldn’t even describe the relief that went through him when he saw Clay alive. His mind didn’t even recognize his injuries until after he was in his arms. He was just so relieved to see him alive, to know that he hadn’t been too late. Jason’s mind didn’t think about what Clay would be going through during the healing process. All he could think about was having his son still with him. He had been selfish, but any parent would have been in those moments. Now Clay was in the healing process and it was truly hitting Jason just how long and hard the path that laid before him was. This wasn’t something he would feel better from after a good night's sleep. This was something that would take a long time to heal. It was something that Clay would carry with him throughout the rest of his life. He would always have the physical scars that marked him to remind him of the trauma he went through. Clay had such a long road ahead of him, but Jason was going to make sure he got him through it. He wasn’t going to fail him. Jason didn’t care how ugly it got, he was going to make sure he got Clay through this. He would get Clay back to being healthy and back on Bravo where he rightfully belonged. No matter how long it took, his Bravo Six patch would always be there for him for when he was ready. 

XXX

It was the next day just before lunchtime when there was a knock at Clay’s door. Jason had been up for about an hour before the knocking started. He had managed to get a good seven hours himself and he felt pretty good and refreshed, he was hoping that meant Clay would as well when he did wake up. He wouldn’t be awake for a few more hours and then Jason would have to begin the process of getting Clay to eat something. It wasn’t an easy process, because Clay would just throw it up so it was hard for him to want to eat anything, not that Jason could blame him. Jason got up off the couch and went over and opened the door. He was not surprised to see the team here. Jason moved back and allowed the guys to walk in.

“We brought lunch.” Sonny said, as he held up some fast food bags from a burger joint. 

“We got Clay some fries, figured it would be a change from soup.” Ray said.

“Appreciate it. He’s just going to throw them up at this point though.” Jason said, as he went to grab some plates.

“Still?” Full Metal asked.

“Whatever he eats just comes right back up.” Jason answered, as they all grabbed their food.

“I’ll go look him over.” Trent said.

“Don’t bother, he’s asleep. You can look him over when he wakes up.” Jason said.

“It’s good that he’s sleeping. How long has he been down?” Trent asked, as he went to grab his food.

“Since just after midnight.”

“Wow, that’s good. He hasn’t been able to sleep that well since he got home.” Ray said, surprised that Clay had been sleeping close to eleven hours now.

“Except he shouldn’t be sleeping that long, at least not on his own.” Trent said, as he looked right at Jason.

Jason let out a sigh, of course Trent would figure it out before he could even tell him. It wasn’t that Jason was hiding the sedative from Trent, he just didn’t want to blurt it out the second Trent walked through the door.

“I had Derek give him a sedative last night.” Jason admitted.

“Wait, I thought he wasn’t supposed to be getting a sedative anymore.” Sonny said, confused.

“He’s not. He’s going to become dependent on it and then it’s going to be next to impossible to get him to sleep naturally. You know that, why would you go against my medical recommendation?” Trent said, pissed off that Jason had undermined him. 

“He was up at midnight sick again. I walked in and he was breaking down. He couldn’t stop shaking or crying. He kept saying he couldn’t do it anymore, that he couldn’t do this. Said he just wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t handle seeing it again. He couldn’t handle feeling their hands on him.”

“I know it’s hard, but you knew it would be. He shouldn’t have been given the sedative in the hospital for a week, but the doctor wasn’t worried about long-term consequences. He can’t rely on a sedative to sleep, it’s not healthy for him and it’s not good for his body either. I know he’s sick and I would love to make him feel better. If a sedative wasn’t addictive I would give them to him myself as much as he wanted, but they are addictive. It’s just like morphine is addictive or heroin. It being legal and given by doctors doesn’t make it ok and safe. I hate it just as much as you, but he can’t have them anymore.” Trent explained.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to give Clay relief, of course he did, but he also had to think about the long-term. Sedatives were highly addictive and not given out freely for a reason. He had to think about what it would do to Clay in the following months and not just in the present.

“I know, but you weren’t here Trent. You didn’t see him. He was done, if there had been a loaded gun next to him, I would have used it. He was done and in that moment all that mattered was finally getting him to sleep more than an hour at a time. No nightmares, no pain, not being sick, nothing but a deep sleep to reset his mind and hopefully make him feel ready to keep fighting another day. I made the call and I got Derek to give it to him and he has been sleeping for eleven hours now, something he desperately needs. It’ll be the last time, I promise, but we need to come up with a new plan for him. He can’t keep doing this, he can’t keep going with no sleep.” Jason explained, calmly.

“You really think he would have killed himself?” Sonny asked, sadly.

“I think he was at the breaking point where he would have done something reckless if the opportunity presented itself. I don’t think he wants to actively kill himself, but when he was in that state of mind last night, he could have acted without thinking.” Jason explained.

“He’s been through a lot. Ten days of torture, a week in a hospital and now almost a week out of it and he’s still in just as much pain as he was when this all started. He’s going to have moments where he wants to give up, we all would.” Full Metal said. 

He was impressed with how well Clay had been handling everything. If he was in Clay’s position, he’s not so sure he would have fought so hard to live. Torture was one thing, but repeadily raped, having to live with that was something completely different. Full Metal didn’t know a lot of guys that would have been able to.

“Is there something else we can do for him?” Ray asked, as he grabbed his food and headed over to the couch.

The guys followed him as Trent spoke. “The problem is he’s maxed out on pain medication. Broken ribs are hard on a person to recover from, but again he can’t be on any serious pain medication for long because of him being born addicted to heroin, he’s in a higher percentile of becoming addicted himself. It’s why we have been avoiding any serious pain medication. After his leg Clay went through a bit of withdrawals from the Oxy that he was prescribed. He had to have a narcotic because of the pain, but this time around we’ve been avoiding it in fear of him becoming fully addicted.”

“Is there a herbal remedy?” Brock asked.

“I can talk to the doc on base, but there is something I have been thinking about for Clay. This situation is a perfect example of how unprepared we are for Clay medically speaking. With him being predisposed to an opioid addiction, he can’t be on a narcotic. However, there are plenty of times when an over the counter medication won’t be enough, like now. There is a natural remedy that Clay could use, but it has to be prescribed by a doctor.” Trent started.

“What is it?” Jason asked, very interested in anything that would help Clay.

“CBD.”

“What the hell is that?” Sonny asked.

“Marijuana?” Ray said, surprised that Trent was going there.

“Oh hell yes, sign me up.” Sonny said with a big smile.

“It’s not pot. The marijuana plant has two different components, THC which gets you high and is found in pot, but also CBD. CBD is used in medical marijuana, it does not get you high. CBD has grown within the past five years, it comes in many different products for consuming. It can be smoked, like pot, it can also be in candy edibles and capsules like a normal pill. There is also an oil and cream that you use for targeted relief on your body. As well as patches and it can now even be prescribed as injectables.” Trent began to explain.

“What does it do though?” Jason asked.

“A lot. It’s all natural from the marijuana plant so there’s nothing Clay would be allergic to. It’s also not a drug so we don’t have to worry about him becoming addicted to it. It helps with pain, even chronic and high-end pain, nausea, insomnia, anxiety and depression.”

“All of that from a plant?” Full Metal asked, shocked.

“It’s why so many doctors will prescribe cancer patients and those terminally ill medical marijuana and CBD. It helps with a lot of ailments and eases their symptoms. Each CBD product has different durations that it lasts in your body and uses. Something like an oil or cream will be rubbed into the area that is causing you pain, like his ribs. His skin absorbs it and it targets the pain receptors around the area of his ribs. A patch would absorb into his skin as well, but it would last longer than a cream. He could smoke it, but with the pneumonia that’s not a good idea for him right now. The best would be a capsule that he could take and it would dissolve in his stomach like a normal pain pill. Only one pill could last eight hours, reducing his pain and nausea. It won’t give him the munchies, but if his stomach isn’t upset and he’s not in too much pain his stomach will be hungry and will want to eat more.”

“Ok, so is this something you could get the kid?” Ray asked, because right now it sounded like the answer to their prayers. 

“I’ll speak with the doc on base and see if I can convince him to prescribe it to Clay. He’s younger and more hipster then old school compared to the other docs, he probably will. I’ll go see him after lunch and get the process started. It can take a few days for the products to come in once he puts the request in for them.”

“I will take anything I can if it will help him. He can’t do this for three months. Not to mention if he can’t eat for three months because he is constantly throwing up, he’s going to lose a hundred pounds.” Jason said, that is what was concerning to him. Clay’s had a concussion before, but it was never a grade three and each concussion you have makes the next one worse. There was a strong chance Clay was going to be sick until his concussion was fully healed and he couldn’t do it like this. They needed something that would work for him. 

“I’ll speak with the doc today and get the process started. I think Clay will be fine with taking them. We’ve spoken about other medications he could take that he wouldn’t have to worry about. I think he’ll be open to it.”

“I think at this point he is willing to do anything to help make his life a bit more bearable right now. How was it with Vic?” Jason asked, changing topics.

“He didn’t show any remorse for his decision. Made it seem like it was Clay’s fault for everything. He feels like he did what everyone else would have done in that situation.” Ray started.

“Except he did what everyone wouldn’t have done in that situation. None of us, no one in DEVGRU would have made it seem like Clay was the superior. We all would have said he was a rookie to save him from the torture.” Jason instantly said. 

There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that everyone would have downplayed Clay’s status. Whether it was a member of Bravo or anyone else from another team, they would have protected Clay. It wasn’t just about respect or being honorable. It was the fact that Clay was only twenty-seven. He was still young and he shouldn’t have to endure this level of pain. He had his whole life and career ahead of him. Any one of the guys would have traded their career for his. 

“We told him that. Then Ray removed his trident.” Sonny said.

“There was one hiccup that we didn’t see coming.” Full Metal cautiously started.

“Meaning?” Jason didn’t like the sound of this. 

“We already packed up his gear and left it on the table in the cage room. When we walked in roughly fifteen minutes after Vic left, we discovered he trashed Clay’s cage.” Ray stated.

“What do you mean trashed?” Jason asked, with an edge to his voice.

“Everything was on the floor. None of his military equipment was damaged, but his personal items didn’t survive. He ripped up photos, his books and even the stuffed seal that Davis got him after Manilla.” Ray answered, feeling like he was at fault for all of this because he brought Vic on.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” 

Jason was pissed. There was no excuse for this childish behaviour. Vic was in the wrong, had been from the moment the operation started and he had no right to damage Clay’s personal property. That was only asking for more trouble.

“We did what we could for his photos and books. Davis reprinted the photos and we repaired the books with glue that Davis said to use. But the stuffed seal was a goner.” Sonny said.

“It’s more of the actions Vic displayed than the damage to Clay’s property. Though, his books are very valuable and cherished by him. Did you report it?” Jason asked.

“Blackburn is aware of it. Vic was kicked out of Bravo and he will be kicked down to another Seal Team. Blackburn was going to see if he could get Vic on a Seal Team in California instead of local. With any luck Vic will be long gone within a week.” Trent answered.

“Good. It’s one less thing we have to worry about. We got enough with getting Clay through this. We shouldn’t have to worry about Vic coming back trying something too.” Jason said, pleased to hear that Vic would most likely be on the other side of the country within a week.

“We’ll get him through it. He’s family.” Full Metal promised. 

He knew how much Clay meant to the guys, but also to Jason. He wasn’t about to let Clay slip into a black hole. None of the guys were. They had no idea just what the next few months would hold, but they did know they were going to get Clay through this and he would be back with them in action before they knew it. None of them had any idea of just what the next few months would truly be like. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I am very excited to be writing this story. I have been writing for over twelve years and have produced over 150 stories between fanfiction, ghostwriting and my own published novels. I have to say this story just might be my favorite out of all of them. I am super excited for you guys to see just what I have in store for Clay and Bravo. Let’s just say there is going to be a lot of Clay angst as well as team angst. Keep in mind though, all of my stories have a happy ending eventually so you will have that to look forward to. 
> 
> If you are looking to get more of my stories while I am in my writing hiatus, feel free to check out my books on Amazon!
> 
> Books:
> 
> Finding Cypris  
> Forbidden Love  
> Blue Moon


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I said I wouldn’t be back until Feb 1st, but I suck at waiting. So I am going to focus on three stories right now, all of which have chapters saved up to be released once a week. I am still going to keep writing so my chapter bank is nice and big. The three stories that I am going to be working on are: Becoming Zulu (available on my AO3 account), Protecting what is Precious and my new story The Ghost.

It was later in the day nearing five o’clock when Clay finally started to wake up. He was all sweaty from the sedative wearing off and he desperately wanted a shower. The problem was his body was still really weak and injured so something as simple was walking was hard on him. Not to mention his feet were still torn up so each step was excruciating. Clay pushed himself up off the bed and slowly made his way into the bathroom to take a leak. Each step sent pain shooting up his body and Clay had to hold onto the wall just to keep himself upright. He had no idea how he was ever going to be able to take a shower at this point, but he needed one. He was not only all sweaty and gross from being in bed for so long, but he also hadn’t taken a shower since he was in the hospital in Kabul. He needed a shower, desperately. After he finished taking a leak Clay went and sat down on the edge of the tub. The room was starting to spin with him moving around and Clay was really wishing his concussion would get better soon, because he didn’t know how long he could keep going like this. He was never good with being sick to begin with. He hated it and he always just wanted it to be over and done with. 

Clay did feel a bit better now that he had gotten some solid sleep, but he also knew it would be short lived. His whole body was already in pain and Clay knew no matter how many over the counter pain pills he took they wouldn’t touch this pain. Clay understood why he couldn’t be prescribed a narcotic, he did, and he was worried just as much as Trent about him becoming addicted to them. When he had to wean himself off the oxycontin that he got from his leg, it was brutal. His body was going through light withdrawals because it had gotten used to taking them. The last thing Clay needed was to be dealing with another addictive drug. That didn’t make the excruciating pain any easier to deal with though. Cerberus went over to Clay and placed his head down on Clay’s leg. Clay moved a shaky hand over and started to pet him. Having Cerberus around was helping him to feel a bit better. Cerb always had that effect on him, whenever he was upset or feeling down, Cerberus would curl up with him and it would help to start to make him feel better. This wasn’t something Cerb could magically make better, but having him around was at least offering him some comfort. 

Clay looked up as he heard footsteps and he saw Jason walking into the bathroom. Jason had looked more refreshed then he had in the past couple of weeks and Clay felt even worse knowing that Jason was feeling the effect of his own injuries. Clay loved Jason like a dad, he was the closest thing he had to a father and he didn’t want to cause Jason any pain. He wished he could make him feel better, but he just didn’t have the energy to even try at this point. All of his energy was being used to keep himself from drowning in sorrow and pain at this point. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Jason asked, as he leaned against the doorframe.

“A little out of it.”

“It’s from the sedative. You are all sweaty, do you feel up to taking a shower?” 

“I need one. Just trying to figure out how.”

“Unfortunately alone right now is not an option, not until your dizziness goes away. If you are comfortable with it, I can help you in the shower.”

Jason knew he helped to get Clay cleaned up after they found him, but he hadn’t gotten clean since. And when they did find him he was still pretty out of it for that bath. Now it’s been almost two weeks and it would be natural for Clay to have issues with being touched without clothes on. Jason didn’t want to push, but he really didn't know how else to get Clay showered. He could have called Trent if Clay would have preferred, but Jason wasn’t sure Clay would go for that either. Clay wasn’t really happy with having to have someone help him in the shower. He knew Jason and Trent had helped him to get cleaned up after he was found, but he was blissfully out of it due to the trauma and exhaustion. At the same time though, he needed a shower, he desperately needed to get clean. 

“I need to get clean, if that is the only way to make that happen, then I’ll take it.”

“Actually, you know we could do it a little differently. What about a bath? I can help you wash your hair, but at least you’ll be sitting and can just relax after you get your hair clean.” Jason offered.

Clay thought about it for a moment. He wasn’t really a bath kind of guy, but being able to get clean without standing up and without having to have Jason hold him up, it sounded appealing. Still awkward, but afterwards Jason could leave him alone to relax in the hot water and maybe it would help his sore muscles a bit. 

“Ok.” 

“Alright, let’s just move you over here while I get the water ready.” Jason said, as he put the toilet seat lid down. 

Clay slowly moved over to sit down as Jason went and started to get the water going. Cerberus stayed close, but Clay knew he would move back once Clay got moving. Jason got the water nice and warm, but not too hot, once he got it ready he turned to Clay.

“Cerb, back up.” Jason said, and Cerberus easily moved back until he was sitting at the bathroom entrance.

Jason worked with Clay to carefully remove his shirt. It was a slow process because of the number of broken ribs Clay had. The stitches also pulled every time he moved. Jason looked at Clay’s stitches and burns, he could see they were agitated. They would need to get into a better routine with Clay taking a shower or a bath every other day to help his injuries heal. 

“We’ll need to put some cream on them afterwards.”

“They still hurt to touch.” Clay said, keeping his eyes up so he wouldn’t see his torso.

“I know, I’ll be gentle, but we can’t risk them getting infected. The last thing you and your body needs is another infection. We’ll handle that after. I’m going to go as slow as you need, if you need a minute let me know and I’ll stop.”

Clay gave a very small nod and Jason went to remove Clay of his pants and then boxers. Once Clay was naked they moved him into the bathtub. Jason slowly helped Clay to lower himself down into the warm water. Once the water touched his body Clay gave a small hiss as the water stung his stitches for a moment. He knew the stinging would go away in a moment. Jason got down on his knees and picked up the cup from the counter to use it as a way to wash Clay’s hair. 

“Ok, put your head back a bit.” Jason said.

Clay did as he was told, and Jason got to work on getting Clay’s hair clean. He had a lot of practice with Mickey and Emma as children so he worked efficiently at getting Clay’s hair clean. Once it was clean Jason changed the water and put fresh in, but made sure it was a little bit warmer so it would help with Clay’s sore body. With that done he turned to look at Clay.

“I’m going to be right in the living room. When you are ready to get out just call me or have Cerb come and get me, ok?”

Clay just gave a small nod and Jason gave him a warm smile in return as he got up and headed out. He closed the door most of the way, but left it open enough that he would hear Clay and that Cerb would be able to nudge open. Jason then grabbed Clay some clean clothes for later before he started to change Clay’s sheets. The sedative always makes him sweat. Jason made quick work of changing the sheets and putting the dirty ones into the washing machine. 

Clay laid back into the hot water and allowed it to emerce his sore muscles. He was really hoping the hot water would help him to relieve some of the pain for even a little bit. His feet were enjoying the warmth of the water, same as his ass. The reminder of the injuries to his ass though was enough to push what happened to him to the forefront of his mind. Clay quickly pushed those memories away as he reached over and grabbed the body wash and loofah. He needed to get them off of him. Clay poured a healthy amount onto the loofah and then started to scrub at his body. He was careful of his burns, not looking to cause himself any further pain, but he did scrub his skin raw where he could. He needed their hands off of him. He needed their scent off of him. Clay scrubbed at his skin until it was red and almost raw before he finally stopped. He knew he would be sore and sensitive to the touch from it, but he didn’t care. If it got the feeling of their hands off from him, he would gladly accept the added pain. Afterall, at this point it was just a drop in the bucket to how he was feeling. 

Clay sat in the tub for another hour before the water started to get too cold and he was stiff from being in it. He used his foot to pull the plug before he carefully lifted himself out by his arms and pushed his upper body up all the way. He then shuffled over to the edge of the tub and sat down on it with his feet still in the draining water. Clay let out a heavy breath as he fought to get his breathing back under control. Something as simple as getting out of a tub should not be this hard considering he used to run up mountains for fun. Clay knew it was going to take some time for his body to heal, but that didn’t make this any more annoying and frustrating. After a moment, once his breathing was back to normal, Clay turned his body around and grabbed a towel that was hanging right next to the tub and wrapped it around himself. Clay knew he could have called Jason to come and help, but he was determined to at least get boxers on before he would have to give in and ask for help. It was bad enough that Jason had to wash his hair, he was taking some pride back and getting boxers on. 

Clay stood up on shaky legs and slowly shuffled to the bathroom door. Cerberus walked beside Clay and Clay used his hand on Cerberus’ back to help steady himself as he went over to the bed where Jason had already left clean clothes for him. Clay sent a silent thanks to Jason as he sat down on his bed. Clay took a few calming breaths as the dizziness was starting to come back at him now that he was moving around. He was doing his best to not move his head very much so he would be able keep the dizziness at bay, but it wasn’t that simple when he had to get dressed or move from the bed to anywhere. Clay kept his head forward as he picked up his boxers and slowly got them on. With that done, Clay was tapping out. 

“Cerb, get Jase.” Clay said, with a heavy breath.

Cerb barked and headed towards the bedroom door and pushed it open more so he could get through it. He found Jason sitting on the couch and Cerberus barked before turning back around and heading for Clay. Jason got up and headed into the bedroom, expecting to find him in the bathtub still, not sitting on his bed.

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have come help you get out of the tub.”

“I wanted a small accomplishment. This is as far as I got though.” 

“Fair enough. Let’s get you dressed and then some food into you. The guys came by earlier with some burgers. They got you some fries to try. The salt can be good to help settle your stomach.”

“Great, something new for me to throw up.” Clay said, sarcastically.

“I know, but Trent had an idea for that. I’ll tell you about it while you’re eating.” Jason said, as he picked up Clay’s sweatpants.

Jason helped to get Clay dressed before they all headed out into the living room and Jason got Clay down on the couch. He lifted Clay’s legs up so he was more comfortable with half laying down then sitting straight up. He then headed into the kitchen to reheat the fries before he brought them over and sat down on the couch. He lifted Clay’s legs a bit so they were across his lap, as he turned to face Clay.

“What happened with the guys?” Clay asked, as he picked up a french fry and took a very small bite.

“They met with Vic and kicked him out. Blackburn is going to try and send him off to a Seal Team in California so he can be long gone and away from us.”

“Good. Hopefully he learnt something, I doubt it.”

Clay did not like Vic and he wasn’t going to pretend like he did. Vic deserved to be kicked down to the Seals, he was lucky he didn’t get discharged for it. 

“There was an issue though afterwards.” Jason started carefully. He didn’t want to tell Clay this, to add to his problems, but at the same time he couldn’t lie to him about it either. 

“What?” Clay asked, but Jason could tell he didn’t really care all that much. It was hard for Clay to care about what was going on right now. Everything in him was focused on trying to survive, trying to cope with what had happened to him. Anything extra was lost on him.

“The guys had Vic’s gear all packed up in the cage room. When they went in there after Vic had collected his things, they discovered that Vic had destroyed your cage.”

“Destroyed how?” Clay asked with the same dead tone to his voice.

“Your military equipment was fine, but he ripped up your photos, your books and the seal that Davis got you. The guys reprinted the photos and repaired your books to the best of their ability. They couldn’t save the seal. They reported everything to Blackburn as well.”

“Nice teammate you picked.” Clay said with a combination of a dead and sarcastic tone.

No matter the tone though, it cut Jason deep. He was already feeling guilty for picking Vic, for going with Ray and not his gut and picking Yoder. Some of this could have all been avoided. If he had picked Yoder and placed him with Clay on Overwatch, there was a good chance they both would have still been captured, but they had been friends for almost eight years. Yoder wouldn’t have played the rookie card and maybe Clay wouldn’t have been raped and buried alive. They both would have been injured and Jason wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but they would have shared the pain, shared the torture and the end result could have saved Clay from this level of pain and torment. Instead, he had followed Ray’s gut and picked Vic. Ray had vouched hard for Clay and listening to him and drafting Clay was the best decision Jason had ever made. Following Ray’s gut again by picking Vic to be Clay’s number two only made sense. At least it did until it was made pretty clear that Clay and Vic were not kindred spirits. Clay didn’t seem to like Vic all that much, but that was to be expected when you have a new guy. Sonny didn’t care too much for Clay at first either, but they were best friends now. Jason figured that Vic and Clay would eventually get along and become friends. He never expected for this to happen.

“I’m sorry, I never thought Vic would ever be like this.” Jason said, with deep regret.

“I don’t blame you, just stating a fact. Though, I don’t get why no one listened to me when I said he wasn’t who you all thought he was. I don’t understand why everyone, why you, blew it off; like I was some middle child angry at the newborn. You rely on my instincts in the field, but I guess outside of it they don’t mean anything.”

It was natural for Clay to be having hard feelings towards him, towards the guys for picking Vic, for not listening to him. The guys all trusted Ray’s gut where Vic was concerned and they didn’t pay attention to what Clay’s gut was telling him. Jason should have, as a team leader and as Clay’s dad, to take the time and talk it out with him. To find out why Clay had a problem with Vic and re-evaluate his opinion of Vic. They should have listened to Clay’s instincts and they shouldn’t have just assumed he wasn’t feeling special anymore with a new rookie on the team. They had failed him and it was a failure they would all have to live with. A failure that would be a punch to the face every time they saw a scar that was left on Clay’s body from his torture. They were never going to forgive themselves, ever. All they could do was hope that one day Clay would. Hope that they could earn Clay’s trust back.

“We should have. I should have. I’m sorry Sunshine, I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I didn’t listen. I’ve trusted Ray’s instincts for so long, it’s why I picked you and it turned out to be the best decision I have ever made. It wasn’t that I thought you had middle child syndrome, I know you have a hard time with trusting someone, I was giving you the space to build that trust with him. It’s why I sent him with you to Overwatch. Operations have a way of building a bond. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad, I’m not anything right now.” Clay said with a small single shoulder shrug. 

Jason knew it was natural for Clay to be feeling numb to the world right now. His mind was still processing everything that happened to him, it was natural that he was needing some time to adapt to it all. That his mind needed some time. Soon enough he would be feeling a lot of things and that is when the anger at the situation would start to come out. Jason would be ready for it though, just like the guys would be. They could handle the anger, they could handle Clay being upset or angry with them if that means it would help him recover from this trauma.

“And that’s ok. Just like it is ok for you to be angry at us.” Jason said, with understanding.

“You said Trent had an idea about something.” Clay said, as he tossed the half eaten fry back down to the plate. His stomach was not happy right now.

“Trent is speaking with the doc on base to see about getting you a prescription for CBD. Do you know what that is?” 

“Ya, it’s the main ingredient in medical marijuana. Comes in different forms to help cancer patients or people who are terminally ill. He thinks it’ll help?”

“He does. He’s worried, as you know, about you being vulnerable to addiction for opioids, he thinks the CBD will be able to help with your pain and nausea. It should also help you sleep. Would that be something you are willing to try?”

“Sure, if it helps. It’s not addicting so there’s no harm in it.”

Clay was more than willing to try anything that could help him feel better or that could help him sleep again. Clay moved a bit so he was more laying down, then sitting up. Jason ran his hand up and down Clay’s calf as he decided that now was as good a time as any to talk to Clay about speaking to a professional.

“There is something I want to talk to you about Sunshine.”

“What?” Clay asked, as he leaned his head against the back of the couch. 

“You don’t have to do it right now, but it’s something I would like for you to think about for when you are ready. You know before you can be active again you have to pass a psychological evaluation. I think it would be good for you to speak to someone. You know yourself how easy it would be for you to develop PTSD from what happened to you. I don’t have to give you the statistics on that, I’m sure they are already in your genius brain.”

“I know, but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. I haven’t reached the talking stage yet.”

The very last thing Clay wanted to do was to talk to someone right now. He just wanted to forget that the whole thing happened. He knew he had to if he wanted to return to work, but he still had three months of medical leave first before he was even physically cleared to return to active duty. He had plenty of time before he would have to suck it up and talk to a shrink.

“I know, I just wanted to let you know that when you are ready, I’ll be there for you. I know it won’t be easy, but we’ll get through it together. You look tired, why don’t I read you some of that book you were reading before the op and you can get some sleep.” Jason offered.

“You want to read Ernest Hemingway?” Clay said, as he raised an eyebrow.

“It’s in English, I’ll be fine. I know reading is how you escape the pain and darkness that you see, but with your concussion you can’t read right now. I don’t mind, especially when I know it will help you relax.” Jason said, warmly.

“Ok.”

Clay was more than happy to lay here and listen to Jason’s voice as he read. Clay had really missed reading within the past couple of weeks. It did work to silence his brain and allow him to escape into that world that the author created. If Jason was more than willing to read to him, Clay was not about to say no. Jason got up and grabbed the book that was on the bookshelf laying flat, something Clay always did with the book he was currently reading, before he went back over to the couch. He sat further down to allow Clay to get more comfortable. Jason went to the bookmark, Clay always used one and never folded the corners down on his books. Clay always cherished his books whether he spent ten dollars on one or fifteen hundred, they were all precious to him and he would often read them multiple times. Jason opened the book and began to read to Clay. Clay found himself relaxing to the sound of Jason’s voice and slowly he drifted off to sleep. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am also looking for anyone that enjoys doing illustrations. I am working on putting together a website that will feature M/M art pieces, along with stories and even interactive stories. So I would love for some people to showcase their art that is M/M focused both clean and erotic. As well as anyone interested in getting credit for illustrations that will be used for the interactive stories. Please message me if you are interested in getting your art and name out there!


	4. Chapter 4

Vic had been trying to figure out what he was going to do to get back into Bravo. He wasn’t going to just go quietly into the night. He had earned his place in Bravo and he was going to be getting it back. Vic needed a plan, he knew he had to figure something out before the team had it their way and shipped him off to some other Seal team and he would lose his chances forever to be in DEVGRU. Once you graduated Green Team and were placed on a team, you couldn’t go through Green Team again. Once you got kicked out, no team would touch you regardless of it being your fault or not. Vic had worked too hard to get where he was today and he was not going to let the mistakes of Clay Spenser ruin his career and take what was rightfully his. 

Vic had decided in order to get what he wanted he would need to go to someone that would be able to help him achieve it. He didn't know the Upper Brass as well as most did with him being so new. He did know a lot of them liked Clay and he needed someone in the Upper Brass that had a lot of pull and hated Clay. Someone that could make it very easy to place him back within DEVGRU. There was only one person Vic knew to turn to that would be able to help him figure it all out. He would have to offer him something, but he had the perfect trade that he could offer him. Vic made his way into the roadside diner away from anyone within the Seals that could potentially spot him. Vic made his way over to the booth in the back and away from all of the windows and he sat down. 

“You better make this worth my time to drive all the way out here.” Ash said once Vic sat down.

When Ash had received a call from a blocked number, something he wouldn’t normally answer, he decided to see who it was. He was not expecting for it to be some random guy asking to meet with him if he wanted a hot new story regarding Bravo. Ash was curious and he was always willing to hear a story that could paint Bravo in a bad light. He didn’t like Jason Hayes, he really didn’t like how Clay wanted to erase his footprints within DEVGRU. If there was a story out there, he wanted to hear it. Ash was just hoping it would be worth all of the cloak and dagger shit he was having to put up with right now. Ash had no idea who the guy across from him was, he had never seen him, but the Navy was constantly getting new guys so that wasn’t a surprise. 

“It’s worth it, assuming you can help me.”

Vic ordered a coffee as the waitress came over. Once she left after topping up Ash’s cup, Ash spoke. “And what would I be helping you with?”

“I was kicked out of Bravo, out of DEVGRU, because of the actions of your son. I want back in Bravo.”

“Hm. And I’m supposed to help you with that how?”

Ash had to admit he was interested and curious to see what had happened to make Bravo kick Vic out of the team. Ash might have been a PNG because of his book, but he had yet to hear about someone losing their trident on any DEVGRU team, it had never happened during his time there. Whatever happened, it had to be serious enough that Jason Hayes kicked someone out. The man was foolishly all about family and believing the team was your family. It made him soft, and it also made it so he allowed mistakes to go unpunished. Something serious happened.

“I’m sure you know just how much the Upper Brass loves Clay. They love what he can do for their careers. I need to know who in the Upper Brass hates him and would be willing to help me be placed back in Bravo.”

“And what do I get?” 

Ash only cared about himself and his career. He didn’t care what happened to Vic and his career. All he wanted was something he could use for himself and if it was good enough, then he would consider helping Vic out. 

“You get the story of what happened and just to get you interested, it involves something that has never happened before. The captivity of two DEVGRU Seals.”

Vic couldn’t help but smirk as he could see the interest in Ash’s eyes start to glow. Vic knew that whoever got a hold of this story would be able to make a shiny penny off of it. To be the first person to make a news announcement or an article would be bringing a lot of attention and traction to their career, because it had never happened before. 

“Admiral Moore, he hates me and anyone that has anything to do with me. If you want an Admiral that would be willing to stick it to my son, that would be him. He also hates Hayes and would love to cause him aggravation to make him retire from active status. Meet with him, he will be able to file an appeal for you and he will put together a committee that will back you up. He can place you back on Bravo. Now, what’s the story?”

Vic just smiled. He now had someone he could reach out to and get the whole process started. He was going to make sure he got back on Bravo and he was going to be gunning for the Bravo Six patch. That was his rightful place and he was going to make sure he got it. 

“Almost three weeks ago Bravo was sent into Kazakhstan for an operation. Jason sent me and Clay up to Overwatch while they raided a building. Enemy troops were moving in on Bravo’s location and myself and Clay started to fire to cover them so they could escape out of the back. I told Clay we needed to leave, but he refused. By the time we finally left Overwatch it was too late. We were surrounded by ten tangos and were forced to hand over our guns. They restrained us and took us to a compound roughly twenty miles away from our current location. I was left alone, but Clay was tortured. They burned him, beat him, pulled his finger and toenails out, cut him over a hundred times, electrocuted him, waterboarded him, raped him multiple times and then buried him alive. We were captive for ten days before we both escaped. Clay spent a week in the hospital and he is back home now. He’s got multiple broken ribs, a grade three concussion and pneumonia.”

Ash was shocked. He was not expecting that to come out of Vic’s mouth. He hadn’t heard anything about this through the grapevine, which meant they were keeping a very tight lid on all of this. Ash could already see the explosion this would cause once he got the article out. He could spin it easily in either direction. He could make it all Clay’s fault or he could make it sound like he was a father suffering from the torture his own son endured for the protection of his country. Ash wasn’t sure how he wanted to spin it just yet. He knew most fathers would be furious and enraged at hearing this. That he should be speeding on over to Clay’s place and seeing him, being there for him. The thing was though, he wasn’t a normal father. To him Clay was just someone that had his DNA and that was it. He had no use for him, never did and he never would. The only thing Ash cared about was his career and his fame. If he could use Clay to get further in it, then he would, it was just that simple to him. He had never had a love for Clay, he wanted his wife to have an abortion but she was stupid in thinking a baby would make him stay. They had been having problems for months and Ash had already filed for divorce and was sleeping with escorts and anyone else he picked up in a bar. He had never wanted to be married, but she had worn him down. When she told him she was pregnant he just laughed and said he wouldn’t raise a brat. He wasn’t there for any of the pregnancy, the birth, or for the first three years of Clay’s life. When he got the call that his wife was dead, he played the role of a grieving loving husband long enough to bury her and take her life insurance. Then he shipped Clay off to his grandparents in Africa. Far away from him so he could focus on his career. 

When he discovered that Clay was back in the country and in boot camp he saw it as an opportunity to make his new career in the spotlight shine even brighter. At first Clay was happy to have a father in his life and Ash tolerated having Clay calling him or wanting to go to dinner to get to know each other. As time went on Clay figured out that Ash didn’t really want to be a father, he just wanted to play father when it benefited him. Now they were mostly hostile to each other and Ash was just fine with that. Love and children makes a man weak and Ash had no interest in being weak. 

“Why were you kicked out?”

There had to be more here, because why would Bravo kick Vic out if he was also captured.

“Because I didn’t get tortured like Clay. They kept me chained up in a room right next to him. I had a sprained ankle and a black eye and to them I got off easy. They said I didn’t protect Clay. But I had to sit there for ten days listening to Clay’s screams. I didn’t get physically tortured like Clay, but I did mentally and emotionally. They didn’t care though. They didn’t even bother with checking to make sure I was ok. They didn’t see enough injuries on me so they didn’t care. Treated me like I was in the wrong. Clay tried to blame me for all of it, said I told the captors that he was my superior and he was briefed on the operation, which is bullshit. They are treating Clay like he is made of glass and then ignoring the trauma I went through. They needed someone to blame for Clay’s mistake in staying in Overwatch too long and they picked me.”

“Clay is Bravo’s golden boy, they will cover up his mistakes and throw anyone under the bus if it means protecting him. This needs to come out into the light. I’ll make sure it doesn’t sound like it came from you. Talk with Admiral Moore and he will make sure you get placed back in Bravo. He likes Crown Royal, a little bribery goes a long way.”

“I’ll make sure to pick up a bottle. I appreciate the help. Clay is a cancer and he will destroy Bravo. I don’t want that to happen and the best way to get him out of the picture would be now.”

“Strike while he is weak, that is the sign of a true operator, a shark. Keep that, it will take you far kid.” 

“I plan on it. I’m not looking for anyone to take advantage of me. Thank-you for meeting with me. I look forward to reading your article.” 

Ash gave a nod and Vic got up and headed out of the diner. He was looking forward to seeing what Ash had in store and just how it would reflect back on Clay. Vic wanted Clay out of Bravo and he didn’t care how he did it. Clay had left himself in a vulnerable position and Vic would be an idiot not to take full advantage of it. 

XXX

Trent made his way into Clay’s apartment just after lunch time. He had been coming by everyday to check in on Clay and each day it seemed like Clay was getting worse. Nothing was staying down with him, Clay’s stomach was getting worse. His health was getting worse with him not being able to keep any food or water down. Trent was really starting to worry about having to put Clay in the hospital just to get some nutrients into him. He didn’t want to have to do that though, because they would put a feeding tube down his nose and into his stomach. It would stop him from throwing up, but it was not going to be pleasant and Trent doubted Clay would tolerate it. It’s why he brought an IV with him to get some fluids into him with a bit of nutrients until they could get Clay started on the CBD pills. 

Trent walked in and saw that Jason wasn’t on the couch. He made his way towards the open bedroom door and he knew they would most likely be in the bathroom. That was confirmed when he heard Clay throwing up. Trent placed his things down on the bed before he walked into the bathroom to see Jason holding a cloth to the back of Clay’s neck in hopes of settling his stomach. Clay leaned back into Jason’s arms as Trent spoke.

“How long?”

Jason looked behind him to see Trent standing in the doorway. “A couple of hours. Tell me you got something.”

“I can give him a shot to help settle his stomach. I got an IV with me too to get some fluid back into his system. He’s at risk of being dehydrated.” 

Trent went and grabbed the needle before he walked back into the bathroom and gave it to Clay. It should kick in within a moment or two and Trent was hoping it would stop the vicious cycle of Clay throwing up, at least long enough for him to get the IV into him. Clay leaned against Jason’s chest as his whole body trembled. He was getting weaker and weaker each day as his body was not being given what it needed to function properly. Jason held the cool cloth against Clay’s forehead to offer him as much relief as he could give to him. When Clay didn’t throw up for the next five minutes Jason slowly got Clay up off the floor and they headed back into his bedroom. Between Jason and Trent they were able to get Clay into bed and Trent got the IV going. Jason grabbed a bucket that he had cleaned once again and placed it on the bedside table for Clay. Cerberus once again jumped up on the bed and curled up on Clay’s left side.

“Your fever is up again.” Trent said, as he checked Clay’s temperature.

“It’s been up and down. Just depends on if we can get him to keep the medicine down or not.” Jason explained.

“I won’t give you anything right now, but we’ll have to keep an eye on it. Try and get some sleep kiddo, I’ll hang around for a bit.” Trent said, as he rubbed Clay’s right thigh for a moment.

“Call if you need anything.” Jason said, as he bent down and kissed Clay’s forehead before they headed out.

Jason, like always, left the door just open a crack so he could hear Clay or Cerberus could get out if Clay needed him to. Jason went into the kitchen to start cleaning up, he had been busy with Clay being so sick over the past couple of days the kitchen was starting to look like a disaster zone.

“Where are we on the CBD situation?” Jason asked, as he started to empty the dishwasher.

“Dr. Ross approved the idea. He filed the paperwork to Blackburn, Blackburn signed it and passed it up to Lindell to sign, he did as well. The last step is having an Admiral sign the approval for it. Lindell sent it to Admiral Whitmore, he likes Clay a lot, he’ll review it today and sign it. We’ll have all the paperwork signed today and then Dr. Ross will be able to put in the requisition for the CBD products. Within a week we should have what we need for Clay.”

Jason was really hoping Clay would make another week. He was having a very hard time right now with being sick and the concussion. With a grade three concussion the side effects were extreme at times and with Clay having to take medications for his pneumonia it was making his stomach more upset. Clay needed something that would work to get his stomach to settle, because everything they had tried so far, including the drugs that Trent had, were not working.

“What products?”

“We put in the request for a cream, patches, pills and injectables that I can have in my kit for when we are spun up. Clay isn’t a smoker and he doesn’t have much interest in it, so I figured he would prefer to not have that as a means of distribution.”

“Ya he won’t smoke it. He loves to run too much, he won’t want to risk it affecting his lungs. Hopefully it won’t take a week to come in. I’m worried about him being so sick all the time.”

“So am I. I don't want to have to put him in the hospital to get a feeding tube put in, but we’re reaching that point.”

That surprised Jason. He knew that Clay was not getting enough fluids and nutrients into his system, but he didn’t think Trent was thinking about a feeding tube. There was no way in hell Clay would tolerate it and Jason honestly didn’t think he had it in him to force Clay into that position. Clay had been through enough pain and misery, was still going through it, the last thing Jason wanted to do was put him through more. 

“We’re not there yet. He’ll be in better shape once we can try the CBD, hopefully that will work to settle his stomach. It’s not easy to eat properly when he just throws everything up.”

“I know Jase, but I also have to think about his health and the damage it is doing to his body. The human body can only go three weeks without food and we are getting very close to that marker. I know he’s eating soup and that is getting something into him, but it won’t be enough long term. It might have to be a bridge that we cross whether we like it or not.” 

The very last thing Trent wanted to do was to take Clay and put him in the hospital and get a feeding tube shoved down his throat. He didn’t want to have to do that to Clay. He didn’t want to add to the trauma he was going through, but he would have to if Clay’s life depended on it. As the team medic it was on him to make sure that every member on the team was healthy both in and out of the field. Sometimes that meant he would have to do something painful or something they didn’t want because it was what was best for them. The possibility of Clay having to get a feeding tube would be what was best for him if they reached that point of no return.

“I know, but we’re not there yet. I’m not putting him in that position until we are. For now, I’ll keep trying to get some food into him. Hopefully the CBD will help to settle his stomach and he’ll be in a better position to be eating.”

Trent gave a nod, he had no choice but to accept that for now. He would be keeping a very close eye on Clay to ensure that everything would be ok with him. Trent was not going to let Clay slip away. They had failed him already, Trent wasn’t going to fail him again, even if that meant he had to drag him kicking and screaming to the hospital. Trent just prayed it wouldn't come down to that.

XXX

Vic made his way into Admiral Moore’s office that afternoon. After speaking with Ash last night Vic made sure he showed up with a bottle of Crown Royal, something his wallet was not happy about, but if it got him through the door then it would all be worth it. After he was granted permission to enter Vic walked in to see Admiral Moore sitting at his desk. He looked up, and Vic could tell he wasn’t all that impressed to see him, but the purple velvet bag in his hands did get the Admiral’s attention.

“Admiral Moore, my name is Petty Officer Vic Lopez with DEVGRU, I was hoping to speak with you for a moment Sir.”

“That would depend Petty Officer Lopez if that bottle in your hand is for myself or you just foolishly brought it with you.”

“It’s for you Sir, I know better than to show up empty handed.” Vic said with a warm smile, as he went and placed it down on the Admiral’s desk.

“Not if you want something. I am assuming this has to do with you being kicked out of Bravo after the incident between you and Petty Officer Spenser, correct?” Admiral Moore said, as he sat back in his chair. 

“That would be correct Sir. I’m not sure how much of the situation you were briefed on.” Vic started, but the Admiral cut him off.

“You were both on Overwatch in enemy territory when you were captured for ten days. You both were able to escape separately. Petty Officer Spenser sustained serious injuries from torture and you were left unharmed. According to both you and Petty Officer Spenser you informed your captors that you were a rookie. That is where you both differ though because he claims you told them that Petty Officer Spenser was your superior. You deny it. Am I missing anything?”

When the Admiral had heard of what happened and with Vic being kicked out of DEVGRU due to his own actions, at least the team believed so, he was surprised at the coldness. He knew that Clay was the team’s golden boy, why they liked him so much the Admiral had no idea. He couldn’t stand Clay and the way he seemed to be so well liked by everyone. It was as if everyone forgot that he was Ash Spenser’s son and not Jason Hayes', though that wouldn’t have been much better in the Admiral’s opinion. He couldn’t stand either of them and he was already making his own plan on how to potentially get rid of Spenser and eliminate at least one blackmark in Seal history. He did find it very interesting that Vic was coming to him, whiskey in hand, looking to make some type of arrangement. What it would be, he didn’t know, but he suspected it had something to do with his spot in DEVGRU. The problem was, once you were kicked out of a DEVGRU team, no team would pick you up. It was a green wall and you don’t cross it, no matter what.Though, that was unofficially and that could easily be changed.

“I never told them Spenser was my superior and had I known that things would have turned out that way, I never would have said I was a rookie. I did so in my SERE training and the instructors never corrected me afterwards. I was under the impression I had done the right thing. I assumed Spenser would say the same as well. And I did look for Spenser, but at that point he was already outside and out of my sight range. I didn’t endure physical torture, but I did have to listen to my teammates screams. No matter what I yelled, they wouldn’t leave him alone. I did have to go through mental and emotional torture, which I’m sure you know Sir last a lot longer and is more serious then a physical blow.”

Vic was hoping if he could play it up like he was tortured even more severely than Clay, then the Admiral would back him and spread the word around how Bravo wrongfully kicked him out and were ignoring his own pain from his captivity.

“I am aware of that. I have known good men fall from the mental trauma they had endured while on the job. It is not something to take lightly and Bravo should have known and realised that. I am assuming you are here because you’d like to be placed on another DEVGRU team.”

“I would like support to file an appeal and to be placed back on Bravo Sir.”

“Why Bravo? They tossed you aside.” Admiral Moore was surprised that Vic would want back on the team that kicked him to the curb like old garbage.

“They did because they are so clouded by their emotions for Spenser. Master Chief Hayes calls him his son. Speaks it out loud around all of us and around the other teams. He is listed as his father on his personal file. The whole team looks at Clay like a family member and that clouds their judgements. They didn’t even ask how I was after I was found, they were just pissed off that I didn’t know where Spenser was. They are compromised by their feelings towards Spenser, something that has never happened with them before. The second Spenser joined them, they have been changing and as you know Sir, once you are emotionally compromised it becomes dangerous for the entire team and for operations. I was wrongly kicked off the team and I would like to be placed back on the team in the Bravo Six position. Spenser is most likely not going to be able to return and I think it is best for the team to move forward before they are permanently stuck in the past.”

Vic had strategized what he was going to say to Admiral Moore. What points he could make that would showcase Clay in a bad light for not only himself, but for Bravo. Bravo was the top team within DEVGRU and if it seemed like Clay was a threat to their status and success rate then it would only be logical for the Upper Brass to address it. With Clay currently on medical leave and it uncertain if he would ever be able to return to active duty, now would be the perfect opportunity to handle the Clay situation.

“I will file the appeal on your behalf and a committee will be put together to discuss how to proceed forward and the fallout from the failed operation. I will put my support behind you being back in Bravo and given the Bravo Six position. You know this won’t make them happy though.” Admiral Moore advised.

He didn’t care for Jason or for Clay, if getting Vic back on Bravo was enough to push them both out then Admiral Moore was all too happy to help make that happen. He already had a plan for Clay and with some luck Clay would accept his offer once it was ready. Having Clay off of Bravo would be an easy sell if what Vic had said was true and they were emotionally compromised, especially a Master Chief. Family couldn’t be put together because it compromised your mission integrity and it was sounding like Jason and Clay were far too close to be just teammates. Admiral Moore had been waiting for the perfect time to strike and now thanks to this mission, he finally had an opening he could use.

“I appreciate that Admiral. I won’t make you regret this and I won’t let you down.” Vic said with a warm smile.

“You better not. I’m putting a lot of stock into you, I expect you to pay it all back.”

“I will Sir. I promise.”

“Dismissed.”

Vic gave a nod and headed out. He couldn’t believe how easy this was to get Admiral Moore on his side. Now all he had to do was get the committee to see how he was right and Clay was wrong. He would be getting his Bravo Six patch and eventually he would be leading Bravo, just like it should have always been 


	5. Chapter 5

It was a couple of days later just after midnight when Jason was woken up to barking. He knew it was Cerberus, but the number of barks in a panicked order told Jason right away that something was wrong with Clay. Jason got up off the couch and immediately unlocked the front door just in case before running into the bedroom. He was expecting to see Clay in the bathroom sick, but instead he was laying on his bed and appeared to be sleeping. Cerberus was standing up on the bed still barking down at Clay though, so Jason knew something was wrong.

“Cerb, stop.” Jason ordered, as he went over to the bed. He felt Clay’s forehead and noted that it didn’t feel any hotter than it was when he went to bed a few hours earlier. 

Clay had been very sick the past few days and it was draining him completely. He barely had the energy to keep his eyes open to eat anything and when he did eat something it was just a bit of chicken broth, something he was throwing up not even ten minutes later. Jason and Trent were both stumped on what to do with Clay, but they were told the CBD products were on the way and were set to be here tomorrow. All they had to do was get Clay through one last twenty-four hour period before he would hopefully have some relief. 

“Clay, wake up Sunshine.” Jason tried, thinking if Clay woke up then maybe he could be able to tell him what was so wrong that Cerberus had freaked out.

Only Clay didn’t wake up, he didn’t even register that Jason had said anything. That threw up a red flag to Jason, because Clay wasn’t a heavy sleeper, none of them were. Whether they were out in the field or at home, they were always ready to jump into action. Clay not waking up to either his voice or Cerberus barking meant something was seriously wrong. 

“Cerb, get Derek.”

Cerberus was instantly off the bed and making his way out into the living room. Jason knew Cerberus was trained to open doors, something he would be thanking Brock for later. Derek’s door would be locked, but he would hear Cerberus barking outside of it and he would know something was wrong with Clay. He just needed to figure out what the hell was wrong with him. Jason continued to try and wake Clay up by saying his name and shaking him, but nothing worked. It wasn’t even two minutes later when Cerberus and Derek were running into the bedroom. Cerberus was immediately up on the bed again and Jason looked over at Derek, noting that he was only wearing boxers, as he spoke.

“He won’t wake up. I don’t know why. I’ve called his name, shook him, nothing. He had a fever all day, but it’s not spiking.”

“Look out.” Derek said, as he switched places with Jason and opened his kit to take out his stethoscope.

Derek listened to Clay’s lungs and instantly knew that something was wrong. His breathing was too shallow and too constricted. Something was wrong, there had to be a complication from the pneumonia and it was affecting his lungs to the point where Clay wouldn’t be able to wake up.

“Call 9-1-1. His breathing is too shallow, he’s struggling to breathe. Something’s wrong.” Derek said, as he continued to listen to see if maybe he could figure it out. 

Jason was instantly grabbing Clay’s phone and unlocking it within a second. He could feel his body starting to tremble slightly, something he would gladly admit was stupid. He was a trained DEVGRU operator, he shouldn’t be panicking right now. His body shouldn’t be trembling right now, but this wasn’t an operation. This was his son, struggling to breathe right in front of him and there was nothing they could do about it. He needed a hospital and he needed one now. Jason couldn’t help but wonder if maybe this had to do with him not getting enough food with being sick. If he had listened to Trent and taken Clay in for a feeding tube, would this have happened?

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?” The female operator said.

“I need an ambulance to 1033 Diamonback Rd apartment 312.”

“Ok Sir, what is the emergency?”

“My son, he’s having trouble breathing. He’s a Seal, he’s been home just over a week from an operation where he was tortured.”

“Put it on speaker.” Derek said.

Jason clicked the speaker button as the operator spoke. “Ok Sir, the ambulance is on the way. Please make sure the front door is open for them to come in.”

“It is.”

“You said he was having trouble breathing, is he awake?”

“No he’s not. He has pneumonia, his breathing is laboured and shallow. He’s not responding to us. He’s had a fever for the past couple of weeks that we can’t break. He’s also got a grade three concussion, so he’s been throwing up for the past couple of weeks. He can barely keep anything down.” Derek explained.

They could hear the woman typing it all out as she spoke. “Can you check his pulse and tell me if it is weak or steady?”

Derek did it real quick and it didn’t take him long to determine that Clay’s pulse was weak. “It’s weak, but steady.”

“Ok perfect. The paramedics are three minutes out. They will take him to the General where he can be treated. Is there anyone you need me to call for you?”

“No, that’s fine I’ll handle the calls.” Jason said.

There was no way in hell that he was going to let some stranger call the guys. It would be him that tells them what is going on with Clay.

“Not a problem. I’ll stay here with you on the line until the paramedics show.”

“Thanks.” Derek said.

They both took a deep breath and Jason couldn’t help but look at Clay. He looked pale and thin. He was already losing weight and Jason knew he would be losing even more before the end of this. He was just hoping to finally get one thing going in Clay’s direction with all of this. It was a few minutes later when the front door opened and the paramedics called out.”

“They’re here. Thank-you.” Jason said to the operator as Derek called out to the paramedics.

“You are welcome Sir. I hope your son makes a full recovery and thank-you for his service.”

“Thanks.” Jason ended the call and moved out of the way for the paramedics to get to Clay.

With their closeness though Cerberus growled, not used to strangers being around Clay.

“Cerb, down.” Jason ordered.

Cerberus didn’t like it, but he did as he was told and got off of the bed and moved over to Jason.

“He’s fine, he’s the teams k9. He’s just protective of Clay.” Derek explained.

“It’s no problem at all. This is your son?” The one male paramedic asked.

“He’s mine. Twenty-seven, otherwise healthy. But he shouldn’t have narcotics due to being born addicted. We avoid them when we can.” Jason supplied. The last thing they needed was Clay becoming addicted to anything.

“Not a problem. You said he’s been sick to the operator?” The second male paramedic asked, as the first started to listen to Clay’s breathing.

“He’s a Seal, was tortured for ten days, roughly two weeks ago. He’s got pneumonia, a pretty bad case of it. He’s been pretty sick with it and the grade three concussion that he has. He also has broken ribs on both sides.” Jason answered.

“We’ll be very careful with him. His breathing doesn’t sound good. It’s most likely a complication from the pneumonia. We’ll take him in and a doctor will be able to do some scans to see what the problem is.” The first male paramedic said as he put an oxygen mask on Clay.

They both watched as both paramedics worked on getting Clay’s vitals before they moved him onto a backboard and then onto the stretcher. Jason grabbed his and Clay’s IDs as well as his cell phone as they got ready to head out.

“I’ll get Cerb with Trish and meet you there.” Derek said, as they headed out.

“Thanks Derek.”

Jason headed off with the paramedics and down into the ambulance. He couldn’t believe he was here again in an ambulance with his son. The last time had been in a foreign country after a bomb almost took off both of his legs. Jason had been just as terrified then as he was now. Jason knew he had to tell the guys, but he figured he would call Blackburn, then Blackburn could make the calls and he would be able to focus on Clay. After a few rings a very groggy sounding Blackburn answered the phone.

“Commander Blackburn.”

“Eric, it’s Jason. I’m on my way to the General in an ambulance with Clay.”

“What happened?” Blackburn asked, instantly sounding awake.

“He’s not breathing well. He won’t wake up. The paramedics and Derek think it’s a complication from the pneumonia. We won’t know until a doc looks at him. The guys don’t know yet.”

“I’ll call them and Dr. Ross. He is now Clay’s official doctor because of the prescription. He’ll meet us there. I’ll be there in twenty.” Blackburn said, before he hung up.

Jason didn’t mind that he was basically hung up on. There was no more that needed to be said. He was glad that Dr. Ross would be there. It was better to have a military doctor there for Clay. Someone that would understand what Clay’s career meant to him and wouldn’t just want to do whatever was easiest for him at the time. Jason continued to watch as the paramedic worked on checking Clay’s vitals and making sure everything was ready for the ER doctor to take over. Jason did notice that Clay still wasn’t waking up, even as a stranger was touching him. When they arrived at the hospital, Clay was immediately wheeled into a trauma room and transferred over to the bed. Jason listened as the paramedic said a lot of words that he had no idea what half of them even meant. Within minutes the doctor had everything he needed and the paramedics were out of there.

“Sir, I need you to go and wait in the waiting room please.” The nurse said.

“That’s my son.” Jason simply said, he wasn’t going anywhere.

“I know, but the doctor needs to work.” The nurse said patiently.

“He’s a Seal, his military doctor, Dr. Ross is on his way. You can’t give him any narcotics either.” Jason said, keeping his eyes onto the doctor.

“I know, I got the file from dispatch. I know he’s been through a lot. I promise I am going to run some scans so his doctor will have them when he gets here.” The doctor promised.

“We need room, please Sir go to the waiting room.” The nurse said, once again.

Jason didn’t want to take his eyes off of Clay, but he also knew he had to leave so the doctor and nurse could focus on Clay’s care. Jason gave a nod and headed out to the waiting room. He knew the guys would be here soon and so would Dr. Ross. Once Dr. Ross was here, he would breathe easier. Jason paced around the waiting room for a good ten minutes before Derek was coming. 

“Anything?”

“Not yet. Blackburn called the guys and Dr. Ross. They are coming in.”

“He’ll be ok.” Derek said, hoping to offer any comfort he could to his friend.

They both stayed in the waiting room and told the guys what was going on as each member of Bravo walked in. Within thirty minutes everyone in Bravo was there when Dr. Ross finally walked in. Dr. Ross didn’t even speak with them, he just headed straight into the treatment rooms to find Clay.

“I don’t know if it’s a good thing that he didn’t even say anything to us.” Sonny commented.

“His priority is Clay, not us. It’s a good thing.” Trent said.

“How long before we get any answers?” Jason asked, Trent.

“It just depends on what is wrong.” Trent answered.

“What could be wrong? Is this from him not getting enough nutrients?” Jason asked.

“No, this has nothing to do with him being sick all the time. It’s something from the pneumonia. It could be there’s a fluid build up in his lungs. He could have a chest infection to go with it. Something more serious would be a pleural effusion. That’s when there is fluid building up within the lining of his lungs. They would have to put a chest tube in to drain the fluid. He would have to stay here for a couple of days to ensure the fluid didn’t build back up, but then he would be able to go home.” Trent answered.

“So nothing too serious?” Ray asked.

“Nothing dire. Assuming this is a complication to the pneumonia and not something else that we didn’t know about. All we can do is just hope for the best and see what the doctor finds out.” Trent said, not looking to make any bets on what it was. He didn’t want the guys thinking the worst, but he also didn’t want them thinking this was nothing. 

It was a good five hours later when Dr. Ross finally came into the waiting room. The guys all stood up and Dr. Ross held his hand up to prevent them from jumping on him with questions.

“He’s going to be ok. He had a pleural effusion, that’s when.”

“We know, Trent told us what it was. How bad was it?” Jason asked.

“It was in only his right lung lining, so not as bad as it could have been. Had you not noticed something was wrong right away, it could have been bad come morning. We did a chest tube to drain the fluid, we had to give him a sedative to keep him asleep for the procedure. I’m sorry, but it was unavoidable. The good news is though, his CBD products are set to arrive this morning. I will have them before the sedative wears off. So once he is awake I can then give him one of the pills and we can test them out within the safety of the hospital.”

“How long will he have to be here?” Jason asked.

“Two days most likely. We need to monitor him to ensure the fluid doesn’t build up again. I don’t think it will. Part of the issue with pneumonia is that you have to cough to get the fluid that can sit at the bottom of your lungs up, otherwise it can build and cause complications. With having broken ribs and the concussion though, the last thing Clay would want to do is cough. The CBD should help with the pain and nausea so getting Clay to do the breathing exercises and coughing more will be easier once he starts to feel better.”

“Thanks Doc, we appreciate you coming down here for him.” Jason said, on their behalf.

“He’s my patient. He is being moved up to a room and then you guys will be able to see him. I promised Dr. Wyatt that you would be quiet and not make any noise for the other patients that will be sleeping on the same floor.”

“We’ll be as quiet as a church mouse.” Sonny promised.

The guys had no problem being quiet if that meant they could stay here with Clay and not have to wait until visiting hours. 

“I’ll be around too. A nurse will come down when Clay is all set.”

“Thanks Dr. Ross.” Blackburn said.

The guys all let out a sigh of relief now that they knew Clay would be ok. This complication wouldn’t be fun, but at least it wasn’t anything serious. They were all hoping that Clay would sleep through the rest of the night and by the time he woke up he would be able to have his new CBD pills and hopefully they would finally get him on the road to healing.

XXX

It had been two days since Clay was brought into the hospital and for the past two days things had been improved in some areas and not in others. The good news was that there was no further build up of fluid in Clay’s lung lining. The CBD pills and patches were a godsend to not only Clay but all of Bravo. They helped a lot with the pain in his ribs and he was no longer throwing up. He was able to sleep properly without all of the pain and the guys were relieved that something was working for Clay’s physical injuries. The bad though, his nightmares were getting worse, Clay had no interest in being touched by strangers, doctor or not, he seemed depressed and he was spacing out in the middle of a conversation. The guys all knew what these signs meant, Clay had developed PTSD. Most likely he had it all along, but they didn’t know because the physical injuries were more dire at the time. Clay’s body was focused on his physical injuries, but now that they seemed to be getting under control the mental injuries were making an appearance. 

The guys knew this was bound to start happening. There was no way Clay was not going to have PTSD after everything that happened to him. They would need to talk to Clay about seeing someone. They knew that Jason had tried earlier in the week, but Clay wasn’t going for it just yet. They were hoping maybe Clay would think about speaking with someone now that he was starting to get a better grasps on his physical injuries. Clay was currently staring down at the bed as he sat there. The guys were all with him and they were just waiting for when the nurse would be in with Clay’s discharge papers and a wheelchair for him.

“You must be looking forward to going home eh Little Buddy?” Sonny said warmly.

Clay didn’t respond though, he was lost in his own mind again and the guys were worried about this happening more frequently it seemed. Jason reached out and placed a hand on Clay’s arm as he spoke.

“Sunshine.”

At the first second of contact Clay jumped and flinched away. Turning in the direction of where the hand came from. He saw that it was Jason and Clay took a shaky breath as he remembered where he was.

“Hey, it’s ok. You’re ok.” Jason said softly.

Jason knew that Clay was going to be jumpy. He was going to have to be very careful when Clay was like this. Touching him was obviously not the way to go so he would need to figure something out. 

“Time to go?” Clay asked with the same dead tone he has had for the past couple of weeks.

“Soon, we’re just waiting for the nurse to come in with your discharge papers.”

“Are you hungry at all kiddo?” Ray asked.

“No.” Clay simply said.

The guys knew it was going to take some time to get Clay back into eating. He was eating more within the past couple of days with his stomach feeling better thanks to the CBD pills. They were hoping to keep moving in the right direction with getting Clay to eat small things throughout the day. Dr. Ross had said it was fine for Clay to graze all day long if he wanted to. Eventually he would be back to eating normally once he was feeling better. The trick would be to get Clay to eat little snacks here and there. They also couldn’t push him either, they would have to just hope they could offer something to Clay that was appealing enough for him to want to eat it. The door opened and a nurse walked in pushing a wheelchair and holding a chart in her hand. She gave them all a warm smile as she spoke.

“Are you ready to break out of here Clay?”

Clay didn’t say anything though, he had gone back into his mind once again. It was happening a lot within the past two days and the guys were hoping once he was home and out of the hospital it might ease up.

“Sorry, he gets a little lost every now and then.” Jason said on Clay’s behalf.

“Don’t even worry about it. After everything he has been through, I’d be worried if he didn’t. Calling his name a few times can help, same as touching. But after what he’s been through, touching might not be the best way to go. Scent can be very good to bring him back. Smelling salts or even if there is a scent that he finds comforting. Like your cologne, as his dad he probably finds your scent to be comforting and reminds him of being safe. Smelling it can trigger those emotions and snap him back.” The nurse explained.

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind and we’ll make sure we have something for him.” Jason said, with a small warm smile.

The nurse went over to the bed and pulled out some smelling salts that she carries around in case one of her patients passes out. She held it at a safe distance away and moved it back and forth slowly under Clay’s nose. It took a moment but the scent snapped Clay out of his thoughts and he was looking up at her.

“Hey handsome, how about we break you out of here?” The nurse said with a big friendly smile.

“I can leave?” Clay asked.

He was completely done with hospitals. He hated being here, all he wanted was his own bed. He wanted to lay down with Cerb and maybe even watch a movie or something in bed. It would require him to hook up the spare tv and the DVD player, but he was hoping maybe one of the guys would be willing to do it for him. 

“You can. You just need to be careful of the couple of stitches that you have on your right side from the tube. And remember, you need to try and eat more often for your sugar levels. You had very low sugar when you came in, that is not helping with your dizziness. So you need to promise me you are going to try and eat more now that you have your CBD medication to help with the nausea.” The nurse said, warmly.

She knew the last thing any patient wanted was a lecture, especially a military man. She didn’t know exactly what happened to Clay, but she did know he was severely injured while he was servicing this country. To her that meant the world to her and she was going to make sure he had the best care that this hospital could give him.

“Yes ma’am.” Clay promised.

“Perfect. You are free to get out of here. You need to be in a wheelchair, it’s hospital regulations, but I think it’s a small price to pay for getting out of here.” The nurse handed Trent the paperwork as she continued. “For his file.”

“Thanks and thank-you for everything you have done for him. You’ve been amazing with him and we all greatly appreciate it.” Trent said on their behalf.

“It’s no problem at all. I hope I never see any of you again.” The nurse said with a warm smile to Bravo before she headed out.

“Ok Little Buddy, let’s get you in your ride and get you out of here.” Sonny said with a big smile.

Jason got the blanket off from Clay, he was already dressed so they just needed to get him up. Clay’s feet were healing, but they were still tender to walk. With the help of Jason Clay was able to get into the wheelchair with a groan. Sitting straight up was not something Clay could do for very long and the guys all knew it.

“I know, it’ll only be for a few minutes.” Jason said. 

“We got Jason’s truck right out front all set to go kiddo.” Ray said with understanding.

Jason started to push the wheelchair towards the elevator and once on it Clay spoke up.

“The spare tv on the floor in the office, can you put it in my room please?” 

“Ya, of course. I can hook up a dvd player to it so you can watch some movies if you want.” Jason offered.

“I was thinking that. If you wouldn’t mind.”

“We’ll get it set up for you brother.” Ray said warmly.

It made sense that Clay would want to escape the pain for a little while by watching a movie. It could help him fall asleep and it would give him something to do while he was in bed. Once they got outside Sonny went and opened the passenger door for Clay and Jason helped to get Clay into his truck. He had already put the back of the seat back so Clay wouldn’t have to be sitting straight up. Brock took the wheelchair and brought it back inside as Jason got into the truck. The guys all headed to their own vehicles and they would head to Clay’s place. Clay closed his eyes and just tried to will the pain away from the wheelchair. Jason didn't say anything, just allowed Clay the time he needed. Once at Clay’s place Jason got Clay slowly upstairs and inside his apartment. He knew the guys would be here in a moment. They walked in and saw Full Metal was already here, he had come by this morning to clean up a bit as Trent was worried about Clay’s immune system being weakened from his injuries, illness and lack of nutrients. He was in a prime spot for additional infections. Full Metal had volunteered to do a deep clean while the guys were at the hospital. 

“Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?” Full Metal asked.

He had been kept updated by the guys how Clay was doing and what was going on. He was really hoping Clay would start to feel better soon. The toll it was taking on all of the guys was starting to show.

“Tired.” Clay simply said.

“I changed your sheets for you and Cerb is already waiting for you.” 

Cerberus had not liked not being with Clay in the hospital, but he seemed to settle for Brock. It was different because Brock was so used to having Cerberus around him and Pepper. Now it seemed like Cerberus only wanted Clay, but Brock was fine with that. Clay needed him so it made sense that Cerb wanted to be around Clay. Jason got Clay into his bedroom and Cerberus’ tail was instantly wagging as he laid on the bed. Jason could tell Cerberus wanted to run to Clay, but he knew Clay was injured still and needed rest. Jason got Clay into bed and covered up, Cerberus was instantly going over to him and Clay placed his hand down on Cerb’s head. 

“Hey boy.” Clay said, as Cerberus licked his cheek.

“Can you grab the spare tv from the office?” Jason said to Full Metal who was in the doorway.

“It coming in here?” 

“Ya, dresser.”

Full Metal gave a nod and headed out to grab it. Jason went over to the dresser and moved the few items that were on top of the dresser so there was a spot for it. Full Metal brought it in and placed it down. He went and plugged it in as Jason grabbed the extra dvd player and he got that set up as well.

“Is there a movie you want to watch?” Jason asked.

“Anyone is fine, I’m probably going to fall asleep to it.” Clay simply said.

Full Metal headed out and went to find a movie for Clay, as Jason went over and placed his hand on Clay’s forehead. It was still hot. His fever was holding strong no matter what they did to it. His pneumonia was also hanging around and Dr. Ross was thinking he might need to change the prescription to something a lot stronger. If he didn’t see improvement soon he would have to. They heard the front door opening and they all knew it would be the guys coming in. Full Metal walked back into the bedroom with the first Hobbit movie. He figured it would be boring enough for Clay to fall asleep to it. He put it into the dvd player as Trent walked into the room.

“I know you’ll probably sleep for awhile. You can have your next dose of CBD in five hours. If you are awake, I would recommend you take it even if you aren’t feeling the pain yet. It would be better to get ahead of it right now.” Trent said.

“Ok.”

“Here you go kiddo.” Full Metal said, as he handed the remote to Clay.

“Thanks.”

“Alright, you get some sleep. I’ll be in the living room if you need me Sunshine.”

Clay gave a small nod and everyone headed out, Jason turned the light off on his way out. He made sure the door was closed most of the way so Clay wouldn’t overhear them. They all moved over to the kitchen area to help block off more of their voices.

“Where’s Sonny?” Jason asked, noticing that he wasn’t here.

“He said he had to run an errand real quick.” Ray answered.

“The place looks great Scott. Thanks for cleaning it.” Trent said. 

“It’s no problem. He seems a little off.” Full Metal said, referring to Clay’s emotional state.

“He keeps spacing out. If he does it around you, don’t touch him. He jumped about a foot when I did it.” Jason supplied.

“The nurse recommended smelling salts. It worked when she did it. I’ll get some from the base for us. We can carry them around so we’ll always have them.” Trent said.

“Wouldn’t be a bad idea. We gotta see about him speaking with someone.” Ray said.

“I did the other day. He said he wasn’t ready yet. He knows he has to talk to someone before he can come back. He has to be cleared by the department shrink, but he’s not at that point yet.” Jason said.

“He won’t have a choice eventually if he wants to return to active duty. We’ll have to keep an eye on it and see if it gets worse or not.” Trent said.

“At least the pot pills are working.” Full Metal said.

“It’s not pot.” Trent said with a small smile.

“It’s all the same to me.” Full Metal said with a shrug.

“And yes they are working, which should hopefully help with his mood. He seems a little down right now, but he’s curled up in bed with Cerb and watching a movie. I’m taking this all as progress right now.” Trent added.

“Me too. He seems to be doing well with the new medication. We just now need to get the pneumonia taken care of.” Jason agreed.

“We’ll see how he is in a couple of days. If he’s not getting better Dr. Ross will get him on a stronger antibiotic and that will get rid of it.” Trent said.

“Why not switch him now?” Ray asked.

“Because that antibiotic can be hard on your body and with him being so sick up until the past couple of days it would have hospitalized him. Dr. Ross is hoping with his body no longer having to feel the pain, it can focus on healing his lungs. It’s why he needs to stick with the medication schedule even if he is asleep and not needing it. The more rest and fluids he gets into him the stronger his body will get.” Trent explained.

“I’ll make sure he sticks with it.” Jason promised.

The front door opened and Sonny walked in with a couple of grocery bags. 

“So that’s where you went.” Ray commented, as Sonny headed into the kitchen to put the food away. 

“I figured now that he is capable of eating we just need to get him snacking. I got some of his old favorites that he told me he used to eat when he didn’t feel good.” Sonny spoke as he started to pull the items out. “Those Ritz peanut butter sandwich crackers, pancake mix, cookie dough ice cream, tomato soup, some bread and those real cheese cheese slices. He told me he used to dip his grilled cheese sandwiches into tomato soup. And he seemed to like the apple cinnamon cheerios in the hospital so I grabbed some and green jello.”

“Thank-you Sonny.” Jason said, as he patted Sonny on his shoulders.

“Smart thinking brother. With him watching movies he might munch on something too without really thinking much of it.” Ray said.

“We just need him to eat something every couple of hours when he is awake. That will help give his body some energy and strength that it needs.” Trent said.

“Too bad his pot won’t give him the munchies.” Full Metal commented with a playful smile to Trent.

Before Trent could even comment back the front door was opening and Blackburn walked in. They were all surprised to see him. That surprise quickly turned into concern as they noticed he was not pleased to be here, which could only mean something was wrong. 

“What is it?” Jason asked.

He was thinking that the guys were going to be getting spun up early and that was why Blackburn was upset. They still had five more days before they were required to go back to work.

“Where’s Clay?” Blackburn asked.

“In the bedroom watching The Hobbit.” Full Metal answered.

Blackburn moved closer to the guys so Clay wouldn't overhear. “Keep your voice down.” Blackburn warned before he spoke again. “Lindell just got word, Admiral Moore filed an appeal on Vic’s behalf. He is putting together an Upper Brass committee to review the operation and determine if Vic was kicked out of DEVGRU for no reason. If they find that he was wrongfully kicked out, he will be placed back within DEVGRU and potentially placed back on Bravo.”

“Are you.” Sonny started to yell, but Ray had expected it and quickly slapped his hand over his mouth to muffle him. 

The very last thing any of them needed right now was Clay overhearing this. They hadn’t expected for Vic to go to an Admiral to file an appeal. They expected him to accept his mistake and take his punishment like a man. Apparently, Vic felt doing otherwise. 

“He can appeal all he wants, but there is no way in hell am I ever letting him back on Bravo.” Jason growled.

He was pissed that they would have to be dealing with this. On top of everything they are going through, they did not need more drama with Vic. If Vic got approved to be back in DEVGRU, Jason would be making it very clear to him that he was not wanted in Bravo and even if he did go back to them, he would never see the field again. 

“The committee will get together and speak with Vic. They will want to speak with Bravo and they will make a decision. Stand your ground and I am sure the committee will stand behind you. If the worst should happen, I will speak with Vic about him being transferred to another team so he won’t be on Bravo.” Blackburn said.

“And if the little bastard wants to stay on Bravo?” Sonny growled.

“Then he will be on Bravo from HAVOC. We’ll push him out and make him want to transfer to another team.” Jason simply said. 

“I could use a new boot shiner.” Full Metal commented.

“I’ll talk with Vic. He seemed to listen to me, maybe I can get through to him. Get him to see it would be better for his career to have a fresh start. Maybe get him on Tango or Romeo, a team we don’t run with very often.” Ray said.

“Let’s wait and see what the committee says. For now, no one talks with him and everyone is on their best behaviour. We don’t need them using something against us.” Blackburn ordered.

“We’ll behave.” Jason said, with a pointed look at Sonny.

“I’m not about to do something that could put that bastard back on the team. Though I would suggest we don’t tell Golidlocks about all of this.”

“Ya, no we can’t tell Clay.” Ray agreed.

“We’ll keep quiet until we have to tell him.” Jason said. There was no way in hell he was going to have Clay deal with this if he didn’t have to. They would wait and see what came from this before they told Clay. 

“How is he?” Blackburn asked.

“He seems down, he’s starting to show signs of PTSD. But he’s not throwing up every hour or in unbearable pain, so we’re counting it as progress.” Jason informed.

“That is progress, for now. I’ll do what I can to see what is going to come of this committee. I might be able to cut it off at the knees before it becomes a whole thing. Keep me updated on his status and let me know if you need anything.” Blackburn said to Jason.

“I will. I appreciate you being able to get me the six weeks off. He really needs it.”

“It’s no problem. We can survive without you while you are taking care of him. The rest if you, are to report to duty in five days. If I don’t see you before that, enjoy the next five days and I will see you on base.” Blackburn said, before he turned and headed out. 

He was hoping to be able to stop this appeal before it went all the way. The last thing anyone in Bravo needed was to relive this operation and their decision. Blackburn didn’t care how many Admirals Vic wanted to try and smooze he was not going to be getting back on Bravo, not if he had anything to say about it. 


	6. Chapter 6

It had been two and a half weeks since Clay had arrived home. The guys had gone back to work three days ago, they were set to come back today. They had been keeping in touch with Jason as often as they could. Not only because they were worried about Clay, but because they knew Jason would be worried about them being out there without him and without Clay’s eyes. Jason and Clay had just arrived back from the hospital for Clay to get his stitches out. Jason had just gotten Clay into bed when the front door was opening and the guys were coming in. Jason gave them a warm smile as he spoke.

“Hey, you’re back. How was it?”

“It was an easy one. How is he?” Sonny asked.

“We just got back from the hospital for them to remove all of the stitches. He’s just laying down now. I was just getting him his next dose.”

“How bad is the pain?” Trent asked.

“Not too bad. We’ve been sticking with the schedule. He’s still pretty sick though from the new antibiotic. He’s not eating much, he’s really tired and just wants to sleep.”

“Ya the antibiotic is brutal on a person’s body, but we knew it would be with the switch. Is he eating?” Trent asked.

“Small bits here and there. If he’s watching a movie he’ll munch on something. He’s still spacing out though and he’s not liking the dark. He sleeps with the bathroom light on.”

“Well that makes sense. He would have been kept in a dark room. We don’t know everything that they did to him, they could have easily made it so he couldn’t see and know what was coming.” Full Metal commented.

“Dad.” Clay called out.

“When did that start?” Ray asked, referring to Clay calling Jason dad. 

“Five days ago.” Jason answered as he headed towards the bedroom.

The guys weren’t bothered by it. They knew Jason and Clay looked at each other as father and son. Jason had referred to Clay as son plenty of times, but Clay never called Jason dad before. It was showing a serious growth on Clay’s part. Jason walked into the bedroom with Cerberus already running ahead of him to get to Clay. The guys followed, but didn't breach, they didn’t want to overcrowd Clay. Jason saw Clay laying on his left side of the bed and was watching the news it looked like. Cerberus jumped up onto the bed and curled up against Clay.

“You ok?” Jason asked, as he went over to the bed.

“Look.” Clay said with a small nod to the tv.

Jason turned his attention to the tv and he could not believe what he was reading. Clay was watching the news with the volume almost all of the way down. The tv was just on because it provided some light into the room when Clay didn’t have the bathroom light on. It wasn’t the female newscaster, but the bottom headline of what was to come was what had Jason’s blood pumping. 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Jason growled, as he pulled out his cell phone to call Blackburn.

“What is it?” Ray asked, as the guys moved into the room and spread around.

“Special news alert: private interview with Ash Spenser on two captured Seals.” Trent read.

“How does he know anything?” Full Metal asked, but he knew no one would have the answer.

“Hey, you by a tv?” Jason said once Blackburn answered.

“Ya, why?”

“Turn on the news, channel six.”

Jason went over and grabbed the remote from Clay so he could turn the volume up so they could hear it.

“I was about to call you. Just got word that the Upper Brass committee will be meeting tomorrow morning with Vic. All of Bravo is expected to be there, you yourself included as being the Master Chief of Bravo. Clay isn’t required to be there.”

“That was fast. I thought we were trying to prevent that from happening?”

“Me and Lindell tried, but it was a stone wall. We’re not a part of the committee either. It’s made up of ten Upper Brass, one of which is Admiral Moore, as well as eight others that don’t favor or dislike Clay. The only sure ali we have is Captain Harrington. He’s also the only Captain, the rest are either Admirals or Generals.”

“That’s just fucking great.” Jason said, just as the news break was over and the newscaster started to speak.

_ “Welcome back, we are joined by former member of Seal Team Six and best selling author, Ash Spenser. Ash, how are you today?” _

_ “I’m well Julie, thank-you for having me here today.”  _

_ “I have been told we are in for an exclusive in regards to history making news. I have been told that you have information regarding not one, but two Tier One Navy Seals being held captive.” _

_ “Yes, unfortunately I do. What most don’t know Julie, is that never in the history of the Seals has there ever been a Seal in captivity, much less one from DEVGRU, which used to be called Seal Team Six. Seals within DEVGRU are within the Tier One status and are the best of the best in terms of Seals. This one operation, which I can’t get into at risk of committing treason, however, I can discuss what happened within the captivity of the Seals.” _

_ “What can you share with us?” _

_ “A Tier One team, Bravo, was sent on an operation overseas. According to my source, everything was going well until enemy troops started to close in on the two Seals that were placed within an Overwatch position.” _

_ “And for those that don’t know what an Overwatch position is?” _

_ “It’s when you send your sniper up high at a distance so they can have eyes around the area that the team is in. They work as a protector in a sense, if something goes wrong they can eliminate the threat from up high. My son, Clay Spenser, was one of those two Seals that were sent on Overwatch. As well as the team’s new rookie, a very bright young man from everything I have heard of him through the grapevine.” _

_ “Was your son one of the men that were captured?” _

_ “Yes he was. He made the unfortunate mistake of staying in Overwatch too long, putting himself and his partner at risk. They were grabbed by enemy troops and taken to a compound roughly twenty miles away from their location. The rest of bravo had gotten out safely, but by then it was too late they both were gone. From what I have been told they were held captive for ten solid days before they escaped.” _

_ “Ten days being held captive, I can’t imagine it was easy on them. Do you know of anything that happened to them?” _

_ “The rookie was mercifully spared any physical torture. With being so young, one of the youngest within DEVGRU, which is a huge accomplishment and tells you just how skilled he is. A true valuable asset to the teams. He did unfortunately endure ten days of mental and emotional torture as he had to listen to my son’s screams. I think we all know that physical pain can heal, but the emotional and mental trauma is something that will linger. His injuries were worse than those of my son’s.” _

_ “What injuries did your son have?” _

_ “He was tortured for ten days. They electrocuted him, pulled his finger and toenails, burned him, beat him, they also.” _

“Don’t say it, please don’t say it.” Clay softly whispered, but the guys heard him.

_ “Brutally and repeatedly raped him before burying him alive. Now he was able to get out and escape and I have been told by his doctor that he will make a full recovery. It’s a shame what happened to him and the mistake that he made will haunt him forever. He chose to stay in Overwatch too long and as a result himself and his rookie, someone he was supposed to look out for and protect, were tortured. Now my son’s career is over and another good young man has to live with the mental and emotional scars forever. It’s a sad day for the Seals and one that will forever be a black spot in history.” _

_ “It must be hard for them. Where do they go now after something like this?” _

_ “The rookie is pushing through and looking to be back to work serving this country. It shows tremendous strength and determination on his part. It isn’t going to be easy for him. Being tortured because of the action of someone that was supposed to be his superior, someone that was supposed to mentor and protect him. As for my son, I’m not sure how he lives with himself after everything that happened. It’s a shame.” _

_ “As his father, how do you feel about what your son is going through?” _

_ “It’s terrible and I wish I could do more for him. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything I can do to help him heal physically. He knows he will always have a place within one of my companies when he is discharged from the Navy.” _

_ “You think he will be discharged?” _

_ “Oh ya, it’s only a matter of time. It will either be a medical discharge or a dishonourable one unfortunately. It is a mistake that he will have to carry around with him forever, but it is one he will learn from.” _

_ “What impact will this have on the Navy? I’d have to imagine something like this will have a serious impact.” _

_ “There will be an impact on the Navy from this. Potentially there could be new protocols and regulations that come out from this. Time will tell just what that will look like.” _

_ “On to a more pleasant note, I have been told that you are going to publish another book. Is there anything you can tell us about it?” _

_ “It will be about being a father in Seal Team Six, raising a son and having him follow in my footsteps. It will cover some of the things I have seen and done during my years of service. I will also be adding a chapter that will cover what has currently happened to my son and the reality of being in the Seals and the impact it has on veterans.”  _

_ “Your son is very lucky to have a man like you, a father like you, in his life.” _

“Oh fucking shoot him.” Full Metal said, as he reached over and turned the tv off.

They were all done with this. They couldn’t listen to him any longer or his bullshit. All of the guys wanted to reach through that tv screen and just beat the living shit out of him. The guys all turned to look at Clay and they could see he was silently crying curled up into Cerberus. 

“Clay.” Sonny started, but Clay shut him down.

“Please just leave me alone.”

The very last thing any of them wanted to do was leave Clay alone. At the same time though, they couldn’t force themselves onto him. They had to respect his wishes, now more than ever. Jason gave a nod to the door and the guys all knew they were being kicked out. Jason handed his phone to Ray on his way out and Jason turned to Clay.

“I know you want to be alone, and I understand that. But just know that I love you and we will get through this.”

Jason kissed the top of Clay’s head and then headed out, giving Clay some privacy. He went over to the kitchen where the guys were and the tension in the air was so thick you physically see it. Sonny was pacing around the living room and Jason could see the slight tremble in his body. He also took notice that Ray was no longer on the phone.

“What did Eric say?” Jason asked.

“That he’ll look into it. He’s not happy obviously and this will not make tomorrow any easier.”

“What’s tomorrow?” Full Metal asked.

“Upper Brass committee. All of Bravo is expected to be there, myself included. I was going to have to tell Clay about it. Now that seems like the least of his issues.” Jason said, as he ran his hand over his face a couple of times.

“What the hell are we going to do?” Trent asked.

“Kill him, slowly. I’m thinking over the course of a month.” Full Metal said, already planning out what he would be doing to Ash.

“I need longer than a month.” Sonny growled.

“It’s more serious then that. The Upper Brass could try and pin this on Clay. They could easily say that Clay reached out to his biological father after something traumatic. They could discharge him for this.” Ray said.

“Not to mention he just told the world that Clay was raped. Something all of us and Alpha have been keeping quiet about. Now everyone on not just our base, but every base in the world will know about it. There’s no telling what anyone will say about this. For the people that don’t like him, they could use this against him every chance they have. He’s never going to get away from it.” Jason said, completely worried about how this could be used as a weapon against Clay.

“There’s no walking this back. We can’t correct what Ash said. This is going to have a huge fallout.” Trent commented.

“What the hell do we do?” Sonny asked, sounding completely lost in this. He had no idea how to help his best friend, his little brother, with any of this. They couldn’t protect him when he was in Overwatch. They couldn’t protect him from being tortured and raped. Now they couldn’t even protect him from this. They were failing him over and over again and Sonny hated this.

“We try to protect him from the fallout. We defend him when someone speaks up. He’s off for at least three months with his injuries, hopefully by then all of this will have blown over. I’ll speak with Blackburn tomorrow about trying to block Ash’s book. There has to be some law against him speaking to Clay’s experience without his permission.” Jason said, trying to wrap his head around this curveball as quickly as possible so he could take action. 

“He needs to know about tomorrow.” Full Metal said.

“I know, I’ll tell him shortly. Let his mind soak in this bombshell before I bring up the next one. This does help us tomorrow though. The only one outside of our team and Alpha that knew about the rape is Vic. He had to have contacted Ash and released the classified intel to him. Ash isn’t on Clay’s medical paperwork anywhere or in his Navy personnel file. Someone had to physical contact him about this without Clay’s permission.”

“What are they going to ask tomorrow?” Brock asked.

“No idea. It’ll be around the operation and probably how we responded to both Clay and Vic being captured. Ash twisting it all around to make it seem like Vic suffered more than Clay won’t help us at all.” Jason said, not happy about this.

“All we can do is answer respectfully and let Jason or Blackburn do the talking.” Ray said.

The very last thing they all needed was dealing with this or having Vic back in DEVGRU. The only good thing would be that Vic wouldn’t be placed in Bravo, there was no way Vic would even want to be in Bravo. With everything that happened he would be a complete moron to want to be in Bravo after all of this. 

“I need a drink.” Sonny said.

“I’ll drive.” Full Metal said, agreeing with Sonny. 

“Don’t get drunk. The last thing we need is anyone showing up hungover tomorrow.” Jason was instantly saying.

“I’ll behave. Call me if something happens.” Sonny promised.

Jason just gave nod to that. The guys all started to head out and once he was alone in the kitchen Jason let out a deep sigh. He had no idea how he was going to tell Clay about the committee meeting tomorrow, but he knew he had to tell him. Jason debated for a moment on if he should do it now or wait until Clay had calmed down from the bombshell that Ash just dropped on them. After a moment Jason figured it was better to just tell Clay everything so he could process it and go through the motions at the same time. Instead of waiting and Clay getting upset all over again. Jason made his way into the bedroom. He didn’t hear Clay crying, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t. Jason went to the other side of the bed and sat down. He saw that Clay wasn’t crying anymore, but he was still very upset.

“I just want to be alone.” Clay said, softly.

“I know and I promise I will leave you alone for the rest of the night. I just have to tell you something.”

“What?”

“Vic went to Admiral Moore and he put together an Upper Brass Committee to appeal his termination from DEVGRU. Myself and the guys have to be there tomorrow morning at nine to discuss it. If the Committee feel that we wrongfully kicked Vic out of Bravo and subsequently DEVGRU, he will be allowed to stay in the teams. He’ll be placed on another team, we’ll make sure of it. But it means he won’t be going to California or demoted down to a Seal team.”

“Great, so then he doesn’t get punished for what happened. It what, just becomes my fault?” 

Clay couldn’t believe this was happening. He was going through enough already, he didn’t need all of this extra shit to go with it. It was bad enough that now everyone in the world knew he was raped, but it was going to be twisted around to make it seem like he was to blame. Like he was the lucky one compared to Vic. It was bullshit and it hurt, a lot. 

“No, it’s not your fault at all and we will make sure it stays that way. I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow, but we will do our best to make sure Vic is punished for his actions. He is to blame for the level of torture you went through. He doesn’t get to play victim now that he has been painted as a coward. We will make sure of that. Even if he gets to be in DEVGRU still, after that interview, no team will work with him. He’ll be iced out and they will force him out. The teams will make sure of it. He’s not going to go unpunished, not for one second.”

“Sure. Is that it?” Clay asked in a dead tone. A tone that Jason was really starting to hate. 

“Ya, ya that’s it Sunshine. I’ll leave you alone. I’ll be in when it’s time for your medication. Do you want the light in the bathroom on?”

Clay just gave a small nod and Jason got up and turned the light on in the bathroom before closing the door part way.

“I love you son.” Jason said, before he headed out. Just when he was about to close the door he heard Clay speaking softly.

“I love you too dad.”

Jason closed the door almost all the way before he went into the kitchen and grabbed a cold beer from the fridge. He needed this after today. Jason knew he couldn’t control what happened tomorrow, but he was just hoping someone was looking down on them from above. That if there was such a thing as ghosts or guardian angels, that Clay’s would show up tomorrow and give him a break. Jason was praying that tomorrow he wouldn’t have to walk back into this apartment and tell Clay that they had failed him again. 

XXX

Nine in the morning came far too fast for any of the guys’ liking. They were all standing outside of the conference room where they would be attending the Committee hearing. Blackburn, Captain Lindell, Davis and Mandy were there to show their support. Jason hadn’t really been able to talk more with Clay last night after getting this bombshell dropped on him. Clay had zero interest in visitors and he was tolerating Jason being in the living room. He did take his medication when it was time so Jason was thankful for that. The doors opened to the conference room and Captain Harrington walked out.

“We are ready to get started. Only Bravo can enter, a word of caution, they are not happy and most don’t approve of Clay being allowed in DEVGRU after Ash. Be respectful, calm, and validate your reasoning for dismissing Lopez.” 

“Because we needed this to be harder than it already was.” Sonny grumbled, as they all started to head inside. 

They were not surprised to see a long table where the Committee was sitting at. They were surprised to see that Vic was already here. They couldn’t help but wonder what had already been said before they even had the chance to be here. They were all hoping to keep Vic out of DEVGRU, but as the seconds ticked by that hope was looking highly unrealistic.

“Gentlemen, you all know why you are here so let’s not waste any time. Master Chief Hayes, explain your decision to have two of your men on their own.” Admiral Moore started.

“Yes Sir. As you know there are plenty of times when the operation calls for an Overwatch position. With the trees it was too hard to have a clear picture of the ground with ISR. When we approached the compound I had Spenser and Lopez head up to a secondary building that was vacant to take up an Overwatch position. Spenser has done it close to a hundred times in his career, most of them he does so alone. I thought having Lopez going with him would be a valuable training opportunity for Lopez to learn about Overwatch from one of the best. Bravo was in the compound when Spenser saw enemy troops moving in to ambush us. Him and Lopez stayed in Overwatch to clear a path for us to escape from the back of the compound. I radioed Spenser once we were clear.”

“Were you aware of the level of danger they were in?” Admiral Watson asked.

“No Sir. Without ISR none of us had any idea how many tangos were out there. Spenser and Lopez could only see what was in front of them. They couldn’t see what was on the other side of the building they were in. I trusted in my guys’ ability to get out safe. Spenser has nine years of experience and Lopez has fourteen. Unfortunately, there were more tangos closing in on their position that we knew about. We were set to pick them up at a secondary exfil location that they both knew about. When we arrived, they weren’t there. We searched, went all the way back to the Overwatch building, but we couldn’t find them. Davis, Mandy and Commander Blackburn searched through the ISR footage, but again the trees made it impossible to see anything. Commander Blackburn ordered us back to HAVOC where we continued to search for them. Alpha team was brought in to help and ten days later we found them.” 

“They found you from what I read of the reports. Let’s discuss when Special Warfare Officer Lopez found you. What did you do?” Admiral Moore asked next.

“Lopez had a limp, but he appeared fine outside of a black eye. We got him to sit down while Trent, our medic, looked him over. Lopez said he wasn’t hurt outside of those two injuries, that he had been given food and water over the past ten days and was left alone. He was cleared to continue with us to locate Spenser. Lopez admitted to not knowing where Spenser was. Stated he searched, but didn’t see him and assumed he had escaped without him. He also stated when asked why he wasn’t more injured after ten days, that he had told his captors that first day that he was a rookie and was not briefed on the operation.” Jason answered.

“And at any point did you or a member of your team get upset with him for stating he was a rookie?” General Jackson asked.

“No Sir. We did explain to him that by stating he was a rookie he was placing all the risk on Spenser. That he should never have said anything to ensure that Spenser wasn’t tortured mercilessly. He seemed confused by it and stated that he did the same in Green Team and no one corrected him. We explained that when you are captured solo verses with someone, you can’t say you are a rookie because it puts all the attention on the other captive. Freeing yourself from pain only to cause more to your brother.”

“You moved on though to locate Special Warfare Officer Spenser. We’ve all read the report of his injuries, we don’t need to go over that again. Could you please explain your reasoning on why you dismissed Special Warfare Officer Lopez from Bravo.” Captain Harrington spoke up this time.

“After speaking with Lopez we had his side of the events. Once Spenser was cleared to be home we gave him a couple of days to recover before we spoke with him about his version of the events. He stated that on the first day after they brought them into separate rooms he could hear through the wall into Lopez’s room. He heard Lopez state that he was a rookie, however he also heard Lopez state that Spenser was his superior and had been fully brief on the operation. Spenser stated they never spoke with Lopez again. Lopez stated when we found him that he heard Spenser screaming a lot. With the knowledge that Lopez put the attention on Spenser intentionally and Lopez admitting that he heard Spenser being tortured and had done nothing to stop it. Plus him leaving Spenser back at the compound was enough for us to remove Lopez of his trident due to acts of cowardice.”

“Tell me Master Chief Hayes, did you or any of your men take the time to think about what Special Warfare Officer Lopez’s position was?” Admiral Clark asked.

“I can answer that Sir.” Ray started. “I was the one to remove Lopez’s trident. All of Bravo was there minus Hayes and Spenser. We gave Lopez the opportunity to speak on his behalf and to correct his previous statement that he did nothing wrong by putting the attention on Spenser instead of sharing it. He stood strong that he did what everyone else would have done in that position. We informed him that Spenser had said he heard Lopez stating he was the superior. Lopez denied it and claimed that Spenser was jealous of him and trying to cover for his mistake. At that point it was very clear that he didn’t understand the magnitude of what he had done. I explained it with the hopes that he would not make the same mistake again with his next team. I then removed his trident.”

“Tridents are not just freely removed Senior Petty Officer.” Admiral Watson said.

“No Sir they are not and each person who wears one does so with pride. They also do it knowing it comes with a promise that you will serve this country, but also your brothers that stand next to you. Lopez went against that oath we all swore to, that he swore to. He put himself, his welfare, over that of his fellow brother. A brother that had less experience and was younger than him. His actions went against the brotherhood and as such the trident needed to be removed.” Ray stated.

“That may be, however, Special Warfare Officer Spenser also went against that oath when he made the mistake of staying in Overwatch too long. Putting himself and Special Warfare Officer Lopez in danger. Someone he was supposed to look out for as the rookie on the team.” Admiral Moore countered.

“Spenser didn’t go against the oath. He didn’t stay in Overwatch too long. He stayed in Overwatch just long enough to allow the team to get to safety. That is the job of the sniper on Overwatch. Every single member on this team knows that the Overwatch position is the most dangerous. That you are out on your own, partner or not, and you don’t leave until your brothers are safe. Spenser did everything by the book, even telling Lopez that he could leave and start making his way to the secondary exfil. Lopez chose to stay. He chose to take the risk on to ensure the rest of the team got to safety. If you would like to state that Spenser made the mistake of staying in Overwatch too long, then Lopez made the exact same mistake.” Jason countered.

He felt like he was in some chess match trying to predict his opponents moves. The problem was, Clay was the chess master. He was the one that could play politics and talk his way out of anything. He knew how to spin one tiny little detail around on someone. It came in handy many times when they had to deal with someone in the political world or in the Upper Brass. Jason was in a battle and his greatest weapon was on the bench. 

“Special Warfare Officer Lopez leaving would have made it appear that he was going against the brotherhood by deserting a brother in battle. He wouldn’t have won either way.” General Matthews countered.

“Moving on. At any point did anyone on Bravo ask Special Warfare Officer Lopez how he was feeling? Did any of you consider the trauma he had gone through with being captured himself and forced to listen to a fellow brother’s screams?” Admiral Moore asked.

“Various members of my team as well as Alpha asked Lopez how he was feeling. At which he stated he was fine. He never once stated that he was upset or feeling anything about what he had gone through. We kept an eye on him, but he showed no signs of an issue.” Jason answered.

“You never ordered him to speak with a professional? Shouldn’t you have ordered him too after such a traumatic ordeal?” Admiral Clark asked.

“I did not, no. Due to the fact that he would have had to speak with a psychologist before being cleared to come back. He was also well aware that I run my team as an open book, in country and stateside. Everyone keeps me informed of where they are going if they are leaving the city. They keep me informed on any medical problems, even if it is just the sniffles. They do so as well with Trent so he is prepared for anything that could come up. From day one I have informed Lopez that he can come to myself if he had a problem. He also knew he could go to Ray as well and had in the past. Lopez stayed quiet and gave no indication that he was struggling in the week after the abduction.” Jason answered.

“According to Special Warfare Officer Lopez, he felt that he couldn’t speak with you due to your close relationship with Special Warfare Officer Spenser. Tell me Master Hayes, do you refer to Special Warfare Officer Spenser as son?” Admiral Moore asked and the slight smirk told Jason that he was well aware that he had.

“Yes Sir, that isn’t something that I have tried to keep hidden.”

“And you are aware that would make your judgement compromised?” General Jackson asked.

“I have not been compromised. Spenser and myself have a strict professional relationship that does not allow for any personal relationship between us to interfere at work. It is just like my personal relationship with the other members of my team. As you know, the teams are family and we are all there for each other regardless of what trident you wear on your chest. We all balance a professional and personal relationship. There have been plenty of times in the past that I’ve had to reprimand Spenser for one thing or another. I’ve never given him special treatment or looked the other way with him. If anything I’m harder on him because of the personal relationship. As he advances within the ranks it will be because he earned it and not because someone wants to claim favoritism.”

“Jason holds Spenser to a higher standard, I’ve seen it myself.” Full Metal added.

He knew this wasn’t going in their direction. Vic was playing the victim and acting like he was being bullied out of the teams. They were fighting an uphill battle, only they were naked and their enemy had RPGs. 

“Nevertheless it would have compromised your ability to be impartial when considering who was at fault for two Seals to be captured. Special Warfare Officer Spenser had team seniority over Special Warfare Officer Lopez. It was his responsibility to ensure that Special Warfare Officer Lopez was protected and safe. He neglected his responsibilities by staying in Overwatch too long and not protecting him from the trauma he endured for ten days in captivity.” Admiral Watson said.

“His trauma? He was left alone, was given food and water every day. Spenser was the one that had to go through the trauma and continue to do so as he heals.” Jason said with strength right back. There was no way in hell he was going to allow them to treat Vic like he was the wronged party here. 

“It is just that thinking that is cause for concern Master Chief. Special Warfare Officer Lopez was mentally and emotionally tortured by having to listen to his brother being tortured. Yet you all neglected that fact. You turned your backs on your brother in need in favor of another brother. It is for that reason that this Committee finds that Special Warfare Officer Lopez’s termination from DEVGRU is unjust. We are placing Special Warfare Officer Lopez back within DEVGRU. We have spoken with him before this meeting to see which team he would like to be placed on. He has requested to be placed within Bravo. Though, we may not agree with his choice, it is his choice as the wrong party to make. He will be placed back within Bravo starting immediately and be given the Bravo Six patch.” Admiral Moore said and they could all hear the smugness in his voice.

Before anyone could say anything though Captain Harrington spoke. “Special Warfare Officer Lopez was Bravo Seven within the team. Special Warfare Officer Spenser holds Bravo Six.”

“And Special Warfare Officer Spenser is on medical leave until his injuries have healed and he is cleared for active duty, which will take months. When Senior Petty Officer Perry was out with a shoulder injury Special Warfare Officer Spenser took his place as Bravo Two. When a teammate is injured someone always takes their place. If Special Warfare Officer Spenser returns to active duty on Bravo he can simply have Bravo Seven. The only patches that matter are number one and two. The rest are just formalities to avoid calling someone’s last name in the field. They are irrelevant. Now, why is Special Warfare Officer Spenser not here?” Admiral Moore demanded.

“He’s injured and very sick. He is on bed rest Sir.” Jason said with a very tight voice.

It was taking everything in him not to yell at all of them. He had to focus on not shaking despite his body wanting him to. He couldn’t believe this was happening. That they were not only placing Vic back on his team, but giving him his son’s patch. He wasn’t going to tolerate it and he was going to be making sure Vic transferred off. He was going to make his life a living hell until he did. All of the guys in DEVGRU would.

“We will postpone this committee hearing until tomorrow at nine. I expect for Special Warfare Officer Spenser to be here for it. This committee has some things we need to discuss with him and he needs to give his report of the mission and his captivity. It should have been done when he landed stateside. I have allowed it to go on for too long. He will be here for us to speak with him. In addition, I will be reviewing your operational reports. I do not want to see that you have benched Special Warfare Officer Lopez. I expect you all to be professionals and continue to train him. He has a great deal of potential and he will make a fine team leader one day. Bravo is lucky to have him. Do I make myself clear Master Chief Hayes?” Admiral Moore said.

“Yes Sir.” Jason said with a very tight voice.

“Good. You are dismissed and I expect to see Special Warfare Officer Spenser here tomorrow morning.”

The guys all headed out, Vic included, and once they were out of the room the others could tell that all of the guys were pissed off. Something that was not very easy to do for Brock. 

“I’m sorry it went this way, but I’ll prove to you it was the right decision.” Vic said.

“You want to prove something, you’ll get placed on another team. You want Bravo, then you can work your ass off to earn it back. What you are doing is using someone that hates Clay because of who his father is to get what you want. It’s not honorable and it makes you worse. And that is before we even discuss you contacting Ash and releasing classified intel to him.” Jason said with a deadly edge.

“I didn’t contact Ash about anything. I don’t even have access to his phone number. If anyone contacted him it would have been Clay. You don’t get to try and pin that on me. As for being on another team, I don’t deserve to be on a lesser team. I was wrongfully kicked out, something they just proved. You’ll see they made the right decision. I’ll go and get my gear and place it in my cage.” And with that Vic walked off.

“I take it that didn’t go well.” Blackburn said.

“No, it didn’t. They are making it seem like Clay was in the wrong and we ignored Vic’s mental and emotional welfare. Said Clay should have protected him. He is being placed back on Bravo and given Clay’s number until Clay is able to come back. They also want to meet with Clay tomorrow morning to get his full report, something he is not ready for physically or mentally.” Jason answered, as he started to pace around with his hands on his hips.

“I can try and see if there is something we can do to delay it or have it so he’s not alone in the firing range for it.” Captain Lindell said.

“This is insane. That little prick is in the wrong. He was a coward and now he wants to turn it all around and make it seem like Clay is at fault for everything. That Vic is the victim in all of this.” Sonny growled. He couldn’t believe this was happening. They were having a hard enough time with Clay and his recovery; he didn’t need this to go with it.

“What are you going to do about Vic?” Mandy asked.

“Admiral Moore said he’s going to read our AARs so we can’t stick him in a support position. He wants us to utilize his potential as he would make a great leader one day. He’ll have to be in the field with us, but what he does in the field is up to me. He is a rookie.” Jason answered.

“Ya, who’s he getting paired with because I ain’t protecting him from shit.” Sonny said, there was no way in hell he was looking out for him.

“Pair him with me.” Full Metal said.

“Really?” Blackburn asked, surprised. Full Metal had been Alpha One, and a very good Alpha One, but feelings and patients were not his strong suit. He didn’t really train either, he just expected you to figure it out.

“He won’t start shit with me and if we have to reprimand him then he can’t claim someone on Bravo holding a grudge. I have no skin in the game and no one would accuse me of being petty.” 

“Makes the most sense. He’s also worked with Clay the least between Clay’s injuries and recovery from Manilla. And everyone knows that Full Metal isn’t warm and fuzzy.” Ray said.

“Alright, if there are any problems document them accordingly. We will need to ensure everything is done by the letter and there is no room for error. If you want Lopez off of Bravo, which I agree, it has to be ironclad.” Captain Lindell stated.

“We’ll make sure of it. He’ll want to leave by the end. The other teams will ice him out after this, especially because they can put two and two together. They’ll know Ash’s interview intel came from Vic. He made himself a PNG without a discharge.” Jason said.

“He might very well have. Keep everything above approach and you will be fine. I’ll see what I can do about Spenser’s hearing tomorrow.” Captain Lindell said, before he walked off.

“I need to get back to Clay’s. I have to drop yet another bombshell on him.” Jason said and the guys could all hear the stress in his voice.

“I’ll work my sources and see if I can get proof that Vic made the call to Ash and gave up the intel.” Mandy said, trying to help where she could for the guys.

“What do the rest of us do?” Sonny asked, feeling helpless.

“Don’t kill Vic.” Davis commented.

“Easier said than done.” Trent responded.

The guys all knew this was going to be extremely hard on all of them, but especially Clay. Vic had gotten away with everything that happened to him and it wasn’t fair. Not only that he was going to be given his number. It was bullshit and everyone knew it. The guys were going to make this right, Vic may have won this battle, but he wasn't going to be winning the war. The guys never lost when it counted and this wasn’t a war they were ever going to lose. 

  
  


  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Clay could not believe he was having to do this today. All he wanted to do was lay in bed and try to forget everything that had happened. He was still in a lot of pain and his stomach was really not happy with his new antibiotic. He was told it would make the pneumonia go away, but Clay was doubting it at this point. He was so sick all the time, he just wanted to wake up and to feel better. To wake up and not feel like his body was betraying him. And now the organization that he had sworn his life to was betraying him. He could not believe what Jason had told him that Vic not only got exactly what he wanted by being placed on Bravo, but he was going tobe Bravo Six. Clay didn’t know if he would ever be able to come back to work, but to know that someone else, that Vic of all people, was wearing his patch, it left a bad taste in his mouth. 

Now he was going to be sitting in front of a firing squad all on his own to be questioned about what happened. Clay was not ready to talk about it at all and he had no idea how he was going to handle it. He was hoping that Jason could be in there with him, but he had a serious doubt that the Committee would allow to have someone in there with him. Most of the time when you are debriefed you do so alone, but you also don’t do it in front of ten Upper Brass. You do it with your own Captain and then your Captain handles it from there. This was different and extreme given the situation he was in. 

Clay knew though they were just using this as an excuse to get him in trouble. To discharge him and remove his name from the record books. They didn’t like him because of Ash and once again Ash was being used against him. Clay knew for a fact they would be blaming him for informing Ash about his injuries. Clay was fully prepared for that. He knew they weren’t going to believe him, but he also knew they would have to do an investigation and they would see he had never contacted Ash via phone or email. Whoever released that intel was not him and he knew the evidence would prove he was innocent. It was just an annoyance that he was going to have to go through and that upset Clay. After everything he had done in his years of service, his word should be more than good enough, but of course with the last name Spenser, it wasn't. 

Jason helped to get Clay down the halls of the base to reach the conference room where the Committee would be held once again. Jason could feel Clay tense up as he made his way through the hallways every time someone passed by them. Jason knew Clay was feeling very uncomfortable with being back on base right now. This was the first time he had been around people outside of Bravo and Derek since he had gotten back Stateside. It was also the first time since Ash’s interview where he told the world that Clay had been raped. This was a lot for him to handle and Jason knew that Clay was struggling with this. Jason wished he could have turned around and taken Clay back home. He wished he could have put Clay into bed and allowed him to curl up with Cerb watching a movie. He couldn’t do that though, he had to keep moving Clay forward because the Committee was not going to allow for him to not be here. They were being forced to do this and Jason hated that this was being forced onto Clay. 

“Hey kiddo, how are you?” Blackburn asked, once Jason and Clay had reached them.

“Do I go in alone?” Clay asked instead of answering him. There really wasn’t an answer he could give right now.

“We tried to make it so that someone could be in there with you, but Admiral Moore isn’t allowing it. You will have to do this on your own, but know that we will be out here supporting you.” Blackburn answered.

“I thought Lindell was going to get it so someone could be in there with him.” Jason was not impressed. Clay was going to have to go through this alone while facing a firing squad. 

“He tried. The majority of the Committee argued that he wasn’t a child and didn’t need an advocate with him. They don’t believe in emotional support. The best thing Clay can do is answer their questions and stand his ground on the decisions he made. He didn’t do anything wrong, despite them looking to place the blame on him. They are expecting him and want him in there once he arrived.”

Clay just turned and headed for the door.

“Clay.” Sonny said, but Clay just cut him off in a dead tone.

“I’m fine.” 

Clay opened the door and the guys had no choice, but to watch him go into the room alone. 

“He’s not fine.” Full Metal commented.

“Not even close. He seems to be shutting his emotions off.” Jason said.

“That might be the best thing for him to do today. If it gets him through this.” Sonny said.

“I’m more worried about what will happen after this.” Jason said and the worry was very clear in his voice. 

“Once he is done today he can go back home and rest until he is cleared for work. This is the last hurdle he has to go over until he is ready for the next one.” Blackburn said.

He didn’t like this anymore then Jason did, but they didn’t have a choice. All they could do was wait for Clay to be finished and be there for when he was done.

XXX

Clay walked into the room and was immediately greeted by the stone cold faces of every member on the Committee looking back at him. He saw Captain Harrington, but he was the only one in the room that actually liked him. Clay knew this was going to be rough, but he was just hoping that he could get through this. His whole body hurt and the very last thing he wanted to do was be here. Clay took notice that there was nowhere for him to sit, so they were expecting him to stand there the whole time, something Clay honestly was not sure he could physically do. 

“Special Warfare Officer Spenser, you are here today to discuss the details of your last operation and the result of the decisions you have made. Walk us through your account of the events.” Admiral Moore ordered.

“We were sent into a province within Kazakhstan to eliminate a target. We approached the building where the target was set to be, along with additional targets that were suspected to be within the building. Master Chief Hayes wanted an Overwatch position due to the uncertainty of the number of targets within the building. As well as, the trees made it impossible to have ISR on us for the operation. As I have the better shot over Senior Petty Officer Perry, Master Chief Hayes had me go up high within another building roughly a thousand yards away. Special Warfare Officer Lopez was assigned to back me up, so I wouldn’t be alone at that distance from the entire team. The distance had to be that far due to the lack of buildings within the forest. It was the only location that we could be to have a clear view and shot on the take down building. As the team was within the building I saw an additional thirty tangos approaching the building. Best assumption, either the gunfire alerted them or someone within the building was able to get a call out for backup before being killed. Either way, they were about to be ambushed. I radioed it into Master Chief Hayes, who alerted HAVOC. I knew we could buy them the time they needed by taking out as many tangos as we could so they could escape through the back of the building. Both myself and Special Warfare Officer Lopez stayed just long enough to ensure Bravo would be safe before we left. Once we left the building within ten minutes later we were surrounded by additional tangos. They ordered us to give up our weapons. I assessed the situation, I knew we were outnumbered and outgunned. I handed over my weapons as did Special Warfare Officer Lopez. We were then captured and taken to another compound roughly twenty miles away where we stayed for ten days before we both escaped.” 

Clay made sure to be professional and he kept his tone even and avoid of any emotions. He didn’t want to be here, but he was just going to get through this so he could sleep and ignore the world.

“And what happened while you were held captive?” Admiral Watson asked.

“We don’t need to know that. We have his medical file.” Captain Harrington instantly said.

He could tell that Clay was struggling. He was doing his best to stay with them and to keep his emotions in check, but Captain Harrington could tell this was harder than he was letting on. The very last thing Clay needed to be doing right now was reliving his torture all to please a bunch of men that would try and twist it all against him.

“We need to be briefed on the events that occurred.” Admiral Clark argued.

“I am aware, but until he is cleared to discuss it from a Navy Department Assigned Psychologist, we are not legally allowed to ask him questions that could be traumatizing or hazardous to his health. Those are the regulations set out that we all have to follow. If you breach it, you would be setting yourself up to be reported and potentially discharged under unbecoming behaviour.” Captain Harrington informed. 

“We are aware that Special Warfare Officer Lopez had escaped. What happened after you escaped?” General Jackson asked, he knew they wouldn’t be able to ask Clay anything more specific about his capture. 

Clay didn’t say anything, he just stood there staring off into space. 

“We asked you a question Special Warfare Officer Spenser.” Admiral Moore reprimanded.

Clay still didn’t respond or give any indication that he had heard them. Captain Harrington had seen this before with other operators that had been through something traumatic. 

“Clay.” Captain Harrington called out.

The sound of his name snapped Clay’s attention and he looked confused for a second about where he was. 

“You’re on base. You with us Spenser?” Captain Harrington said calmly.

“Yes Sir.” Clay said, as he got his mind back in order.

“What happened after you escaped?” Captain Harrington asked the question again. 

“I don’t know.” Clay simply said.

“What do you mean you don’t know? You obviously escaped and got reunited with Bravo. What happened?” General Matthews said, clearly not impressed.

“I don’t know what happened. I don’t remember Sir.”

“You have a pretty serious concussion, memory loss is not uncommon. What do you remember, Spenser?” Captain Harrington asked.

“I got out of the hole and then it goes black. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital. I can’t give you a first person account of what happened. I can just tell you what you probably already know from what has been told to me that Bravo and Alpha pieced together.”

“You were in charge of Special Warfare Officer Lopez’s well-being as being the superior on the team. It was your responsibility to protect him and ensure he was kept safe. Why did you fail in that regards?” Admiral Watson asked.

“I didn’t fail. I could argue that the operation should never have been Green Lit with just one Tier One Team going in. We had no way of having ISR to get proper intel on the area. We had to divide up to ensure the operation was a success, cutting our numbers down within the building. More tangos were within the area then our Intel had. My decision to stay in Overwatch was to ensure the lives of five Tier One Seals were able to make it to safety. Had I known that there were additional tangos behind us, tangos we couldn’t see due to the forestry, then I would have radioed it into HAVOC for an additional evacuation plan. I would have let my Master Chief know that we needed additional support to properly reconnect with them. I didn’t have all of the intel or data that I needed to make a fully educated call and there was no way for me to gather that intel. I didn’t fail him. I did my best to ensure he would be safe, just as I would with my own life or that of a life of one of my brothers or a civilian. I trusted in his skills just as he did with me. The blame doesn’t lie with the operators, it lies with the CIA Agent that approved the operation with the lack of vital intel. It lies with the member within the Upper Brass that approved of the operation for just one team. When something goes wrong the Upper Brass always want to blame the operators that were there. But there was nothing else we could do but what was done. And given the same situation, I would make the same call because the intel that we had made it the right call.”

Clay was saying all of the right words, but his tone was still dead. He was doing his best to get through this, but he was starting to tremble from the pain that was radiating from his body. 

  
  


“You would do it all the same again, even given the fact that you allowed your rookie to be psychologically tortured.” Admiral Moore said, clearly not impressed.

“I didn’t allow anything to happen. I didn’t throw him under the bus to save myself. And yes, I would do it again if given the exact same intel and put into the same situation. I am not saying I am pleased with the outcome. I was the one tortured. But saying I would do something different, would be a lie. If I had left sooner from Overwatch, someone on Bravo could be dead. We were placed in a bad situation where there was no winning. All we could do was survive, which we did. As for Special Warfare Officer Lopez, he was the one that told our captors that I was his superior, that he was a rookie and didn’t know anything. He placed all of the attention on me, not the other way around. I did the best that I could do given the situation we were in.”

Clay started coughing and he bent forward to try and ease the pain from his ribs. His breathing was coming in wheezes and he was having a harder time getting a breath. The pain in his body was getting worse and he was feeling lightheaded. He needed to sit down, but he knew they wouldn’t allow him. That was made clear when there was no chair already in here. By the time that Clay got his coughing fit under control he could no longer hide the tremble in his body.

“At what point did you call Ash Spenser and release classified intel to him.” Admiral Moore asked, not even bothered by the struggle that Clay was going through. 

“I didn’t. My phone records and emails will prove I didn't. I was in a hospital and then have been in my home. I haven’t been alone, I haven’t even looked at my phone. I honestly couldn’t tell you where it is.” Clay said with a weak voice.

“He’s your father, do you really expect this Committee to believe that you didn’t inform him of what happened?” Admiral Watson commented sarcastically.

“Investigation will clear me.” Clay said, as he swayed slightly.

“Are you ok Spenser?” Captain Harrington asked, but when Clay didn’t respond Captain Harrington spoke again. “Clay, you with us?”

Clay took a shaky breath as he looked over at Captain Harrington again.

“This is part of your investigation. I expect you to focus. I don’t care for this show you are putting on. Now we are going to go over this again. When did you inform Ash Spenser about the operations as well as your injuries that were classified.” Admiral Moore demanded.

“I didn't.” Clay said, as he fought to keep his eyes open. Something was wrong, he felt very weak and lightheaded right now. He needed to sit down, he needed a break, but they weren’t going to give him on.

“If you didn’t inform Ash Spenser about you being raped, just for him to report on it, then who did?” Admiral Moore said.

“I don’t… I don’t.”

The black spots that were dancing across his eyes multiplied and before Clay knew it, he was hitting the floor. Captain Harrington was instantly up and running over to Clay. He rolled him over onto his back as he spoke.

“He needs a medic.” Captain Harrington said.

“He fainted, he’ll be conscious in a minute and then he can continue.” Admiral Moore said.

“He needs a doctor. Otherwise, I would have to report to the Attorney General how you denied Special Warfare Officer Spencer his right to medical treatment. Not to mention you can’t question him further until he is cleared by a doctor.” Captain Harrington said, as he pulled his phone out and called for a medic. 

He knew that bravo would want to be in harem but he didn’t want them going off on anyone within the Upper Brass. He was having a hard enough time keeping everyone calm and not trying to skewer Clay. He didn't need two hotheads in here right now. They would know soon enough once the medic arrived to check Clay over and bring him to the infirmary. 

XXX

Bravo watched as a medic came running down the hallway with a stretcher. The guys were instantly worried and concerned for Clay. The medic went into the conference room and the guys didn’t need an invite to go in there. They instantly saw Captain Harrington on his knees next to Clay, who was unconscious on the ground. Jason and Trent were instantly heading over to Clay’s side, both bending down to see what was going on.

“What the hell happened?” Jason demanded.

“He fainted.” Captain Harrington said, used to the sharp edge to Jason’s voice.

“I told you he wasn’t ready for this medically. His body is still recovering from his injuries and his pneumonia. The added stress from having to relieve the experience is too much for his body to handle right now. Much less being grilled and having his decisions questioned and blamed.” Trent said, pissed off that no one had listened to him.

Clay was not ready for this. His body wasn’t ready. It needed more time to heal and recover from what happened to him. At the very least they should have waited until he no longer had pneumonia and he would have been in better shape physically to handle this. The Committee didn’t care though. They wanted someone to blame and they were looking to take their hatred of Ash Spenser out on Clay, despite the fact that he didn’t deserve it nor was he in the wrong. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Jason asked Trent and the medic.

“He appears to be dehydrated and his body is just exhausted. I’ll take him down to the infirmary and get an IV going, get some fluids into him. He just needs rest. He should be home in bed right now.” The medic answered.

“Take him down, we’re done here anyways.” Admiral Moore said, before he turned and left.

The others left, leaving only Bravo, Blackburn and Captain Harrington.

“What the hell happened in here?” Sonny demanded, looking at Harrington.

“They questioned him, pressed him about what happened during the operation and Ash’s news interview. Clay did his best to hold his ground, but they didn’t appreciate it when he got a little lost in his mind. We’ve been in here for an hour and it was clear he was in pain from having to stand. He just fainted.” Captain Harrington answered, once again not bothered by Sonny’s edge. He understood why they were pissed off.

Captain Harrington was pissed off himself about what happened to Clay. They should never have brought him in here today. They should have allowed him more time to heal. Yes, typically when they do a debriefing they want to do it as close to the operation as possible. They do it so that little things aren’t forgotten, the facts are still fresh in your mind and it is easier to recall what you were thinking and what you experienced. However, Clay had been brutally tortured and raped, he needed time to heal physically and mentally before he would be able to relive the experience. If you pushed someone that wasn’t ready after an experience like that, you were only causing more damage to them and that was not the point of the chain of command. They were supposed to protect you and your best interests. They weren’t supposed to take their hatred towards someone else out on them. None of this should have happened and it wouldn’t have if it had been someone else.

The medic and Trent got Clay on the stretcher and they all made their way to the infirmary where Clay would be looked after. Everyone in Bravo was pissed off by these turn of events. They were not happy about Clay fainting in the middle of the debriefing and they knew it was only going to look bad on Clay. It didn’t matter that Clay was not physically ready for this type of situation, they would somehow spin this against him. Blackburn went off with Captain Harrington to see what would happen with Clay now that the debriefing was cut short. The guys in Bravo got to sit within Clay’s little hospital room while he had the IV hooked up to him. Dr. Ross had assured them that Clay would be fine, his body just needed a bit of a rest. Once he was rehydrated and awake he would be able to leave the infirmary and go back home to bed rest. It made the guys feel better knowing that Clay would be ok, but it still upset them that they were even in this position. Clay should have been at home resting already and not standing in front of the firing squad. It was bullshit and none of them were happy about it. Once again they all settled in to wait beside Clay’s bedside for him to wake up. Hopefully this time, it wouldn’t be that long of a wait. 

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

It was two days later when Jason was getting ready to take Clay to the hospital to meet with Dr. Ross to get an STD test. Jason was really hoping that Clay didn’t have an STD and that he could just keep healing from his injuries. The antibiotic was still making Clay very tired and he seemed to be getting nauseous again. Not to mention he had a headache he couldn’t seem to shake. The result was Clay spending most of his time in bed just curled up and miserable. The only good thing was that Cerberus was with Clay still as Bravo hadn’t been given another operation yet. The past two days had been hard on Clay. After fainting at the committee hearing he had been stuck in the infirmary for a few hours before Dr. Ross felt comfortable with letting him go back home. Dr. Ross made it very clear that Clay was not in any medical condition to be undergoing that level of stress. The committee had finished their ruling that Clay was in the wrong, but they weren’t punishing him. Captain Harrington and Admiral Whittley were able to convince the committee that even though Clay wasn’t in the wrong in their opinion, that they could all agree that the torture he had endured was punishment enough. Still, it would be on Clay’s record, something the guys were all pissed about. Captain Lindell and Admiral Whittley were going to keep working on getting it removed from Clay’s record as well as making sure Vic was punished.

Jason was just getting the last of the dishes into the dishwasher when his phone started to vibrate. He picked it up and saw that it was Blackburn calling.

“Eric.” Jason said, as he answered.

“A situation has come up. Word just came down from the Upper Brass, your six week vacation just got revoked.”

“What? What the hell are you talking about?” 

This couldn’t be happening right now. This was the last thing that they needed. Clay needed him home with him. He needed someone here with him to help him with his medications and to cook for him. He was still in a lot of pain despite his feet being healed, he still had broken ribs. He was constantly in pain from his healing injuries. Not to mention his mental injuries. Clay was still zoning out in conversations. He didn’t like the dark and he couldn’t seem to sleep without the tv being on so there was noise. He was getting worse and he desperately needed Jason here to help get him through this. To get him to speak with someone and get started on healing mentally. 

“Admiral Moore got it revoked. Stated that a Tier One team can’t be down two members for six weeks and still be in active status. That they can’t be active without a team leader and you are Bravo One, not Ray or Full Metal. They are assigning Bravo a new operation and you are expected to be there or they can hold you up on desertion charges.”

“This is bullshit. I am entitled to taking my vacation days. He’s just doing this because he hates Clay and he knows that Clay needs help.”

“I know. I am trying to work with Lindell and Whittley to see what we can do. So far it’s out of our hands. The briefing will be in five hours, I know you have that appointment with Clay at the hospital for his STD test. Make sure you are here for the briefing and bring Cerberus with you. I’m sorry Jase, we don’t have a choice.”

Jason let out a sigh. He knew it wasn’t Blackburn’s fault and he knew he was trying his best to help Clay. This was out of their hands and there was nothing they could do about it.

“I’ll be there. Any word about Ash’s interview?”

“Investigation is still pending on who leaked the intel. We did grant them access to Clay’s phone and emails and they saw that he made no contact with Ash. That along with the fact that all of you can vouch for Clay’s whereabouts leading up to the interview. They have to look elsewhere so they won’t be hounding Clay over that.”

“A small victory at this point. I’ll take it though. I’ll let Clay know and then I’ll tell him about me getting spun up. I’ll see you in five hours.”

“Good luck.”

Jason ended the call and let out a long sigh. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe he had to go back to work when he was supposed to be off for six weeks with Clay. Now he was going to have to tell Clay he was on his own while he was away for an operation. This was not ideal at all. He would have to make sure Derek knew as well so he could check in on Clay. Jason wished he had more time to talk to Clay and get him sorted, but they had to get to the hospital and then he would be getting spun up. Jason put his phone into his pocket and then went to the bedroom to check in on Clay. He saw that Clay had pants on, but he was still working on getting his shirt on. Jason went over as he spoke.

“Here, let me help.”

Jason helped Clay to get his shirt on without causing any extra pain to his body. Jason got Clay dressed the rest of the way and once he was dressed they had to head out. 

“Let’s get this blood work done and then we can get you back here resting.”

Jason knew he needed to tell Clay what was going on, but he also knew he needed to get Clay to the hospital so he could get his blood work done. Afterwards while they were waiting for the results he could then tell Clay what was going on. Clay just gave a nod and together they got him up and headed out of the apartment. Clay was walking around a bit better with his feet being almost fully healed. His toes were still sore as his toenails were growing back in, but for the most part he could walk small distances without too much pain. It was the rest of his injuries that were taking some time to heal. He still needed help during the day from his injuries, it was part of the reason why he wanted the time off. It would have been better if he could get the six weeks off to get Clay over the majority of his illness and injuries. Now he wasn’t going to have that chance and Jason was pissed off about it. 

They drove to the hospital in silence. Something Jason knew Clay was happy about. He wasn’t very talkative recently. He seemed to be happy to stay in his bedroom with Cerb and just hide away from the world, not that Jason could blame him. Clay was functioning a lot better then he would be if he was in his position. Clay was withdrawing, but it was to be expected with his trauma and his PTSD that was starting to show. Jason had been hoping they could work on it, but now he was going to have to talk to Clay about him speaking with someone before he left town. They pulled up to the hospital and once Jason parked they slowly made their way into the ER entrance where Clay would be meeting with Dr. Ross to get some blood work done. They would then wait for the results so they would have them right away in case something was wrong. Once Clay checked in they were taken back to a private room and told to wait until Dr. Ross had arrived. Clay sat down on the hospital bed, knowing that was where Dr. Ross would want him to be. Clay kept his eyes down on the ground and Jason knew that Clay’s depression was getting worse. 

Jason sat down in one of the chairs across from Clay and spoke. “I talked to Emma last night. She was really hoping to talk with you.”

“I’m not ready for that.” Clay softly said.

“I told her you probably needed more time. But she wanted me to let you know that she would always be there for you when you were ready. She said she loves you and nothing will ever change that.”

Clay just gave a small nod, but didn’t say anything after that. He was saved from making any more small talk when there was a knock at the door and Dr. Ross walked in with a blood collection kit.

“Hello Spenser, how are you doing today?” 

Clay just gave a shrug, but that was it. Dr. Ross didn’t take it personally, he could see that Clay was tired and still not feeling too great. He was almost done with the pneumonia though and he knew that would help to not have the powerful antibiotic going through his system.

“He’s pretty tired and he gets headaches quite a bit. The CBD has been working though to help with the pain and nausea normally. But recently the nausea has increased again. The dizziness is still there, but it seems to be getting a bit better with him resting more.” Jason answered so Dr. Ross wouldn’t have to press for more of a verbal response from Clay.

“The increased nausea could be connected to his antibiotic. I can see that you are tired and not feeling very social today. I will do my best to get you in and out of here as quickly as possible. I just need a sample of your blood and then I will run it through the lab as a priority. It should take about an hour to come back and then we will know if there are any STDs in your system. Now, you will still need to come back in next month to run an HIV test, once that comes back clear then you will not have to worry about contracting HIV.”

Ckay didn’t say anything, he just started to remove his jacket so he could give Dr. Ross an arm for him to run the blood.

“I’ll make the appointment for next month for the last blood test.” Jason said, as Dr. Ross got his things ready.

Dr. Ross didn’t bother with asking Clay any other questions or trying to talk with him. He was clearly not doing well mentally and emotionally today and he didn’t want to risk pushing him. It would be better to just get Clay in and out as quickly as possible. Clay kept his eyes down as Dr. Ross took his blood sample and with that done he headed out. Clay put his jacket back on and went and laid down on the bed. He closed his eyes and did his best to just pretend like he was anywhere else. He wanted to be back home in his bed with Cerberus curled up next to him. He didn’t want to be back in a hospital getting poked at. He wanted to be hidden away from the world where he could be in pain and miserable without an audience. 

Jason sat next to the bed and pulled out his phone. He knew Clay had zero interest in talking and there was no point in trying to make him. Jason looked around on his phone while they waited for the results. He was hoping they would come back that he was perfectly fine and that nothing was wrong. The very last thing he wanted was for Clay to have to get anymore medication or to be stuck with an STD that he would have for the rest of his life. The problem was they had no idea if it was one person that repeatedly raped Clay or if it was multiple people. Clay never said and if it was the latter, Jason knew the odds of Clay having an STD went up. In the middle east things like condoms were not a heavily practice ritual and that was before you factor in who else these guys were raping. There was no telling what Clay could have, Jason was just praying there was nothing wrong with him. 

It was just over ninety minutes later when there was a knock at the door and Dr. Ross walked in. Jason spoke to Clay, knowing he wasn’t asleep.

“Sunshine.”

Clay opened his eyes and slowly sat up as Dr. Ross spoke. “Sorry for the wait, I have your results for you Clay. Your blood work came back negative for any long-term STDs so that is good. You don’t have anything that will stay with you.” Dr. Ross started.

Jason was happy to hear that Clay didn’t have anything long-lasting, but he was nervous now for what Clay did have. If Clay didn’t have an STD then Dr. Ross would have just said that, so he had something. 

“What is it?” Clay asked softly.

“You have two. The first is pretty straightforward and easy enough to cure, it’s just four pills. You have chlamydia, which is very common in the Middle East. I have the prescription for you already. You just take all four pills within twenty-four hours and it will go through your system and cure it. I would recommend that you take two at once and then in a few hours take the next two. The second one is a bit more complicated than that. Your blood work came back positive for hepatitis b.”

“Um… ok. What… what does that mean for him?” Jason asked, as he tried to get his mind wrapped around this. 

He knew there were three variants of hepatitis, but as far as he knew they were all incurable. This was the last thing they needed, the last thing Clay needed, was to deal with an STD, let alone two of them.

“Hep B is curable, it’s not like A or C. The only trick is with Hep B there is no pill I can give to Clay, it just has to take its course. We can manage symptoms, which we technically are with the CBD pills. Most common symptoms are fatigue, nausea, vomiting, headaches and jaundice. It can last anywhere from one month to six months before it is fully out of his blood. Until it is gone he can be contagious to others so no sexual activity without protection and if someone needs to treat him where blood is involved they need to wear gloves to ensure they don’t contract the disease.”

“So there isn’t a pill he can take to speed up the process?” Jason asked. He really wasn’t happy about Clay potentially being sick with Hep B for the next six months. Clay needed the chance to be able to heal from this mentally and he won’t be able to do that until his physical injuries allowed him to be pain free and not sick any more. Being sick for potentially six more months was the worst case scenario and not what they needed, especially with Jason going back to work. 

“No, it’s just time that will work to remove the virus from his system. Again, we can treat the symptoms, but with him being on the CBD treatments, there isn’t anything I could give him that would do any better. Any other medication could just cause more side effects that could make him worse. It would be best to stick with the CBD medication and to stay on the medication schedule. He might not get much of the common symptoms. Before this he was healthy that can help with making the virus travel through his blood and cleanse it faster. He might only be positive for a month to six weeks. There’s no reason to be thinking worst case scenario right now.”

Dr. Ross knew this was going to suck for Clay. It was the last thing anyone wanted to hear. He was hoping that Clay would come back negative for everything and get at least one break in all of this. The two STDs that he did have could have been a lot worse, they were at least curable. Though, this was making him worry about the HIV test. Two STDs meant multiple people, and there was no telling what other STDs the others could have had. All it would take was for one of them to have HIV for Clay to be positive. With a positive HIV test the Upper Brass could push for Clay to be removed from active status and placed behind a desk where the risk of exposure to another service member would drastically decrease. 

“Thanks Doc.” Jason said.

“Here are his pills. I will need to test Clay again in four weeks, but I can do that when I run the HIV test.” Dr. Ross handed the pill bottle over to Jason before he continued. “That’s it for now. You can get out of here and go rest Spenser.” 

Clay just gave a nod and he moved to stand up. Jason stood as Dr. Ross headed out of the room. Jason helped Clay to head out and back to his truck. Jason was worried with Clay not even saying anything to the doctor. He knew Clay was kinda in his own head and in his own world, but he was hoping this trip outside, even if it was to the hospital, would have gotten some reaction out of Clay. So far though he just seemed very lethargic and detached. It was really starting to worry Jason about leaving Clay like this. He was not all there mentally and if he needed to be taking his CBD medication on a strict schedule so he wouldn’t get overrun by his symptoms, he wasn’t sure Clay would stick with it. He was going to need to figure something out before he left for the operation today. He had to make sure Clay had what he needed. They drove back to Clay’s apartment in silence and once again when they arrived Jason helped to get Clay upstairs. Clay immediately headed into his bedroom where Cerberus was waiting for him. 

Jason followed Clay into his bedroom after he grabbed him a glass of water to take two of the pills. He handed them to Clay as he spoke.

“I know you aren’t feeling too great, but you need to take these.”

Clay took the offered pills and water from Jason and easily swallowed them. He then went and laid down on his left side with his back to Jason. Cerberus was instantly curling up with Clay. Jason would have normally left Clay alone, but he couldn’t this time, this time they had to talk. Jason moved around to the other side of the bed and sat down on it, the added weight on the bed caused Clay to open his eyes and look right at Jason. Jason hated seeing the dead look in Clay’s eyes. Everything that made his son special was currently gone. In its place was just a shell of the man that he used to be.

“I know you just want to be alone and to sleep, but there is something I have to talk to you about.”

“What?” Clay said, softly.

“Eric called before we went to the hospital. Admiral Moore has revoked my six weeks off, I’m to report to duty shortly for an operation that leaves today. I have to bring Cerb with me too. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone for, hopefully not that long and then I’ll be back.”

“Cerb has to go?” Clay asked softly as he held Cerberus tighter.

Clay knew it was only a matter of time before Jason would have to go back to work. There was only so long someone with his ranking can be off. Clay was surprised Jason had been able to get six weeks off, he knew it was too good to be true. But, he didn’t want Cerberus to leave too. Cerberus made him feel safe, he made it possible for him to sleep and not be lost to the nightmares. He didn’t want Cerberus gone. 

“He does, yes Sunshine. I’m sorry about dropping this on you, I know today has been hard. Hopefully we will be back within a couple of days and we won’t get spun up that often. Once we are back, I will come back here with Cerberus with me. I know he helps you sleep and if we don't need him on this op, I’ll make sure someone brings him by for you.”

Jason knew Clay needed Cerb. Cerberus was the only reason that Clay could sleep the majority of the time. He helped to keep Clay calm and when he got lost in his mind, Cerberus was able to get him out of it. He was a huge help to Clay and not having him around again was going to be very hard on Clay. Last time he lost Cerberus to an operation he at least had Jason there with him to help him. This time around Clay would be completely alone. 

“When?”

“We gotta be on base in a few hours. I’m going to make sure you have some food for while we are gone. I’ll also set an alarm on your phone so you will know when to take your CBD pills.”

“Ok.” Clay said, as he closed his eyes and Jason knew he was done with the conversation. 

“I’ll come in when we have to leave.”

Jason got up off the bed and headed out. He knew this was going to be hard on Clay, especially after the news they had just received. Jason couldn’t hold Clay’s emotions against him. He wouldn’t be in any condition to talk if he was in Clay’s position either. Jason understood that Clay was not happy with life and was just done with it all. He wished he didn’t have to leave. He really wished he didn’t have to take Cerberus with him. Jason was praying that this was an operation where they wouldn’t need Cerberus. Normally Cerb always went with them, but there were plenty of times when he was not needed in the field and him being there could complicate things. Normally when that happened he just stayed in HAVOC, this time around he could leave Cerb with Clay. Jason let out a sigh, there was nothing he could do about leaving or if Clay would be able to have Cerb. What he could do was get some meals put together that Clay could just warm up when he was hungry. He needed to make sure everything was organized and easy for Clay to have access to everything. He had no idea how well Clay would be moving around with him having the side effects from Hep B, he wanted to make sure it was easy for Clay to do whatever he needed to during the day on his own. 

XXX

Jason walked into their war room with Cerberus right next to him. Cerberus was not happy to be here and away from Clay. There was a lot of growling at Jason when he had to get Cerberus off the bed and to go with him. Saying goodbye to Clay was hard on the both of them, but they didn’t have a choice, they had to leave. The only way he was able to get Cerberus to leave Clay was Clay telling him to go. Jason was worried that if they did need Cerberus on this operation how well he was going to operate. Cerberus was a dog, he couldn’t just block off his feelings, he wasn’t built that way. If Cerb didn’t want to do something, you couldn’t make him. Cerb cared about Clay a lot, Brock had said that he picked Cerb, but Cerb picked Clay. Cerb imprinted onto Clay almost right away and it was not uncommon to find Cerberus curled up with Clay in his hammock over Brock. Cerberus loved Clay very much, that was his human. He loved Brock, but that was his partner and not his human. Being away from Clay when he was clearly in a lot of pain on all levels was not something that Cerberus could tolerate and Jason was just hoping that this operation went fast and smooth so they could both get back home to their boy. 

Jason walked in and saw that everyone was here, minus Vic, and they were not surprised to see Jason here. Jason figured that Blackburn had told them what was going on. Cerberus went over and laid down on the floor away from the others.

“Well that ain’t good.” Sonny commented towards Cerberus.

Brock went over to him and bent down and started to pet him. Offering what comfort he could.

“He growled and snarled the whole time I had to get him off Clay’s bed. He doesn’t want to leave him.” Jason supplied.

“He can feel his pain. He just wants to make it better.” Brock said, as he gave his partner some much needed love.

“Maybe we don’t need him this time around.” Ray said.

“We are going after a bomb expert. We’ll have to take him.” Blackburn supplied. They weren’t all briefed yet, but they could know that explosives would be involved.

“Tell me this is going to be a quick one.” Jason said to Mandy.

“As long as the target is on location, should be five days in and out.”

“How is he? What did the blood work come back as?” Trent asked.

“He’s depressed. He’s withdrawn, quiet, he just lays down in bed all day with Cerb. He doesn’t like the dark or quiet. He leaves the tv on in his room all day and night long. I left all of the lights on at his place so he wouldn’t walk into a dark room. I made sure he took his medication before I left. I have some meals ready in his fridge for him and I set an alarm on his phone to go off whenever it was time for his medication. Blood work came back, positive for two STDs.” 

“Fuck.” Full Metal commented. 

“I was hoping he wouldn't, but I had a feeling he would have at least one. Condoms over there are basically non-existent. What ones?” Trent asked, ready for the worst case scenario.

“Chlamydia, he took the four pills for it today already, but he also has Hep B.”

“Whoa, what? That kills people doesn’t it?” Sonny asked, worried now that Clay could have a serious STD.

“Hep B is the more mild strand of hepatitis. If he had to get one, Hep B is the one you would want him to have. It’s curable and only ten to fifteen percent of people will have complications from it that result in death. He should be fine once it works its way through his blood. The problem is there’s no pills for him to take, the only thing that cures it is time. It could take anywhere from a month to six months for him to come back negative. Not to mention the side effects are fatigue, nausea, vomiting, headaches and jaundice. It’s not going to be fun while he has it.” Trent explained.

“He’s a little more nauseous over the past couple of days and he’s had a headache for a few days as well. We just figured it was from his concussion, but it might be from the Hep B. He has to go back in four weeks to get retested and for the HIV test to be done.” Jason added.

“Kid can’t get a break.” Ray said with a small shake of his head. 

“Hopefully the test comes back negative and he won’t have to deal with an STD for the rest of his life.” Davis said, sadly.

“I didn’t see Derek, is he stateside?” Jason asked Full Metal.

“They were spun up yesterday.” 

“Great. I was hoping he would be stateside so he could check on Clay.”

“I’ll let Naima know.” Ray easily said.

It wasn’t ideal, but they would at least have someone that could check in on Clay and make sure he was taking his medication. The door to the room opened and Vic walked in. He went to sit down, but stopped when Jason spoke in a harsh tone. 

“Don’t sit. You haven’t earned the right to sit down yet. What you pulled not only was cowardice, it went against everything the brotherhood stands for. You not only decided to play the victim to get what you wanted, you went and broke the classification seal and told Ash classified intel on an operation and Clay’s injuries. Because of that Clay will now have to deal with the fallout of everyone within the world knowing he was raped. You haven’t earned the right to sit down. You haven’t earned the right to a hammock. You haven’t earned the right to speak. If you have a question that pertains to the operation, you can raise your hand and wait until you are addressed. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Sir.” Vic said. He wasn’t happy about this, but he knew it was to be expected. He knew that Jason and the others were not going to be happy with having him here. However, he also knew he would prove to them that he belonged and he knew that he had Admiral Moore on his side, in his back pocket that he could pull out whenever he needed to. 

“When you are in the field you will be Full Metal’s shadow. You will do whatever he says, whatever any of us says and that includes Mandy and Davis. You are not a rookie, you are a grunt and you have to work your ass back up to rookie status. If you don’t like it, go transfer to another team.” 

“I will prove to you all that I am an asset Sir.”

“Clay spenser is an asset, you are a liability. No one here will be calling you Bravo Six. You haven’t earned that title and you never will. You will be Bravo Seven, I don’t give a fuck what that patch says.” Jason completed before he looked over at Blackburn and he got started.

The guys all sat down and Vic stood there at the end of the table listening to the debrief. He knew this was going to be a long road, but he was not worried about it. He would prove to them all that he was better than Clay. That they were better off without Clay in their lives. Clay was a cancer that needed to be cut out of Bravo and Vic was going to make sure that happened. 

XXX

It was a couple of days later when Clay was once again in the bathroom. He had been sick for the past couple of days and hadn’t really eaten much of anything since Jason had left for his operation with Bravo. There had been a few times Clay had missed taking his CBD medication. Clay knew he should be taking it, but when the alarm went off, he couldn’t seem to bring himself to get out of bed. It was the same with eating, he wasn’t really hungry. He was eating once a day, but it was a task he had to force himself to do. Clay leaned back against the side of the tub feeling like complete crap. He knew nausea was a symptom of his Hep B, but he was really hoping he could at least miss out on that one. Of course that wasn't the case because the world hated him right now. Clay just wanted this all to stop. He wanted to wake up and discover that all of this had been some horrible nightmare and he was perfectly fine. The operation never happened. He was never tortured. He was never raped. He was never buried alive. Ash didn’t go on the news and tell the world that he had been tortured and raped. All of this would have been some horrible nightmare and he was perfectly fine. He was still operating and Vic was not on the team. The problem was, that reality was completely fake now and there was a huge chance that he would never be able to go back to operating. Even if he did, with Vic still on Bravo, Clay doubted he could ever go back home to them. He would never be able to trust Vic and unless Vic transferred off or there was a reason for him to be kicked out of Bravo, Clay would have to work with him. That wasn’t something he felt like he could do right now.

After sitting there for another hour Clay got up as his stomach seemed to be settling for now. He would need to take his CBD pills to hopefully help get it back to a more manageable level. Clay made his way over to the sink and turned the cold water on. He splashed some on his face to try and help relieve his fever. Clay was also struggling with keeping that down as well. It seemed like when he was making progress in one area, another one would show up. He had another week of his antibiotic and then he wouldn’t have to deal with his pneumonia or the side effects from that antibiotic. It was one less thing he would need to worry about and deal with. Still, he had the Hep B to deal with for potentially six months, something Clay was not looking forward to. The pneumonia and injuries were bad enough, but he knew once they healed he could pretend like nothing happened. The Hep B though, that was going to always be a reminder that he was dirty. They had taken something from him and they still were. They gave him not one, but two diseases. He could no longer say he had never had an STD before. He would have to be reminded of them every time he needed to get blood work. He was always going to be dirty. He was always going to feel them inside of him. He was always going to feel their hands on him. He was always going to be able to smell them. 

Clay’s hands shook as he splashed the cold water on his face. He was trying his best to push back the memories that were always there at the edge of his mind pushing against his walls. Clay was struggling with getting his mind to function normally again. He knew it wasn’t going to be instant, he knew it would take some time before his mind had recovered from what happened to him. The problem was, Clay didn’t want to have to wait until it fixed itself. He didn’t want to have to put in all of that work, energy and time into being able to function from day to day. Clay knew it was important. He knew he wasn’t going to wake up and be perfectly fine one day, but he wished that would happen. He wasn’t a religious man, but he would have prayed for it all to be a nightmare. He would have gotten down on his knees right now and bowed down to an invisible entity to make it all go away. 

Clay raised his head just slightly, but it was enough for him to see his reflection in the mirror. Clay had been adamant about avoiding his reflection. He didn’t want to see what they had done to him. He didn’t want to see a shell of the man that he used to be staring back at him. He wanted to keep pretending like he wasn’t really there. That he was just getting back from a rough operation, but nothing had changed. Seeing his reflection would blow up that fake reality within a second. Before Clay could look away though, his mind had picked up his appearance. His skin was pale and clammy from being sick. His eyes were dull and they were sunk in slightly from the lack of food over the past few weeks. Clay could see his beard had grown in and he was in need of a shave, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to do that. Clay could even see that his face was a bit thinner from lack of food. He knew if he looked down and really took in his appearance he would see that he had lost weight as well. His muscles were starting to disappear from lack of exercise and food. Clay wasn’t too worried about that, they would come back once he was in better condition to go back to working out. At the same time though, he had zero interest in even thinking about working out right now. He was exhausted and weak and it was all because of what they had done to him. They made him look like this. They had taken pieces of himself and left a shell of a man behind in their destruction.

As Clay was looking at his reflection he noticed that the bathroom within his peripheral vision was starting to change. He couldn’t see the shower curtain any longer or the door. The view was changing, morphing into dirt walls. The room spun for a moment and Clay closed his eyes to try and stop the dizzy spell. When he opened them again he was no longer in his bathroom. He was no longer standing there looking at his own reflection in the mirror. Instead he was being dragged down the dirt path through the building by his ankles. 

_ He could feel the dirt and small rocks within scraping against his bare back. Clay looked up through blurry eyes and he took notice of the night sky. The stars were out, but he couldn’t see them very clearly through the thick trees that were above him. Clay knew he needed to fight, that he needed to try and do something to stop these men from whatever they had in store for him. The problem was he couldn’t find the strength to kick at them or even lift his arms. His arms were currently free from their shackles, but dragging above his head through the dirt.  _

_ He could reach out and grab a tree truk or a tree root that was sticking up. His head hit a few of them, but he couldn’t find the strength to even move his arm an inch. Clay had no idea where they were dragging him to. They had never taken him outside of his prison cell since they started this torture. He knew he should be concerned. He should be worried about whatever they had in store for him, but he was numb right now. Everything was numb and he didn’t want to be anything but numb. If he allowed himself to feel then he wasn’t going to survive. He wasn't going to make it through this. If he didn’t feel anything, then he wouldn’t feel what they were doing to him. If he didn’t think, then he wouldn’t remember the pain they put him through. If he just closed his eyes and pretended he was on a beach with Brian, he wouldn’t feel their hands, them pushing inside of him. _

_ The dragging suddenly came to a stop and before Clay could even register what was happening, he was being picked up by his neck and then thrown. Clay expected to hit the ground, but instead there was air for what felt like forever before he slammed into the ground. Clay smacked the side of his head against the hard ground. His vision blurred and Clay had to fight to keep himself from passing out. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed in this inbetween world of consciousness and unconsciousness, but when his mind snapped back into place he felt something splash onto his face. Clay shook his head slightly and spat as something hit his mouth. He forced himself to turn his head slightly to look up. It was in that moment that he realised that he was no longer the same height as his three captors were. He was further down then them, by three feet from what he could figure out. He got a face full of dirt as they shoveled dirt on top of him. Clay knew at this moment that they were going to bury him alive. He was going to die in this dirt grave in a middle eastern country.  _

_ As the dirt started to get higher and higher, Clay was forced to hold his breath as his body was fully submerged within the dirt. Clay could still hear them throwing the dirt onto his own grave. His mind was slow due to his injuries, but it was now just starting to kick in that he was being buried alive. He was going to die a slow death as he suffocated. This was the moment that he should be fighting. He should be pushing against the dirt and dragging himself out. He should be finding the strength to dig himself out and try and save his life. All of that though sounding absolutely exhausting. The area around him was getting darker as more and more dirt covered his grave. Clay closed his eyes and accepted his fate. It would all be over with soon enough and then the pain would be gone. He wouldn’t have to endure anymore pain. He could just sleep and it would all be over with.  _

_ “Clay.”  _

_ Clay looked around and saw that he was back at the beach. He was standing there looking at the waves as they crashed into the shore. Brian was standing next to him, trying to get his attention. _

_ “It’s finally going to be over.” Clay said with an empty voice.  _

_ “For you, but not for your family. Not for your brothers and not for your dad. Think of them, think of your dad, of Mickey and Emma. How would they feel to find you buried in a grave? How are they going to handle having to bring you home in a box? They are looking for you. Your dad is looking for you; he is coming for you. All you have to do is find the strength to keep fighting. Dig Clay, live if not for yourself then for him. Shut your mind off if you have to and rely on instincts, do whatever you have to do to get out of this grave and get to your dad.” Brian said with pure strength in his voice. _

_ The beach rapidly disappeared and Clay opened his eyes to nothing but blackness. He didn’t want to fight, he wanted to just sleep, but Brian was right. He had to get to Jason. He needed to find his dad and then it could all be over. Clay did what Brian said, he turned his mind off to everything. He put himself in a world where there was no pain, no torture, just nothing but pure instincts to get out of this hole and keep moving. Clay’s body worked all on its own as it dug through the dirt, inch by inch as he fought to hold his breath. Once he finally broke through to the surface Clay pulled himself up enough to be able to get a deep breath. Slowly he pulled his broken and battered body out of the hole and onto the solid dirt ground.  _

Clay took in a shaky breath as he blinked and looked around. He was no longer in the dark forest surrounded by trees. He was back in his bathroom in Virginia Beach. Clay’s whole body was shaking so badly it was hard for him to stand up. He could feel the panic rising in his chest. He had no idea what just happened, he could take a guess at what it was, but he never expected for it to be happening to him. To actually have a flashback to his time in captivity. He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. Like he didn’t have enough problems to deal with, he now had the fear of knowing at any given moment his mind could just take him back there without any warning, without his permission. His body was failing him, causing him pain and making him weak. Now his mind was betraying him to go with it. It was too much, all of this was too much and Clay couldn’t handle it.

Clay turned his attention back to his own reflection. He felt this sudden rage overtaking his body. The person looking back at him was weak. He had allowed himself to be captured. He had allowed himself to be tortured. He had allowed himself to be buried alive. He had allowed himself to be raped by six men, over and over again. He was weak and disgusting and Clay couldn’t handle seeing it. He threw his right fist right into the mirror, but he didn’t stop once it cracked. He kept going and he kept going until there was nothing left of the mirror. He didn’t care about the blood that was making its way down his hand and into the sink. Clay didn’t just stop at that one mirror though, he went into his other bathroom and did the same. He never wanted to see that man staring back at him again. He never wanted to see his reflection again. He was disgusting, they made him disgusting and dirty. He was never going to be clean again. He was never going to be able to look at himself and not see what they did to him. He should have told Brian to go fuck himself and he should have just let the darkness take him. He should have died in that hole and then it all would have been over. Now he was broken and nothing was ever going to be able to fix him. He was diseased and he didn’t deserve to be loved or cared for. He deserved the pain that his body was feeling. 

Clay didn’t even realise he had been crying as he punched the mirrors. He didn’t even realise the tears that were rolling down his face. All he could focus on was the pain that flooded his entire body. He could feel their hands on him. He could smell them. He could hear their grunts and their laughs as they watched and took turns with him. They laughed as they electrocuted him and it forced him to urinate on himself. They laughed as the blood and semen ran down his thighs. They told him how worthless he was. They told him how disgusting he was, how he was a whore for them to use. They made sure that he would never forget them.

Clay took in a shaky breath as he fought against the tears that were flooding down his cheeks. His whole body was shaking as he forced himself to move out of the bathroom and back down the hallway. Once he was at his couch he collapsed down onto it. He laid down and curled into a ball as his body shook from the tears. Clay wished that he could have hugged Cerberus right now. Or that Jason was here to make the voices stop; to take the hands off of him. But they weren’t here, he was all alone and Clay couldn’t ignore the small voice in his head telling him that he deserved to be all alone. 

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I know it's been a good week or so since I've updated anything. I have been working on finishing up another story that I've had for a long time in another fandom. So I wrote like 30 chapters within the past 2 weeks. I am going to be focusing on getting this story finished up and then focusing on Becoming Zulu to get that one completed as well. I am working on completing all of my stories so they will be able to move forward with sequels that are due for my series. 
> 
> If you are interested though in Fullmetal Alchemist, you can check out my story that I have been writing under my profile. Word of warning, super dark and highly sexual, so if that is a no thank-you zone, you will want to avoid that one. 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter, I have chapter 10 finished, but that is all with me working on the other story. So in a week I will upload chapter 10 and by then I should have completed the other story and will have come back to this one.

Jason made his way up the elevator to Clay’s apartment. He had been gone on an operation for two weeks, something that pissed him off. They were chasing a bomber and it seemed like he enjoyed hiding and playing games, something that annoyed and pissed them all off. Cerberus had been good with working with them, but it was clear he wasn’t happy about being there. Jason had Cerb with him now and his tail hadn’t stopped wagging the whole time. Cerberus was just as happy as he was to be back Stateside and to be seeing Clay. Jason had texted Clay every day, but he wasn’t getting back to him frequently. Normally every few days he would text him that he was alive, but that was it. The guys were going to come by shortly once they headed home to drop their gear off and get changed. They didn’t want to overwhelm Clay by all of them showing up on him. Jason just needed to get his eyes on Clay and make sure he was in fact all in one piece and still alive. 

The second the elevator doors opened Jason and Cerberus were practically running down the hallway to reach Clay’s apartment. Jason used his key and walked in, the only thing keeping him from freezing were his years of experience working on a Seal team. Every single light was on in the place, plus both tvs were going. The kitchen was a disaster zone with dirty dishes all over the counters. Sitting on the couch with his knees up to his chest, just staring at the tv was Clay. He hadn’t even moved when Jason walked in, telling Jason that he was lost in his mind. Cerberus was instantly going over to Clay and hopped up on the couch. Cerberus whined and nudged Clay’s arms, which were sitting on top of his knees, with his nose. When that didn’t work Cerberus barked a few times and that seemed to slowly bring Clay around.

Clay blinked and he flinched slightly at the sudden unexpected contact. He calmed though when he saw that Cerberus as right in front of him. Clay was instantly lowering his legs and curled his arms around Cerberus, who easily curled up into Clay. Jason went and bent down in front of Clay next to the couch so Clay could see him. 

“Son, you with me?” Jason asked, gently.

Clay looked over slowly at Jason and Jason could see just how exhausted he was. He had black bags under his eyes and his eyes were bloodshot. He hadn’t slept in days. 

“You’re back.” Clay said softly.

“Ya, we’re back. When was the last time you’ve slept?”

“Can’t sleep. I keep seeing it, I can’t keep seeing it.” 

The panic was clear in Clay’s voice. He had been awake because he was too afraid to fall asleep. The nightmares must have gotten worse with Cerberus not being here with him. Jason knew as the physical injuries healed that the mental ones would start to appear more and they would show their true colors. Clay’s pneumonia was gone now from the antibiotic, so his mind was getting worse. 

“It’s ok, it’s ok Sunshine. Do you know when the last time you took your pill?”

Clay just shook his head as he pressed his face into Cerberus’ neck. Jason looked around for Clay’s cell phone, he easily found it on the coffee table, but the phone was dead. 

“Did you take one today?”

“No.”

It was just after two and by now Clay should have been taking his second pill for the day. Clearly Clay had not been keeping with the schedule. Jason got up and went into the kitchen to grab the CBD pills. He found them after a moment under some dirty dishes. He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and then headed back over to Clay. He took out one pill as he spoke.

“I need you to take this ok? It’s going to help.”

Jason was really hoping it was going to help with Clay’s anxiety. Trent had said it could and right now Clay needed to be able to calm his mind down so he could sleep. Clay hesitantly took the pill, but he did swallow it with some water. Jason was counting that as progress for right now. The next step was getting Clay into bed. Jason noticed that Clay’s hands were shaky and that there were some old healing cuts on his right hand. It looked like he punched something, but he didn't know what so far. 

“Why don’t we get you into bed.” Jason suggested.

“Can’t sleep, I can’t see it anymore. I can’t keep feeling them.” Clay said with a deep panic to his voice.

Jason reached out and gently touched the back of Clay’s neck as he spoke. “It’s ok, you aren’t there. They can never touch you again. What if I laid down with you? You can curl up with Cerb and I’ll stay there with you.”

Jason could see that Clay was thinking about it. After a moment of an internal debate Clay gave a small nod.

“Come on Sunshine.”

Jason helped to get Clay up and Cerb immediately got down and headed into the bedroom. Jason noticed that there were dirty clothes on the floor and the blankets and pillows were everywhere; along with a stack of DVDs on the dresser. It was clear that Clay hadn’t been sleeping well and trying to do whatever he could to stay awake. Jason got Clay laying down in bed before he went and grabbed the pillows and blanket from the floor and got them onto the bed. Cerberus curled up against Clay and Clay turned on his left side and wrapped his arms around Cerb. Jason covered them both up with the blanket, knowing that Cerb wouldn’t care about being under the blanket. He then went and got onto the bed and laid down on his right side facing Clay. He reached out and started to run his hand through Clay’s hair as he spoke.

“Just sleep Son. You’re so tired you won’t even dream. It’s ok I promise, just close your eyes.”

Clay very slowly started to close his eyes. Jason knew that the pill would kick in soon and hopefully relax Clay enough to be able to sleep. He continued to run his hand through Clay’s hair as he eventually gave in to what his body was desperately demanding. Jason continued to stroke Clay’s hair, but used his other hand to send a mass text to the guys.

**Jason: Clay has been awake for a few days. I am just getting him to sleep. The place is a mess. I haven’t looked in the fridge, but he’s going to need some cleaning supplies and some food.**

Jason continued to stroke Clay’s hair even after he had fallen into a deep sleep. He needed the connection himself to remind himself that his son was still here. He wasn’t ok, but he was still here and that meant the world to him. Jason’s phone buzzed multiple times and he knew that the guys were texting him back.

**Trent: We should do another deep clean of his place. With the Hep B his immune system is compromised.**

**Full Metal: I’ll do a food run. I’ll get Trent to tell me what cleaning supplies he wants.**

**Ray: I’m heading that way now. Naima got him some freezies from work that will help get some electrolytes into him. You need me to pick anything up?**

**Sonny: I can get some food. Anything in particular?**

**Brock: I’ll bring enough food and treats for Cerb so he can stay there until we get spun up again.**

Jason sent a text to Ray, letting him know that Full Metal would be getting the cleaning supplies and food. He then sent one to Trent and Full Metal offering thanks to them. He also let Full Metal know what Clay most likely needed. He sent an ok to Brock and then to Sonny he suggested maybe he could grab some pizza for the guys as Full Metal was going to get food for Clay. With all of that done Jason stayed with Clay for a few more minutes before he slowly and very carefully got out of bed. He grabbed a laundry basket and started to collect Clay’s dirty laundry. He went into the ensuite bathroom to grab the dirty towels. He was shocked to see that the mirror had been obliterated. There were pieces in the sink and on the floor. The pieces of glass had some blood on them. Jason knew that Clay must have punched the mirror until it was completely broken.

Jason carefully moved around the glass and picked up the towels before he headed out. He would clean that up next. Jason walked passed the second bathroom and out of curiosity he headed in to see how that one was fairing. Once again there were broken pieces of a mirror all over the floor and in the sink with blood on them. Jason’s heart hurt with knowing that Clay had been in so much pain he had punched the mirrors until there was nothing left looking back at him. Jason couldn’t help but wonder what it was that Clay saw that he hated so much he had to do this. Jason grabbed the towels from this bathroom, he wasn’t sure if Clay had used them or not, but he figured he would wash them as well. He just finished getting the load in when the front door opened. Jason saw Ray walking in and he headed into the kitchen to put the freezies into the freezer. 

“Wow.” Ray said, as he took the room in.

“Ya. For someone that tends to be an anal clean freak, this is bad.” Jason agreed.

“It’s like he doesn’t have the energy or interest in anything right now. At least he’s eaten in the past two weeks.” 

“He has, but I don’t think it was as often as it was supposed to be. I came in here, he had every light on and both tvs going. I just threw a load of laundry in. His bedroom had dirty clothes everywhere, the blanket and pillows were on the floor. It looked like he was constantly battling with sleeping and staying awake. He told me he just couldn’t see it again. That he couldn’t feel them again.” Jason said with a deep pain.

“We knew the rape was going to be harder for him to deal with then the torture. He’s also got two STDs to go with it. That constant reminder that something happened to you. I mean, I don’t know what he’s feeling, I can’t even imagine what he is feeling, but to have something like Hep B. He’s gotta be feeling like he’s dirty or infected. It’s a different level of violation and he could have it for six months. It’s going to affect him mentally. He’s got a long road ahead of him, but you know that Jase.” 

Jason let out a sigh before he spoke. “I know he does. I was supposed to be here for the start of it. I was supposed to have eight solid weeks with him to help get him through the harder part of things. I hate that I’m not here with him. That I can’t be here for him when he needs it the most.”

“I know you do. We all do. All we can do is be there for him when we are stateside and make sure he knows that even though we aren’t physically here with him when we are spun up, that we are there for him. We support him until he is ready to fight again.”

Jason understood what Ray was saying, but that didn’t make it any easier. He wished he could have taken all of Clay’s pain away. That there was a time machine he could use to fix all of this. He would have put anyone else with Clay up in Overwatch so he would have been protected. Jason knew that would have meant that another member of his team would have been tortured, but he knew regardless of who it was that they would have preferred to go through this pain over Clay. Each and every single one of them would have taken Clay’s place if it meant that their little brother had been spared. 

“He punched the mirrors in both bathrooms. He must have done it more than once because there’s nothing left of the mirrors. There’s glass all over the floor and in the sink.”

“Fuck, is his hand ok?” 

“His right knuckles are red with a few cuts on them. It looks about a week, week and a half old. I’ll talk to him about it when he wakes up. He hadn’t been taking his CBD pills when he was supposed to either and his phone is dead. We can’t do this every time we leave for an operation. We gotta figure out a better system for him. Something that he can do when he can barely function.”

“It’ll help when Alpha isn’t on an operation, but they start tour in a week. What about the other teams? What if we see if they are willing to come by once a day just to check in on him?” Ray offered.

“Ya ok, that might work. Give them a key that they can pass around. It might be the best solution right now. Clay won’t want someone he doesn’t know all that well around him for long, but if they just come in and make sure he took his pill and he has food and his phone is changed, that would be better then where we are now.” 

“I’ll put the word out and see if anyone would be willing to come by on rotation to check in on him.”

Jason just gave a nod before he went over to where the broom was. He wanted to clean up the glass first before tackling anything else. Ray pulled out his cell phone and sent a mass text to everyone in the teams. They needed to be able to have eyes on Clay while they couldn’t be there for Clay. As Jason got to work on the glass, once Ray finished texting everyone he turned his attention to the kitchen. He had just started when the front door opened and Trent walked in with Brock. 

“He asleep?” Trent asked.

“Ya.”

Jason walked back out with the dustpan full of glass. He went and dumped it into the garbage can as Brock spoke. “What happened?”

“Clay punched the mirrors in the bathrooms at some point since we’ve been gone.” Jason answered.

“His hand ok?” Trent asked, ready to go into the bedroom and check Clay’s hand.

“It looked ok. The cuts were already healing and I didn’t see anything in them. I didn’t get much of a look, he wasn’t in the mindframe for it. His hand seemed to be ok and healing.”

“I’ll look at it when he’s awake.”

“I brought food and treats for Cerb and a toy for him.” Brock said, as he placed the items down on the coffee table.

Jason gave a nod and the guys started to work on getting the apartment cleaned up. Full Metal and Sonny came in not long after and they helped as well. Once the apartment was clean they grabbed some pizza to eat. They did their best to stay quiet, not wanting to wake Clay up. Once he finished eating Sonny made his way into the bedroom and laid down on the bed. He knew Clay would sleep most of the day and night away, but he wanted to be there just in case Clay did wake up. He wanted to make sure that Clay knew he wasn't alone in this, even if he felt like he was. They were all there for him and they were not going to rest until Clay was back to his old self.

XXX

It was the next day and Clay was laying down in bed with Cerb curled up against him just mindlessly watching the tv. When he had woken up earlier this morning Sonny was snoring away in bed next to him and Jason was asleep on the couch. Clay had appreciated Sonny laying next to him to keep him company. Just knowing that Sonny had done that had brought a warmth to Clay’s chest. It meant he was safe, his brother was here, so he was safe. Clay had laid there with his eyes closed for another hour, unable to fall back asleep, before Sonny’s alarm was softly going off. Both Sonny and Jason had gotten up having to go to work, but they both made sure Clay took a shower and ate something first before he took his pill. Jason had handed him his fully charged phone and told him that he would be back once he could from work. That was a couple of hours ago and Clay hadn’t gotten out of bed since. Cerberus had been happy to lay with him and enjoy the cuddles. Jason had taken him out for a quick walk this morning so he could go to the bathroom. He had also fed him and once Cerb was finished he was curling up back into bed with Clay. 

Clay was brought out of his thoughts when his front door opened. Clay figured it must be Jason and he was able to sneak away from work. Clay was glad that he wouldn’t be alone again. He didn't like being here with just himself and his own thoughts. Having Cerb around at least offered him some comfort and someone that could be around him. Clay was surprised when it wasn’t Jason that walked into his bedroom, but Vic.

“What are you doing here?” Clay asked.

He hadn’t seen Vic since the flight back home and he had zero interest in seeing him or speaking with him. He was blaming Vic for what happened to him and he felt like he had every right to blame him. Vic had said he was a rookie and that he was the superior, making all of the attention on him. Vic should have just walked away and accepted his punishment like a man, but instead he went behind everyone’s back and went to Ash. Released classified and personal information about himself and the operation, then went to an Admiral to get placed back on the team. To get his own patch placed on his arm like he was just going to show up and replace him. Vic was a snake in the grass, something Clay had picked up from him from day one. 

“Admiral Moore sent me to pick you up. He needs to meet with you. I thought it would give us the chance to talk too.”

“I have nothing to say to you or your new best friend.”

The last thing Clay was going to be doing was getting up and going anywhere with Vic. 

“He’s not my friend. He is just a member of the Upper Brass that agreed with me. Regardless of how you feel, he is requesting your presence for one reason or another. I suggest you get up, he’s not going to be happy if this takes too long.” Vic said before he turned and headed out to wait for Clay to get ready.

Clay let out a sigh. He didn’t want to go anywhere, especially with Vic. But if Admiral Moore was looking to speak with him, he couldn’t exactly say no either. The last thing he wanted to do was get up and go someplace, but he also knew Vic wasn't going to leave unless he was in the car with him. Clay looked over at Cerb, wishing he could bring him, but it wouldn’t look good if Cerberus went everywhere with him when everyone knew that Brock was the k9 handler in Bravo. 

“Keep the bed warm for me?” Clay said to Cerberus as he forced his body to get up.

Cerb barked and wiggled over to Clay’s spot and placed his head down. Clay didn’t bother with getting changed into his uniform. He was on medical leave and if the Admiral wanted to meet with him, then this was the him he was getting. Clay put some socks on very slowly so he wouldn't upset his constantly nauseous stomach before he left his bedroom. He didn’t even look at Vic as he got his shoes and coat on. Once dressed Vic decided it was best to open his mouth.

“Good, I thought I would have to call Admiral Moore and explain you weren’t listening.” 

“Shut up.” Was all Clay said, before he headed out. 

Vic rolled his eyes as he followed behind Clay. He stayed silent until they got to his car and were heading off down the street. 

“Look, while we are trapped together, I think it would be best to clear the air.” Vic started.

“There isn’t enough wind to clear the air between us.” 

“You don’t like me, for whatever reason you never have, but that doesn’t change that you put my life in danger on that operation. I was the rookie, you were the superior, the one with more field experience within DEVGRU. You were supposed to make my safety a priority and you didn’t. You didn’t listen when I said we needed to leave and then you turned everyone against me.”

“I didn’t turn them against you, your own actions did that. And part of being in Overwatch is not leaving until everyone is safe.”

“You also have a responsibility to keep the people with you safe as well. Everyone was so worried about you, they didn’t even think to ask how I was doing. I told them I was a rookie, I was never corrected on that in Green Team. As far as I knew, you were doing the exact same thing. I had to listen as you were tortured, you think that didn’t bother me? You think I still don’t hear your screams at night? I was tortured just as much as you, the only difference is I’m forced to go through it alone because everyone is more worried about you. They are holding it all against me, even though I didn’t do anything wrong. And you are allowing it because you don’t like me. As for Ash, I didn’t have anything to do with that interview or him having that intel. You’re just looking to blame someone so you picked me. I don't know why you don't like me. I don’t know why you are bullying me and allowing the others to as well. I didn’t do anything to cause you harm. And just because I don’t have any physical injuries like you did, doesn’t change that I was hurt and tortured. It’s not so easy for me to just take a pill and make the pain go away like you can. You have the team rallying around you and I’m forced to handle it all on my own, plus deal with their abuse. You’re being selfish and cruel and I don’t deserve it.” Vic said with a false pain to his tone. 

Clay didn’t want to listen to Vic or anything he had to say. At the same time though he wasn’t so ignorant to not hear the words. He could understand how it could affect someone having to listen to someone else being tortured. He could understand it could be traumatic. He didn’t like Vic, but he had to admit that he had some valid points. No one had really paid him much attention after Clay had been found. The guys had been so focused on his health and getting him through the pain and illnesses that Vic’s trauma had been ignored. The guys were all pissed off at Vic for what he did, so was Clay, but at the same time he had done so in Green Team and no one there corrected him. If no one had corrected him, he had no reason to know that he had done anything wrong. Clay knew Vic had been getting a lot of crap from the guys within Bravo and the other teams. He also knew though, if it had been anyone else with him that they wouldn’t be getting treated this way. If the situation had been reversed and Vic had been the one to be tortured and Clay had been the one to be left alone, the guys wouldn’t have iced Clay out. They would have been happy that he was safe and they would have been there for Vic. So why should the opposite be any different then reality? Clay knew emotions were running hot with the guys and he knew they were all overprotective of him. Clay also knew though, that they had no proof that Vic reached out to Ash. They had been harder on Vic because it was him that had been hurt. As much as he didn't like Vic, Clay could admit that maybe things had been harder on Vic then it needed to be. 

Clay wasn’t ready to forgive Vic, he didn’t like him and he wanted nothing to do with him. At the same time though, he just wanted this whole mess to be over and done with. Maybe what Vic said was true, maybe he was being selfish by wanting to have the guys to himself and not around Vic. Maybe he was overreacting to everything and he had been at fault for what happened to them. He was the superior, he was supposed to protect Vic in the field, just like the guys would have him. 

“I’m sorry that the guys have been harder on you. I’ll talk with them. I’m sorry for whatever pain or trauma you’ve experienced because of me. There was a no win situation. If we left too early there was a chance that the guys would be hurt. If we stayed too late we would be hurt. It’s not a perfect scenario, I did the best that I could do to keep everyone in Bravo safe. I’m sorry I failed at keeping you safe.”

“Thank-you, I appreciate that.”

Vic was loving this. Clay was easy to manipulate right now. He wasn’t thinking straight and his mind was too busy trying to process everything else that happened to him. It was easy to spin it all around on him and make him feel like he was in the wrong. To Vic, Clay should have been the one to be tortured and not him, because he was the one that was at fault for them getting captured. Why the hell should he have to be tortured for someone else’s mistake? He wasn’t going to be punished for Clay’s fuck up and he was going to make sure Clay knew he fucked up and had to be the one to make things right. Clay owed him a lot of pain and aggravation and he was going to make sure Clay paid it all back to him one way or another. 

Vic stayed quiet the rest of the way to the base. Once there he left Clay to make his way towards Admiral Moore’s office. Clay was not feeling very optimistic about this meeting. He had no idea what Admiral Moore wanted to talk about, but he knew it wasn’t going to be anything good. He was also feeling worse after hearing how Vic felt about everything that happened on their last operation together. Clay felt like maybe he did judge Vic and he didn't give him a fair chance. Maybe he was being selfish with wanting Bravo all to himself. They were his family and he had been abandoned and left behind by Ash his whole life. Maybe his own personal childhood issues were clouding his judgements and he was taking it out on Vic. If he was, Clay knew that wouldn’t be fair to Vic and he would have to stop thinking that way or acting that way towards Vic. Clay also knew that the guys were going off of what he was feeling and they were reacting to him, something that was also unfair. 

Clay knocked on Admiral Moore’s door and waited until he was told he could enter. Once he heard the permission he opened the door and closed it behind him. He made his way over to the desk as Admiral Moore spoke.

“Special Warfare Officer Spenser, take a seat. I know you are still healing.”

Clay went and sat down as he spoke. “Thank-you Sir.”

“I wanted to speak with you alone, without your guard dogs around you to bark and pressure you. I wanted to have a conversation with you regarding your future. As you know you have extensive injuries, both physically and mentally. I have spoken with your doctor as well as our committee of physicians and they have advised me that given your current injuries and the amount of recovery time both physically and mentally, it would be best to consider giving you a medical discharge.”

Clay was shocked. He wasn’t expecting that this was going to be the reason why Admiral Moore wanted to talk. Yes, he was injured, but all of his injuries could be healed. He didn’t have anything that couldn’t be healed. He didn’t even need physical therapy, so why the talk of a medical discharge?

“All of my injuries will heal though.” Clay said, not even bothering to hide the confusion.

“The physical ones, yes, they will heal. However, the reaction from you during the debriefing had brought up some concerns for your mental injuries. You have been showing the early stages of PTSD, which you know you can’t operate with. I think you need to seriously think about how well you will recover from your injuries Spenser. I don’t mean this in a negative way. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Mentally speaking, the chances of you ever recovering from the trauma is very slim. The PTSD will get worse and soon you won’t be able to handle this life. A medical discharge is nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of operators have taken one. A medical discharge still gives you health benefits. You will still be receiving a portion of your pay, it will just be switched to a disability payment. I have also spoken with the Committee and they have agreed to release whatever pension you have accumulated since you started nine years ago. You would get it as a lump sum to help with any bills that you have. Disability rates vary, but for you we were able to secure you with only a twenty-five percent pay cut. You would get seventy-five percent of your annual salary, which is a great rate. You will be able to get that indefinitely, you could also work again somewhere later on down the road if you felt like you could handle it. It’s a great package, one that not a lot of operators would receive. We wanted to give you something a bit different due to the injuries you incurred while serving this country. You would need to sign a non-disclosure agreement, so you wouldn’t be able to talk about anything that happened to you while you have been in service, including being captured. That is standard procedure for everyone that leaves the military. I have that package for you to review. There’s a six month expiration date on it. I know this isn’t an easy decision to make. Review it, let me know if you have any questions and when you are ready, sign it.” Admiral Moore handed Clay the package.

Clay took it, but his whole body was numb. He had no idea what he was going to do or how he felt about any of this. He didn't want to leave the military, but at the same time Admiral Moore wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t operate if he had PTSD. Clay wasn’t foolish enough to believe that he would be fine once his physical injuries healed. He knew that wasn’t the case. He knew he had a flashback in his bathroom a couple of weeks ago. He knew it would only get worse. But did that mean he was ready to throw in the towel? 

“Thank-you, I’ll review it Sir.”

“Take care of yourself Spenser.”

Clay just gave a distant nod as he got up and headed out of the office. Clay was just numb at this point. He had no idea what he was going to do about any of this. He wasn't sure how he felt about it or what he thought. All he did know was that he didn’t want to be here right now. He didn’t want to be around people. He wanted to be curled up in his bed with Cerberus. Clay made his way out of the base and called a cab, he just wanted to be home and that is exactly where he was going to be. He would figure out the rest later when he was able to bring himself to give a damn to think about it. Right now he was just too tired to be doing anything else but to keep breathing. That was all he could handle and for now, that was just going to have to be good enough. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember that all of my stories will have a happy ending. So even if it seems like this is not going to end well, I promise it does!


	10. Chapter 10

It was a week later when the guys were making their way off the plane. They had been spun up the very next day from getting back and they had been gone for six days. Thankfully this time around though Alpha hadn’t been spun up so Derek was able to check in on Clay. At least for the first four days. They had been spun up themselves three days ago. It was getting to be a balancing act, one the guys were fairly confident they were losing. They were at least back once again and they would be able to see Clay and make sure he was ok. Jason was really hoping the next time they got spun up they wouldn’t need Cerb so Clay would have someone there with him. They guys headed into their cage room to put their gear away so they could all head out and go and see Clay. They had just placed their gear down on the ground when Davis walked into the room.

“You guys are wanted in your war room.”

“Hell no, we cannot be getting spun up again.” Sonny said, annoyed that they seemed to be very busy all of a sudden. Clay needed them and they were constantly having to leave him to deal with some asshole overseas.

“I don’t know what is going on, I’m heading there myself. Blackburn just said to have you guys in the war room.” Davis said, with understanding to her voice, She had been worried about Clay as well. She knew the guys wanted to be there for him, that they needed to be there for him. It’s why she had been taking on extra tasks on base so the guys didn’t need to be here. 

“Let’s go and see what the hell is going on real quick and then we can get out of here.” Jason said. 

He was hoping like hell that they would be getting out of here. The very last thing he wanted to do was call Clay and tell him they wouldn’t be coming home. The guys made their way towards their war room and once there, no one sat down. They didn’t want to get comfortable, they didn’t want to sit down and listen to another briefing. They wanted to put their gear into their cage and head the hell out of here. They had to check in on Clay. 

“This won’t take long, I know you all are anxious to go and see Clay.” Blackburn started.

“What’s going on?” Jason asked, looking to get things moving.

“I just got word from the Upper Brass. Seal Team Three were set to go on tour within Brazil, but on their last operation four out of the six were injured. With no other Seal Team available for a three month tour the Upper Brass have asked for Alpha to go in their place. Alpha will be going on tour within the next few days. However, they were set to go on tour in J-Bad in three days. With Alpha no longer able to go to J-Bad it goes to the next team that was set to relieve them. That team as you know is Bravo.” Blackburn answered.

“We’re going on tour?” Sonny asked, just as shocked as the rest of them.

This was the worst case scenario right here. They couldn’t go on tour, not when Clay was this injured and sick still. He needed them. They couldn’t just leave him for three months. On operations was bad enough, but this would be three solid months, they weren’t ready for that. 

“Bravo has been ordered to get ready for tour. We leave in seventy-two hours. All of us.” Blackburn said, as he looked right at Jason. He knew Jason wouldn’t want to leave, unfortunately it wasn’t that simple.

“I can’t leave in three days for tour. I can’t leave Clay that long. I was supposed to be off for six weeks with him.” Jason instantly argued.

“I tried, Captain Lindell tried, to get you on a stand down this time. However, as Bravo One you have to go. We tried to argue that Full Metal could step in as Bravo One for this tour, but due to you not being injured there was no reason to grant your request. According to the Upper Brass, Clay is not your biological child and there is no family emergency that would keep you from tour. Him being injured and recovering from being captured does not qualify as a valid reason to make an entire team stand down.”

“This is bullshit. Everyone knows that Clay is Jason’s kid.” Sonny instantly argued.

“Which isn’t a problem for the people that like Jason and Clay, but for the ones that hate either of them, it’s just another area to attack the both of them.” Ray pointed out.

“He’s not ready Eric. He’s only been back for a month. He’s still in pain, he’s still sick and that is before you factor in his mind. He’s smashing mirrors with his fists, he’s leaving every light on in his place, leaving both tvs on. He’s going to get worse if we aren’t there to help get him started on healing. It’s only been a month.” Jason said. 

It was Clay’s mental health that he was most worried about. He hadn’t had the chance to talk to Clay about the mirrors or how he was handling things yet, because they were spun up before he got the chance. Clay was in trouble and they needed the time to help him with the mental pain before it consumed him even more. Jason wasn’t worried about the physical injuries, he knew those would heal. He was worried about the mental ones. He was worried about losing his son, about coming back only to find a shell of the man that he was. Clay was too special to be a ghost. He had too much life left to live to be a ghost.

“I know Jason, and I’m sorry. We tried, but we couldn’t get you out of it. All we can do is get ready for tour and prepare the best that we can. You said you were going to have the other teams checking in on Clay, make sure there is a schedule or rotation set up so they can keep checking in on him while you are away. We are wheels up in seventy-two hours. You have the next three days to get everything in order at home and with Clay.”

The guys couldn't believe this, but at the same time they knew they didn’t have a choice. They couldn’t just say no to going on tour. They didn’t have a choice in the matter, they were going whether they wanted to or not. All they could do was accept it and focus their mind on what needed to be done so they could be ready to go on tour. The guys headed out and Jason broke off to go and look for Beau. Beau was going to be the one to keep the spare key in his cage for the others when they needed it. Jason wasn't surprised that everyone, including the new Echo team, had all agreed to be there and check in on Clay while they were away on operations. Clay hadn’t ran with most of the teams, Bravo and Alpha tended to run together, but that didn’t change that everyone within DEVGRU cared for Clay and liked him. Clay was very easy to like, to love, and everyone knew he was the future of the teams. It was men like Clay that would shape the future of DEVGRU and that was something special, something precious that needed to be protected. Jason found Beau in the hallway and he gave a nod to let Beau know he needed to speak with him. Beau stood off to the side and Jason went over and leaned his right shoulder against the wall. 

“Word just came down, Alpha is having to go on tour for Team Three after four of their guys got injured. Bravo is leaving for J-Bad in three days. I have to go with them.”

“Leaving the kid alone for three months.” Beau said with understanding to his voice.

All of the other teams had been shocked when they heard that Clay and Vic had been captured. It rocked them all down to their core to know that not one, but two Seals had been captured. They were all waiting to find videos of their execution online. It was a huge relief when they heard that both Clay and Vic would be ok and recover. Within the past month though a lot had gone down and all of it was shocking to Beau. To know that Vic had saved his own ass at the expense of Clay was disgusting and went against everything they all stood for. Beau liked regulations and he preferred to run his team as a unit and not a family like Jason, but that didn’t change that he cared for everyone in his team and he could not imagine one of them ever throwing the other under the bus to save their own ass. Vic had even made it worse when he went and fought against being kicked out of DEVGRU. He went and played the victim and made it seem like Clay was the one being petty and selfish. He had even went to Ash and released classified intel. Regardless of what the Upper Brass didn’t find, everyone knew it was Vic. Vic was a disgrace to DEVGRU and all of them were looking to ice him out and get him out of their lives for good. Especially Clay’s.

“Here’s the spare key, are you still good with keeping it in your cage?” Jason asked, as he pulled the key from his pocket.

“Ya, we got him. I’ll make sure the guys all know and we’ll get on a rotation so someone is checking in on him once a day. What do we need to know?”

“He has an alarm set on his phone to go off every eight hours for him to take his CBD pills. He’s pretty tired and he spends most of the time in his bed. He’s supposed to go back to the hospital in three weeks to see Dr. Ross for another blood test. He has to get his blood tested for HIV. He can’t be driving right now.”

“I’ll make sure someone takes him. If I’m here, then I’ll take him.” 

“There is one other thing that we have been keeping quiet, but it’s making him pretty sick. His last blood work came back that he has Hep B.”

“Fuck.” Beau said, as he closed his eyes for a moment. He knew Hep B was curable, but he also knew from first-hand experience with his brother that it could make you very sick for months. 

“He’s pretty sick still with being nauseous and he has a headache a lot. It’s hard to say if it’s from the Hep B or his concussion. There’s nothing we can do, but manage the symptoms. Dr. Ross didn’t give him any added medication because he is taking the CBD and that is helping with the symptoms. The issue is making sure Clay sticks with the schedule so the symptoms don’t have the chance to grow out of control.”

“My kid brother had it a few years back after his asshole of a boyfriend cheated and gave it to him. It knocked him on his ass for six months, even had to take him to the hospital he was so sick from it a few times. He lost forty pounds, he dropped all the way down to one-ten. It’s curable on its own but it can be a real bitch on your body. I’ll make sure to tell everyone that he has to take his meds for his concussion side effects.”

“Appreciate it. I gotta go and see him. He doesn’t know about any of this. Thanks Beau.” Jason said sincerely.

“We’ll get him through this.” Beau promised. He knew how much Jason cared for Clay and if Beau had someone he cared about that much within DEVGRU, he would want the others to be supportive and looking out for him as well. 

Jason gave a nod and he headed off for the cage room. He needed to get his stuff in order real quick so he could head out and see Clay. He had to make sure that Clay was ok and get everything in order for when they left for three months.

XXX

It was a couple hours later when everyone in Bravo, minus Vic, headed to Clay’s place. They were all anxious to see Clay and they wanted to get eyes on him as soon as possible. Once there they were practically running into the apartment building and up to Clay’s apartment. They didn't know what his condition would be like or his apartment this time around. The guys figured they would check in on him and then one of them could always go out and grab some food for them for dinner. Once at Clay’s apartment Jason used his key to unlock the door. The second they walked in they were welcomed by the sound of Clay throwing up. They all saw Clay on the couch with a bucket in his hands as he threw up. Jason was instantly going to Clay and placed his hand on the back of Clay’s neck as he spoke.

“It’s alright Sunshine.”

Trent went and grabbed a clean cloth and got it wet with some cold water. He brought it back over and placed it along the back of Clay’s neck to try and settle his stomach. After a moment Clay stopped throwing up and Jason took the bucket from him. Ray took it and brought it into the bathroom to empty while Sonny handed Clay a glass of water. Clay took a small drink and the guys all saw that his body was shaking slightly. Jason took the glass back from Clay once he was finished and he placed it down on the coffee table. Jason helped to get Clay laying down on the couch and he placed the cool cloth against his forehead to help his stomach. He could also feel the fever that Clay seemed to have developed.

“How long have you been sick?” Trent asked.

“It got bad a few days ago. I’ve been really tired, but the throwing up started last night.” Clay said with a shaky voice.

“Have you taken your pill?” Jason asked.

“I did last night, but it didn’t stay down.”

“I’m going to go and get my kit and check you over. I also have injectables, I can give you a shot of the CBD to help settle your stomach back down so you can take a pill.” Trent said, as he headed out. 

Clay closed his eyes as he tried to get his stomach to settle back down. He heard the whine of Cerberus and he couldn’t help but give a small smile. He missed Cerb.

“He doesn’t like being kept from you.” Brock said.

“I missed him.”

Jason reached over and ran his hand through Clay’s hair. The guys didn’t say anything, they wanted to wait until Trent could check Clay over and give him a shot of the CBD to hopefully settle his stomach and allow Clay to get back on track. Trent came back a few minutes later and did a quick check over Clay. He gave him an injectable as Ray spoke.

“You don’t have any food Clay.” 

“Was gonna go, but too sick.”

“I’ll do a food run shortly for ya.” Sonny offered.

“You have a small fever, but that is a side effect from the Hep B. Your lungs sound good. I think it’s safe to say that your pneumonia is gone fully. We just need to get a grip on your side effects from the Hep B and you should be in a better position. The injectable will help to settle your stomach and it should kick that fever as well.” Trent said.

The guys moved around to settle down and to get ready for the conversation that was going to have to be had. They didn’t want to tell Clay about leaving for tour, but they also couldn’t just ignore it and not tell him until they were leaving. That wasn’t fair to Clay and he deserved the right to know when they did. Full Metal noticed some paperwork on Clay’s kitchen countertop and he couldn’t help but read the cover page of them. He picked them up and handed them over to Jason as he spoke.

“Jase.”

Jason took the paperwork and he was instantly pissed off. It was a medical discharge package that someone within the Upper Brass had given to Clay. He was pissed that Clay had it, but he was also pissed that Clay would have had to go in for it. He was in no condition to be driving or going outside to the base for meetings. He needed to be resting and recovering. Jason quickly scanned through it and saw that it was a very impressive medical discharge package. If it had been given to Clay under different circumstances it would have been very generous. However, Jason knew that this was the Upper Brass’ way of pushing Clay out. Tempting him with an unbelievable medical discharge package to try and take advantage of Clay’s current mental status. This was a fuck you, not a thanks for serving your country.

“Sunshine, when did you get this?” Jason asked, proud that he had been able to keep the rage from flooding his voice.

“The morning on the day you guys left.” Clay answered, without having to open his eyes. He knew it was only a matter of time before the guys found it in his kitchen.

“Who gave it to you?” Jason asked, as he handed the package over to Ray. 

“Admiral Moore.”

“Medical discharge package. Clay did you sign this?” Ray asked, shocked.

“I have six months to decide if I want to sign it or not.”

“How did you get to the base?” Jason asked.

“Vic showed up to take me in when Admiral Moore requested me.”

“How did you get home?” Full Metal asked this time.

“Took a cab.”

The guys were all pissed off right now. Not just about the medical discharge package, but the fact that Vic came here and picked Clay up and took him to the base, but didn’t even wait around to take him back home. He didn’t even come to them and tell them that Admiral Moore wanted to speak with Clay. They could have gone to get him. They could have gotten Blackburn or Lindell to postpone it. Yet once again Vic didn’t do anything to help Clay or to even inform them that something was going on. 

“Son, we’re not at this point yet of you having to sign a medical discharge. Admiral Moore is just trying to get you out of the Navy because of Ash. You aren’t there yet.” Jason said, gently.

“Clay, all of your injuries can heal. You don’t have anything that will have lasting damage done to you.” Trent added.

Clay let out a sigh before he opened his eyes. He knew the guys weren’t going to let this go. He hadn’t signed the package yet and he didn’t know if he was going to sign it. He had six months before it would no longer be valid. Clay figured he would just wait and see how he felt about it in a few weeks or a couple of months when he was no longer so sick and injured. He did not want to have this conversation right now, but he knew they wouldn’t just let it go. To them, he was going to heal and then be right back with them, but Clay didn’t know if that would actually happen. What Admiral Moore said about mental trauma was true. Clay could feel it creeping up at him all the time. He wasn’t foolish enough or stupid enough to believe that he would skate by and not develop any problems after what he went through. 

“It’s not the physical injuries that are up for debate. If I agree to the medical discharge it will be due to irrevocable mental trauma.”

“You haven’t been evaluated by a shrink yet. You don’t know if you will have PTSD from what happened. Yes, you are struggling right now, but anyone would after what you have been through. They are jumping the gun.” Jason said.

“I didn’t sign it. I’m waiting to see what happens over the next couple of months.”

“You’re going to be ok Clay.” Sonny said with strength to his voice.

“Sure.” Clay simply said and it was clear to the guys that he was not in the mood to talk about this. 

“We need to talk about what happened to your bathroom mirrors, Sunshine.” Jason said, changing the topic slightly. 

“It was nothing.” Clay said, and the guys could see he was starting to clam up. They were hoping to get something out of him without having to pull teeth to get it. They didn’t have time to be handling this with kid gloves. They had to leave in less than three days.

“It’s not nothing to punch mirrors Clay. You could have seriously hurt your hand. We need to talk about it. What was going through your mind that made you do that?” Jason said.

Clay let out a small sigh as he closed his eyes. If he was going to have this conversation he wasn’t going to be looking at them while he did it. 

“I was in the bathroom one minute and the next I was back there. I don’t know how long I was gone for, but when my mind snapped back I was in my bathroom. I saw my reflection and I didn’t want to see what they had done to me.”

“That was a flashback Clay.” Ray said gently.

The guys were all hurting at hearing how Clay couldn’t even handle seeing his own reflection. That the pain was so bad he had no other choice but to punch both mirrors into oblivion. To know that he had a flashback and had to deal with it on his own. That they weren’t there for him. What made it worse was knowing that they weren’t going to be there for him again over the next three months. 

“I know.” Clay simply said.

“Has it happened since?” Jason asked.

“No. I don’t want to talk about it.” Clay said, shutting down fully.

The guys all knew by the tone in Clay’s voice that they were never going to be able to get him to open up about it right now. They would have to wait until he was ready for that and hopefully he would be more willing to talk sooner rather than later when it could be too late. 

“Did Vic give you a hard time when he came here?” Full Metal asked.

“You guys need to go easier on him.” 

“Fuck that. What the fuck did that little bitch say to you?” Sonny said, pissed off now. The very last thing he was going to be doing was being nice to Vic. Not now, not ever.

“He had valid points. I was the superior, I was the one with the responsibility of keeping him safe. I failed him in that regard. Besides, I know that mental torture is worse then physical. I get to have both.”

“You being his superior on the team, doesn’t change that he has five years of experience in the field over you. Nor does it exclude the fact that he threw you under the bus when he told them you were his superior and he was a rookie. If he hadn’t said anything, and they picked you over him on their own, then yes we would have handled this differently, but that’s not what happened.” Jason explained.

“Except if it had been me and anyone else on the team that got captured, everyone would have been there for the both of us. Regardless of if one was more physically injured then the other.”

“If any one of us were there instead of Vic, we would have told them that you were the rookie to spare you.” Ray countered. 

“But you wouldn’t have allowed me to go home by myself. Injured or not you would have acknowledged that I was still hurt from listening to someone’s screams on the other side of the wall. You would have understood that I wasn’t ok. You didn’t do that with Vic. You were too angry at his choice of words and you let that dictate your actions. No one told him he couldn’t say that he was a rookie, not even after SERE, How was he supposed to know that he wasn’t supposed to say that? And any of you would be feeling guilty and responsible if it was me and you in that position. There seems to be a double standard with Vic and it’s hard not to listen to him or see his point of view when you would have acted differently if he hadn’t been the one with me.”

“If Vic hadn’t told them he was a rookie, then yes we would have acted differently towards him. However, he knew whether he was told or not in SERE, that if he told them that he was a rookie and you were his superior that they would leave him alone. He made the wrong choice to put his own welfare and safety over that of yours. If the situation had been reversed and you said you were the rookie and put the attention on Vic, we would have been just as pissed off at you. We would have punished you severely. We wouldn’t have kicked you out, no, but you are the future of this team and that means we are more protective of you. Vic knew that when he came onto the team that you were the future Bravo One and that his job would be to watch out for you and protect you, just like all of us do. The fact that Vic threw you under the bus is what is unforgettable and the reason why we had to kick him out. It wasn’t about mental trauma or we thought you were in the wrong and we had to cover for you. He was in the wrong the second he said he was a rookie and you were the superior.” Jason explained.

“And that is before you factor in him going to Admiral Moore and getting himself placed back on Bravo with the Bravo Six patch. Then whatever the hell he told Ash about that operation and your injuries. He broke a trust and you can’t just ignore that or pretend like it didn’t happen. He can’t walk back his actions. Actions that reflect his personality, something he didn’t show us at first.” Ray added.

“Everyone just needs to move on. He’s not going anywhere and causing more hostility within the group will only result in you being in danger or hurt. Just let it go, it’s not worth it.” 

Clay was done with this conversation. He said his peace and now he just wanted to be able to sleep. He was exhausted from being sick all night and he just wanted to finally sleep before his stomach got upset again. He didn’t want a group watching him and he didn’t want to talk right now. 

“You are always going to be worth the fight Clay.” Jason said with a strength to his voice. 

“Sure” Clay got up off the couch and started to make his way towards the bedroom.

“Where are you going?” Trent asked.

Clay gave an annoyed sigh before he turned to look at the others. “To bed. I’m tired, I just want to sleep. I appreciate you coming by, but I just want to sleep.”

“We need to talk to you about something first Son.” Jason said.

“You just did.” Clay said annoyed.

Jason nor the guys were bothered by the annoyance in Clay’s voice. They knew he was going through a lot and that he wasn’t feeling all that great. They couldn’t hold it against him.

“Alpha was set to leave in three days for J-Bad for their tour. However, four guys on Team Three were injured on their last operation, preventing the team from going on tour in Brazil. With no other Seal teams available the Upper Brass are going to be sending Alpha to Brazil instead. Bravo has been ordered to leave for J-Bad in three days for their three month tour.” Jason said, knowing that it was better to just tell Clay instead of drawing it out. He was tired and just looking to get some sleep. He also wasn’t in the mood to tiptoe around right now. 

Fear was instantly gripping Clay tight around his throat. He didn’t want the guys to be gone for three months. He didn’t want Jason and Cerb to be gone for three months. He had barely managed to make it through a week, he had no idea how he was going to handle being alone for three months. Three months with no one to distract him from his thoughts. Three months of having to deal with the Hep B and the side effects all on his own. He would have to figure out how to go out and get groceries, he would need to actually do laundry and clean, something that used to be so easy for him now felt like a herculean task. Doing anything other than breathing lately had been hard for him. He was barely hanging on as he tried his best to function, but Clay knew he was seconds away from failing every second of the day. And now he was going to be completely on his own. His family would be thousands of miles away, just like they were when he was laying in a hospital bed for a month after multiple surgeries on his legs. He had to go through it all without them, only this time around he wouldn’t have Swaney there to help him through the bulk of it. On the other side of things though, he couldn’t let the guys know just how much he had been struggling. He couldn’t have them too worried about him that they went and got hurt or killed. Clay could never forgive himself for that. He had to put on a brave face so they wouldn’t worry as much about him. 

“Ok. Wish I could go with you and have your six. Are the guys in Team Three going to be ok?”

“From the sounds of it, they’ll be fine. Blackburn tried to find a way for me to stay behind, but nothing worked.” Jason started, but Clay cut him off.

“You should be there with them. You guys are better when you are all together instead of broken up. Don’t worry about me, just focus on coming back alive. I’ll be here when you get back.”

“We’re gonna check in with you everyday and the guys from the other teams are going to be checking in on you too. They’ll help you with whatever you need.” Jason said.

“Ok, I’ll be fine though really. Don’t worry about me over there. Just worry about coming back Dad. Look, I’m exhausted; I didn’t sleep last night. I gotta get some sleep before my stomach flips on me again.”

“Ya, let’s get you into bed.” Jason said with understanding as he got up.

He walked with Clay into his bedroom with Cerberus right behind them. Cerb was instantly up on the bed and claiming his stop. Clay got under the covers and curled up with Cerb as Jason spoke.

“I’m sorry about having to leave for tour.”

“Don’t be. It’s who you are and you should be out there with them. I’ll just be resting for the most part anyways. Besides I recovered from two traumatic leg injuries, this is nothing.” Clay said with complete false confidence in his voice. He was only putting up a front for Jason because he didn’t want Jason to be distracted while over there. He had to show that he was fine enough to be left on his own. Once he was alone he could stop pretending.

“Alright, well I’ll be here for the next three days so we can make sure you have everything you might need and get everything set up to make things easier on you. For now, just sleep. Your body needs it.”

“Good night.”

“Good night Sunshine.” 

Jason headed out of the room and closed the door most of the way. He could see that all of the guys were worried and they weren’t really buying that Clay was perfectly ok with them going on tour. The problem was, there was nothing they could do about it right now, they had to leave whether they liked it or not. All they could do was hope that when they did return Clay would be ok and finally on the road to healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so the next chapter will jump to three months later at the end of the guys’ tour. It will be them getting home and finding Clay.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So someone reviewed and mentioned they were sick of the plot line with Vic, that it was getting dragged out and they wanted me to just end it. First, nope my story I’ll drag it out as long as I want. Second, it will come to an end at chapter 20 when the story is complete. Third, this is not a story that revolves around Vic, but the recovery of Clay. Anything that Vic has to do is designed to hinder Clay’s recovery from what happened and to save his own ass. As stated in my story, Vic used a burner phone to contact Ash, there is no phone log, texts or emails that trace back to him. They can’t just magically find something that they can use. So Mandy has to get crafty, which she will in Chapter 20. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Three months had never felt so long before in their entire lives. The guys had done their best to keep their head in the game and make sure they all survived tour. They were all very happy that they were coming back in not only one piece, but no injuries. It was an easy tour and they didn’t have any major events. They were able to help eliminate some higher up terrorists, but the victory was short lived as they all knew they would be back here next year going after the same terrorist cells. It was an endless merry-go-round, but they were going to keep going round and round until something changed. Once the plane touched down the guys were practically running to their vehicles. They needed to see Clay. Over the last three months contact with Clay had slowly dwindled down to nothing. At first Clay was good about getting back to their text messages or answering their phone calls. The other teams had made sure to come by and see Clay. However, after three weeks they were constantly being spun up with two teams out on tour. Leaving Clay mostly all on his own for the past two months. They had no idea what condition he was going to be in. The communication with him almost completely died off. They would hear from him once a week just enough to let them know he was alive, but the text message was just one word, fine, and that was it. 

They were all worried about what condition Clay was going to be in when they got there. All they could do was get to his apartment and handle whatever was going to come their way. If Clay was in rough shape, Jason would handle him while the guys handled the apartment. They were all prepared for the worst case scenario at this point. They would assess Clay and his apartment, then handle whatever he needed from there. They arrived at Clay’s apartment and they were quickly heading inside and up the elevator. 

“How bad do you think this is going to be?” Sonny asked, as they rode the elevator.

“I don't know. I’m expecting bad. All we can do is be there for him and do what we can. We have two weeks off to help him with everything. We also have two weeks to get him to finally agree to speak with a shrink.” Jason said, already feeling stressed by the situation already.

“Do you think he will?” Trent asked.

“He doesn’t have a choice. It’s been four months since the capture, it’s time he speaks with someone and gets started on healing mentally. We only have two months before that medical discharge expires and I don’t want him to sign it without having all of the information. If a shrink says that he has PTSD and he will never recover from it, then I will support his decision to sign. But we don’t know what a shrink will say, he might be able to recover if he puts the work in.”

“I agree. He needs to talk to a professional so we have a better understanding of what is going on with his head.” Ray agreed.

They arrived at Clay’s floor and they headed down to his apartment. Jason used his key once again and the second they all walked in, they were shocked. The apartment was worse than it had ever been. There were take out containers all over the kitchen, coffee table, and floor. There were empty whiskey bottles all over the place. The floor was covered in newspapers, books and garbage. There was a distinct smell in the apartment from the garbage bags that were everywhere. It was a complete mess and spoke very loudly about Clay’s state of mind. The weird part was, there were no lights on or the tv on. A quick look at the stove indicated that there was no power as the clock was not there. There were candles all over the place some whole and others were melted down into nothing just left where they melted. In the midst of all of this was Clay sitting on the couch just staring off into space. He was in need of a shower and his beard had yet to be shaved. He had lost weight, close to thirty pounds and his skin was very pale with his eyes blood red with bags so dark it looked like he had two black eyes. He wasn’t sleeping and he was not doing well at all. 

Cerberus was the first one that jumped into action. He ran over to where Clay was and jumped up on the couch. Instantly curling up into Clay’s chest. The guys were moving over to Clay. Jason bent down next to Clay and spoke.

“Sunshine, can you hear me?”

When Clay didn’t respond Cerberus barked, but again they were met with nothing. Clay’s body was trembling and they knew they needed to get him into bed. He needed sleep and he needed it desperately.

“Use the salt, but be careful he could be having a flashback.” Trent advised.

Jason pulled out the smelling salts and waved it around underneath Clay’s nose. It took a moment before Clay’s eyes blinked and he was startled out of his thoughts. Jason gave him a warm smile as he spoke.

“Hey, it’s ok Son, you’re safe.”

“Not safe. You have to whisper, if they hear you they come in. They know you are awake. They can’t hear you, they don’t come. It’s not safe, they’re always there, always listening.” Clay whispered with a great deal of panic in his voice.

“Clay.” Jason started, but Trent placed a hand on his shoulder stopping him.

Trent went and sat down on the couch as he whispered. “Clay, can you tell me where we are?” 

“I don’t know, forest somewhere.” Clay answered.

“You’re not in the forest. You are back at your home. Can you feel Cerberus?” Trent gently said.

Clay looked over and saw that Cerb was here with him. He was pressing himself against him and trying to offer whatever comfort he could. Clay could also tell though that Cerb wasn’t wearing his vest. He couldn’t be in the field without one, so he couldn’t still be in that room. Clay looked around and the guys could tell he was still confused about what was going on, but he seemed to be understanding that he was back in his home. 

“What happened?” Clay asked confused.

“I think you just had a flashback Clay. It’s ok, you’re alright.” Trent calmly explained.

“I think you are just tired Son. Why don’t we go and you can take a shower and get into bed.” Jason suggested. Clay needed sleep and then hopefully his mind would be able to function better.

“Sleep is bad. You see things when you sleep and I don’t want to see them anymore. No sleep.” Clay said with a shaky voice.

“Ok, that’s ok. Why don’t you shower and then we can relax together with Cerb?” Jason tried this time. He just needed to get Clay cleaned and then laying down in bed. Once he was in bed then he would fall asleep, he just needed him laying down to make that happen. 

“No sleep?” Clay asked, looking for confirmation.

“Nope, you don’t have to.” Jason easily agreed. 

They could all see Clay thinking about it for a moment, but he did finally give a nod in agreement. Jason helped to get Clay up and he swayed slightly, but Jason was there to keep him up. Jason got Clay into his bathroom with Cerberus right behind them. Trent went into the bedroom and stripped the sheets off the bed. They were covered in sweat stains and the blanket and pillows were all over the place. Sonny went and grabbed some clean towels and clothes for Clay. He passed them over to Jason, before Jason closed the door to help Clay get into the shower. Sonny helped Trent to change the bed sheets and pillow cases. They also grabbed a clean blanket and worked together to make the bed. Once that was finished Sonny went around and collected all of the dirty laundry and anything that was on the floor and tossed it into a few laundry baskets before him and Trent carried them out. The bedroom was at least semi clean. It was clean enough that Clay could be in it. The front door opened and Derek walked in. He instantly froze on the spot as he saw the state of the apartment.

“Holy fuck.” Derek said, as he tried to take it all in.

“Ya, it’s bad. We got here a few minutes ago. There’s no power, it doesn't look like he’s left this place the whole time. He was in a flashback when we got here. Jase has him in the bathroom to get him showered. He wants to try and get Clay to sleep, but Clay said sleep was bad. He looked like he hadn’t slept in four or five days.” Ray summarized.

“I thought the other teams were looking out for him.” Derek said, trying to get his mind to focus.

“They have been, but they’ve been getting sent out with having an extra team gone. He’s basically been on his own for the past two months and it shows.” Ray answered.

“Ok, what do you need?” Derek asked. He was exhausted from just getting back from his own tour, but he couldn’t just leave with this place looking like this.

“All the cleaning supplies you got.” Trent answered.

“Alright divide and conquer. Jason has the kid, he will get him sleeping. Sonny, you got laundry, Brock and me will handle the garbage and recycling, Ray you work on the dishes. Derek and Trent you start scrubbing everything and then we’ll all help once we get ours done.” Full Metal said taking control of the situation. Them all standing here looking at the mess was not going to get it cleaned up. 

They all got into action and started to work their way through the apartment. Jason had Clay and they needed to focus on the apartment until Jason was able to get Clay to sleep. 

XXX

Jason stood in the bathroom and waited while Clay got showered. He made sure to talk to him and tell him about the tour. Anything really just so Clay would stay in the present and not slip away in his mind. It was taking everything in him though to not scream or break down and cry at the state of this place. At the state of the place where his own son had been living in. They had two weeks off now, but that was just two weeks off. Clay needed more than that, he needed a lot more. Jason had no idea what he was going to do, he needed to get Clay in to speak to someone, but he knew it wasn’t going to be that simple. Clay had obviously not left his home in months and Jason was worried it was because he was too afraid to leave. He needed to start getting Clay help, he couldn’t let this go on any longer. Clay didn’t have any more time to give. They were less than two months away from Clay having to sign those discharge papers and with how things were looking, it wasn’t looking good. Clay needed to get help, they needed to know if he would ever be able to recover from what happened or if Jason needed to start to figure out another plan for him. He didn’t care if Clay returned to Bravo or not, he cared about Clay being able to leave the house. He cared about Clay being able to function, to still have a real life and not one that was spent in this house. 

It was a few minutes later when the shower turned off and Clay got out. Jason handed him a towel and Clay quickly dried off. Jason was able to see just how thin Clay had gotten. All of his muscles were gone and Jason could almost see his ribs. His son was fading away before his eyes, both physically and mentally. He needed to do something before Clay was gone forever. Once Clay was dressed Jason opened the bathroom door and saw that the bedroom was cleaned up enough that Clay could be in it. Jason got Clay laying down in bed and Cerberus was instantly curling up against Clay’s side. Clay laid on his left side and curled into Cerb as Jason went around to the other side and got into the bed. Jason moved his hand and started to run it through Clay’s hair as he spoke.

“Why don’t you close your eyes and just relax.” 

“I can’t sleep, I can’t see it anymore Dad.” Clay said in a broken voice.

“It’s ok, you won’t see it. Your body is so exhausted you won’t even dream. And I am right here and so is Cerb, we’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

“I’m broken.” Clay said, as tears built in his eyes.

“No, no you’re not Son. You are going to be ok, I’m going to make sure you are ok. Don’t think about that right now, just focus on Cerb. He’s really missed you.”

Jason just wanted him to sleep. His mind would be able to function better once he got some sleep. Clay curled up into Cerb and after a moment Jason watched as Clay’s eyes got too heavy and they finally closed. Jason continued to lay there and ran his hand through Clay’s hair. He needed to find a solution, because Clay couldn’t do this for much longer. He was going to help him get through this, no matter what. Jason continued to lie there with Clay for a good thirty minutes before he knew he was fully in a deep sleep. Jason slowly moved out of the bed and headed out to the living room to join the others. He saw that the garbage and recycling was gone and they were working on the dishes and cleaning everything. Jason saw Derek was also here.

“Hey man.” Jason said to Derek.

“Hey, he asleep?”

“Ya, finally. He was too scared to sleep, he doesn’t want to dream. He thinks he’s broken.” Jason said with a deep pain to his voice to the others.

“He’s not broken, he’s just banged up right now.” Sonny said.

“I know, I know. I just didn’t expect all of this to be what would happen when we walked in. Did you find his bills?” Jason said, trying to get his mind to focus on what needed to be done. 

“Nope, there isn’t anything here past two weeks after we left for tour, so his mail is still in his mailbox. We also got delivery receipts for take out and food, on the receipt under instructions for the driver it says buzz and place out front of door, do not knock.” Ray answered.

“Loud sudden noises could scare him and trigger something. He hasn’t left for his mail, which is out by the main entrance. He hasn’t even left to take the garbage down the hallway. He’s afraid to leave his house.” Trent supplied.

“Is that a sign of PTSD?” Full Metal asked.

“It can be. It’s more of the fear of not being safe. He’s created a world in here where nothing can come in outside of his control. No one comes in, he doesn’t have to worry about someone attacking him. If he leaves he has to think about possible attackers. His mind would be going into overdrive and the act of leaving becomes impossible. It would bring up anxiety and without someone there to give him that push he needs, he will stay inside because it’s just easier for him to do it.” Trent explained.

“We can get him outside tomorrow. We can take Cerb with us and get him on the front step. We’ll take it step by step until he is able to be out there. We also need to talk to him about speaking with someone. He needs to talk to a shrink, we don’t have a choice anymore.” Jason said.

“He needs to talk to someone. He’s gone too long without it.” Ray agreed.

“Let’s get this place finished and then we can get some food. He’s going to sleep all night.” Jason said with a sigh.

The guys all agreed and together they worked on getting the whole place cleaned up and back in order. Sonny did a food run while Full Metal headed out to pick up some food for dinner for them. Brock headed out with Clay’s bank card to go to the power company and pay his past due bills to get the power turned back on. They were all going to stay for a few hours before they would head hom. Sonny was going to crash here and then tomorrow they would all meet up back here to help get Clay outside. They were going to make sure he knew he wasn’t alone in this fight. 

XXX

It was around noon the next day by the time Clay emerged from his bedroom. The first thing he noticed was that the power was back on. His television was playing when he woke up. He didn’t know how it got turned back on, as he hadn’t paid it in a few months. The second thing Clay noticed was that his room was tidied up and seeing the living room confirmed that the rest of his place was clean. Over the past few months Clay had tried to keep his place clean, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to do it. He couldn’t find the energy or the drive to move, or do anything. He knew he should be cleaning it. He knew he should be taking the garbage, but it was a herculean effort to open his front door for the food deliveries. Clay could never make it down the hallway to the garbage chute. Clay saw that all of the guys were here and none of them appeared injured. He could see the concern on their faces clear as day, even on Full Metal’s. Clay hated that he was making them worry, he wished he was stronger. He wished this hadn’t happened to him and he was able to just move on. It felt like he was standing in quicksand and all he could do was stand still and hope he wouldn’t drown. But he was drowning, Clay could feel it. The walls were closing in on him and he was never going to be able to escape. 

“Come here Sunshine.” Jason said with understanding to his voice.

Clay headed over and joined Jason on the couch. He sat down and Clay brought his legs up to his chest as Cerb curled up beside him. Jason put his arm around Clay and kissed the side of his head. 

“How you feeling?” Jason asked.

“Like I’m drowning.” Clay answered honestly.

“Everything you are feeling Clay is normal. You have every right to feel overwhelmed and confused. You have every right to not really know what you are feeling. You’ve been through something very traumatic and as your physical injuries have healed it allows your mind to focus on the mental injuries more.” Trent explained.

“Those mental injuries though Clay, they can’t be healed on their own.” Ray started.

“I know we’ve talked about it before a couple of times, but it’s time we really talk about it. You need to speak to someone Sunshine. Someone that is a professional that can help you heal from the trauma.” Jason said.

“That’s no healing from this. I thought I could be on the team again, but that’s never going to happen. I’m never going to be ok again. I’m never going to operate and if I can’t operate then what am I supposed to do? I don’t belong in the family anymore if I can’t operate.” Clay said, with an increase in his anxiety. The guys could now see him starting to shake and Cerb whined and pressed his body harder into Clay’s.

“First of all, you are my son. You will always be my son and there is nothing that would change that. You will always be a member of this family, whether you are in the field next to us or not. You will always have a home with us.” Jason said with a strength to his voice.

“He’s right little buddy, this is your family and you are stuck with us until the day we die.” Sonny added.

“When you got the medical discharge package we weren’t upset because of the possibility of you not being able to return. We were upset about how and why they were given to you. You were weeks back from being captured and it was nowhere near time to discuss you not returning. We love you Sunshine, and all we want is for you to be happy and healthy. You need to see a Shrink so we can have all of the information to make a proper decision. You might have PTSD and might not be able to return back to work and that is ok. We will support you and be there for you one hundred percent. But we need to know from a professional just what we are dealing with Son. It’s time you talk to someone and then we will figure out whatever comes next together. I promise.” Jason finished.

“But to do that I would have to leave the apartment.” Clay said and they could all hear the anxiety and fear in his voice.

“Yes, you have to go outside to speak to someone. I know that brings you anxiety, I can see that. But you know you can’t spend the rest of your life in your apartment, afraid to go outside.” Jason said.

“The hardest will be the first time Spense. Afterwards, it will be easier each time.” Trent explained gently.

“We’ll be there every step of the way Little Buddy.” Sonny added.

Clay knew what they were saying was true. He couldn’t stay hidden and holed up in his apartment, but at the same time being outside brought him a lot of anxiety. There were times when he couldn’t bring himself to open his door to grab the food on the other side. Clay knew he needed to speak to someone, he knew he needed to get answers so he knew if he could even return to work or if he should give up and sign the discharge papers. He couldn’t keep living like this and the only way he was going to be able to get better would be to speak with someone and find out what he needed to do to be able to function from day to day. As much as it terrified him, he had to do it.

“Ok.” Clay said, softly.

Jason kissed the side of Clay’s head as he spoke. “You’re gonna be ok. We’ll get through this together. We’re all off for the next two weeks, we’ll make sure you are set up with a shrink to speak with them and we’ll get you used to being out of the house. We’ll do it all together.”

Clay gave a shaky nod and Jason knew that he was having a very hard time with all of this. The problem was, it wasn’t going to be getting any easier. They now had the hard part of getting Clay out of the house. They would take it all in steps though, small steps that Clay can accomplish that would grow into bigger steps when put together.

“Here’s what we are going to do, you are going to put your coat and shoes on. That’s all we are going to do first.” Jason started.

“That’s it?” Clay asked, slightly confused.

“That’s the first step.” Jason said with a warm smile.

“We’re gonna take this in small steps Spense.” Trent added.

“Ok.”

Clay got up and Cerberus followed him as he went and put some shoes on and his coat. This part was easy, it was everything else that followed it that was the hard part for Clay. The guys all got up and went over to Clay, but they didn’t crowd him. They wanted him to know that they were all right there behind him ready to help when he needed it. Brock got Cerb’s vest on so he would know he was working right now and would go slow with Clay. He then handed the leash over to Clay, who easily took it.

“We’re going to take Cerb out to the front door. That is our end goal, but for right now, I just want you to reach out and turn the doorknob. Don’t open it, just turn it.” Jason explained.

“Just turn it?” Clay asked, slightly confused.

“That’s all for right now. We are going to keep doing this one step until you can do it without feeling anxious about it. Then we’ll move on to the next step.” Jason gently explained.

Clay gave a nod and with a shaky hand reached out and touched the doorknob and gave it a turn until he heard the click of the inside mechanism hitting the back. He then released it and pulled his hand back. Clay continued to do this for roughly twenty times before he was finally able to do the task without feeling a tightness in his chest.

“Good Sunshine, now when you are ready the next time you turn the handle, I want you to open the door as if you are going to walk out. Then close it and pull your hand back. We’re not leaving yet.” Jason said calmly.

They spent the next five hours working with Clay on getting him to go out to the front of the apartment building. It took five hours going slowly and bit by bit they were able to get Clay out the front door and down to the corner and back. It might not seem like much to an outsider, but to them it meant the world. It was a good sign that they were able to get Clay even down to the corner without him having an anxiety attack. He came close a few times, but they were able to get him calmed down before it reached a dangerous level. It was a huge accomplishment and one that would only help Clay to see that he could still have a life. Even if he didn’t want to be in the Navy anymore, or he couldn’t be, he would at least know he could still function and live a normal life. It was huge and showed that Clay was finally ready to take the first step into healing. For the first time since all of this mess started Clay was finally on the road to healing. 


	12. Chapter 12

It was four days later when Clay found himself in Jason’s truck on their way to his first therapy session. Clay was really anxious and unsure about all of this. He had been leaving his apartment a few times a day to get used to leaving it again. Cerb had been a huge help because he had to take him out for walks so he could get exercise and go to the bathroom. Jason had been spending all of his time with him once again, sleeping on his couch. Clay had been trying to function, but it was hard. He always felt drained and exhausted all the time. He was sleeping a lot, spending his time in bed curled up with Cerb. Clay honestly had no idea if he would ever be ok and he was seriously doubting that this therapy session would accomplish anything. He was never going to be normal, he was never going to be the person he was before this. He felt like who he was, was dead and he didn’t know who he was now, how to move on. He was doing this because his family wanted him to, because he needed someone to tell him that his career was over. The only good thing that had happened within the past four days was him going through his mail and finding the results of his HIV test. They were negative, meaning he was officially STD free and in the clear of having HIV from his rape. Clay was relieved and he felt a huge weight being taken off his shoulders. It was the last thing that Clay had been waiting for to make sure he could put what happened to him physically in his rearview mirror. Now he had all the mental problems from it to deal with. 

They pulled into the parking lot and once Jason parked and turned off the truck, Clay’s anxiety got worse. Cerb whined as he placed his head in Clay’s lap from his spot next to him in the truck. Clay started to pet Cerb as Jason spoke.

“I know you are feeling anxious and nervous, but you have nothing to worry about Sunshine. You’re just talking and you are in control. If he asks you about something you don’t want to talk about, you tell him you’re not ready. You have control of the situation.”

Clay gave a small nod and Jason could see that Cerb was helping to calm him down. Cerb had been a blessing these past few days and Jason knew a conversation was going to be coming between him and Brock. Cerb was Brock’s dog, he was the team’s dog, but he had been different ever since Clay’s attack. He seemed to need Clay just as much as Clay needed him. Jason was really hoping to speak with Brock and see what they needed to do. 

“And remember Dr. Heath deals with Vets and military personal that have been through a traumatic experience, specifically torture and rape. He is not there to judge you or make you feel like you did something wrong. He’s there to help you and you have nothing to be ashamed of.” Jason said with complete strength to his voice.

Clay just once again gave a nod and Jason knew he was struggling with all of this. Clay was nervous and feeling uncomfortable with what could happen today. They both knew that Dr. Heath was going to be asking him about what happened and talking about it, even vaguely, and that was going to be very hard on Clay. He hadn’t told anyone what happened. The doctors knew based on his injuries, the Committee knew based on the medical reports. He’s never had to actually say the words. Saying those words for the first time would be the hardest and Jason hated that he wasn’t going to be there for Clay when he said them. He couldn’t be in the room with Clay, not this time around. He needed Dr. Heath to be able to see Clay in his current state and make the proper assessment of him. They needed to know what Clay’s condition was and the only way they were going to get a true assessment would be Clay on his own. Clay just gave a nod, but kept his head down. Jason wished he could have a magic wand and make Clay all better. He wished he could bring back his fun and confident son. He missed him so much. He would get him back though, he didn’t care what he had to do or how long it took. His son was coming home to him. 

“Come on Sunshine, let’s get in and then when we are finished we’ll head back to your place so you can rest.”

“Can Cerb be in there with me?” Clay asked softly, as he continued to pet Cerberus.

“Ya he can go with you. If anyone gives you a problem about it, I will take care of it.”

Cerb was desperately needed by Clay and Jason was not going to let anyone try and tell Clay he couldn’t be there. Clay gave a nod and they both got out of his truck and made their way across the parking lot and inside the office building. They took the elevator up to the eighth floor before going down the hallway to the therapist’s office. Walking inside it looked exactly how Clay thought it would. The walls were a dark brown color with decent furniture around the room. There was no one else here and Clay didn’t know if he should be thankful for that or not. The receptionist gave them a warm smile, but Clay didn't see it, he was too busy scanning the room. 

“Welcome gentlemen, how may I help you?” She asked.

“My son has an appointment with Dr. Heath.” Jason answered.

“His name?”

“Clay Spenser.” Jason answered.

“I will let him know that you are here. Feel free to take a seat.” The receptionist said with a warm smile.

“Thank-you.” Jason said, before he turned and placed a hand on the small of Clay’s back and guided him over to the couch.

“Let’s sit down Sunshine.”

Clay sat down on the edge of the couch as he let out a sigh. Cerberus was sitting right next to him on the floor with his one paw up on Clay’s lap to try and offer him some comfort. Clay kept his hand in Cerberus’ fur to try and ground himself. Jason placed a hand on Clay’s back and rubbed it slowly.

“It’s going to be ok.” 

“I don’t think I can do this Dad.” Clay said with a shaky voice.

Jason could feel the tremble in Clay’s body starting. He knew that this was going to be hard, but he just needed to get Clay through this. The first time is going to be the hardest and then it should start to get easier. At least Jason was hoping it would be easier every time. 

“You can do this. There is nothing you can’t do Son. You survived everything they did, you can survive this. No one is going to hurt you, he just wants to chat. You are in control of the conversation. You only have to talk about what you are ready to talk about. I promise you, you can do this.”

The door to an office opened before Clay could respond and Jason looked up to see an older man, roughly a year or two older than him, coming out. Jason knew from the pictures he had seen that this was Dr. Heath. Jason could see him taking in the scene in front of him and within seconds he was assessing the situation before he acted.

“Hello Mr. Spenser, I’m Dr. Heath. Who is here with you today?” Dr. Heath said, as he slowly moved closer and removed his hands from his pockets.

Clay looked over at Dr. Heath and Jason could tell he was guarded and unsure of what was going on. His anxiety was through the roof and it was only getting worse. Jason knew Clay needed to do this, but he was really hating that he had to put him through this.

“Jason Hayes.” Clay softly said.

“Is he your friend?” Dr. Heath asked Clay, making a point of keeping his eyes on Clay and not Jason. He wanted to get Clay talking.

“My dad.” 

“It’s nice that your dad could be here today. And who is this furry friend?”

“Cerberus.”

“A strong name, I bet he could really scare someone.”

“He’s a military k9.” Clay agreed.

“He must be one hell of a protector. He can come in with you if you want.”

Dr. Heath knew that sometimes his patients just needed that familiar comfort of their pet. It had a way of grounding them and soothing them when they were starting to get upset. Clay gave a nod and Dr. Heath spoke again.

“Do you think it would be ok if we head into my office?”

Clay looked over at Jason who gave a warm smile as he spoke. “It’s ok, remember you have the control.”

“He’s right Clay. We don’t have to talk about anything that you aren’t ready for. I’ve had first time appointments with patients and we’ve sat in silence for the entire hour as they adjusted and got comfortable being in the room. There’s no pressure at all.”

Clay would not be the first patient to sit quietly in his office. He wouldn’t even be the one hundredth. There were plenty of times he met with someone for three or four sessions and sat there in silence. As time goes on he could push slightly to help his patients get to the root of their issues and help them to start to heal, but in the beginning it was all about them feeling comfortable with being there and feeling safe around him. Clay gave a small nod and Dr. Heath stood up and Clay got up as well. Jason watched as they headed into the office, Cerb glued right to Clay as they disappeared. Jason let out a sigh and held his head in his hands. For a moment he didn’t think he was going to be able to get Clay into the room. Clay needed help and Dr. Heath seemed like the perfect therapist for him. He specialized in trauma like Clay went through. If there was anyone that could help Clay and give them a realistic outcome, it was him.

“He’ll be ok.” The receptionist said. Jason lifted his head as she continued. “The first time is always the hardest, it gets easier each time he’s here. The conversations get harder, but he’ll heal a bit more each time he goes into that room.”

“He ah… he gets anxiety now when he’s outside. He’s never had that before, not before what happened. It feels like everything I’m doing isn’t actually helping him.” Jason admitted for the first time outloud.

“You’re helping him by just being there. I can’t tell you how many times patients have come in here without anyone. They constantly look at the door waiting for someone to walk through it. He doesn’t need you to fix him, he just needs you there. And anxiety is normal. Often it’s the fear of the unknown that brings it out after a traumatic experience. Think of it as being unarmed in a room that is pitch dark. You can’t even see your hand in front of your face. You hear footsteps, but you have no idea where they are and what they could do to you. You are just constantly waiting for an attack, but you have no idea when it will happen or where.”

“How do I fix that?” Jason would do anything to help Clay. He couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to constantly be on edge waiting for an attack. There were plenty of times on tour they had to stay on edge, but they always got to relax back at base. They had a break and they knew it would end. Clay had no end date, he didn’t get to count down until he got back home. 

“You give him a flashlight. Something he can use to help make him feel safer. With time and working with Dr. Heath, he’ll be able to reduce the anxiety, and if possible, remove the anxiety completely.” The receptionist said with a warm smile.

Jason gave a nod. “Thanks.”

Jason wasn’t sure what to use as a flashlight in a sense for Clay. It wasn’t like he could let Clay have a gun right now or a knife. There was no telling how he would react if someone bumped into him. The only thing he could think of was Cerb, but again Cerb wasn’t his to give. Jason sat back and pulled out his phone. Everyone had been texting him asking how it was going. He sent them one back saying that Clay was in the office and that they should be home in ninety minutes roughly. Jason was hoping that everything with Clay would be ok.

XXX

Clay walked into the room and his eyes were instantly going all around the room to scope it out. Dr. Heath moved over to his chair and sat down. He was allowing Clay the freedom to look around and get comfortable in the room. After ten minutes Cerb guided Clay over to the couch and they both sat down. Cerb was instantly laying across Clay’s lap and his hand was going to pet Cerb.

“I don’t know how this works. I’ve never done something like this before.” Clay said after a few moments.

“We just talk, it can be about what happened to you, it can be about growing up, it can be about the weather if you want.”

“Do you know what happened?”

“I’ve seen the reports and your medical file regarding the incident, yes. And we can talk about it if you want or we can talk about anything else today. Today is all about you getting comfortable with being here Clay.”

Clay gave a distant nod and Dr. Heath watched as Clay seemed to disappear a bit. He had that long stare in his eyes and just when he was about to say something Cerberus barked and nudged Clay’s chin with his nose, snapping Clay out of it. 

“Why don’t you tell me about Cerberus? How did you meet him?” Dr. Heath asked, hoping that would make Clay feel a bit more comfortable.

“When I joined Bravo team. He’s still their k9, but he likes spending their downtime with me. Before everything that happened I would go with Brock, his handler, to the dog park with him all the time. Go on runs together. He likes being close now. He’s only been back a couple of days, they were on tour for three months.”

“That must have been hard on the both of you. I know as an operator you not being able to go on tour with your team must have been a hard thing to deal with under normal circumstances. You seem to have pulled through though.”

“Barely.” Clay softly admitted.

“What makes you say that Clay?”

“I got used to having Cerb there, having my Dad there. Then all of a sudden I’m all alone for three months straight. The other teams that first month had checked in on me once a day, but.”

“They weren’t who you wanted to see.” Dr. Heath easily completed.

“Teams we’re a family, and they are my family, but Bravo is my home, at least it was.” Clay said sadly.

“You don’t think it is now?”

“I don’t see how I could ever operate again. I’m broken and if I can’t be who I used to be, then I can’t keep them safe. I become a liability out there and I can’t risk their lives. If I can’t operate, I can’t be Bravo and then I don’t have a place in the family.”

“I can’t imagine they have said that they would walk away if you couldn’t operate again.”

“They didn’t say it, but it’s natural. I’ve seen past team guys after a discharge, they don’t see their old team anymore. Everyone gets busy and then you only see them in passing at a bar or a funeral. I’m going to lose them, all of them.” Clay said with a deep pain in his voice. Cerb whined and went and nozzled Clay’s neck.

“You said Jason was your Dad, do you think he would turn his back on you?” Dr. Heath asked gently.

Clay gave a shrug before he spoke. “My biological dad did, over and over again. What reason does Jason have to stick around?”

That is what Clay feared the most. Ash was constantly hurting him and abandoning him, so what reason could Jason possibly have for sticking around? He had two biological kids that weren’t screwed up, they were easy to deal with. So why would he put any of his time and effort in with him? Soon he would be so focused on operations that Clay won’t even cross his mind. He was going to be left all alone with nothing but the demons living in his head to haunt him. 

“Your biological father is Ash Spenser correct?” Clay just gave a nod and Dr. Heath continued. “What was it like being raised by him?”

Clay gave a small chuckle to that. “I wasn’t raised by him. My mother died when I was three and Ash’s solution was to ship me off to her parents in Africa. I grew up in war zones, they were missionaries and they were killed by a rebel attack when I was five. I spent the next thirteen years going from one orphanage to the next trying not to get picked up by the rebels to be a child soldier. Only for him to find out I was in BUDS and now he wants to be a father. He just wanted to use me to make himself look better. All he cares about is money and fame. Told me children and love makes a man weak and he will never be weak. If my own father doesn’t want me, why the hell would a man like Jason want anything to do with someone like me?”

Dr. Heath had to choose his words carefully, because he didn’t want to tell Clay the answers. He suspected though that Clay had some abandonment issues and self-esteem issues from his childhood. He would like to work on that as well with him. 

“Let me ask you this Clay, is Jason anything like Ash?”

“Fuck no. Polar opposites.”

“Would Ash have stayed as long as Jason has and helped you through this? Would Ash be sitting anxiously in the waiting room for you to meet with me?”

“No. He’s too busy trying to use what happened to me to his advantage.” Clay said bitterly.

“Then what makes you think that Jason would ever do what Ash did and abandon you?”

“Because I’m broken. I can’t leave my apartment without feeling like I can’t breathe, even to take the garbage down the hallway. The person I was is gone forever, the person he loved and saw as his son is gone. He’s got two great kids that are his biologically, that he raised and loves with all of his heart. He’s got no reason to want me. I’m no longer useful to him.” Clay said sadly.

“I know your childhood makes it hard for you to understand the love a parent has for their child. A love they are supposed to have. But for most parents, true parents, when their child is hurting that is when they are there the most. If he was going to walk away Clay, he would have done it already. Parents Clay, especially fathers, they want to protect and heal their children. I guarantee you he is feeling guilty, responsible, and wishing he could take your place. He is going to love you whether you are kicking down doors or working behind a desk. He’s going to love you if the only thing you could accomplish in the day was doing your dishes.”

Dr. Heath could see that Clay didn’t really believe that. His childhood had made it impossible for him to see it that easily. It was going to take some work, but he knew that Jason would prove him right. Dr. Heath decided to change the subject so he could have a better idea of how Clay has been since his capture.

“Clay, I’d like to ask you about how you have been feeling and handling everything. You don’t have to talk about what happened to you, just how you’ve been doing since. I know you were really sick and injured. I’m sure you are happy to be past all of that now.”

“It was rough. I couldn’t have gotten through it without Dad or Cerb. It’s been hard though. It’s not like everything goes back to normal when the injuries heal. Nightmares are really bad, sometimes I can’t even wake up. Then one second I’m sitting on my couch and the next I’m back there and when I finally snap out of it, sometimes half a day has gone by. I didn’t leave my house for three months while they were on tour. I could barely bring myself to open the door. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. I don’t like the dark, I spend all day and night with every light on and the tv on. Most days all I can manage to do is go from my bed to the couch. I can’t seem to do anything.”

“That is perfectly natural Clay. The problem with trauma like you experienced, it doesn’t hit you fully right away. Your body is recovering from the physical trauma you endured. Your mind is focused purely on healing, but once those wounds have healed, your mind focuses on the mental ones. Now it’s time for you to do the hard part, you start to put your life back together.”

“How?” Clay honestly had no clue how he was supposed to do that. Everything seemed like a herculean task.

“You set a routine. I want you to try for me to do whatever it was that you used to do in the morning before you drove to work. I want you to set your alarm and get up at the same time, take a shower, go for a walk, workout or run, whatever it was that you did in the morning. After you do your routine, then you can do whatever you want, even if that is just going right back to bed. The point is getting you used to doing that routine again, to find comfort in the normalcy of it. As you keep doing it, you’ll start to be able to do more. Tasks like taking the garbage out or doing the dishes won’t seem so draining or massive. When you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious, I want you to do something that you used to love doing. Something that was relaxing to you, to help focus your mind on something else.”

“I used to read a lot.” Clay commented.

“Perfect, do that. You can do it on your couch or curled up in bed. As for the lights and the tv, being in the dark and in the quiet can be hard for anyone that has experienced a trauma. I would like for you to try and work on turning off one light each week. Leave the rest on, but just turn one off and then in a week turn two, until you get down to one or no lights on at night when you go to bed. As for the tv, set your tv timer to turn off automatically at a certain hour, it could be three in the morning or five in the morning if you want. This way you get used to sleeping without it being on. And in the morning during your routine try and have the tv off, so you can get used to being in that quiet again. Take it slow, but each week build up a bit at your own comfort.”

Clay let out a slow breath before he spoke. “Ok, I’ll try.”

Clay seriously doubted anything was going to help, but he also knew he wasn’t going to make it like this forever. Something needed to change and the only way it would is if he tried to make it change. He was never going to be who he used to be, but that didn’t mean he had to be afraid of the dark and to leave his house for the next fifty years. He was looking to improve his quality of life, especially for Jason and his brothers. They needed to know that they could be focused in the field and not come back to a disaster that he was. 

“Do you have any questions for me Clay?”

Clay just shook his head no. He had enough going through his mind right now, he couldn’t really think of anything to ask. He was sure there was something he should be asking, but right now he was just feeling tired and drained from this. 

“Ok, I think this is a good place to stop for today. You did really good Clay, you should be proud. It will start to get easier being here and together we will get you back to operating again.” Dr. Heath said with a warm smile.

“Operating? Does that mean you think I could again?” 

Clay wasn’t expecting for Dr. Heath to say that. He thought he would be having to sign the medical discharge package. He thought his career was over, that there was no coming back from something like this. 

“Let me ask you this Clay, do you want to operate again?”

“Bravo is the only family and home I’ve ever known. I didn’t even know I wanted one until suddenly I’m in one. Not being there with them, not knowing if they are going to come back to me alive or in one piece. I hate it. It’s hard, it’s really hard knowing I’m not there to watch out for them. It’s my career, but it’s my family. I didn’t think I could though, Upper Brass already gave me a medical discharge package for PTSD, I didn’t sign it yet, but I figured I would be. That you would be confirming it.”

Dr. Heath sat forward, placing his elbows on his knees, giving Clay his full undivided attention, but this was the moment that might make everything click into Clay’s mind. This could be that defining moment when Clay decides to fight through it all to get back home to his family. Dr. Heath had been under the impression that Clay was seeking help so he could go back. He wasn’t aware of any pending medical discharge package, especially one stating PTSD as the cause. Clay hadn’t been evaluated by any therapist that would be in a position to make that diagnosis. 

“Clay, I am not made aware of any medical discharge package. My professional opinion based on what you have told me is that yes, you do have PTSD. However, if I were to throw a quarter down any hallway on base, I would hit at least three people with PTSD. Most special operators have some level of PTSD and the military is well aware of it. The problem becomes when it affects your work, that is when they start to have an issue with it. You haven’t told me or shown me anything that would make me think you are beyond repair. You’re struggling, how could you not be after what you went through? But you know what else I see, you’re here, you’re trying. You want to get better. You want to be back in the field kicking down doors and as long as that is what you want, then that is what I want. I am not against you, I am a weapon in your arsenal to use. So yes, I think you could operate again. I think you will get back to being who you used to be and I truly believe you will be stronger than ever.”

Clay wasn’t so sure about all of this, but he couldn’t help the slightest bit of hope that flooded into his chest at the prospect that he could go back to Bravo. He didn’t want to be around Vic, but that was another issue to deal with after he was able to go back to work. Clay knew it wasn’t going to be simple, he wouldn’t magically be healed. Even sitting here safe in this office he was drained and just wanted to curl up in bed with Cerb. Clay knew the fight ahead of him was going to be the biggest one he ever had and once again he would have to do it without his brothers, without Cerb. Clay gave a distant nod, as he pulled Cerb closer to his chest. 

Dr. Heath spoke as he stood. “It was a pleasure meeting with you today Clay. I think it would be best if we saw each other twice a week for an hour at a time. Would that work for you?”

“Um...ya, ok.” Clay said, as he moved to stand.

“Let Rachelle know what works best for you and we will get you scheduled. I just need to speak with your dad for a moment. He’s your superior, so I just have to get him to sign some paperwork that you will need to push back the date of your discharge package expiration. I don’t think you will need it, but I want it there just in case you decide that you don’t want an operator life.”

Clay gave a nod and they headed for the door. The second it opened, Jason was standing up and taking in Clay. He looked exhausted, but he always looked exhausted anymore these days.

“Hey, you ok?” Jason said, as he moved over to Clay.

Clay gave a small nod as he spoke. “He needs to speak with you about paperwork.”

“Ok, do you want to wait out here or in the truck?”

“Truck.”

Clay wanted to just get out of this office. Jason gave a nod and he handed over his keys to Clay. He pulled him in for a hug, one that Clay easily returned. After a moment, Jason kissed the top of Clay’s head as he spoke. “I’ll be right out.”

Clay gave a nod and moved over to book his appointment while Jason walked into Dr. Heath’s office. Dr. Heath closed the door as Jason spoke. “What paperwork do I need to sign?”

“You don't, I just didn’t want to tell him that I wanted to talk with you and make his anxiety worse. You are in a unique position with being his father and also his team leader. As his father, you don’t have the right to know about his progress; however, as his team leader you are one of the people that receive my reports. I figured it would be better to do that face to face, then you reading about it.”

“I appreciate it. Do you have a diagnosis?”

“I do, but you already know it. Someone that has been in service as long as you would be able to make the diagnosis of PTSD. However, I am not recommending that he signs the medical discharge package. To begin with, they had no right even giving him one until a therapist was able to evaluate him and make a diagnosis of incurable PTSD. When I asked him if he wanted to operate again, he said he did. He genuinely wants to be back out on Bravo. He sees the team as his home and you all his family, all he wants to do is go home. For someone to go through what he has, all the way is to go home. Now, normally that is a physical place, but due to his childhood trauma, his home is a group of men. He’s still waiting to be able to go back home and up until today, he thought he never would be able to.”

“Are you saying he could come back?” Jason asked, slightly surprised that Dr. Heath would be willing to consider it. 

“He’s not past the point of no return. The drive to operate is still there in him, it’s buried under a lot of pain, but it is there. As long as he wants to be, then I have no problem working towards that. I haven’t seen or heard anything from him or about his issues, that would make me say he’s better off being discharged. He’s struggling, but there are steps he can take to put his life back together.”

“Ok, what are they? The guys and I will do anything for him.”

“I’ve recommended that he starts doing his normal morning routine, whatever he used to do before he was captured. The point is for him to start getting used to being back in a normal life. Even if all he does in the day is his morning routine. I am going to recommend to you and your Commanding Officer that Clay starts to work. I know he can’t be in the field, but there must be something he can do on base or a department he can be in. Not full-time, even if he started off as two days a week and then he could work from home the other days. It’s something that allows him to get out of the house and be around you and the guys.”

“Alright, I’ll mention it to my Commanding Officer, Clay knows a lot of languages so he could be in the linguistics department. It’s simple work for him. I agree, I think he needs a routine and to be getting out. It’s not good for him to be always in his apartment. He’s having flashbacks though, night terrors, what do we do about that while he is out?” 

Jason wanted Clay out and living a life, but he also knew he wasn’t going to be magically better all of a sudden. He was still going to have a long war ahead of him, but it was one he was prepared to take one battle at a time. 

“That is going to have to be something that as a father you’ll need to talk to him about. Cerberus is a huge asset to Clay, having the companionship of a dog does wonders for people with PTSD. I think a conversation with him about maybe he gets a dog. It doesn’t have to be a puppy and it doesn’t have to be a service dog. Maybe there is a retired military K9 that needs a home that he could take on. Someone that could go into work with him, without turning heads or making people question if he should be there. I truly believe he would do a lot better with having that constant presence from a dog.”

“I was already thinking the same thing.” Jason wasn’t sure what dog, but he knew Clay needed someone that would be there with him when they were spun up. They needed a better system and considering they couldn’t guarantee that one of the teams would be around to check in on Clay, a dog was the next best thing. 

Dr. Heath gave a nod as he spoke. “I am recommending that Clay comes for an appointment for one hour, twice a week. He knows what he needs to work on and during each session we will be diving more and more into what happened to him. The best thing you and your team can do is keep being there for him and showing him that you aren’t abandoning him. Being around the team is going to help give him strength and security in your family.”

“We will. Thanks Doctor, I really appreciate what you are doing for him.” Jason said, as he held his hand out.

Dr. Heath easily took it as he spoke. “He’s a good man, I am sure between myself and his family that he will be operating again.”

“I just want him healthy and happy, that’s all that matters to me.”

“That’s what makes you a good man, a good father to him. I would like to eventually have a session with the both of you together. I think it would be beneficial to you both to get your feelings out about what happened. But also for him to have the chance to confront some of his insecurities from growing up.”

“I’ll do whatever I can to help him. If you think it’s needed, then ok.” Jason easily agreed. He didn’t like shrinks, but he would do it if that is what Clay needed to be healthy, just like he would for any of his children.

“I’ll keep you updated. Be safe out there, please don’t take any risks, he really needs you.”

“I’m always careful, but I will be extra cautious. Thanks Doc.”

Dr. Heath gave a warm smile and Jason made his way out of the office and back down to his truck. Jason was feeling really good about this meeting. He wasn’t sure what the end result was going to be, but he suspected that Dr. Heath was going to be telling them that Clay could never return to work. To hear that he believed that he could be was huge. It was more than they were ever expecting and it meant that Clay truly had something to fight towards. Jason walked to his truck and he could see Clay hugging Cerberus, who was sitting in Clay’s lap. He could see that Clay was exhausted on every front. He knew the guys were going to be coming by the apartment soon so they could be there for Clay. Ray figured that Clay needed a good night with the guys. They were going to have pizza and beer and just hang out watching football. A normal evening with the team. First, Clay needed a nap. Jason got into his truck and he looked at Clay.

“How are you holding up Sunshine?”

“I’m tired, so tired. I feel like I just ran three marathons and I’m being told I have to run another one. What did he tell you? I know it wasn’t about paperwork.”

“As your Team Leader, I have the right to have a report on your progress. He figured with me being there it could be more informal. I’m proud of you Son. You are doing everything you can to be healthy. He said you wanted to still operate. I just want you to know that whenever you are in the field with us or not, you are stuck with this family. None of us are going anywhere, I promise you. If you want to operate, if that is what your heart wants, then I will do everything in my power to get you back there. But I don’t want you forcing yourself to be an operator, because you feel like I want you to be. I want you to be whoever you want to be, just like Emma and Mickey.”

“I want to operate, that’s my career. It’s what I’ve worked so hard for. And I don’t like how it feels to be stuck here while you guys are spun up. I thought after Manilla that I would never be put into a position where I would be stuck at home for months. I want to be there, I just don’t know how that would be possible.”

“We’ll make it through this and we’ll get you back into the field. We’ll take it one step at a time, like when we got you outside. We’ll take a task and break it down into smaller ones that you feel you can accomplish. Soon enough those smaller accomplishments will grow into a huge one.”

Clay just gave a distant nod and Jason knew he was done for the day right now. Jason placed his hand on the back of Clay’s neck as he spoke. “Come on Sunshine, let’s get you home. You accomplished a lot today and I am very proud of you Son.”

Clay gave a weak smile and Jason started his truck and they headed off. He knew Clay would spend a few hours curled up in bed with Cerb and he was perfectly fine with it. Clay had honestly accomplished a lot today and Jason knew it had been very hard on him, but he had taken a huge step in the right direction and Jason was more than happy to allow Clay to rest. They made the drive back to Clay’s apartment in silence and once there, they both got out and headed upstairs. Clay was immediately going into his bedroom so he could get changed into some sweatpants before he was curling up into bed with Cerb. 

“The guys are thinking about coming by later with pizza and beer to watch the football game. They won’t be here for a good six hours though so you got plenty of time to sleep.”

“Ok.”

“I love you Son.”

“I love you too Dad.”

Jason placed a kiss to the top of Clay’s head before he headed out. He closed the door so he wouldn’t disturb Clay and to allow him some privacy now that he wasn’t injured or sick. Jason then headed over to the kitchen to get some coffee. He had paperwork with him that he needed to get finished from his tour and he figured he would work on that until the guys showed up later. 

XXX

It was just after four when the guys were all filling up Clay’s living room. Clay was still sleeping, but that was fine. Jason was going to wake him up shortly, he wanted to talk to the guys first without Clay. 

“Alright, how bad?” Sonny asked, as he sat with his first beer.

“PTSD.” Jason started.

“We already knew that though.” Ray commented.

“Does that mean his career is over?” Sonny asked, worried that they were going to lose Clay.

“No, Dr. Heath believes that Clay can overcome this and get back to operating. He is recommending that Clay does not sign the medical discharge package. He was actually confused and surprised why he even had one with it stating his PTSD being the reason. He hadn’t been evaluated before, so the Upper Brass had no right even creating the medical discharge package. He is going to call and recommend the expiration date is pushed back a few months to give Clay the chance to give therapy a try and start working on his issues. Clay is going to be meeting with him twice a week for an hour each time.”

“Ok, so there’s still a chance he can make a full recovery from this.” Ray said, very happy to hear that.

“Is there anything we can do to help him?” Trent asked.

“I called Blackburn already, Dr. Heath thinks it would be good for Clay to get out and back into a routine. He is recommending that Clay gets up at his normal time and does his normal morning routine. He also thinks it would be good for Clay to be on base twice a week doing something. He wants to get Clay used to being around people and working again. Blackburn is going to talk to Lindell about where they could place him. It’ll probably be the linguistic unit, something he can do easily, but also something he can do from home with a secured laptop when he is not in the office.”

“I think him working and getting out of this house is the best thing for him. He has to get used to being around people and functioning normally again.” Trent commented.

“Is there something we should be doing?” Full Metal asked.

“Dr. Heath said to just keep being there, making sure he knows that he’s still a part of this family. Dr. Heath said he was going to be working with Clay on his childhood traumas as well, but he did say that we needed to make sure Clay understood that whether he returns to operating or not, that he will always have a home with us. He mentioned that Bravo is his family, but we’re also his home. That when someone is captured all they want to do is go home, and Clay hasn’t gotten to yet.”

“Because being on the team is his home, not this apartment.” Ray said with understanding.

“Ok, so we’ll make sure he knows that we’re there for him. We’ll come by more often and check in with him every day.” Sonny said.

“And we will. We’ll make sure he knows that we are always there for him. He’s coming home.” Ray said with strength to his voice.

“There is one thing we do need to talk about and it’s not something that we all get to decide on. And I am not in any way pressuring, but Dr. Heath recommended that Clay would benefit from having a dog. He suggested maybe a retired k9, to keep him company and to help him. Brock.” Jason started, but Brock cut him off.

“Cerb already made that decision. He made it months ago, it’s why I’ve been working with Pepper so much. I suspected it before we went on tour and then the tour cemented it. Cerb was present with us, but he wasn’t fully with us. He wants to be with Clay, that’s his person. I’m good with that. They both need each other and Cerb will still get to see all of us.”

“Are you sure?” Jason asked. He knew Brock loved Cerb and the last thing he wanted was for Brock to feel like he was trying to take Cerb from him.

“Completely. All of his things are in the car. I already knew Cerb wasn’t walking away from him and I don’t want him to. Clay needs him and Cerb needs Clay. He’s hurting when he’s not with Clay and I don’t want that for him. Realistically, Cerb was either going to die in the line of duty or retire eventually. If he lived long enough to retire, he would have had to be given to someone that wasn’t active. This way he gets to be with Clay and he can still come with us on ops and hang out in HAVOC.” Brock said with a warm smile.

“Is Pepper ready?” Full Metal asked.

“She’s good. She’s young, just over two years, but she has been trained by me since she was three months old. Plus she’s grown up with Cerb. She’s talented and she’s ready for the field.” Brock said confidently.

“If you are sure. I know Clay will greatly appreciate it. Cerb seems to be the one thing that grounds him.” Jason said.

“I’m sure. They were meant for each other and Cerb will help him to come back to us.” Brock said.

“At least there is hope now that he could return to active duty. It’s more than we thought would happen.” Trent commented.

“We’ll get him there.” Full Metal stated with pure confidence. If there was one thing a team guy was good at, it was making sure his brothers were right there with him.

Clay was going to be healing from this. They were not going to rest until he was back to being himself. His happy, healthy, and badass door kicking self. 

  
  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I just wanted to give you guys a head’s up. Here is my current writing list for the order in which I will be focusing on my stories within Seal Team.
> 
> 1\. Protecting What is Precious (Almost Completed)  
> 2\. Becoming Zulu (Available on my AO3 account JasonXClay. 9 chapters left to be written)  
> 3\. Brotherhood (8 chapters left to be written)  
> 4\. Duty Bound Love (Available on my AO3 account JasonXClayXOMC. 8 chapters left to be written)
> 
> After these books have been completed I will work on others. I want to focus on these ones first before other books are updated. I will be writing them fully before posting the chapters up so when I do update them, the whole book will be completed and it is just a matter of me editing them and uploading them to you twice a week. 
> 
> I will also be writing the next book to A Threat From Within, it will be technically a 1.5 in the series and it will feature the first six months leading up to Clay’s “death” with Ali and Yoder and their story with Clay also there. The second half of the book will be six months leading up to Clay’s discovery. I would recommend reading it as it will have information about how the guys will eventually find Clay and you will have references to things that happened in this book to the next book in the series. So you can keep an eye out for that one. I believe I will be calling it Protecting Ali.

It had been two weeks since the guys had returned home from tour. Two weeks since they had discovered Clay in his apartment. Two weeks since Clay had started his therapy and so far it had been a rollercoaster. Clay was going to his therapy sessions twice a week for one hour at a time. Jason and Cerb always went with him and each time Clay walked out even more exhausted than when he went in. Right when they got home, Clay was instantly going back to bed with Cerb for a few hours. Jason knew it was taking a lot out of him, but he also knew it was important for Clay to keep going with it. Jason had also made sure Clay was setting an alarm and getting up in the morning at six every day. They all got up, they would go on a run with Cerb and then shower and have breakfast. Afterwards, Clay tended to hang out in his bed with Cerb, but he was starting to stay awake a bit longer each time. After two weeks they were able to do five miles in the morning for their run in the area. Jason was very proud and impressed with Clay because when they started he could only go a mile before he needed a rest. His body was very out of shape from being sick and injured, it was going to take some time and work to get him back up to the level he needs to be to operate. All of the guys though were more than happy to help him out. Big Chief had also said he would be happy to work with Clay on the training grounds to get him back into shape. Everyone was standing in his corner and willing to get him back to operating. 

Today was going to be different and Jason was not sure how well it was going to go over. Blackburn had talked with Lindell and they were able to get Clay a position within the Linguistic Unit. They were going to be giving him a secured laptop so he could work three days from home and two days in the office. They wanted to ease him back in and get him used to being around people at the base and working again. Jason was really hoping it would go over well. The guys were just getting back to work today too, so chances were they were not going to be getting spun up. All of the teams were down and they were all made aware that Clay would be working today. They said they would stop by and let him know they were there for him. Cerberus was going with Clay today in his K9 vest. So far no one outside of Bravo knew that Cerb was going to be switching to Clay’s unofficial service dog. They were keeping that tight lipped as they didn’t want anyone trying to hold it against Clay. Jason was just really hoping that today went well for Clay and no problems came up. 

Jason parked his truck in the parking lot and then looked over at Clay. He could see that he was nervous and anxious about being here today, but Jason was really hoping that it would ease up once Clay got working. 

“I know this is hard Sunshine, but remember the guys are all here today. If you feel you need a break, just come and find us in our cage room or the lounge. We’ll be around.”

Clay just gave a nod and Jason knew he was having a very hard time with all of this. It had been a long two weeks for Clay with the therapy sessions, but he was getting through them and he was getting up every morning and working on his routine, he was running again. They were making solid progress and this was another step in the right direction. Jason was really hoping that after today Clay would be able to handle coming into the base easier each time until it was just like taking a shower. 

“You have this Son.” Jason said with pure confidence that Clay was not feeling.

Clay let out a shaky breath before he gave a nod and reached for the door handle. Jason didn’t expect Clay to be very talkative, he was good with him being quiet, because he was making the first move to leave his truck. Jason was taking that as a good sign. They both got out and made their way inside. They were a little bit earlier, Jason wanted to be here earlier than most people so Clay could get situated at his desk without the place being full. Jason guided them through the hallways until they reached Clay’s temporary desk. He felt a bit like he was taking Clay to his first day of kindergarten. He was going to make sure that Clay got settled in ok and was comfortable before he left him. Jason noticed that Clay’s desk was against the back wall so he wouldn’t be surrounded by people. He had his own office area so he could close the door and be left alone and the outside noise would be cut off. Jason was very grateful to Lindell for making sure that Clay would be comfortable getting back to work. 

“It looks like you have a list here of things that you can work on throughout the day.” Jason said, as he took notice of the pad of paper with Lindell’s writing. 

“Seems simple enough.” Clay said, as he took in the tasks.

“Why don't you try and login and make sure you have access to everything.”

Clay went to work on getting into the laptop and he was pleased that it did work and he wouldn’t need help with it. He had everything he needed to get started, it was just a matter of doing the work now. 

“Are you ok to be alone or do you want me to hang out for a bit?” Jason asked, with complete patience in his voice.

“You’re gonna be in the cage room?” Clay asked, looking for confirmation.

“I am going to take our lunches and put them in the fridge in the lounge and then I will be in the cage room getting things organized and ready for our next operation. I have my phone on me, so you can text me whenever you want. I will come by throughout the day to see you, same as the guys.”

“Ok.” Clay said, doing his best to sound confident, but he was failing miserably with it. 

“You got this Sunshine. If you are feeling stressed or anxious, Cerb is right here with you and I want you to text me or call me. I’ll come over and see you. We’ll work through it. You can do this.” 

Clay gave a nod and Jason went and wrapped his arms around him in a hug before he kissed the top of his head and moved out of the small office. Cerb was instantly going over to Clay and placing his head down in Clay’s lap. Clay started to pet Cerb as he spoke.

“I can do this. It’s just translations for eight hours. I can do this.”

The slight tremble in his body was telling Clay he couldn’t do this. He just needed to be able to break it all down like he did for his morning routine. He did that task by task, but this time around he didn’t think that would be what got him through. Clay grabbed a pen and started to make eight small lines on the pad of paper in a free spot. One for each hour. He just needed to make it through hour by hour until he reached the end. Then tomorrow he would be back home where he could relax and work his way through some work in the safety of his own home. He could do this, he just needed to get started and then with any luck the time would go by quick. 

XXX

Jason was in his cage doing inventory when the guys started to come in. Jason had been spending the past thirty minutes looking at his phone every minute to see if he missed a call or text from Clay. He was just as nervous and anxious as Clay about him being here. He didn’t like that Clay wasn't within his eye line after the past two weeks. He didn’t like that Clay was on his own right now. He knew that he had Cerb and that helped to make him feel better, Clay at least had someone with him, but it was hard. 

“Hey Boss, meet Pepper.” Brock said, as he walked over with their newest k9.

“Hey girl, how are ya?” Jason asked, making sure to show Pepper a lot of love. She needed to feel like she was an important member of this team and to build a connection with them.

“She’s all set to catch some bad guys.” Brock commented.

“She ready for the real deal?” Full Metal asked.

“Training and field work is all the same to dogs. She’s good.” Brock said, confidently as he went over to his cage just as Vic walked in.

“Hey guys, how was your time off?” Vic asked, as he went over to his cage, or Clay’s cage as the guys still called it.

“Say hello to Pepper so she can get your scent.” Ray commented with a tight voice.

They were all trying to move past what happened between Vic and Clay, but it wasn’t an easy thing to move on from. They had been making some progress from being on tour, but coming home to see the state that Clay and his apartment was in only brought that anger right back for the guys. Vic’s actions have forever changed Clay and there was a strong chance they would never get him back. It was unforgivable and they were not going to let Vic off the hook. They would get him off Bravo and they would make sure he got exactly what he deserved. 

“What happened to Cerb?” Vic asked, as he held his hand out for Pepper to sniff, but Pepper just simply turned around and went back over to Brock’s cage.

“He’s retiring and staying with Clay.” Brock answered.

“Wait, what? Isn’t Cerb only four years old? Why would he be retired?” Vic asked, confused. That sounded ridiculous to him. Cerb was way too young to retire. 

“Cerb hasn’t been the same since Clay was hurt. They need each other.” Brock answered.

“How old is Pepper? Has he even been in the field?” Vic asked.

“ _ She _ is two and not yet. She’ll be fine.” Brock answered, but the guys could hear he was annoyed by the questions. Cerb was Bravo’s k9, but everyone knew that Cerb was Brock’s dog. It was his call when Cerb was done and what k9 to bring in next. None of the guys had any right nor place to question that.

“So let me get this straight. We are losing a highly trained dog so he can babysit Clay who is too weak minded to get over what happened after five months and we get a dog that hasn’t even been field tested yet?” Vic said not impressed at all before he turned to look at Jason. “Why would you ever allow this to happen?”

“Too weak minded.” Sonny roared, as he went to go after Vic. Trent and Full Metal shot their hands out to keep Sonny back. They weren’t doing it for Vic, but for Clay. The last thing Clay needed was for Sonny to get in trouble for attacking Vic.

“First of all Bravo Seven, you don’t get opinions. You don’t get to question anything that is done or said within this team. You are a rookie, a bottom feeder, you don’t get to do anything unless you are told to do it. You don’t get to question anything, ever. Second, where Cerb is, is none of your goddamn business. He is Brock’s dog, not the team’s. It is up to Brock what he does with Cerb. It is up to Brock when he feels that Cerb is no longer able to handle field work. And it is up to Brock to determine which k9 is best to replace him. Pepper is our new k9 and the only thing you get to say to that is yes Sir.” Jason said with boiling rage to his voice.

“Get your gear on rookie. You’re going to run the training grounds for your insubordination.” Full Metal added.

“Yes Sir.” Vic said with a tight voice. It was clear he was not happy about any of this, but none of the guys cared. He didn’t get to have an opinion and they didn’t care what he wanted or didn’t want.

Vic grabbed his gear and Full Metal headed out with him. Jason could feel the tension and anger in the air, not that he could blame any of them. Things with Vic were getting tense once again. The reality of what Clay is going through had brought it all back and Jason knew it wasn’t going to just disappear. They were always going to have problems with Vic whether Clay was able to come back to the team or not. That tension wasn’t going to go away until Clay was back to being healthy and Vic got everything he deserved.

“That little bastard actually had the balls to call Clay weak minded.” Sonny said, as he started to pace around the room.

“We need to keep Clay and Vic apart. I know we have been. But with Clay being on base, we really gotta try and keep them separate. Vic is a poison and we don’t need him trying to get into Clay’s head to make him sign any discharge papers.” Ray commented. 

“We will. Sonny, go take a walk and see Clay. It’s been an hour since he started, I want someone checking in on him every hour.” Jason stated.

“How was he?” Trent asked.

“Anxious and nervous. Cerb was trying to help him through it. We’ll have lunch together half way through. I just want him to know that we’re all there for him and to try and break up the day a bit with some visits. This will be the first time he’s been out of his house for longer than ninety minutes.”

“I’ll go and see him.” Sonny easily said, as he started to head out.

They were going to make sure Clay got through this day and every day that came after. They would get him through this and they will make sure he gets back to who he used to be. 

XXX

Clay made his way with Cerb to the lounge for lunch. Four hours had never felt so long to Clay. He had been trying to count down by the hour, but that quickly went to counting down every thirty minutes. Clay knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. It made him feel better to be able to scratch out that line every thirty minutes. Half of the day was over and Clay couldn’t wait until he could get home to his apartment and curl up in bed with Cerb. Maybe put on a movie and just zone out from the world. Clay walked into the lounge to see that no one was there yet. He went and grabbed his food from the fridge before he went and sat down at the table. He made sure he sat in the booth section that faced the room so he wouldn’t have to worry about someone sneaking up on him. Cerb was instantly getting up on the bench next to him just as Clay’s phone buzzed. He saw that it was a text from Jason.

**Hey Sunshine, just heading to the lounge. Do you want me to meet you at your office?**

Clay sent one back letting Jason know that he was already here before he opened his bag and removed the sandwich that Jason made him. He wasn’t hungry, he wasn’t really hungry ever right now. Food just wasn’t that appealing to him. He knew he had to eat otherwise the guys would be on him, but it was hard to eat when you were constantly feeling like your insides were filled with butterflies. Clay sat there looking down at the sandwich as the world started to fade around him. 

The guys made their way down the hallway so they could get to the lounge and spend lunch with Clay. They normally didn’t have lunch all together but with this being Clay’s first day in the office they wanted to check in with him and make sure that Clay knew they were there for him. They walked into the lounge and saw that Clay was sitting there at the table, but the empty stare told them that he wasn’t with them yet. Cerb was currently licking and nudging Clay’s chin to get him to snap back with them. 

“Gentle.” Trent warned as Jason went over to Clay.

Jason just gave a nod as he went and sat on the other side of Clay. He didn’t touch him, not wanting to scare Clay, but he was close enough so that he could talk with Clay without being too loud.

“Sunshine? Come back to me Son.”

Cerb barked a few times and the sudden noise was enough for Clay to take in a shaky breath. Jason knew that Clay was back with them so he placed his hand on Clay’s back as he spoke.

“You ok?”

Clay looked around and saw that he was in the lounge and the guys were all here. “Sorry.” Clay instantly said. He didn't know why this would randomly happen to him, It’s happened twice already today. He was never going to be able to be in the field if he couldn’t stay present all day long. 

“It’s ok. You are doing really well Sunshine. You’ve been out for four hours, twice as long as you have ever been. I know today is hard, but you are doing really great.” Jason praised warmly.

Ray handed Jason his lunch as the guys all sat down. “Anything interesting come across your desk Kiddo?” Ray asked, as he sat down.

“Naw, it’s just reports.” Clay answered as he pulled off a small piece of his sandwich.

The guys could tell that Clay wasn’t in much of a mood to talk, so they focused on their conversation with each other. Talking about what needed to get done and any training they would need to run. They all kept an eye on Clay and saw him disappear a couple of times within the hour, but nothing that Cerb couldn’t get him out of. What they did notice was that Clay wasn’t really eating anything. It was something that Jason had voiced his concerns about to the others. Trent said it was common considering everything that Clay was going through. His appetite would come back once his mind and the anxiety had a chance to calm down. The guys were worried though that Clay wasn’t going to be able to make it through the whole day. It was a lot on him and Jason was starting to regret not having Blackburn and Lindell make it half days and then working up from there. Clay was holding on, but he was looking pretty rough. Jason was looking forward to getting Clay home so he could relax for the rest of the night. If Clay wanted to spend the night curled up in bed, then that is exactly what Jason was going to allow him to do. They just needed to make it another four hours and then they would have day one behind them.

  
  
  
  
  



	14. Chapter 14

It had been a week since Clay started to work on base twice a week and home for three. The week had been hard, but Clay had managed to get through it without having a nervous breakdown. Now it was week two and Clay was going to be working three days this week on base and two at home. Today was his second day at work for the week on base and Clay was finding that it was still hard, but getting to work was easier now. He no longer felt like he was going to throw up every time he got into Jason’s truck in the morning. He did prefer working from home compared to on base, but Clay knew he couldn’t work from home forever. If he wanted to be back on the team eventually, he had to get used to being at work every day. He had to get used to long hours again and he had to be able to do it without slipping off into his mind or wishing he could be in bed. 

Clay made his way into the lounge to grab some lunch. Jason kept packing him a lunch every day he was to be on base to work. It was nice, but Clay still didn’t have much interest in eating anything yet. Clay sat down at the table with Cerb on his left once again. Clay pulled out the salad that Jason had made, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to eat any of it. Clay looked up when the door opened and he couldn’t help but smile as he saw Yoder walking into the room. 

“Hey, I thought you were on tour?” Clay said, as Yoder walked over to him.

Yoder had been texting him for months now. He had heard what happened to him, everyone had, but Yoder also knew when to leave Clay alone and allow him some time to himself. He knew Bravo was there for Clay and he wanted to give Clay some time to adjust back. There were times when you push Clay and times when you had to just let him be. Yoder was done waiting though, he wanted to check in on Clay and speak with him. With Clay being back on base, it was the perfect opportunity for him. 

“We got sent back home yesterday. Bad op and four out of six of us got injured. I’m fine, but the others guys got broken bones from an explosion. The team is going to be down for a few months until everyone has healed up.” 

“That sucks. You didn’t get hurt at all?” Clay asked, as he scanned Yoder’s body.

“Not even a scratch. The perks of being the last man on the team, I was the furthest from the explosion.” Yoder commented, as he sat down next to Clay. He looked at the salad before he pushed it away as he spoke. “That’s not a lunch.” Yoder placed the two to-go bags down on the table and pulled out two milkshakes, burgers and fries as he continued with a big smile. “Now, this is a lunch.” 

“Is that what I think that is?” Clay asked, with a small smile at seeing the food.

“Betty’s Burgers and Shakes. A bacon cheeseburger with waffle fries and a triple chocolate milkshake with whip cream and chocolate drizzled on top. Or as I like to call it, a heart attack combo.”

Clay moaned, as he went and grabbed a fry to dip into the shake. “You spoil me.”

“Always.” Yoder said with a chuckle. He had been keeping tabs on Clay from the other teams and he knew that he wasn't eating much. Yoder knew Clay the longest though and he always knew of ways to get Clay to eat. 

Cerb whined as he moved closer, placing his nose down on the table, causing them both to laugh. Clay gave Cerb a fry as he opened his burger and Yoder started to tell him about some of the things that had happened recently to him.

The guys made their way down the hallway towards the lounge. They were running behind from a training session. Clay would have been here for twenty minutes already and they were hoping he was ok. They weren’t happy with being late, but they couldn’t avoid it. Just as they arrived at the door Jason had to stop short for a second before he opened it. He saw through the glass window that Clay wasn’t alone, he was there with Yoder. What caused him to stop though was seeing the big smile on Clay’s face as they sat there and ate. 

“What is it?” Ray was instantly asking.

“He’s eating and smiling.” Jason said, shocked.

They all heard Clay’s laughter and it warmed all of their hearts to hear it. They never thought they would ever hear Clay laugh again, or see a smile on his face. It was like seeing the old Clay again and it felt amazing. They all walked in and Clay and Yoder looked over at them.

“That smells amazing, what is it?” Jason said, as he went and grabbed his food. He didn’t want to point out that Clay was looking happy, he was just going to roll with it.

“Betty’s bacon cheeseburger, extra mayo for this one.” Yoder said, with a nod towards Clay.

“Says the man who gets extra pickles and hot peppers on his.” Clay countered with an easy smile as he dipped his fry into his shake once again.

“I heard they were good. I’ve never had one though. They’re on the opposite side of town as me.” Ray commented as they all grabbed a seat. Jason moving so he was on the other side of Cerb.

“They are worth the drive and wait.” Yoder easily said.

“Yoder was telling me that he’s going to be on Bravo Support until Team Seven is cleared for duty.” Clay said, as he finished his burger.

“What happened to Team Seven?” Jason asked, as he hadn’t heard anything.

“We had three weeks left on tour when the team got hit by an explosion. Four out of six of us were injured with multiple broken bones. I was fine, same as Dex, but the other guys are pretty banged up. We’ll be down for at least three months.” Yoder explained.

“Damn, you guys are lucky you didn’t all get killed.” Sonny commented. They hadn’t heard anything about it, but that wasn’t too odd. Team Seven wasn’t a DEVGRU team so the whispers didn’t always come down their way. 

The guys spent the rest of the lunch hour talking about nothing important. It was mostly Yoder talking about different operations. The guys didn’t care though, because Clay was joining in on the conversation and he wasn’t disappearing on them. He was also smiling and joking around with Yoder. It was amazing to see again. Clay tossed his garbage into the to-go bag as he spoke.

“Alright, I have to get back.”

Yoder moved out of the way so Clay could get out as he spoke. “Still on for surfing on Saturday if I don’t get spun up?”

“Definitely. You still have an extra board?”

“Ya I got you covered. I’ll pick you up for seven.” 

“Works for me. Come on Cerb.” 

Cerb jumped over Yoder’s lap as Yoder spoke. “I’ll see you Saturday too there pup. You better bring your little doggie life jacket.”

“You wanna go surfing Cerb?” Clay asked the pup with a warm smile.

Cerb barked and jumped around, causing Clay to laugh as he headed out with Cerb. The second that the door closed the guys were on Yoder.

“Ok, what the fuck did you put into that milkshake?” Sonny was instantly asking.

“Nothing, well protein powder, but he doesn’t know that.” Yoder said with an easy smile.

“He hasn’t smiled since the operation. You got him smiling and laughing, eating. He didn’t disappear during the conversations. What the hell did you say to him?” Jason asked, amazed.

“Nothing, and that is the trick. I’ve known Clay longer than you guys so I just know what works. Sometimes you have to give him space and sometimes you have to push. But when you are done pushing and giving him space all he needs is for things to be normal. I don’t bring up what happened to him. I treat him like I always have and that allows him to relax more. He doesn’t need you guys tip toeing around him or acting differently. He needs you to just be his brother like you were before he was captured.”

“How did you get him to eat? We’ve been trying different food and he hasn’t gone for it.” Trent asked.

Yoder gave a knowing smile. He had been there with Clay before, that was until he was able to start finding food that Clay would eat no matter how he felt. “When Clay first joined Team Three he was eighteen. He had gone from boot camp straight to Buds. He was as green as you could be and it showed. He once told me that he had no idea he would be going into Buds so fast. That he wished he had been able to turn it down without it blowing back at him later when he wanted to apply. Clay had a plan that he would gain experience first before becoming a Seal. He wanted people to be confident with his skills and he knew that wouldn’t happen if he was the eighteen year old kid. Clay is not a stranger to anxiety.” 

“I’ve never noticed any before.” Jason instantly said.

“It was a different type of anxiety. Brian and me recognized it right away. The way Clay wouldn’t have his back to a room. He was nervous around new people. He didn’t really talk much, he stayed in his area and he didn’t like it when someone touched his things. He didn’t eat much really. He only ate once a day and it was always something cheap even though he had money to purchase groceries. Clay never said anything, but we knew he grew up in the foster system and he was being what every eighteen year old was when they first got out, especially if they were abused. We worked with him on it and we found out that he didn’t eat much because he never did growing up. He had never even had pizza before. We got him used to having people around, we got him socialized, as silly as that sounds, but we had to teach him how to interact with people. He was nineteen when we discovered just how bad it was for him.” 

“What do you mean?” Sonny asked, afraid of the answer.

“He hadn’t been eating for about a week. He had been pretty consistent with eating at that point, so him going a week with barely any food was a red flag. Brian and I thought maybe he was getting sick or something. We asked him what was wrong and after dragging it out of him for a couple of hours we found out that his mouth hurt. We figured he probably had a cavity or a tooth infection so I booked him an appointment the next day with a dentist. We had no idea just what we walked into. We had both picked him up that morning for the appointment and we never made it inside. He had a full blown panic attack in the parking lot. Brian and I didn’t handle it the best, we thought he was being too sensitive about the situation. Admittedly it was not our finest hour. Clay finally snapped and said a dentist in Africa is not someone you want to see.”

“You didn’t know he was in Africa.” Jason easily stated. He was now very worried about what could have happened to Clay when he was a child to make him that afraid of a dentist. He had been through a lot more than he knew about and it was something he would need to speak with him about. 

“Not even a little. We figured when his mother was murdered.” Yoder started, but Sonny cut him off.

“She was what?”

The guys didn’t know anything about Clay’s mother. They knew about Ash, but he had never talked about his mother. They assumed that she was either a drug addict or had abandoned Clay when he was little. They had no idea she was killed.

“She was murdered when he was five right in front of him. You guys don’t know?” Yoder was surprised that they didn’t know about Clay’s mother. Yet, at the same time it made sense. It took both him and Brian months to finally drag it out of him. Clay wasn’t the type of person to just give up information on himself. 

“No, he’s never talked about his mother. What happened?” Jason asked.

“She was sixteen when she got pregnant with Clay. She had been a runaway from the foster system herself when she was thirteen. She started prostituting and Ash was one of her main customers. He got her knocked up and Ash wanted nothing to do with her or the baby. Clay knows that he demanded a DNA test and it came back a match to him, still he didn’t do anything. She gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby, a miracle all in itself. She was still sixteen when she gave birth and Child Protective Services were involved until he was three. She did get to keep him the whole time. Clay doesn’t remember much before the age of four, but he does remember four and five. From what he could remember it wasn’t anything special. They lived in the rough part of town in a very small one-bedroom. She slept in the bedroom and he had this corner in the living room. Clay suspected that she was still prostituting. He didn't know if she was doing it while CPS was still involved, but he did know she was doing it afterwards. He remembered guys coming and going and her sleeping all day long. One night when he was five one of her Johns had started a fight with her and it travelled out into the living room. Clay ran and hid under the kitchen sink when the fighting started, so the John didn’t know he was there. He saw the man stab his mother to death. Once he left Clay called 9-1-1 and he was picked up by Ash that same night at the police station. The very next morning he was on a plane alone being shipped off to Africa to be with his mother’s parents who were aid workers.”

The guys couldn’t believe that even when he was young, Clay didn’t have a parent there for him. He not only had a shitty father, but his mother never stood a chance to provide him with a normal life. Clay never truly had a parent in his life, not before Jason. 

“That’s insane. Did they ever catch the guy?” Ray asked, in pain for Clay.

“Clay looked back into a few years ago, the guy was killed by the cops on a related murder. Unfortunately, that was only just the beginning of the violence and pain in his life. His grandparents were killed six months later when the rebels raided the camp. He was placed within the foster system where he was bounced around between rebel attacks until he was eighteen when he could legally get back into the States without needing a parent. He didn’t have an ID as Ash didn’t give him any when he got him on the plane so he had to hitch a ride with an aid plane and bypass all of the legal ways to get into the States. He was able to get a replacement ID and he enlisted. Why he enlisted, I have no idea. He has never talked about it and still to this day I have no idea why he made that jump.”

It was odd to Yoder that Clay wouldn’t tell him. They had told each other a lot of different and highly personal things about themselves and yet, this was one thing that Clay would not give up. The guys were shocked at the level of violence that Clay went through at such a young age. It was crazy to think that he would then enlist only to see more violence in his life. They were all curious as to why Clay would pick a career that would bring more violence to his life instead of something that would be safe and nowhere near violent. Clay could have easily been a professor and had a completely different life. He might have met Stella still only at school and they could have still been together. He would have had a completely different life, but with that different life they never would have gotten to know Clay and they wouldn’t have taken that away for anything. 

“What happened at the dentist?” Brock asked.

“Once we found out that Clay grew up in an African orphanage in the middle of a war zone we took a different approach. We got him back in the car and drove to the beach. We picked up some coffee and sat down in the sand by the water. The sound of the waves always calmed him down. He was in an orphanage when he was ten and he could hear the waves from the ocean when it got quiet at night. He said hearing them made him feel safe, like he was free and away from all of the darkness. Whenever Clay was having a really hard time we would bring him to the beach and just let him be around the water. It’s why I taught him how to surf. It took a few hours but we finally got the rough story from Clay. Apparently when he was twelve in this one orphanage there was a dentist that would come by every six months to check on the children. He was getting paid by the government and would get extra for the number of teeth he pulled. Apparently, he would then sell the teeth to the rebels that would use them as proof of life for a child they would kidnap. They would abduct a wealthy child and hold them for ransom. They would send the tooth as proof of life, get the money, kill the kid and then repeat.”

“Oh lovely.” Full Metal commented, not impressed by this at all. 

“Clay told us that the kids used to all run and hide, that if they can’t find you, you couldn’t be hurt. When he first got to Africa he couldn’t speak the language at all and after going through a few foster homes and orphanages he learned the languages. He had even came up with a game for the younger children when they would need to hide. He said when the adults in the home got pissed off, he would make sure the younger kids were hidden away before he would try and hide himself. Sometimes he didn’t get away and he was the one to take the beating. When the dentist came around when he was twelve, it was the first time he had been seen. The so-called dentist would just put this metal contraption in their mouth and start pulling their teeth with pliers. No numbing, nothing just midevil torture. Clay had six teeth pulled that way, six teeth that weren’t even loose. He had every right to be terrified and we felt like complete assholes.”

“You guys couldn’t have known. How did you ever get him there?” Jason asked. He had a lot he needed to process and Jason wasn’t sure he would be able to before he went home with Clay. To hear that someone he considered to be his son had grown up with so much pain. It was a miracle that he even became the man that he was. 

“Once we knew the seriousness behind Clay’s anxiety I rescheduled his appointment for the next day. There was a spot available before his, so I booked in an appointment for myself and made sure the dentist was aware of Clay’s past. When we got there all of us went in and Clay was able to watch as the dentist checked my teeth and took x-rays. I wasn’t so lucky, but Clay was that I had a cavity myself. So he got to watch as the dentist filled it. He saw that there was no pain and we were able to get him through the x-rays when it was his turn. We were expecting that he would have an infection or a cavity, something simple, but it all went out the window when the x-rays came back.”

“Was there damage from his teeth being pulled?” Trent asked. People might not think too much about it, but the nerves in your mouth were just like the nerves anywhere else in your body. You had to be careful with them or you risk permanent damage.

“No. X-rays showed that all of his teeth were rotten from the inside. He said it was common for children when their mother was using meth while pregnant. It destroyed his teeth. Clay’s medical file from when he was born doesn’t show that he was addicted so the dentist figured that she used it periodically, so that kept him from being born addicted. But at a high enough level that it destroyed his adult teeth. The pain was from his nerves fully eroding. The only thing the dentist could do, because it was all of his teeth, plus he had wisdom teeth that were coming in, was surgery. It wasn't what we were expecting. He would have to have all four wisdom teeth pulled, plus every single tooth in his mouth, the nerves killed and then ceramic implants put in through his gums. It would have cost him forty grand.”

“Holy shit.” Sonny said, shocked by the level of work and the price of it all. That was insane. 

“Did he get it done?” Jason asked, as he tried to remember if he ever noticed a difference with Clay’s teeth. If he had dentures on, he was pretty confident he would have noticed by now.

“He did. It was a terrifying process, but we got him there the next day. It was the first time he was being put under, but he didn’t have any negative reaction to it. The military covered forty percent as you know, that left him with twenty-five grand roughly. The dentist was really good with Clay though, he did the work for free, all Clay had to do was pay for the supplies, knocking it down to fourteen thousand. He was allowed to make payments each month on it. It took him a couple of years, but he got it paid off and he’s never had an issue with his teeth afterwards. He also doesn’t get cavities so he really had no need to go back. Getting back to the eating question that you had though.” Yoder said with a slight chuckle as the explanation was a lot longer than the guys thought it would be. “When his mouth was healing he couldn’t really eat much of anything for the first week and then the next couple after that it was all soft food. There was a Betty’s in the city we lived in and it was one of my favorite places to go. They have amazing milkshakes and Clay loves chocolate, so I brought him a triple chocolate milkshake with whip cream and chocolate drizzled on top. I’ve never seen him eat something so fast before. After that me and Brian we got good at figuring out what he would eat when he wasn’t feeling hungry. Betty’s bacon cheeseburgers and fries is a good one. Chicken fingers, grilled cheese with tomato soup, Kraft Dinner, peanut butter and banana sandwiches. It sounds weird, but it’s food you would normally feed your kids when they are younger. He didn’t get that growing up. He was lucky if he got to have rice every day. For him, those foods are comfort foods. Whenever we finished an operation the three of us would go to Betty’s for burgers and milkshakes. If he was having a really bad day, we would grab a shake and head for the beach. If he was sick Brian and I would bring him chicken fingers or make him soup. It just became a thing and whenever we noticed he wasn’t eating much or if he had a lot on his mind, we would always bring him some comfort food and it helped him.” Yoder finished explaining. 

“That actually makes a lot of sense. Whenever I was having a bad day or when I was sick, my mom would always make me some home cooked meal and it always made me feel better. She used to make chocolate chip cookies whenever I was feeling sad or had a bad day at school. Food has a way of bringing that familiar comfort and sometimes it’s just the process of the act that makes someone feel better.” Ray said with complete understanding. 

“Clay loves chocolate chip cookies, any baked good really and waffles. He will always eat waffles.” Yoder said with a warm smile.

“I didn’t know that.” Jason said, as he was logging all of this way. He could make pancakes and waffles, he had done it plenty of times. He could even bake things that came out of a box or were frozen. He would need to hit a grocery store tonight and get a few things for home that would work for Clay. 

Jason wasn’t sure how he felt about all of this new information in regards to Clay’s childhood. He knew it wasn’t an easy childhood, he knew that Dr. Heath said that he would be trying to work with Clay on his childhood trauma. He just didn’t expect it to be to this level. It was going to be a lot of work to get Clay fully healthy mentally and emotionally. It wasn’t just going to be about the torture and rape he had endured. Jason needed to get his son fully healthy for quite possibly the first time in his life.

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for him. For sharing this with us. You’re a good man Yoder and Clay is very lucky to have you in his life.” Jason said sincerely.

“I’m lucky to have him in mine. He’ll be ok. He’s been through a lot, more than anyone should ever have to go through, but he will be ok. He always bounces back, he doesn’t know what else to do but to survive.” Yoder said with a confidence that the guys just weren’t feeling.

“We’ll get him there. It’s good that you’ll be on Bravo Support, Clay really comes to life when you are around. And you have managed to get him to agree to going out on Saturday, which is huge. Anytime you want to come over, you can. I don’t want you to feel like because I’m there that you can’t be there with him.” Jason offered.

“I appreciate that and I’m sure I will be now that I won’t be getting spun up at different times. He’ll get there Jase, he’s got a lot of people making sure he does.” Yoder said warmly.

His phone buzzed and he saw that it was his boss. “I gotta get back. I’ll see you guys around.” Yoder said, as he got up.

“You too man.” Ray said with a warm smile.

Once Yoder headed out of the room Sonny spoke. “You know we picked the wrong guy right?”

“I’m all too aware Sonny.” Jason said. 

It was what Jason had been thinking ever since they found Vic in the woods without Clay. Today had only proved his point even more. Yoder was a huge weapon for Clay. He was a huge protector and they had failed Clay by not picking him. It was something that Jason would be fixing, he just needed to get rid of Vic once and for all. For now he was going to be focusing on Clay and getting him healthy. They had learnt a lot about Clay’s past today and it would be something he would need to work with him on. He was at least leaving this conversation with more things he could be doing to help get Clay eating once again. He would be picking some things up that would entice Clay to eat more. For the first time though since this whole nightmare started Jason was finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. He had seen his son smiling and laughing, something he honestly was doubting would ever happen again. His son was still inside and he was finally starting to poke out of the darkness. Today had been a huge accomplishment and it was one he was going to cherish forever. His son was still alive and he would be coming back to Bravo, coming back home. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I was going to forget about Yoder did you? We have to have him here, he makes things so much more interesting.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this story is fully written now. I just need to go through the last few chapters to edit them before I will post them for you.

It had been a month since Clay started working back on base. He was now here every day, but instead of being in the Linguistic Division, he was moved up to HAVOC. Clay had started this week in HAVOC and had been helping Davis with the inventory of the supplies. Clay appreciated being able to hang out in the supply area where he could do mindless work. Cerb had enjoyed hanging out as well. He got to sniff around to try and find any treats that were kept in the crates. Clay was currently sitting on one of the crates with a clipboard as he was going through the MRE supply, when the door opened. Clay looked up at the slight growl that came from Cerb, and he saw that Vic was here. For the past few days, ever since he had started working in HAVOC, Vic had been getting him to do things that he didn’t want to do. As the team rookie Vic had to be the grunt, now more than ever with the guys all pissed off at him. Clay was lucky enough that he didn’t have to do much grunt work. He had earned their respect fairly quickly and maybe due to his age the guys looked at him as a kid brother compared to the rookie they had to break in. 

Vic didn’t have that. They were not happy with everything he had done after they had been captured. Even before that mission the guys were harder on Vic, treated him more like a rookie with having to keep their supply room cleaned, doing extra paperwork, having to clean their plane out after operations. It was grunt work, but that is what typical rookies on a team do. The other rookies were doing the same thing on the other teams, but by now they were finished having to do grunt work, that wasn’t Vic right now. 

“What?” Clay asked, not even bothering with small talk. He knew that Vic wanted to give him something that he didn’t want to do. Under different circumstances Clay would have told him to fuck off, but the only way to handle his increasing anxiety was to be constantly moving around doing stuff. He needed to be doing something, because when he didn’t, he felt like his skin was on fire. 

“They need some extra hands loading some trucks. They need some guys right now to help move a bunch of aid supplies onto trucks and then off the trucks onto the plane to get it ready. I figured since you were just in here counting for the hell of it, you might as well do something that is actually needed. They just did a full inventory two weeks ago. They are just giving you busy work so you don’t have a mental breakdown.”

The growl that came from Cerb should have made Vic turn away, but he seemed to be completely oblivious to the potential danger. Clay knew Vic didn’t care for him, he really didn’t like him or respect him apparently. Vic wanted him off of Bravo, he wanted him out of the military and he was still trying to push him out. He was trying to make Clay question his place on the team. He was trying to make Clay question his own sanity and stability. Clay knew that Vic was trying to push him out. What Cay hated was feeling like he wasn't making any progress in his recovery. He hated that Vic might actually be right, that everyone was just trying to keep him busy and having him do things that didn’t actually need to be done, but they couldn’t trust him with something serious. Like he was mentally handicap and they couldn’t get rid of him. Clay just gave a nod and Vic spoke.

“Dock four, they are expecting someone.” 

Vic turned and headed out with a smirk on his face. He was loving making Clay do all the shit he didn’t want to do. The guys thought he was their bitch, they had no idea the things they had been giving him all week were actually all going to Clay. It was perfect and Vic couldn’t wait until he got to hand something else off to Clay. He was thinking maybe next time he would get Clay to polish all of the boots. One way or another, he was going to push Clay out. 

XXX

The guys were all in their cage room filling out paperwork from their recent operation. They had gotten back last night and Jason was relieved to see that Clay was functioning during the four days that he was gone. He was also happy to hear that he was helping command with what they needed instead of working behind a computer. He was currently helping Davis with inventory. Clay moving up into a HAVOC position was a huge step in the right direction. It was bringing him closer to the team and hopefully on their next operation Clay would be on the plane with them. He wouldn’t be in the field, but he would be a member of HAVOC and helping to keep watch over them. They were getting him back into the swing of things bit by bit and it was all a good sign.

“That’s it, I can’t do this.” Full Metal started before he looked over at Jason. “Jase, he’s your kid and that makes him my nephew, I like the kid. But I can’t handle the obsessive cleaning. I don’t know where anything is in my own cage.”

They had all noticed that Clay was cleaning a lot. It was like he couldn’t sit still and if there was nothing to clean, he cleaned and organized their cages. They were all being good sports about it because they knew Clay was working through some things, but it was getting old, very fast. 

“Ya man, I’m gonna need a map or something to try and find all my stuff here. We gotta do something about this.” Sonny agreed.

“I know, I’m going to talk to him about it tonight. He doesn’t sit still anymore. Even at home, he’s moving all day and night on the weekends. When we got the call to spin up, it was three in the morning and he was scrubbing the kitchen floor with a sponge.” Jason knew it was an issue, but he just wasn’t sure what else to do about it. They had an appointment with Dr. Heath together tomorrow and it was going to be something he brought up. He was really hoping Dr. Heath would have some suggestions for him. 

“It’s his anxiety. He’s moving around to try and work it off. Before his anxiety was keeping him in bed, now it has him unable to sit still. The trick is going to be the balance of it. When he is feeling anxious he could go for a run or workout, but when he gets back he needs to be able to sit down and rest. When does he see Dr. Heath next?” Trent asked.

“We go tomorrow for a joint appointment. I was planning on mentioning it to him.” 

“He’ll probably recommend that Clay does something that will focus his mind, but keep his body still.” Trent said.

“What the hell would that be?” Sonny asked.

“Reading, watching a movie or tv, playing a card game. Things that will force his mind to work, fighting the anxiety but without him physically moving around like cleaning.” Trent explained.

“How has he been sleeping?” Ray asked.

“He’s up a lot. The more therapy he goes through the worse the nightmares are getting. Cerb has been great with him, he’s gotten him through some really rough nights. But he’s making progress. In the past month we went from every light on in the house twenty-four seven and now we are down to the hallway light, his bathroom light and the living room. He can also turn the tv off in the living room throughout the day and keep it off all night. His tv still plays all night long, but before it was both tvs going all day and night long. He’s getting somewhere.” Jason answered.

Clay had been working his ass off on trying to do what Dr. Heath was recommending. He was taking it all seriously and with an open mind. Jason couldn’t have been prouder of him and his hard work was paying off. Jason knew Clay still had a long way to go, but there was a light at the end of this tunnel and it was getting brighter. 

“He is getting somewhere, and we’re all proud of him.” Ray said with a warm smile.

“We’re getting our boy back.” Sonny said with a huge smile. 

Clay was getting better and it seemed like the more time he spent with Yoder, the better he was getting. All of the guys were including Yoder in everything that they could. He was there at Clay’s for team nights. He was there during their downtime on base, they were having lunch together. Having Yoder around was really helping Clay and it was helping them. They had someone else fighting with them to bring Clay back. Someone that knew Clay better than them because he knew him longer. Clay was also really comfortable around Yoder and he seemed to be able to relax more around him. The door to their room opened and Derek walked in, based on the look on his face, he was pissed.

“Why the hell is Clay helping to load the trucks for the aid plane? He hasn’t been working out enough to do that level of manual labour.” 

Yes, Clay used to have muscles, but he lost all of them. He went from a hundred and eighty pounds of solid muscle to a hundred and twenty pounds. The guys all knew how thin he was because he was so sick and injured when he got back, plus he hadn’t been eating much from his anxiety. Clay hadn’t really been working out because he didn’t have enough food in him during the day to be able to give him the energy he needed to safely work out. It’s why they had been focusing on him running so they could try and get his endurance back up there. Clay was easily six months out still before they could even entertain him being in the field on certain missions. He wouldn’t be able to physically handle the weight of their gear.

“What the hell are you talking about? Clay is supposed to be doing the inventory for Davis. I sent Vic out to help.” Jason said, as he tossed down his paperwork.

“Vic isn’t out there, it’s Clay and three others working to load up the trucks and then off load the trucks onto the plane. He’s lifting thirty pound bags of rice.” 

“That little bastard sent Clay out to do it instead of him. He’s off relaxing right now while the kid is doing his work.” Full Metal said, pissed that Vic was trying this shit with them.

“Go find Lopez and drag his ass outside.” Jason said to Derek, as he started to head out.

Everyone followed him, knowing that they would be helping to load up the trucks. Jason knew he should be pulling Clay off of it, but he also couldn’t do that. He wasn't going to make Clay feel like he couldn’t do something and he wasn’t going to single Clay out by taking him off because that had the potential to make him feel embarrassed and that wasn’t something Jason or the guys ever wanted to do. At the same time though, Jason knew he would need to make sure Clay wasn’t hurting himself and was still helping. The guys arrived and saw that there was a lot that needed to be loaded up and they did not have enough help at all. It seemed like no one really wanted to volunteer for the heavy manual labour. 

“Looks like you guys can use some help.” Jason said. He didn’t want to make Clay feel like they were checking up on him. He was trying to give Clay more freedom and treating him like the man he used to be. It was hard, because he still wanted to wrap him in bubble wrap and never let him out of his sight. He was trying though.

“We’d appreciate it.” One of the men said with a heavy breath.

The guys headed over and started to grab some of the supplies. Jason made his way over to Clay to speak with him real quick. Jason could tell that Clay was already tired and breathing heavy. He needed to handle this with kid gloves to make sure that Clay doesn’t get insulted with him.

“Hey, you ok?” 

“Ya, tired, which is frustrating.” Clay answered honestly.

“I know, it takes time for us to get your body back to what it was, but we’ll get you there. Take a break when you need it and move some of the lighter items, that will help to keep you from getting too tired.” Clay just gave a nod and Jason continued. “Do you know where Vic is?”

“No. He came into the supply room and said that these guys needed help loading up the aid plane. Then he left.”

Clay wasn’t going to tell Jason everything that was said. He didn’t need Jason thinking he couldn’t fight his own battles or thinking less of him because he didn’t fight back against Vic. 

“Alright, I sent him out here to work, but apparently he had other ideas. I’ll deal with it later. Make sure you are careful, we gotta work your body back up.”

“I know.”

Clay was all too aware of the difference in his body. He hadn’t been this small since he was eighteen. He knew he could work his body back up, but he also knew it was going to be a very long and slow process. One he wasn’t certain he was mentally prepared for yet. The guys all helped to get the trucks loaded up. It was twenty minutes later when Alpha and Bravo support joined them. They hadn’t found Vic and that only pissed the guys off even more. Vic knew that there weren't enough guys for this and instead of going to look for extra hands, he went to Clay and left him with it all. Even if Vic didn’t like Clay, which they knew he didn't, he should have enough common sense to understand that Clay couldn’t do this level of physical activity yet. He had to work up to it. It wasn’t just the weight loss, it was his body being rundown from being injured and sick for so long. They had to work him back up to being able to lift three hundred pounds. Something like a thirty pound bag of rice, might not seem that heavy to a Seal, but after lifting ten of them it would have the same effect on his body as if he lifted three hundred pounds. He was going to be sore for the next few days, making it impossible for them to even start to workout again. Jason really needed to get Clay eating more. Clay had been eating more recently thanks to Yoder’s tips, but he wasn’t eating three times a day. Jason had started to put protein powder in some of the foods that he could, like the waffles and into shakes. They needed to get him eating healthy again and properly so he could start to gain some weight. At this point they were letting him eat anything he wanted just because it would put some weight back onto him. They didn’t need him huge, Brock wasn’t a big guy, but his body could handle the weight of his gear and Pepper. He had compact muscles that allowed him to still run a lot, but he could also hold his own weight. Clay needed to be at that level before he would be able to be in the field. Their goal was getting Clay to Brock’s weight and then if Clay wanted to keep getting bigger like he was before, that was his decision, but he would be able to operate at Brock’s weight.

Jason was also worried about Clay just doing as Vic said. He didn’t like that Clay was doing this without even telling Vic off. He also suspected that Vic said something to Clay that upset him, but he wasn’t sharing. He was really hoping tomorrow he would be able to talk to Clay about it more with their appointment with Dr. Heath. He needed to know more about what Clay was feeling during all of this. Jason was really hoping the joint appointment would help get them to the next level, but he was feeling like Clay was holding back a bit from him. He really wanted tomorrow to go well and leave them in a better spot so they could continue to grow. Jason knew it was going to be hard on himself, just like Clay. He wasn’t the type of man that enjoyed therapy or wanted to spend time talking with a shrink, but he would if that meant helping Clay and healing together. He really wanted tomorrow to go well.

XXX

Jason and Clay sat there in Dr. Heath’s office that next afternoon. They were both nervous and anxious for this appointment. They had no idea what Dr. Heath would want to talk about, but they knew it was going to involve their feelings, something they both weren’t very good at portraying, Jason more so than Clay. Jason knew this was important though so he was going to do his best. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his kids. 

“I can see that you both are nervous. There’s no need to be, we’re just talking.” Dr. Heath said with an easy smile.

“We’d be less nervous kicking down a door in a hot zone without ISR.” Jason commented, causing Dr. Heath to chuckle at that.

“Most team guys are. Why don’t we start with something simple, how do you feel about Clay?” Dr. Heath asked Jason.

“That’s my kid, I love him.” Jason easily said.

“But he’s not your biological child. He was a rookie on your team when you met him, how did you get to seeing him as another kid?” 

Dr. Heath wanted this appointment to be about Clay finally understanding that Jason was going to be there for him. That he was his child even though they didn’t share DNA. It’s why he wanted the joint appointment, because Clay was still waiting for Jason to leave him behind. He needed to break through that wall so Clay was able to start healing on that front.

“I didn't like him at first. It had nothing to do with him, but I thought he would be like Ash. Thankfully, I was proven horribly wrong. I can’t really tell you what day it all changed. He started off as the rookie, but he proved himself pretty quickly. He was young, too young in my opinion to be in DEVGRU, but he was always willing to learn. Then I don’t know, one second he’s a rookie and one of the guys and then one day he wasn’t. We had gotten back from his first tour with us and I remember feeling really proud of him. Things got hairy for a minute and he stepped up, even when he was out ranked by other guys there, he stepped up and took control of the situation. He saved a lot of Seals that day by the choices he made. By acting so fast to the situation. Most in his position wouldn’t have and it made me really proud of him. We had a team barbeque with all of our families and I looked over at him and he was sitting with Emma and Mickey just talking. His girlfriend at the time, Stella, came up to me and said that I had some great kids and I told her I know. But as I was looking at them it hit me, I had really great kids, three really great kids. I don’t really know when it changed, but it had and it felt right.”

“Would you say you treat him differently then you other two kids?” 

“No, I treat em all the same. There’s obviously things that I can do with Clay that I can’t with my other two. Just like there are things I’ll tell Clay that I can’t tell Emma or Mickey. I think what we go through gives us a stronger bond. With Emma we have a bond over her singing. With Mickey it’s hockey.”

“And you both have a bond through being Seals. But what if Clay decides he doesn’t want to go back to being an active Seal? What bond will you have with him then?” 

“What are you saying that I’m gonna walk away or something if he can’t come back to Bravo?” Jason asked, with an edge to his voice.

“That is not what I’m saying at all. I am wondering if you have considered what Clay’s feelings are given his unique position. He’s not biologically your son, and given his experience with his biological father, it would be natural for him to feel like it would be easy for you to walk away from him. That if he wasn’t on the team, he would have no place in your life. That the bond you have bleed over will be gone.” Dr. Heath explained calmly.

Jason turned in the couch to look at Clay properly. “Is that how you feel?” He asked gently.

He had no idea that Clay was questioning his position in his family. He thought Clay knew that he was his son and always would be regardless of what he did for a living. 

“I don’t understand why you stayed, why you are still here. I’m not who I was, I’m screwed up now and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be back in the field. You have two kids that share your DNA, two kids that are perfectly normal. Why would you want me?”

Hearing that Clay thought that he would walk away because he wasn’t his biological child cut Jason deep. He had no idea that Clay felt like he didn’t belong to the family if he wasn’t on the team. 

“You are not broken Sunshine. You are my kid, my son, whether you are in the Navy or you are flipping burgers, I don't care. What I can about is you being happy and healthy. I care about you wanting to get up every day and facing the world. You are so smart, kind, good hearted, driven, you are always looking to help someone. You are always there when someone needs you. You have seen darkness in this world and you still push through to try and make it a better place. Why the hell wouldn't I want you? DNA means nothing. What matters is how someone feels and you feel like you are my son. You feel like an older brother to Emma and Mickey. You belong to me and we belong to you. That is never going to change, ever.”

Clay couldn’t help the tears that built up in his eyes. He knew today was going to be hard, but he didn’t expect for the conversation to be going this way. 

“How does that make you feel to hear Clay?” Dr. Heath asked, as they could both see him struggling with what Jason had to say.

“I don’t know. I want to believe it, but it’s hard to.”

“You told me about Ash and growing up in Africa, you were in different orphanages. What about Ash’s parents? Your mother? Where are they?” Dr. Heath questioned.

“My mom died when I was five. She was killed by a John. She was sixteen when she got pregnant and it was pretty rough growing up. We lived in a very small one-bedroom, she smoked meth and prostituted. The following morning that she was killed, I was on a plane to Africa. As for Ash’s parents, I never met them. I heard from Ash that they were terrible people, cared more about others than their own kid. I looked into them when I was twenty and I found out that they were both doctors and often worked for Doctors Without Borders and volunteered at free clinics. They donated thirty percent of their annual salary to different charities. They were good people, I guess. I never got to know them. Their estate lawyer found me when I was twenty and gave me a letter that they left to me. They also left their house to me.”

“I didn't know that. Why don’t you live in it?” Jason asked.

“When I moved down here for Green Team, I went and saw it. It’s on Ocean Front Road, a three bedroom house. I’ve kept it in good standing, but I’ve never been able to bring myself to live in it. All personal belongings are gone and there’s furniture in it. That was taken care of by the estate lawyer and anything personal was kept in a storage facility that I still haven’t gone through. Everything else was given to charity. It just didn’t feel right to live in it.”

“Why didn’t it Clay? What specifically has kept you from accepting your inheritance and living there?” Dr. Heath asked.

“I didn’t know them, they didn’t know me. I don’t know if they ever tried to get to know me when I was in the States. I don’t remember ever meeting them. These complete strangers left a house to me. Ash felt like it was rightfully his, that he had to put up with his parents for his whole life and by them giving me the house it was designed to spite him. I just didn’t know what to do with it, so I haven’t done anything with it.”

“You said there was a note left to you. Did the note explain why it was given to you?” Dr. Heath asked.

“I don’t know, I haven’t read it yet. It’s been sitting in my top drawer of my dresser. I keep telling myself I’m going to read it, but I never do.” Clay answered honestly.

“Why haven’t you read it?” Jason asked this time. 

“Because I don’t know what they are going to say. Maybe they did leave it to me to spite Ash. Maybe they didn’t care to know me or be there for me. I don’t need to read a letter about why I wasn't good enough for someone to want me. I got that enough from growing up. I still get that from Ash. They are the last biological family that I have left, the last people that I can tell myself must not have known about me or couldn’t find me and that’s why they were never around. That letter is the last small piece of hope that I have that it wasn’t my entire family didn’t want me.”

“The last hope you have of not being abandoned by every biological member of your family. I think it’s safe to say that you have a serious abandonment issue Clay. Not that I can blame you. Your mother picked drugs and prostituing over you and your safety. That life got her violently killed. Your father abandoned you to Africa to live with your mother’s parents, whom you said didn’t even know she was pregnant. They abandoned you when they choose to stay in a violent area instead of making sure you were safe, getting them killed. You didn’t have a parent in your life. You didn’t have any family that stuck around and put your welfare first. Something that is vital to every child, especially a small child. It might seem silly to some, but to you that letter is a lot more than a letter. It’s the possibility of one more person abandoning you. That fear is why you are so worried and scared about your position within Jason’s family. That if you can’t be the man that made Jason go, that’s my kid, then you will be abandoned once again.”

“That’s not true though Sunshine. I wish I could make the pain that you feel from growing up disappear. I would take that on in a second without any hesitation. You will always be my son. I’m not going anywhere, you are stuck with me until I am old and grey. I will never abandon you. You will always be my son and you will always have a place in our family. I don’t ever want you to have to worry about that. Nothing is going to change, no matter where you work, live, or get accomplished in the day. You’re stuck with me Sunshine.” Jason said with complete strength to his voice.

“Why don’t we switch gears here, how has work been going?” Dr. Heath asked. He could tell that Clay needed some time to digest the information and words that Jason had said.

“Fine.” Clay said with a shrug.

“You were telling me last time that you were getting to move up to HAVOC. How has that been?”

“It’s fine. I’m just doing busy work.”

“What do you mean by that?” Dr. Heath asked, picking up the slight undertone to Clay’s voice.

“Keeping track of inventory, filing paperwork. Basic intern grunt work.” Clay said with a small shrug.

“He’s doing that type of stuff right now, but that is only until he’s cleared by you to fly and help out on operations from the plane.” Jason added.

“Clay, do you feel like people are just humoring you? That you are getting these menial tasks because they can’t trust you with something important?” 

Dr. Heath knew that the Upper Brass were waiting for his report that Clay could either return to field work, even on a plane, or if he should be removed from active duty permanently. Dr. Heath wasn’t ready to make a call in either direction. He was pleased with Clay’s progress so far and he was hoping it would continue so he could be working back in an active role. 

“I don't know. It’s busy work and I don’t mind it, because when I’m not doing something I feel like my skin is on fire. At the same time though, I used to be a highly respected operator, a sniper, and now I get the pity looks and jobs that you would give a sixteen year old. It seems like everyone is just waiting for me to have this huge mental breakdown. Vic was right about that.”

“Wait Vic? Is that what he said to you yesterday?” Jason asked, doing his best to keep the anger from his voice.

“He was right.” Clay instantly said.

“No, he’s not. He’s an asshole who wants to push you out. I’m not going to tell you how to feel or that what you are feeling is right or wrong. But I can tell you that none of us pity you and none of us are waiting for you to have a breakdown. We are all on your side, we all have your back and each and every single one of us are proud of the progress you have made.” Jason said with strength to his voice.

“What little progress there is.” Clay said, and it was clear to everyone that he was frustrated and feeling like he hadn’t been making improvements.

“You’ve made a lot of progress Clay. You have to remember before you started to work again you couldn’t leave your apartment to take the garbage down the hallway. You were leaving every light and tv on all day and night long. You could barely find the energy to get out of your bed, to shave. You are now able to go into work every day and be there for eight hours. You have the lights turned off at night, except for two. You are sleeping without the tv on all night, you are no longer disappearing during conversations during the day. We’re going for runs every morning, you can go to the grocery store without any problems. You’ve made huge progress Sunshine. You can’t compare yourself to how you were before that operation. You need to be comparing yourself to how you were after it. You are getting there. You are getting stronger. I see it every day.” Jason said.

“He’s right Clay. You have made remarkable progress. Most people in your position wouldn’t have gone back. They would have signed that medical discharge package almost instantly. You are fighting to get back your life and you are doing remarkable. What was the situation with Vic?”

“He came into the supply room and mentioned that the guys needed help with loading up the aid supplies. I went out to help.”

“And that was an issue?” Dr. Heath asked, uncertain why it would be an issue.

“The issue was that I gave that job to Vic and he passed it off to Clay. Only to not show up and help. There were only three guys with Clay loading the trucks up. There was a whole plane to fill with supplies and most of it was ten pounds of water and thirty pound bags of rice. They weren’t light and easy things for Clay to be lifting over and over again. It took two full teams plus three of the support guys five hours to get it loaded and finished.” Jason explained, still pissed about it.

“Clay, I thought we talked about you not taking Vic’s jobs anymore.” Dr. Heath asked, genty.

“Hold up, what do you mean you’ve talked about it? I thought this was the first time that Vic has passed his work off to you?” Jason said, looking right at Clay.

“It’s not a big deal.” Clay instantly said, and it was clear he wasn’t looking to talk about this.

“It is a big deal Clay. When I give one of my guys a job. I expect him to do it. I do not expect nor appreciate him handing that job off to someone else, especially you. I give Vic shitty jobs because he’s a rookie and being punished. You are not supposed to be doing his punishment. How long has this been happening?”

“Just since I started working in HAVOC. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal Clay. Those jobs were given to him as a rookie. It was his job to do them, like it or not.” Jason argued.

“I didn’t have to do any of that when I was a rookie on the team.” Clay countered.

“Because you never needed to be punished. Yes, you asked a shit load of questions that most would see as insubordination, but I knew that was how you learn. You never did anything that put your brothers at risk. You never went against a direct order. You were respectful and a team player. Vic has been anything but and the only reason he’s even on the team still is because of that bullshit he pulled with Admiral Whitley. What I don’t get is why you would ever do anything for him?”

Jason knew that things between Vic and the team were tense, just like he knew that Clay and Vic weren’t getting along either. Vic was hostile towards Clay and Clay was indifferent it seemed. What did bother Jason was the fact that Clay wasn’t pissed off. He knew it had been over six months since their capture, but still Jason would forever be pissed off at him for this. 

“I don’t know, it was just something to do I guess.” Clay said dismissively and neither Jason nor Dr. Heath believed it.

“Clay, you’ve been through a very traumatic experience. That experience started because of a decision that Vic made. It was made worse by how he handled his punishment of being kicked out of the team. You’ve mentioned previously that Vic has said some hurtful things. Putting all of the blame on you, calling you selfish for wanting the guys’ attention on you. He’s called you pathetic and weak, he’s brought you down.” Dr. Heath started, but Jason cut him off.

“He fucking said what to you?” 

Dr. Heath held his hand up though to try and stop anything else to come out of Jason. He needed to try and break through with Clay and he needed Jason to stay calm right now. “Clay, focus on me here for a second. When I asked you last time if you had said anything back to him. If you defended yourself or told him off, you said no. When I asked why, you said you didn’t know why. Now, I want you to go back to yesterday, to that moment that Vic came and found you and told you to go work on the aid supplies. Did he say something to you that you would have previously told him off?” Clay just gave a small nod and Dr. Heath continued. “What did you do?”

“I left and went to help with the aid supply.”

“I want you to think back to that moment, how were you feeling?” Dr. Heath asked calmly. He had an idea of why Clay was doing this, but he wanted to see if Clay could get there himself as well.

“I don’t know. I’ve been feeling anxious all day and night. It was something else that I could do to keep moving and not thinking. I don’t know...I don’t know.” 

It was clear that Clay was confused and not sure why he wasn't fighting back with Vic. Why he was doing what Vic wanted even though he knew that Jason had given Vic those tasks himself to be completed. It just felt like he couldn’t breathe half the time. Cerb jumped up on the couch between Clay and Jason and was instantly curling up into Clay to try and help make him feel better. 

“Is it fair for me to say Clay, that the one single decision that Vic made on that operation led to everything traumatic that happened to you while you were captured?” Dr. Heath said.

“Ya.”

“And that is true. If Vic had done the honorable thing, what we all would have done, and kept his mouth shut, a lot of what happened to Clay would have been avoided. He would still have been tortured, but nowhere near the extent that he was.” Jason confirmed as well.

“After everything you have been through it would be perfectly natural for you to feel more anxious and nervous around Vic. It would be perfectly natural if you feared him even, feared what he could do if you had conflict with him. His decision was what brought all of that pain to you. It is what caused you to be tortured, raped and buried alive. It is what is still causing you the pain that you are in now. It would be logical for your mind to fear conflict with Vic because of what he has done to you.” Dr. Heath said gently. He knew team guys didn’t like to admit to being afraid, but he also needed to get Clay to understand that it was natural for him to be feeling afraid.

“It’s stupid.” Clay softly admitted.

“No, it’s not Son. Nothing that you are feeling is stupid and it never will be. I want to help you, but I can’t if I don’t know exactly what you are feeling. What do you feel around him?” Jason asked, keeping his voice gentle. 

Clay let out a shaky breath as he wrapped his arms around Cerb, who tucked his head under Clay’s chin. “It feels like I can’t breathe. I just want him to go away. I just want to walk away, but it’s like my legs won’t listen. All I can do is just stand there waiting for him to be finished so he leaves.”

“When someone is in a relationship, whether it is a man and a woman, two men, or two women, one of them could still be abused without a single physical blow. They are abused mentally and emotionally. They are told they are worthless, weak, pathetic, other hurtful words. The person that is abused does what they are told because they are constantly on edge waiting for another attack, sometimes even a physical attack. Essentially Vic is abusing you mentally and emotionally. He’s taking advantage of your trauma and using it as a way to try and control you.” Dr. Heath explained.

“He doesn’t want him better.” Jason easily stated. 

“He doesn’t. He wants him to be off of the team. He wants him to sign those discharge papers. He wants to take his place, that is very clear in his actions. The more Clay gets better, the closer he comes to getting back to active duty, the worse Vic will get. With time, and working with me, Clay will get better. He will overcome his fear of Vic, but until that happens I strongly suggest that you keep them apart. Vic is a poison and he will not stop until he gets Clay out of the picture. He needs his dad and his brothers to be a wall of protection. One day Clay will be ready to fight his own battles again, but until that day comes, he needs his brothers to take up arms for him.”

“And we always will. We will always have his back and be there for him against any enemy. We’ll make sure to keep Vic away from Clay. Is there anything else we should be doing?” 

“Just keep them away from each other. You will get there Clay, I promise you.” Dr. Heath said, with a pointed look at Clay.

“Sure.” Clay said and it was clear that he didn't fully believe it yet.

“I’d like to talk about how you have been feeling in terms of anxiety. We’ve talked about how you are finding it getting worse during the day. Has that improved, gotten worse?” Dr. Heath asked, switching topics once again.

“Probably safe to say it’s getting worse.” Clay commented.

“It’s gotten worse. He can’t seem to sit still anymore. He’s even up at night cleaning. He tends to clean when he doesn’t have anything to do. He’s always been a very clean and organized person, a bit anal, which I say with love. But now it’s on a whole new level.” Jason added.

“Why cleaning?” Dr. Heath asked.

“There’s always something to clean I guess. I’ve always cleaned a lot, kept things organized and in certain places. Growing up in African orphanages I’m sure you can imagine that cleanliness was not their top priority. Everything was always so filthy, there would be forty kids living in two bedrooms. I hated it so when I got my own place after Buds, I always cleaned it every night. Everything had a place and it stayed that way. Whenever I was upset or angry I would clean. It just became a thing.” Clay explained.

“Cleaning has been a way for you to cope with life, it’s not a bad thing. It’s not like you have an obsessive need to clean and you can’t leave your home without it being perfect. You have all of this anxiety and nervous energy, we were expecting it as we started to get into the harder topics of your recovery. Now we just need you to do something other than cleaning to work it off.” Dr. Heath explained.

“Like what though?” Jason asked.

“Exercise is a great one. You could go for a run, a walk, go to the gym. Watching a movie, something that will distract your mind from the anxiety and allow you to just rest. Reading, cooking, playing video games, card games, board games even. Things that will focus your mind on something else. As we work through the trauma, that anxiety will start to decrease. I know it’s annoying and doesn’t seem like progress, but it is. The fact that your anxiety has picked up tells me that we are working through your trauma and your mind is now starting to process what happened to you and that is the first step to healing from it.”

“We’ll keep pushing through and come up with other ways that Clay can deal with his anxiety.” Jason easily said. He would take progress, no matter how big or small or what it looked like every day of the week. 

“I am sure you will. There isn’t anything you two can’t seem to do. I am curious about something before we call it a day. You both are still living together, correct?” Dr. Heath asked.

“Ya, I’m still crashing on Clay’s couch.” Jason easily said, but he was feeling a bit defensive. He wasn’t going to be happy if Dr. Heath was about to tell him he needed to move back to his own place. He didn’t think either of them were ready for that.

“You have your own apartment, and Clay is no longer physically injured or sick. So why haven’t you moved out?” Dr. Heath asked calmly without judgment in his voice.

“I like being there. Are you saying I should?” Jason asked, not liking this at all.

“I’m not saying that at all. I just find it interesting that before all of this you were living in two different apartments. And now you are living together. At first it was because of the trauma that Clay had gone through. He was very sick and needed help due to his physical injuries. Now he is back to work and is doing better, but you are still living there. Neither one of you seems to want to leave and go back to living alone. I was just curious as to why you have stayed Jason.”

“You know, he needed help and I wanted to be there for him. I can live alone, but I’m not good at alone, at an empty apartment. I like living with him. He’s my son, but I didn’t get to raise him. I didn’t get to take him to school, I didn’t get to play catch in the backyard, teach him how to shave, how to drive. I missed out on over twenty years of his life, of getting to spend that time with him. This has allowed me to get that time with him. I like cooking dinner together, I like making breakfast for him. I like sitting on the couch together to watch the hockey game. Or I watch it and he reads while pretending he’s paying attention.” Jason said with a warm smile to Clay, one he easily returned. 

“You have been able to make up for some of that lost time. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with either of you not ready to be living alone. Just like it would be natural that you want to spend more time outside of work together. To be able to strengthen your bond and to learn more about each other on a personal level. The issue is you having this grey unknown area. Having two apartments, two rents, you Jason sleeping on a couch and not in an actual bed. Which I am sure I don’t have to tell you is not good for your body, especially at your age with your job. It’s not healthy to wake up every day and not know if you are going home together or separately. So here is your homework, and I do mean both of you. First Clay, I want you to read your grandparents letter. You need to have that closure in your life, whether it is good or bad, you need it. You cannot start to heal from some of your childhood trauma until you have all of the information on it. Second, I want you both to try some different things that Clay could do to help with his anxiety, see what works and what doesn't. And finally, I want you both to sit down and talk honestly about what you want in terms of living together. If you want to live together, then you need to find a ‘your place’. Not at Clay’s apartment or at Jason’s apartment. You both need a home that is both of yours, which means moving so you can build your own home together. You need to be honest with each other about what you want and you need to listen to each other. If this is something you both want then you need to set a plan on how you move forward.”

“Got it Doc.” Jason said on their behalf.

“I will leave you with this one last piece of advice and it will be up to you how you wish to take it. If you do decide to live together, I would like to point out that Clay already has a house that he has never lived in. Depending on how the letter turns out, it might be the perfect opportunity for you to finally build a real home together.”

Jason looked over at Clay and he could tell that he was feeling overwhelmed and was reaching his finish line. Jason knew that Clay had a lot he needed to think about and process. They both did. 

“Thanks Doc, I appreciate you including me in on this. I think it’s been helpful and really good, for the both of us.” Jason said.

“You are welcome. It was great to have this time to chat with you both and I will see you in a few days Clay.” Dr. Heath said warmly.

Clay just gave a nod and they all stood and made their way out of the office. Clay made an appointment real quick before they headed out. They made their way to Jason’s truck and once there Clay sat back and let out a soft sigh.

“I know this was hard today, but I am really proud of you Sunshine. You did really good today. I think what you need for the rest of the night is to just relax. We can work on homework tomorrow.” Jason said with a warm smile.

“I’m tired.” Clay agreed.

“I know you are, but you did really good Son, really good. Let’s get you home so you can curl up with Cerb and relax. I’ll make us some dinner.”

Clay gave a nod and Jason started his truck. He knew that Clay had a lot on his mind and he just needed the night to rest and process before they would be able to talk about it. Jason had a lot he needed to process as well. Everything with Vic, and how Clay has been feeling plus trying to figure out if they would live together. It was a lot and he needed the night to get his own thoughts in order before they could properly talk. Tomorrow they would start to figure things out, tonight was going to be about relaxing and just enjoying their time together. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

Jason made his way into their cage room that following morning. Clay had headed off to see Davis and see what they needed him to do. Jason was hoping they would start to give Clay something more substantial to do instead of just busy tasks. He had texted Blackburn and Davis this morning about how Clay was feeling, he knew they would keep it to themselves, but they would be made aware of it and they would hopefully change their direction with him. No one really knew how well Clay would handle being in HAVOC and they didn’t want to give him anything that would add stress to his life. It’s why they had been giving him simple tasks that he could do without causing him any stress or anxiety. Now it was time for them to give him something real so they could start building his confidence back up. 

Jason walked in and saw that Vic was sitting in his cage, the cage that would go right back to Clay soon enough. Seeing Vic only pissed him off, especially after yesterday. 

“Lopez, where were you yesterday? I gave you a job to do, only to find out you gave it to Clay and then left.” Jason said with an edge to his voice.

“Technically it wasn’t an order. You said they needed help loading up the aid plane, Spenser wasn’t doing anything but inventory that had already been done. Figured he would appreciate doing something that would be helpful. As for where I was, I was helping Admiral Whitley out with paperwork and filing.” Vic answered doing everything he could to keep the smirk from his face.

“Everything I tell you, you can consider that an order. You broke the order yesterday so now you can spend the day in the armory cleaning the weapons. And that is a direct order. Go.” Jason said right back.

“Sure thing Boss.” Vic said. He didn’t care; he could just give it to Clay.

“Full Metal will be coming by periodically to check in. And he better see only you in that room cleaning the weapons and not Clay. What Clay does has nothing to do with you. If I find out again that you have been giving him your jobs, your punishments again, I will show you a whole new world. Get the hell out of here.”

Vic got up and headed out of the room, it was clear he wasn’t happy about being checked in on. He was clearly thinking he could have passed this on to Clay once again and done nothing all day. 

“He’s been giving Clay his punishments?” Full Metal asked, as he leaned against the doorframe of his cage. 

“Apparently so.” Jason said, as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“And Clay is just letting him? Just doing it?” Ray asked, as that did not sound like Clay at all.

“Ya well that is a bit more complicated. First, Dr. Heath has recommended that Clay focuses his anxiety onto something that will keep his mind busy. The Doc isn’t worried about it, said it was a good sign. They have been focusing on what happened to Clay during his captivity and he expected that Clay’s anxiety would increase. He said it was a good sign, that his mind is finally starting to process what happened to him. It’s the first step in healing.” 

“That’s a good thing though. I know it’s hard and it sucks, but it’s good that his mind is getting there.” Ray said.

“What did the Doc recommend for it?” Sonny asked.

“For him to exercise or do something that will focus his mind on something else. He suggested things like; cooking, watching movies or tv, playing video games, board games or card games, reading. Anything that would focus his mind on something else. We haven’t tried anything yet. He was pretty exhausted after our appointment last night.”

“I’ve never seen him play video games.” Sonny commented.

“Ya I don’t know if he ever will. I have one from Mickey, I figured I would try it with him. He might be into it, he’s young enough to be into it. The point is to get him doing something other than cleaning or pacing around.”

Clay didn’t act his age and that was the thing that Jason wanted to try and get him to do more. He should be playing video games, he was young enough and he was single. There wasn’t anything wrong with playing video games as a way to unwind. 

“What’s the thing with Vic?” Trent asked this time.

“Vic has been giving Clay the punishments and tasks that I have been giving to him. Apparently, him and Dr. Heath have talked about it, but Clay never said anything to us. Dr. Heath asked why he didn’t defend himself; Clay said he didn’t know that he just felt like he couldn’t breathe and basically wanted Vic to leave. That he physically couldn’t leave himself.” Jason started.

“Why?” Sonny asked, not liking the sound of that.

“This is all coming from Dr. Heath, but he made the connection to what Clay is feeling to that of someone in an abusive relationship, but one that doesn’t have physical abuse in it. The mental and emotional abuse coming from Vic in terms of what he’s said to Clay whenever he’s seen him, combined with the fact that everything that happened to Clay in captivity is due to the decision Vic made. All of that together makes Clay terrified of Vic.”

“That makes sense. His mind has associated all of that pain and trauma to Vic, as if Vic was the one to physically torture and rape him. That can be corrected with time and healing, but in the meantime it makes him vulnerable to Vic.” Trent added.

“Exactly. We need to keep them apart and we need to protect Clay from Vic and his poisonous words. I do not want them alone together, we need to make sure of it. Vic wants Clay out and he won’t stop at anything as far as I am concerned to make it happen.” Jason said, as he looked around at the faces of his men. He could see they were all pissed off at Vic for trying to continue to hurt Clay. They weren’t going to tolerate it nor were they going to allow it to happen again.

“We’ll protect him from the little shit. And one day we’ll be there to watch as he beats the living fuck out of him.” Full Metal said with pure confidence in his voice. Clay would have his day, he would have his justice one way or another. 

“Someone is gonna beat the living fuck out of him.” Sonny corrected. If Clay wasn’t up for it, he would gladly step up to the plate.

“What matters most right now is making sure Clay feels safe and keeping him on the right path to recovery. He’s been doing amazing recently, we can’t let that be jeopardized for anything.” Ray said, looking to keep everyone focused and on track. It was Clay’s recovery that mattered more right now. 

“Ray’s right. Justice will come, but right now we need him healthy all across the board. I wanted to let you guys know so you are aware of the situation and can properly keep an eye on things.” Jason said.

“We will. We’ll make sure that Vic doesn’t get to be near him.” Brock promised.

The guys were not about to let anyone hurt Clay, especially Vic again. They were going to protect him and make sure that nothing and no one comes between him and his return to the team.

XXX

Clay sat there on his bed looking at the very old envelope in his hands. He knew this was an important step, that he was supposed to open it and get closure, but Clay was still terrified of what it would say. It was stupid because he didn’t know them, had never met them, so it shouldn’t matter what they said to him. It shouldn’t matter what their last words to him would be, because they were complete strangers. Yet, Clay was afraid to read the letter. He was afraid to read what the last of his biological family had to say to him, about him. Clay knew he was supposed to be working through his trauma from his captivity, but also his childhood. He hadn’t gone to Dr. Heath for it, but he also had to agree with the man, he needed it. He couldn’t keep living his life always afraid that the people within his life would abandon him if he wasn’t perfect. He couldn’t keep feeling like he had to be perfect and always on point in order to have any self-worth. He had to work through these problems if he ever wanted to have the chance of something real in his life. That didn’t change that it was hard and exhausting. 

Jason walked in and saw Clay sitting against his headboard with the letter in his hands. He had been wondering if Clay would actually read it or not. He had come home from work and went straight to his room. Jason had been giving him some space, knowing that it was hard for him to be out all day long still. When he got home he tended to want to be in his room with Cerb to lay down and relax for as long as his body allowed him. Jason moved over and went and sat down in front of him, placing his hand on Clay’s knee as he spoke.

“You’re not doing this alone, I’m right here Sunshine.”

“Why does this matter so much? They’re strangers, it shouldn’t matter.” Clay said confused, as he looked up at Jason.

“Because they were still your grandparents and they are the last tie to your biological family that you have. It’s natural that this would matter to you. No matter what that letter says though, I’m right here with you and I’m not going anywhere.”

Clay let out a long and slow breath before he turned the envelope over and opened it. The paper inside was surprisingly still white and not tinted brown like the envelope. Clay unfolded the letter and began to read it. 

_ Our Dearest Clay, _

_ If you are reading this then that means we are no longer here. What it also means is that we have failed in our mission to find you. Let me start by apologising for our son’s horrific behaviour where you were concerned. We had thought we had raised a good man, we had done our best, but we had clearly failed. Our failure has only resulted in you being hurt and that is something that is unforgivable. We were not aware that Ashland had gotten your mother pregnant. We discovered it when you were two years old when we saw a text message from your mother with your photo. Ashland denied it of course, but we knew by your photo that you were our grandson. You looked exactly like Ashland when he was that age and there was no mistaking those blue eyes. I see them everyday in the mirror in my own reflection. We reached out to your mother, and we were able to meet with you. We met at a park, and it was wonderful. We had wanted to bring you home with us for the night, but we knew it would be too soon. Your mother seemed a little apprehensive with us having you alone. We couldn’t blame her really, after the way Ashland had treated her. We continued to see you whenever she would allow us, the older you got though the less we would get to see you. She started to stop answering our calls and would not show up for appointments at the park with us.  _

_ You were almost five when we discovered where you were living. Up until that point we hadn’t been allowed to know your address or see you at your home. We were horrified to discover that the money we had been giving your mother every month to help with your needs was going towards her drugs. We spoke with a lawyer and he advised us to file a complaint with Child Protective Services and when nothing appeared to be getting done we filed for custody of you through the family court. Unfortunately, your mother was killed not long after we filed our claim to have you. And by the time we had discovered her death in the paper, you were already gone. We asked Ashland, begged him, to tell us where he sent you, but he refused. Said that you were gone for good and for us to get our heads out of the clouds.  _

_ We tried to find you, but we had no idea you were sent to Africa. We never even thought to look there. We discovered that her parents were dead, had died not long after your birth in a car crash. We hired a private investigator to locate you, but nothing ever panned out. I am not sure how old you will be when you read this. I am not sure what type of life you would have had growing up or in your adult life. We hope that you are ok, that you have found a family who loves you and understands just how amazing and special you are. You were always such a bright little boy. Well beyond your years. We knew you were special and we knew with all of our hearts that you would be someone that changed this world.  _

_ We want you to know that we are proud of you. Whether you are a teacher, a scientist, a business owner, if you took after your father and joined the military or even if you are working part-time in a fast food joint, wherever your life has led you, we are so proud of you. We wanted to have you in our life. We wanted to watch as you grew up. We wanted to teach you everything we knew. We wanted birthdays and holidays together. And we are so sorry you didn’t get to have that with us. I made sure that anything personal from the home would be kept for you, in case you ever decided to go through it. There are lots of baby pictures of you and any photos we were able to take while at the park with you. There’s photos from when we were younger and of your father should you wish to have them. Though, if you decide to burn the ones from your father we wouldn’t hold it against you. We made sure all of our books were to be kept in proper storage as well. You always had a book in your hands. Take as long as you need to go through it. _

_ The house has been in our family for six generations. I am sure Ashland is livid that he did not get it, but that old fool would just sell it off to the highest bidder. We wanted to make sure it stayed in this family. Your grandfather and I hope that you will live in it one day, when you are ready, and start building your own little family. Those walls deserve to be filled with laughter again. The floors deserve to have little tiny feet running up and down them. We know you will cherish what it truly means. We want you to remember this though, you are a Spenser, and at times I am sure you might have hated the name. Hated that it was connected to Ashland, Lord knows he was not a man that was designed to have children. But I truly believe the best thing he has done for this world was giving it you. I obviously took your grandfather’s name, and as you will see one day from the family tree that is in storage for you, you come from a long line of good men. Your grandfather was a doctor, but he got his degree from the military. He was in the army and worked on bases during the Vietnam War. Your great grandfather fought in world war two in the army as well. Before that there was your great great grandfather that fought in the first world war, along with six of your great great uncles. Your family tree has close to a hundred military men in it, and twenty military nurses as well. It is in your blood to be honorable and good. I swear to this day that the hospital switched the babies on me and I got someone else’s child where your father was concerned. A hundred generations and he was the only bad seed.  _

_ Everything is there for you to look at and go through when you are ready. What matters most to us is that you are happy and healthy. We wish we could have been there for you. We wish we could have found you and gotten to meet the man that you are today. I bet you are truly remarkable. You probably don’t remember us, but we have always remembered you and you have always been in our hearts. We will be watching over you. We’ll finally get to see you again and it is the only thing that brings me complete peace in these final days. Knowing that I will get to see you again and be there as you go through your life. We will be watching over you, protecting you. Whenever you feel alone and scared, just remember that we are here for you. You will never be alone and you will never be unloved.  _

_ We love you, our precious sweet boy. _

_ Until we meet again. _

_ Granny & Grandpa. _

Clay couldn’t stop the tears that ran down his face as he read the letter. He didn't know what they would say to him, he couldn’t help but think and expect the worst. He didn’t expect this. He didn’t remember them and he felt terrible that he didn’t remember them, but he knew he was so young when they were around that it wasn’t surprising that he didn’t remember them. Jason ran his hand up and down Clay’s leg as he had no choice but to watch as he cried as he read the letter. He had no idea if they were good tears or bad. He wished he knew what the letter said so he could help Clay through whatever he was going through. 

“They were good people. They tried to find me, but they couldn’t. They never stopped looking. They loved me.” Clay said through the tears to Jason.

Jason was instantly moving and got beside Clay, wrapping his arms around him. Clay turned into Jason’s chest and just let the tears fully go. Cerb wiggled his way over and placed his head down in Clay’s lap to try and offer whatever comfort he could to his person. Jason continued to hold onto Clay as he allowed his son to let out all of the tears and pain that he was feeling. He continued to hold onto his son so he would know that he wasn’t alone, that he was loved and safe right where he was. It took a good fifteen minutes before Clay’s tears finally slowed down and he held up the letter for Jason to read. Jason took the letter and started to read it. It warmed his heart to read that they were in his life for a very short time. That they had loved him and wanted to find him. That they had gone as far as hiring a private investigator just to try and find any trace of him. He also noticed that his other grandparents were dead long before he was sent to Africa, so then who the hell did Ash send him to? It shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did. He thought that Ash had at least tried to make sure Clay was raised by family, but once again he just proved how much of an asshole he truly was.

Jason was interested in learning more about Clay’s family tree though. It sounded like there were a lot of great people in his family. He would also have loved to see any photos of Clay as a kid. Clay didn’t have any himself and it would be nice to have those pieces of his childhood. Jason set the letter aside as he ran his hand up and down Clay’s back.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to have them in your life for longer than those couple of years. They sound like they were great people.”

“Ya they do, I wish I could remember them.”

“You were so young Sunshine, it’s not your fault you don’t remember. I wish you could have had them in your life. I might not have gotten to know you, but you could have grown up with such a wonderful life. One without all of the pain you have gone through.”

“Maybe, but I’m glad to have met you and the guys. I wouldn’t have made it through all of this without you. I don’t understand why you are still here, but I’m glad you are Dad.”

“And I always will be. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“You know what we need to do tomorrow before the barbecue right?” Jason asked, hoping that Clay would be ready for it.

“Go see the house. I know.”

Clay wasn’t too sure how ready he was for all of that. He had been back to the house before to make sure it was still functioning, but he had never really walked through the whole place. He also had no idea there was a storage unit that he would need to eventually go through. That wouldn’t be tomorrow though, he wasn’t anywhere near ready for that. 

“We’ll do it together and then we can head out to the barbecue at Sonny’s place. He said he would be making you some ribs.”

“I do miss his barbecuing.”

Jason gave a chuckle to that. “It is very good. The man can’t cook to save his life, but he can work a grill. It’ll be good for you to have a normal team night. Vic won’t be there and we invited Yoder. He seemed pretty excited for barbecue.”

“He can cook and bake, but he burns everything he tries to grill. Brian and I used to tease him about it all the time.”

“He seems like a really good guy. I’m glad you got to have him in your life all this time. I’m gonna do everything I can to get him on Bravo too. He belongs with us.”

“Really?” Clay said, slightly surprised that Jason would be making that call.

“He should have been picked in the draft over Vic. That was my mistake, one that I plan on correcting. But he also fits with the guys, he’s Bravo and he deserves to come home.” Jason said with a warm smile.

“He’ll be great.” 

It would be good for Yoder to end up on Bravo. Clay knew it wouldn’t happen right away, they couldn’t have that many guys on Bravo, but when they finally had a spot Yoder would fit in perfectly. Clay was hoping that also would mean that Vic was not there. 

“You know what I think we need?” Jason started.

“What?”

“I think we should order milkshakes and bacon cheeseburgers from Betty’s and watch Die Hard.” Jason said with a warm smile.

“Sounds good. One question though, what’s Die Hard?”

Jason gave a long groan at that. “Are you kidding me? Die Hard? One of the best movies by Bruce Willis, there’s five of em.”

“Never heard of em.”

“Oh you poor deprived child. Don’t worry I got all of them. We’ll binge watch em. You have no idea what you have been missing.”

“Says the guy who has never seen Lord of The Rings.” Clay commented, as he moved back.

“Fair enough, I will make you a deal. You watch Die Hard and I will watch The Lord of The Rings.”

“Deal, but technically you have to watch The Hobbit first.”

“Fine. They’re based off of the book right?” Jason asked, as he got up.

“Yup, they turned the book into three movies, so between The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings, there are six movies. It’s not something you could binge watch though, it’s over twenty hours.” Clay said, as he followed Jason out into the living room.

“Twenty hours? For two books?” Jason asked, shocked they were that long.

“J.R.R Tolkien is long winded.” Clay said with a smirk as he gave a small shrug. 

Jason couldn’t help the slight chuckle to that. “You ever seen Harry Potter?”

“I have not. I was going to read the books, but it seemed like I was too old to be reading them.” Clay answered, as he sat down.

“You are never too old to read something that sounds interesting. We could always watch the movies. I haven’t seen them yet, but Emma had em. They are at the apartment.” Jason said joining Clay on the couch.

“You want to watch Harry Potter?” Clay said skeptically.

“Why not? I never got the chance to watch it with Emma or Mickey growing up. You’ve never seen it and that is part of childhood, watching movies about magic and dragons. We can experience it together.” Jason said with a warm smile.

“I’d like that.” Clay said with an easy smile. 

They both spent the rest of the night hanging out and watching Die Hard movies while they enjoyed their food. Tonight was all about them spending time together and then tomorrow they would talk about the future.

XXX 

Jason pulled up to the house that Clay’s grandparents left to him. He was not surprised to see the lawn was in desperate need of a lawnmower and a weed wacker. Clay had said he had only been here a few times and that was just to make sure the pipes worked and there was nothing wrong with the place. From what Jason knew, everything worked or would work once they turned the water and power back on. Jason didn’t care where they lived, in his mind they would be living together, to him it was about living with Clay. He didn’t care what the place looked like. However, he did feel like this was left to Clay and he should be living here. He shouldn’t have to feel like he didn’t deserve it or that he shouldn’t have it over Ash. His grandparents left it to him so he could keep it in the family and build a family here for himself. It was important for Clay to live here and embrace his family home. Jason was just hoping he would be able to get Clay to see that. 

“It looks nice.” Jason said, as he turned off his truck.

Clay gave a snort to that. “It’s hidden behind twelve feet of grass.”

“Ok, but the part of the house that I can see looks nice. In need of a power wash and some love, but it’s still standing.”

The house probably just needed a good clean and a fresh coat of paint. Jason had lived in worse and it wasn’t the condition of the house that made it a home, it was the people that lived in it. 

“Come on, let’s go check it out. I bet you it’s not that bad.” Jason said, as he opened his door.

Clay got out and together they made their way through the grass and along what used to be a stone pathway up to the house. Clay pulled out his keys and unlocked the door before they walked in. Instantly all you could smell was dust and it was dark. Clay made his way over to the living room and opened the blinds, sending more dust into the air, causing Clay to cough from it. With the blinds and the front door opened they had enough light for Jason to be able to check the main area of the house out. The living room area was to his right and it was large enough for multiple couches. Everything was covered in old sheets to try and keep the furniture protected. To the left of him was the kitchen. The whole room was an open concept allowing whomever was in the kitchen to be able to see everyone within the large living room and the dining room. The kitchen was all white cabinets and marble countertops. It was very nicely done and Jason could tell it was fairly new, at least it was before Clay’s grandparents passed. What was unique were the stairs leading up to the second floor. They were wooden steps with a metal hand railing, but it was a spiral staircase that was off in the one back corner of the living room. Jason could see that it led up to the second floor where there was a balcony that overlooked the whole room before going down a hallway where Jason figured the bedrooms were. 

“This is a nice place.” Jason said, as he walked further in. 

“Ya, it’s older, but it’s been restored over the generations. There’s a bathroom and laundry room on this floor before the backdoor that leads out to the backyard and the beach. Upstairs there’s three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The house is in good shape, it just needs to be hooked back up for power and water. Plus a cleaning.”

“How does it feel to be here? This is your family’s home, does it feel familiar in some way to you?” Jason asked, trying to get a feel for how Clay felt about the house.

“I don’t know. Before when I came here it felt empty and I wanted no part of it. Now, I don’t know. It’s different I guess. It doesn’t feel so empty now that I know why it was left to me and that they did love me. If Ash had been a better person, if he had for once in his life been a father, this would have been the house I grew up in. Come look at this.” Clay said, as he started to head down the hallway to where the bathroom and laundry room were. 

“Over the generations they’ve done different remodels, changed rooms around. At one point I think this was someone’s bedroom.” Clay said, as they arrived at the laundry room. “All of the doorways are marked just like this.” Clay said, as he pointed at the wood door frames.

Jason could see the little ticks in the wood to mark someone’s height. He could also see they had their name, age and the last two digits of their year. These ones went all the way back to nineteen-twenty-nine.

“God, that’s really cool that everyone has kept them. It’s a piece of history, it’s a piece of your history.” Jason said warmly.

“I never thought I would have history. I figured I would never know anything about either side of my DNA. Now I have this whole half of my DNA that I get to learn about. This place doesn’t feel so depressing and empty now.”

“That’s good Sunshine. You should want to learn about your biological family, about your family history. It sounds like it will be a good one and I can’t wait to hear about it.” Jason said with a warm smile.

Clay gave him one in return and they made their way through the rest of the house looking at all of the rooms. The bedrooms were nice and big, you could easily get a king size bed in there plus have lots of room for furniture. The master bedroom has it’s own bathroom, but all three bedrooms had their own part of the deck that overlooked the beach. It was a beautiful sight and Jason knew at one point this house was stunning when it was cleaned up. They both leaned against the wooden railing that was in desperate need of a fresh stain, as they looked at the calm ocean water. 

“I think we need to be honest with each other Sunshine. I know it’s hard for you to put your feelings out there, especially with me. You are worried about how I will feel and react, something I understand because it’s from your childhood trauma. So I’m gonna go first. I got to watch Emma and Mickey grow up. I wasn’t always there, and I wasn’t there anywhere near the amount of time I wanted to be, but I was there. When I look at you, I see my son. You are my kid, in my mind and in my heart, you are mine. But I missed out on getting to know you on a different level. I missed out on hanging out and watching movies, cooking with you, going on fishing trips and going to a sports game. I want all of that with you. I’m all in, one hundred percent and I would love to keep living with you. I would love to have a physical home with you. And if that is not what you want, then that is ok. Nothing between us would change.” 

Jason didn’t want Clay to feel pressured into living together. He wanted to make sure that Clay wanted this as well. 

“I want that too. I didn’t grow up with a parent, told myself I didn’t need one. That I didn’t need anyone. I know I haven’t always shown it within the past six months, but having you there with me has been the best part of everything that happened. I like living with you. I like getting to know you outside of work. I would really like to keep getting to know you. My grandparents had wished that I would turn this house into a home and I can’t imagine a home without you there. Without Mickey and Emma visiting. I’ve never done Christmas, but I can picture a tree in the living room with all four of us there.”

“That’s exactly what I want too.” Jason said, as he placed his hand on the back of Clay’s neck. “Let’s do this. We’ll put our notices in and we can get this place ready for us to move into it. A strong lawnmower and some paint, it’ll be good as new.”

“Are you sure though?” Clay asked, still feeling self-conscious about Jason wanting him.

“There is nothing I would rather do more Sunshine.” Jason said with a loving smile.

Jason pulled Clay in for a hug and Clay easily melted into it. He had come to really appreciate and love the hugs from Jason. He wasn’t normally one for comfort or human contact really, but there was something about getting a hug from Jason. It made him feel safe and loved. Clay imagined this is what it would feel like to be hugged by a parent. Clay had to admit though, he was actually excited and happy at the thought of being able to officially live with Jason. He was going to get to live with someone who had become a father to him. For the first time in his life he would be getting to truly live with a real parent. He was just hoping Jason didn’t change his mind and decided he didn’t want him anymore. 

XXX

Clay made his way over to the firepit where Sonny was currently sitting alone on the bench. He had his left arm on the top of it with his legs kicked out in front of him with a beer in his right hand. Dinner had been great and Clay had missed Sonny’s cooking. Tonight had been good, things had been so easy and Yoder fit in perfectly with the guys. It felt like it used to before he had been captured. The easy banter that everyone had and no one was looking at him just waiting for him to break into a million pieces. Tonight felt really good, and just what he needed after all of the therapy sessions. Clay went over with Cerberus following him to the bench and sat down next to Sonny. He leaned his back against Sonny’s side with his legs up on the bench and Sonny easily wrapped his left arm around Clay. 

“How are you doing Little Buddy?” 

They hadn’t really had a chance to talk alone since everything that had happened and Sonny was hoping to use this rare moment of Clay alone to do just that. 

“I don’t really know yet. Tonight was good though, it felt like old times.”

“Tonight was what we all needed. It was good seeing you eat again. You’ve been worrying me a bit with how thin you’re getting.” Sonny said honestly.

“I know. I’ve been trying to eat more. It’s been hard though with the anxiety. I’m trying.”

“I know you are Bam Bam. I’m proud of you. I couldn’t have survived what you did. I would have given up a long time ago. The fact that you are still here and still trying to get your life back, that just shows how incredibly strong you are.” Sonny said with complete pride in his voice.

“I did give up.” Clay softly admitted for the first time out loud to anyone.

“What are you talking about?” Sonny asked. He saw that the guys were going to start making their way over to them, but Sonny gently shook his head no to stop them. He didn’t want anyone to interrupt them right now. Not when it seemed like Clay was about to open up.

“Near the end when they buried me alive, I didn’t fight. I just closed my eyes and waited for it to finally be over. I wanted it to be over. Dying would have been so much easier than having to live with what happened. What they did. I was ready to die.”

“But you didn’t. You got out of that hole, you killed them. I saw their bodies.” Sonny said, doing everything he could to keep the hurt tone from his voice.

He knew that Clay got out, but it was hard to hear that they came so close, a lot closer than they even knew, to losing Clay for good that day. It was hard to hear that he wanted to die. That he wanted to just give up and finally allow the darkness to win. Sonny could understand it though. If he had gone through what Clay did, he would have welcomed death too. Welcomed what would have been easier over more pain and trauma. 

“I saw Brian. We were on a beach and he told me that I couldn’t quit yet, that I had to dig, to live. I told him I was too tired, but he said that Jason was coming, that I had to live to get to him. I didn’t want to hurt him like that. I didn’t want to hurt any of you with having to find me like that. Brian told me to shut my mind off, shut my emotions off and just let instinct take over, so I did. I don’t remember getting out, I don’t remember killing them. One second I was in that hole and the next I was in Jason’s arms. I didn’t quit that day, but there had been days since that I’ve wanted to quit, especially in the beginning.”

“It’s natural that you would Clay. You pushed through it though, even if it was just for Jason and us. You hung on and now look at you. You’re doing so well Clay, you’re getting your life back and overcoming everything that you went through. We’re all so proud of you.” Sonny kissed the top of Clay’s head as he continued. “You know you can always tell me anything right? No matter what it is, it doesn’t change anything between us. I’m always going to be your best friend, your big brother. There’s nothing we can’t talk about.”

“I know. I’ve been talking with Dr. Heath about the torture and being buried alive, but I haven’t talked to him about the um… the rapes. I know I have to eventually if I ever want to get cleared for active duty, I’m just not ready yet.” Clay said with a great deal of pain in his voice, causing Sonny to hold onto him tighter and for Cerb to jump up between Clay’s legs and lay down on him.

“And that’s ok. You go at your own pace. I’ll always be there for you when you are ready and you don’t want to talk to him about it. It’ll always stay between us.” Sonny promised.

“I know, maybe one day.”

Clay wasn’t ready for that right now, but maybe one day he would be ready to talk about it with Sonny or the guys. Sonny figured he would switch topics to give Clay a bit of a break.

“Who knew badass Clay Spenser would like cuddles.” Sonny teased, causing Clay to give a small chuckle to that.

“I didn’t really have good physical contact growing up. Ever since what happened Jason seems to constantly be hugging me. I’ve come to find that I like to contact, the comfort of it. It’s different for me, which is slightly pathetic, but Jason says I should just embrace it.”

“You should embrace it. You didn't get much growing up of anything that a child needs. You were denied comfort, and affection for most of your life, there’s nothing wrong with accepting it now. You didn’t get to have a normal childhood Clay, you should be embracing everything you were denied.” Sonny truly meant that. If he could, he would take Clay trick or treating, just because it was something that every child should have experienced. Clay was denied so many things that children need to have and Sonny had no problem being there to help give Clay those things. 

“Jason and me are going to watch the Harry Potter movies. He said part of childhood is growing up watching magic and dragons.” Clay said with a small laugh.

Sonny couldn’t help but laugh at that. He couldn’t imagine Jason sitting through the Harry Potter movies. It was also a Jason thing to do. To watch kid movies with Clay so he could experience a small piece of a normal childhood. The guys started to make their way over at seeing both Clay and Sonny laughing. 

“What’s so funny?” Ray asked, as they all started to take seats around the firepit.

“Jason watching the Harry Potter movies.” Sonny answered.

“You watched Harry Potter?” Full Metal asked, confused.

“I have not seen them yet, neither has Clay. I said we could watch them together. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Jason said in his defence.

“I love Harry Potter.” Yoder said with a proud smile.

“Really?” Trent asked with a warm smile.

“Hell ya. I’ve read all of the books and I own every single movie. I’m a huge dragon and magic nerd. I even have a Dungeons and Dragons game.” Yoder said proudly.

“He’s also a Disney nerd.” Clay added with a wink.

“There is nothing wrong with watching Disney movies.” Yoder said in his own defense.

“If you’re a little girl.” Full Metal teased.

“Whatever man, I love my Disney movies. If I can, I see them the very first day in the theatre. And now they have the live action ones, man I have spent my days off just binge watching DisneyPlus.”

“Ok, you are taking Jameelah to see the next Disney movie and save me the pain of having to watch yet another Disney princess movie.” Ray instantly said, more than happy to pass that off.

“It’s a date.” Yoder easily said.

“Why Disney movies?” Sonny asked.

“They always have a happy ending. After all the shit I have seen and been through in this world, it’s nice to be able to put on a movie that ends with love and the good guys winning.” 

“That makes sense.” Brock agreed. 

“You know what I don’t get, how did you end up agreeing to watch Harry Potter?” Full Metal asked Jason.

“We were having a night in last night with Betty’s and I said we could watch the Die Hards. Clay had never even heard of them and that led us to agreeing that he would watch all of the Die Hards if I watched The Hobbit and Lord of The Rings. Then I suggested we watch the Harry Potter movies.”

“You do know The Hobbit and Lord of The Rings is like twenty-two hours long right?” Yoder said with a smirk.

“Clay said, but he also promised me there would be war and fighting.”

“There is. The first movie in each series is a bit tough to get through, but afterwards it’s good.” Trent commented. 

They all fell into an easy conversation and Clay was enjoying the familiarity of it all. For the first time since he had been brought back from that operation he felt like he was home. That he had finally come home. Clay couldn’t help the warm smile that spread across his face at remembering the words that someone had once said to him.

“What’s with that smile there Spense?” Trent asked.

“I just remembered something that someone once said to me.”

“What was it Sunshine?” Jason asked, as he turned slightly so he could have a full view of Clay, who was still curled up into Sonny.

“The night my mom was killed.” Clay paused to see if anyone would interject a question, but he knew Yoder must have told them based on the complete understanding look on their faces. “There was a patrol officer that was first on scene. His partner worked the scene, but he came over to me and wrapped me up in his coat and then picked me up and took me to his patrol car. He sat in the back seat with me until he had the all clear to take me to the station. I didn’t talk, I just sat there in shock, but he didn’t leave. He stayed with me all night long at the station, even though he was finished for the night. After a few hours of me not saying anything he just started talking. He used to be a Seal, but he took an honourable discharge when he discovered his wife was pregnant. Said he wanted a job that would allow him to be there for his daughter. I started asking him questions about it and it got me talking. He said a lot that night, but one thing has always stuck with me. As long as you are in a team, you never leave home.”

“Because the team is your home.” Ray said with a warm smile.

“It’s why I decided to enlist when I got back to the States. He had told me a lot of stories about the people he had met, but it was what he said about having a home. All I wanted was a home and I finally got one with Bravo.” 

“And you always will have one little brother.” Ray said warmly. 

The guys could all feel a shift in the air. There was healing that had been done tonight, not just within Clay, but within all of them. They needed exactly this, the night to spend together as brothers. For them to eat Sonny’s barbecue and just relax drinking beers by the fire. It was exactly what they all needed to truly start to heal from the trauma of their last operation together. They were finally starting to heal and they would only get stronger from this point on.


	17. Chapter 17

It had been six weeks since Clay started working in HAVOC and over those past six weeks things had been starting to look up. The guys had done everything they could to keep Vic away from Clay. They made sure that whenever Clay was around, Vic wasn’t. They weren’t going to jeopardize Clay’s recovery for anything. Over the past five weeks Jason and Clay had been working on getting the house ready. They had gotten the yard taken care of and they had put a fresh coat of paint on the outside and the inside of the house. With it all cleaned up it was just a matter of time before they moved in. They were set to move into it in two weeks. They had both given their two month’s notice to their landlords and they had been going through their things and packing them up. They went through the house and determined that some of the furniture they would keep, like the old dining table and some of the couches. They were going to bring Clay’s couch as well as it was more comfortable than Jason’s. They were going to be taking their beds and donating the ones currently there. The third bedroom they were going to turn it into a guest room. They would also get a pull out couch so they would have enough beds for everyone. They were both looking forward to moving and living together officially. They were going to have a home together and both of them were excited for it. They just had two more weeks to go and then it would be moving day. 

The guys made their way into their war room as they all got a text that they were getting spun up. Jason was hoping they wouldn’t be gone that long. He knew they had two weeks left before the move, but he really wanted to be there for it. The guys all sat down in their normal spots as Davis, Mandy and Blackburn stood up front.

“Alright, where we going?” Sonny asked, after no one said anything after a moment.

“We’re just waiting on someone to join us.” Blackburn said, just as the door opened.

Clay walked in and Blackburn spoke with a very proud voice. “Special Warfare Operator Clay Spenser has officially been cleared to fly. He will be joining us in HAVOC for this Op.”

Instantly the room erupted in cheers and claps at the good news. The guys, minus Vic, all got up and one by one started to hug him.

“Proud of you kid.” Ray said.

“We are all proud of you Bravo Six. Soon enough you will be back in the field and doing what you do best.” Blackburn said, as everyone started to take their seats. Clay sat down right next to Sonny in his usual seat.

“Thanks and I appreciate being back here and getting to go with you guys, even if I am stuck in HAVOC.” Clay said with a warm smile.

“We are happy to have you and before you know it, you’ll be back in the field.” Blackburn said warmly, before turning his attention to the rest of the team. “Now, you are going to Azerbaijan, right along the border of Iran and Iraq. Needless to say that this operation will require you all to be very quiet and cautious with being so close to two enemy countries.”

“Intel has it that there is a terrorist cell that has been able to secure US military drones on the blackmarket. These drones could be connected to one of our armories in California that had been hit six months ago. NCIS investigated, but they have yet to be able to determine who had pulled off the heist. Everything that was taken has been recorded and we have the serial numbers. We are suspecting that these four drones are connected to that heist.” Davis started.

“Your operation is to locate the drones, confirm the serial numbers and then destroy them. You are also to gather any intel on the ground that you can from the holding facility. We need more intel to try and determine who was involved in the heist and where the other weapons could have been sold. NCIS believes there was an inside man, but so far they haven’t been able to get anything solid. They are hoping that you will be able to recover something that could point them in another direction. Over a hundred weapons and twenty drones were stolen. These drones are the first possibilities we have of those weapons so far.” Blackburn completed.

“Do we have access to NCIS’ files?” Clay asked.

“We do yes. And we have been going through them to see if we could help discover something that they missed. Perhaps you could go through them and see if that mind of yours picks something up.” Blackburn said. 

Clay just gave a nod and Ray spoke. “Where is the facility?” 

“It’s located in a small isolated city right in between Iran and Iraq’s borders. You will need to find a way to get in undetected by both enemy troops that patrol the border.” Mandy said, as she pulled it up onto the screen.

“How many troops are we talking about?” Jason asked.

“It’s hard to say, rough guess at least two teams on each side. They don’t tend to fire upon each other, unless someone starts something. Still, having an American Seal team that close to them will only increase their interest in capturing one. We’ll have ISR going and we will have more satellite images of the area by the time we land.” Mandy answered.

“Be prepared for anything. We’ll have more intel before we land and then you can come up with a plan. We’re wheels up in thirty.” Blackburn said.

Everyone got up and Clay hung back so he could help Davis with anything she needed for the operation. They guys made their way into their cage room to grab their gear. They were all ecstatic that Clay would be joining them, well everyone but Vic who was annoyed that they had called Clay Bravo Six, even though he was right there in the room wearing the patch. Vic had thought he would be able to get rid of Clay and now it was looking like he was going to have to deal with him. He would need to figure something out to finally get Clay out of the Navy once and for all. But first he had this operation to get through, he was just hoping that he wouldn’t have to hear Clay’s voice in his ear all operation long. 

XXX

It was a good twenty hours later when Clay started to go around and waking the guys up. They were almost there and the guys all needed to have a plan put into place so they were ready to hit the ground running. Clay, Mandy, Davis and Blackburn had been going over every ounce of intel that they had as well as NCIS to make sure the guys were fully covered. Clay had a newfound appreciation for everything that Mandy, Davis and Blackburn does for them before an operation. While everyone was asleep, they had been awake making sure everything was covered and they wouldn’t have any surprises. Yes, surprises came up from time to time in the field, but they always had back up plans. They worked their asses off to make sure the guys had the best chance at surviving the operation and Clay truly appreciated it. 

“Dad, you gotta get up.” Clay said at Jason’s hammock.

Jason took in a deep breath as he opened his eyes. He looked at Clay and he could see the tired eyes staring back at him. “You look tired.”

“That’s because while you guys have been sleeping, we’ve been working. We got some intel and we’re roughly sixty mikes out. Time to get everyone caffeinated and get a plan together.”

Jason just gave a nod and Clay made his way over to the Support Team to get them awake as well. The Support Team had to be rested in case they needed to go out into the field as well for any additional support that Bravo might need. Every now and then you needed an extra man for a driver or on Overwatch if the operation called for it. They needed to be well rested as well. Clay went over to Yoder first knowing that he would wake the rest up. Yoder had been thrilled to see Clay coming onto the plane to join them. It was a huge step in Clay getting back to active duty and Yoder was beyond thrilled for it. Clay went and placed his hand on Yoder’s chest, knowing better then to shake him. Yoder was the type of Seal that woke up swinging unless you knew how to wake him. Clay gave his chest a couple of taps as he spoke.

“D, you gotta get up man.”

Yoder gave a groan, but Clay knew he was awake. “Come on, I got plenty of coffee on.”

“I’m up.” Yoder said with a groggy voice.

Clay gave his chest two more taps before he walked away. It was another ten minutes before everyone was awake and had coffee in their hands. Bravo, Davis, Mandy and Blackburn were all gathered around one of the crates with a map of their target area spread open on it. 

“Satellite images show there are roughly twenty tangos within the facility. We can’t guarantee that number though, because we have no idea who has stayed within the facility since we’ve been monitoring it.” Davis started.

“There are two hot zones you need to avoid should anything go south. Here and here.” Clay said, as he pointed to the two black circles on the map, one on Iran’s side and one on Iraq’s side. “They are known locations that they have used to hold hostages. They are heavily guarded at all times and it goes underground to various tunnels. If you get grabbed and brought to either location, we might never get you back.” 

“Ok, so we avoid it like the plague.” Sonny commented.

“We can’t exactly halo in, we’ll be making too much noise.” Ray said 

“Vehicles will be noticeable too.” Full Metal commented.

“We gotta do one or the other. We could halo in and drop down ten mikes away and make it on foot. We got the cover of darkness in our favor. We get in around here.” Jason said, as he pointed to the map before he continued. “Hike in, divide up and take the front and back at the same time, work our way towards the middle. Once we find the drones, blow em and then head back out for exfil in the same spot.” 

“Could work ya.” Ray agreed.

“There is another option.” Blackburn said, as Clay grabbed another map of the area, but this one was a satellite image.

“A lot of these areas have tunnels so troops can move from one country to the next undetected. We pulled up satellite images within the past hour and compared it to a few months ago. Right here is an entrance to a tunnel.” Clay said, as he pointed to a spot roughly two miles away from the facility. “We know based on the NCIS file that the drones were purchased on the dark web four months ago. We went back over images and we never found a vehicle bringing the drones into the facility. But there was a truck that stopped right here at the entrance of the tunnel and then drove back off after an hour.” 

“They loaded the drones into the tunnel and brought them into the facility.” Jason said, picking up what Clay was getting to.

“So that tunnel has to go all the way to the facility.” Sonny commented.

“We have no exit confirmed for the tunnel. Best assumption is that it comes right to the facility and doesn't continue past it. I ran a signal test on the area with a drone and there is nothing that is coming up. So we have to assume there are no cameras in the tunnel.” Davis said.

“Ok, so we halo in, hike to the tunnel and take it through until the facility. Get in, destroy the drones and with any luck go back the same way. We got Pepper to guide us through.” Jason said.

“Works for me.” Full Metal said, as it all made sense.

“We’re landing in thirty, get yourselves ready to hit the ground. We will have a helo there for you.” Blackburn said.

They all gave a nod and they all went about getting ready for this operation. Clay helped to get everything set up with Davis so their HAVOC would be ready to go when they touched down. This was going to be his first time working in HAVOC like this and he was going to make sure he was ready for it. He was going to make sure he was helping his brothers, even if it was from the plane.

XXX

It was ninety minutes later when the team arrived at the entrance of the tunnel. So far everything had been going well and Clay was hoping it would continue to go smoothly.

“Bravo One to HAVOC, passing Gryffindor.” 

Clay couldn’t help but smile and shake his head. He could not believe that Jason had picked Harry Potter for their progress names. 

“Good copy Bravo One.” Davis said with a smile.

“Why Harry Potter?” Mandy asked with a smirk.

“We watched the first five movies on the weekend for the first time. We were going to watch one yesterday, but we got spun up. Now we have to wait to see how it all plays out.” Clay explained.

“Who would have thought Jason Hayes would be watching Harry Potter.” Davis said with a big smile.

“It was his idea. They are good movies though. We have three more to go. We were up until four in the morning Saturday watching them.” Clay said with a smile at the memory of Jason being unable to wait to watch the next movie.

They all just shook their heads as they watched the guys going through the tunnel. They had Brock and Pepper first so they could keep an eye out for any explosives. Cerb whined next to Clay and he knew that he would have preferred to be out there as well with them. Clay placed his hand on Cerb’s head as he spoke.

“I know boy, but it’s ok. They’ll be ok.”

Clay knew this would be hard on Cerb. As much as he loved being with Clay, he also loved the action and it was hard to watch as his humans went off on an operation and he didn’t get to go with them. It was an adjustment period, one that left a lot of questions up in the air. Because eventually Clay would be able to go back into the field, which left Cerb’s future up in the air. It was something they would need to figure out once Clay was back in the field. Technically Cerb was retired, but he would still be allowed to come with them on the plane so he was still a part of the team, he just wouldn’t be in the field. They watched as the guys made their way through the tunnel, but it all came to a stop when there was a fork in the tunnel.

“Shit, now what?” Sonny said, as they could all hear him on coms.

“Divide?” Ray asked.

“Don’t really like that option with just one dog.” Jason said.

“We haven’t come across any explosions though. If they are using this for transport, they wouldn’t have it covered in explosives.” Vic commented.

“No one asked you.” Full Metal instantly said. They all had to admit though, he had solid logic.

“HAVOC, do you have any intel on which direction?” Jason asked.

“Negative Bravo One.” Davis responded.

“We’re gonna have to split up.” Ray simply said.

“Dammit. Alright, Full Metal take Four, Five and Seven with you. Three and Two will be with me.” Jason said.

Clay reached for the comms and spoke before the guys had the chance to move. “Bravo One hold off for a second. Can you get some light on the ground and show me on camera?” 

The guys turned their flashlights to the tunnels and Jason pointed his camera down at the ground. They did the same to both tunnels before Clay spoke.

“Look at the ground. Both tunnels have wheel markings and footprints going in both directions. But the tunnel on the left, it only goes about ten feet in before they disappear. It’s a trap, go right.” 

“You can’t know that. The tracks could have disappeared from the wind or another explanation. You’re not even here, you’re just going off of what you see on a camera.” Vic instantly said.

“They do disappear. That is weird Jase.” Ray said, completely ignoring Vic.

“It looks like someone walked so far and then turned right back around. I say we go with the kid and go right.” Full Metal commented.

“Agreed. Everyone move right, Brock you take the lead.” Jason said.

“Are you serious? You’re really going to jeopardize an operation because someone who isn’t even here thinks he knows something?” Vic was instantly saying.

“That someone has the best instincts I have ever seen. Not to mention a higher IQ than all of us. So if he says go right, then we’re going right.” Jason ordered.

The guys started to make their way down the right tunnel, but with Vic being the last man he decided he wasn’t going to be jeopardizing this operation and letting those drones get the chance of being operated by enemy troops. He turned down the left tunnel with pure confidence that he was making the right call.

“Where the hell is he going?” Clay said, pissed that Vic had gone the other way.

“Bravo One be advised that Bravo Seven has turned down the left tunnel.” Blackburn said into the comms.

“For fuck’s sake. Everyone turn back, we gotta get Bravo Seven.” Jason was not impressed by this at all. He couldn’t send just one of his guys because they had no idea what could be waiting for them. He wasn’t going to risk the life of his men just so they could grab Vic.

The guys turned back and made the short distance over to the left tunnel. They could see Vic just up ahead, but before they could even call out the ground started to rumble and explosions started to go off in the tunnel all around them. As dirt was exploding all over them, all they could do was try and stay up on their feet as the ground shook and the tunnel started to cave in. They tried to run out, but large pieces of debris fell on top of them and one by one they all were knocked out. 

Everyone in HAVOC was all over the place trying to get something out of the guys. But every time they called out, nothing came back. They were helpless to watch as enemy troops surrounded them and one by one started to pull them out of the rubble and removed them from their vest, causing them to lose their camera feed.

“Get ISR up and over that location. I want their location when they get out of that tunnel.” Blackburn ordered Davis. 

Clay felt his whole body trembling with anger. If it hadn’t been for Vic, the guys would be safe right now in the right tunnel. Instead they had all just been captured and they had no idea where they would end up. This was the worst case scenario, because now either Iraq or Iran could potentially have a team of elite Seals on their hands. And if they discovered just how high up in the food chain they were, there was no telling what they would do. For a second time in the history of the Seals, a team had been captured and this time it was all because of Vic’s actions. 

“Who is the closest team?” Mandy asked.

“Everyone is back in the States. They are roughly thirty hours out.” Blackburn answered.

The team might not have thirty hours. There was no guarantee they wouldn’t be moved. They needed to act now before it was too late. 

“We have a team.” Clay said with pure strength to his voice.

“We need more than Support to go in.” Davis commented.

“Says who? Support goes through Green Team just like we do, the only difference is they didn’t get picked by a Tier One team. That doesn’t change that they are Bravo.” Clay argued.

“Regulations dictate that they have to go in with a Tier One Operator.” Davis said.

“They will be. I’m going.” Clay said with pure strength and confidence to his voice. Something they hadn’t heard in a long time from him. 

“You aren’t cleared for field duty.” Blackburn said, but the tone wasn’t final.

“On paper. You know they can’t wait thirty hours before another team gets here. We can track them from here and once we have their location we can go in and get them, before it’s too late. They could be moved and we’ll lose them all forever. That is seven Tier One Seals. As a Commander you can call Lindell and if you both agree that extenuating circumstances are called for, you can greenlight me to go. You know they can’t wait thirty hours for another team to get here.” Clay argued back.

“I’ll go.” Yoder said, stepping up with his arms crossed over his chest and his back straight. 

One by one everyone on Support stood behind Yoder, all of them ready to go out into the field and do battle. To do whatever it took to get their guys back home. 

“I got a vehicle.” Davis said, as she kept her eyes on the screen.

“Track that vehicle, do not lose them. Get the halo back here so we can take it to drop in once we have a set location.” Blackburn said to Davis.

“Copy.” Davis responded.

Blackburn turned to look at Clay. He wasn’t physically cleared due to his weight and loss of muscle mass, however, he also knew that Clay could push through anything that he put his mind to. The Support Team were more than capable of going in and getting his guys out. They just needed a leader.

“Everyone get geared up.” Blackburn ordered before he turned to look at Clay. “We don’t have your gear here. You’re gonna have to use the extra supply from the guys. Get everything you need and get ready.”

“I’ll take Cerb, if they are in tunnels, he’ll be able to find them.” Clay said.

“Get him ready. Once we have a location we move out.”

Clay gave a nod and was instantly moving to where the guys stored their extra gear. He grabbed the extra harnesses for Pepper and got Cerb ready first. He would need to probably use Brock’s extra vest and plate for himself as they were the closest in size right now. Clay knew that Jason was going to be pissed with him being out in the field when he wasn’t cleared for it physically yet. Clay knew that it would be a lot of weight on him and his body wasn’t ready for this level of endurance. At the same time though, he was not going to just sit back and let his brothers be held captive and not do something about it. Clay was going to be getting his brothers back, his dad back. And then he would deal with whatever fallout that would come his way from it. 

It was an hour later when they finally had a location on where the team had been taken. They were relieved that it wasn’t in Iraq or Iran, but the facility that they were taken too was just as bad. It was an underground facility that would have multiple tunnels that could lead them to the guys. They could be divided up all throughout the underground facility. It wouldn't be that simple to get in and get them all out if they were separated and spread out. Blackburn spoke as he placed the map down to the facility that they had managed to get from different satellite images. 

“Listen up, there are an unknown amount of tunnels underground. We know the main part of the facility is located here based on the ground images. Bravo will most likely be kept within the main area in different rooms. The tunnels are most likely going to be rigged and some will be traps. Due to that we will all have to stay together until we reach the main facility. Clay and Cerb will be guiding us through the tunnels.”

“Us?” Clay asked.

“I’m going with you. There’s no way I am letting you all go without me and there is no way I am going to have Hurricane Jason on my ass for letting you go out into the field without me.” Blackburn said to Clay.

“I’ll be here with Davis holding down HAVOC.” Mandy said.

“Alright, so we halo in and land here.” Clay said as he pointed to the map before he continued. “We hike the rest of the way and start at the first tunnel. Each member of Bravo has their own jackpot, including Pepper. Once we have everyone, we make our way back to the tunnel we came in to ensure we all make it out alive.” Clay finished.

“Works for me. When we get into the main facility we will divide up into two groups, Chalk Two group will be with me. I’ll have Damon, Chris, and Matt. Alpha group will follow Clay. He’ll have Yoder, Will, Jay and Rocket. I want everyone to take extra weapons, ammo and radios for when you get to Bravo. I want them to have a weapon and radio each. We don’t know if they will be able to get to their gear. Everyone also needs to take a leash as well for Pepper or rope. The last thing we need is Pepper running off if things go sideways.” Blackburn paused to see everyone nod in acknowledgement before he continued. “I am going to make this very clear, our priority is to retrieve Bravo. At the same time, it is on Alpha to protect Clay. And before you say anything Clay, you have not been cleared for field work, physically or mentally. Someone needs to be with Clay at all times to ensure he comes back with us. He is the future of Bravo and that needs to be protected.” Blackburn turned to look at Clay. “You ok with that or do you need to sit this out?”

“I’m good.” Clay didn’t care what he had to do. If he needed to have someone with him at all times, then so be it. He knew he wasn’t cleared and he knew Blackburn was putting himself at risk of Jason going insane when he found out. Clay didn’t care about any hoops or conditions because he was going to be there to help get his family back. 

“Grab what you need, we leave in five mikes.” Blackburn said before he turned to get ready himself.

Everyone went off to grab any extra supplies. Yoder went over to Clay so they could have a moment real quick.

“You sure you’re good?” Yoder whispered, so no one would overhear them.

“I’m sure this is going to suck tomorrow and I’m going to be so sore for days after this. Not to mention the earful I am going to get from everyone on Bravo. I’m also sure it will all be worth it if we get them back safely. I got this. I wouldn’t go if I didn’t think I could handle it. I’m good D.”

Clay knew this was a huge risk on all of their parts. They were trusting him to lead them, trusting him to be able to handle being back in the field, especially in this type of situation. He wasn’t going to let them down. He would lead them and they would all be coming back home safely. There was no other option.

“We got you.” Yoder said with a confident smile. He wasn't going to be letting Clay out of his sight for one second. They would get his brothers back, they would get his dad back and then they would all go home together. None of them were about to fail. Not for a single second. 

XXX

The teams arrived at the underground facility. Their trip through the tunnels were uneventful, which is exactly what they wanted. Now they had to split up to start searching through the different hallways.

“Chalk will go left, Alpha to the right.” Blackburn ordered.

They all gave a nod and Clay led the way down their section of hallways. As they came to a crossing two more would split off to start searching. Clay was hoping he would start to hear some jackpots soon. They needed to find everyone and then get the hell out of here. When it was just Yoder and Clay left, they came to yet another divide in the hallway and they looked at each other.

“It’s ok, you keep going straight.” Clay said.

“I don’t like the idea of you being on your own.” Yoder instantly said.

“I know, but I have Cerb and we can’t waste time moving together to clear one hallway at a time. I’m on comms and if something pops off, you’re right down here. I’ll be fine, go.”

Clay turned and headed down the hallway. He knew Yoder was worried about him, but he needed Yoder to focus on the job and start searching on his own. It wouldn’t be long before someone figured out they were here. Yoder let out a deep breath as he turned and started to make his way down the hallway. He was hoping they would find everyone soon and that they wouldn’t be too injured. He just wanted to get Clay the hell out of here. Yoder came to a door and he could hear someone inside of it speaking. He didn’t understand what they were saying, he didn’t speak the language, but he didn’t need to know what they were saying to know that they were in there. Yoder moved and quietly opened the door as best as he could. The second he poked his head in he saw that one of their guys were on their knees with a dirty rag over his face getting waterboarded by two men. Yoder instantly had his gun up and fired two quick shots at each target, killing them instantly. He ran over and pulled the rag off to see that it was Jason. Jason instantly started to cough up the water.

“Alpha Two, Jackpot on Bravo One.” Yoder said, as Jason got the coughing under control.

“Copy Alpha Two.” Davis said.

“You ok?” Yoder asked, as he went and grabbed the knife from his pouch to cut the ropes that were attached to a metal hoop in the ceiling to keep Jason’s arms above his head.

“I’m pissed.”

“Understandable. I meant physically though.” Yoder said, as he cut Jason loose.

“I’m good. Who else have you found?” Jason was far more worried about his guys right now.

“No one yet. We’re on it. Here’s a gun and radio. We gotta move, Clay is on his own.” Yoder said, as he handed Jason the items.

“What do you mean Clay is on his own? Is he here?” Jason asked, with a deadly edge to his voice as he got the radio on him.

“With Cerb, he’s down the hallway behind us. Let’s go.” Yoder said, as he moved to the doorway.

Jason was not happy about this at all. Clay was not cleared to be in the field at all. His body couldn’t handle the weight of his gear. He should have been in HAVOC where he was safe. Both Clay and Blackburn were going to be getting an earful from him when they got back safe. 

“What’s his call sign?” Jason asked, as they made their way down the rest of the hallway to clear it quickly.

“Alpha One.”

“Bravo One to Alpha One, where are you?” Jason asked with an edge to his voice.

“Approaching a room. Voices are coming in it, one of the guys is in here.”

“Hold Alpha One, that’s an order. You wait for backup.” Jason ordered.

“Copy.”

Clay knew better than to push Jason right now. He was already going to be in trouble for being here when he wasn’t supposed to be. Clay also had to admit, he was exhausted and they just started. His vest was heavy and it was a lot with the weight of his gun as well. If he went in there and one of the guys were in there, but Clay was outnumbered, he risked getting himself hurt or his brother killed. That wasn’t an option for Clay. It was only a couple minutes later when Yoder and Jason joined him. Clay could instantly see the anger in Jason’s eyes.

“Are you ok?” Clay asked, taking inventory of the injuries that he could see on Jason. It was mostly just bruising and superficial cuts. He could tell he was wet and Clay could assume what was happening to him.

“I’m fine and you’re in trouble.”

“They couldn’t go out without a Tier One. Blackburn is leading the second half of Support. We didn’t just show up alone. There’s at least three tangos in there and someone on the team. Cerb indicated, but it’s not Brock or he would be pulling to get in.” 

“You stay behind me.” Jason said and then gave a nod to Yoder just as Blackburn’s voice came over coms.

“Chalk One, Jackpot on Bravo Seven.”

“Oh well, at least we found him.” Yoder said, as he went and opened the door. 

He ran in and started to fire, hitting two guys as Jason hit the third. There tied to a chair was a pissed off Sonny. 

“Alpha One, Jackpot on Bravo Three.”

“Copy Alpha One and Chalk One.” Davis said.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Sonny demanded at Clay.

“Saving your ass. You good?” Clay asked, not in the mood to have this conversation every time they found someone. 

“Banged up, but my wrist is broken. It’s my shooting hand.” Sonny answered as Yoder cut the restraints that were holding him to the chair.

“Use your left then, just don’t shoot us.” Clay said, as he handed Sonny a radio and a gun.

Sonny got his radio on and held the gun in his left hand and then they were off. 

“Chalk Three, Jackpot on Bravo Two.”

“How many more?” Sonny asked.

“We need Bravo Four, Full Metal and Five, along with Pepper.” Clay answered.

“How the hell did we find that piece of shit before everyone else?” Sonny said, referring to Vic.

“Luck of the draw.” Yoder said, also not impressed.

“Alpha Four, Jackpot on FM.” 

“Copy Alpha Four. We need Bravo Four and Five along with Pepper.” Davis said to everyone.

They made their way down a couple of hallways, taking out tangos as they went. Their presence was known and now they needed to be careful and work quickly.

“Chalk Three, Jackpot on Bravo Four.”

“Copy Chalk Three.” Davis said.

“Fuck, one more. Come on.” Sonny said, as they turned down yet another hallway.

Cerb started to pull harder and Clay knew he found Brock’s scent. “Cerb has him.” Clay said with a heavy breath.

They followed Cerb as he pulled them down different hallways. They finally came to a door and Cerb started to growl. Jason went in first and immediately started to fire at the one tango in the room. They saw that Pepper was stuck in a cage snarling trying to get out and Brock was dangling from the ceiling. He had blood and dirt on him, but they could also see he wasn’t putting any weight on his right leg. 

“You alright?” Jason asked, as Clay went and got Pepper out of the cage.

“Alpha Two, Jackpot on Bravo Five and the Pup.”

“Copy Alpha Two. To all elements, make your way back to the entrance tunnel and wait for Alpha One to guide you through.” Davis said happy to hear that they had everyone. 

“Copy.” Clay said, as everyone else started.

“My leg is broken and Pepper is injured. I don’t think she can walk.” Brock said, as he faltered and leaned into Sonny’s good side.

“I’ll take Pepper.” Yoder said.

“You good to help him?” Jason said to Sonny. Sonny had a broken wrist, but he wouldn’t be able to shoot that great with his left anyways. It made more sense for them to walk together, leaving Jason free to shoot and move better.

“I’m good.”

“Clay, lead the way to the tunnel.”

“Cerb, let’s go.” Clay said, pulling Cerb away from Brock. He knew that Cerb was worried about the both of them, but they needed to get out of here before shit really hit the fan.

Yoder picked up Pepper and placed her over his shoulders so he could shoot still. They all made their way down the hallways as Cerb guided them back over to the entrance tunnel. They took out the tangos as they came across and within ten minutes they were back at the entrance tunnel where the others were anxiously waiting. They all took in everyone’s appearance and they were happy to see that no one seemed to be bleeding out or in desperate need of a hospital. Annoyingly enough, Vic seemed to be perfectly fine minus a few bruises. 

“Full Metal has a concussion. How bad is the leg?” Trent asked, as he held his arm.

“Broken. Dislocated?” Clay asked with a nod to Trent’s arm.

“Ya. It’s fine. You should not be here.” Trent said back.

“We can talk about this back on the plane.” Blackburn said.

Clay moved and started to lead them through the tunnel with Cerberus. They all stayed close, making sure that no one snuck up on them from behind. They had to stop a few times to take out some tangos that were in the tunnel, but after some intense moments they were able to get out of the tunnel and into the forest. They still needed to make their way through the forest to get to exfil. Everything had been going smoothly, or as smoothly as things could go with most of the guys injured. Sonny had passed Brock off to Matt so he would be able to move better without Brock’s weight against his body and having to bang his broken wrist around. All of a sudden Cerb sat and everyone knew what that meant. Only Clay and Jason were close to the explosion and Brock had called out just in time.

“Cerb!” Cerb ran off towards Brock where he would be safe, leaving only Clay and Jason in firing range.

Jason had just enough time to grab Clay, who was in front of him, and cover him with his body. Jason wrapped his arms around Clay’s and turned him so their positions were changed, putting Jason’s back to the explosion as he took the blunt of the blast. The blast forced them both off their feet and tossed them a good twenty feet away. Clay landed on the ground with a hard grunt, as the weight of Jason slammed into him. His ears were ringing and the world was spinning all around him. Clay could just make out the sound of the others calling out to them. Yoder’s face was the one he saw first as Jason’s body was moved off from him.

“Clay, look at me.” Yoder said.

“I’m ok, check him.” Clay knew he was just knocked out a bit, but he would be ok. He didn't feel like anything was broken.

“Stay still, I’ll check him out in a second.” 

Yoder made quick work of checking Clay over for any neck and back injuries. When he was pleased that nothing was broken, he left Clay in the capable hands of Trent.

“You keep him, I got Jason.” Yoder said, as he moved Trent away.

Trent was the higher level medic, but he was working with one arm. He couldn’t do that with Jason, but he could with Clay.

“He’s got shrapnel in his back, but he’s got a pulse. We need a litter.” Blackburn ordered.

Chris and Rocket were instantly starting to get a litter ready as Yoder looked over Jason.

“I’m not feeling any neck or spine injuries. Still, I want a neck brace until he is cleared.” Yoder said.

“Got you.” Ray said, as he carefully grabbed the medical bag and pulled out the neck brace. 

Blackburn got to work getting it on Jason’s neck. Trent helped Clay to sit up, slowly, but once he was sitting Clay was moving so he could be next to Yoder to help where he could.

“We gotta slow the bleeding down.” Clay said, as he got down on his knees next to Yoder.

Jason’s back was a mess of burns and shrapnel pieces. He would need surgery to remove them.

“Chalk One to HAVOC.” Blackburn said, as he looked around to make sure they were still good. Everyone that could stand and hold a weapon, was on guard.

“Go Chalk One.” Davis said.

“Bravo One is down and injured from an explosion. Let Eagle One know we are coming in hot and with multiple injuries. Once we are in the air, I want everyone to start getting ready for take off. We need to get Bravo One to a hospital.”

“Copy Chalk One, we will start the process once you are in the air. I will inform the hospital in Kabul that we are coming in with injured.” Davis said. 

“He’s going to need to be airlifted on the chopper to Kabul. It’ll be faster.” Trent said.

“I’ll let them know once we are onboard.” Blackburn said.

Clay and Yoder worked on getting Jason’s bleeding under control. It wouldn’t be perfect, but it would work until they could get him on the chopper and have more time to properly do it. They made quick work of getting Jason on the litter and then Blackburn and Yoder picked him up. Clay would have, but his body wouldn’t have been able to handle the added weight of Jason. Chris took Pepper this time. Clay took Cerb back and together they led the way through the forest, everyone being extra cautious not to come across any more explosives. The second their feet landed on the chopper they were all relieved to finally be getting out of here. It was a tight fit, but it was better than trying to have two choppers here. The second they were in the air, Blackburn was informing the pilots of having to airlift Jason to Kabul, and the others would join him on the plane. They would need to refuel at the airstrip, but then they would be able to head straight for Kabul. 

By the time they landed where the plane was, it had been decided that Clay and Yoder would be the only ones to go with Jason. Jason needed medical attention and Yoder was also a medic, even if he wasn’t as high up as Trent, he was the next best option and Clay needed to go with Jason so he could keep Jason calm if he gained consciousness. Yoder had grabbed some extra supplies, but made sure that everyone else that were injured still had what they needed. He instantly was sedating Jason so he wouldn’t wake up swinging while they were in the air. At that point, it was a matter of him and Clay doing their best to keep the bleeding under control. It was a long flight, but when they touched down at the Kabul hospital Yoder felt like he could breathe a little easier. Jason was placed on a stretcher and was instantly being taken into a room within the emergency room. With Jason now being looked after Yoder turned to look at Clay. 

His whole body was trembling, he was exhausted and Yoder knew he was in pain. He also had blood on him from Jason. Yoder went over to Clay and instantly wrapped his arms around him. Clay leaned into the comforting hold of his older brother and he closed his eyes and allowed the emotions to fully come.

“Holy shit.” Clay said with a shaky voice.

“He’s gonna be ok. He’s hung on this long, he’ll pull through. The shrapnel didn’t look that deep, not deep enough to cause any serious damage. They’ll bring him into surgery to remove it all and stitch him up. He’ll be ok. Let’s get you cleaned up and out of that gear. Your body needs a break.”

“I can’t leave him.” Clay said, as he tried to get his emotions back under control.

“He’ll be ok for a couple of minutes. You can’t do anything for him right now. Standing here is not going to change anything. You need to get this gear off, your body can’t handle it any longer. You also need to get cleaned up and sitting. You were in that explosion too. Come on Squirt, do it for me and do it for him. You know he would be worried.”

After a moment Clay gave a small nod. He knew that Yoder was worried about him, and if he was honest he was only standing still because Yoder was holding him up. He just needed to get the added weight off and then he would be ok. He just prayed that Jason would pull through. He couldn’t lose him now. He couldn’t lose his dad, not when they were so close to finally having a true relationship. Finally getting to live together in their own home. He couldn’t lose him now. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the last chapter to this story. I hope you have enjoyed this story and enjoyed the ride. Please review and let me know what you have thought! Thanks for reading and enjoying this story.

Clay couldn’t sit still. He was pacing around the hospital’s waiting room. Everyone in Bravo had been taken into their own rooms to be looked over. He knew Jason was going to be taken into surgery to get the shrapnel out of his back. Clay still couldn’t believe what had happened. They were supposed to be in the clear and then the explosion was going off and Jason was on top of him, protecting him. Clay was thankful that Cerb was ok, but everyone on Bravo, including Pepper were injured. 

“You need to sit man, your body is sore and exhausted from the Op.” Yoder tried. 

Clay was very sore, everything hurt at this point. He felt like he went on four marathons back to back, only to be run over by a truck at the finish line. Everything hurt, from the bottom of his feet to the top of his head. He was exhausted and his body was screaming out for sleep, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop the anxiety at knowing that all of his brothers were injured. That they all had been tortured to some degree. He never wanted this for them and he hated that he hadn’t been there. He might have been able to prevent Vic from going down that tunnel. A doctor and Trent came into the room and instantly everyone was moving over to them.

“Are you ok?” Clay was instantly asking.

“Dislocated shoulder and bruising. Did you get looked at?” Trent was far more concerned about Clay’s health then his own right now.

“I got checked out, I’m good. The explosion hit Jase and not me. What about the guys?”

“Master Chief Carter has a grade three concussion and multiple contusions. Senior Chief Perry has two broken ribs, multiple contusions as well as lacerations that required stitching due to injuries he sustained in the explosion. Special Warfare Operator Lopez sustained only some minor contusions. Special Warfare Operator Quinn has minor contusions and lacerations that did not require stitches. He has darker contusions from the beating he sustained, but all will heal with time. His right wrist is broken and in a cast. Special Warfare Operator Reynolds has a broken right leg that is in a cast. He also has contusions as well from the explosion and beating he sustained. Master Chief Hayes is currently in surgery to have the shrapnel pieces removed. I have been told it is going well. He also had water in his lungs that needed to be drained and there is a chance he will develop pneumonia. He will be monitored for a couple of days once he is out of surgery to ensure he will be cleared to fly. Everyone will make a full recovery.” The doctor answered.

That was a huge relief to Clay, but he wouldn’t feel better until he got eyes on Jason and saw for himself that he was ok. It was amazing though to hear that everyone would be ok and none of them sustained any injuries that wouldn’t heal with time.

“What about Pepper?” Clay asked.

“He’s with Brock. She’s got a sprained front paw and she has some bruised ribs, but everything came back fine.” Trent answered.

“Good. When can we see the others?” Clay asked.

“Everyone is going to be kept overnight for observations. We are just moving them around so we can have a few to a room. In roughly fifteen minutes a nurse will come down and take you up to their rooms.” The doctor said, before turning back to Trent. “You need to get back to your room and rest as well. Everyone is on concussion watch and you need rest with the pain killers you are on.”

“I’m going.” Trent said dismissively. He wanted to get eyes on Clay. He was the one that had the easiest injuries to move around. Sonny only had a broken wrist, but he had some pretty badly bruised ribs and there was still a chance he could have a concussion from the blows to his head. Trent wanted him in bed. 

“I’ll make sure he gets there.” Clay said, knowing that he would have to drag Trent back to bed.

The doctor headed off and Trent spoke. “You need to sit down, I can see you are in pain.”

“I’m fine Trent. I’m just sore from all the movement. You need to get your own ass back to bed.” Clay was not going to let anyone mother hen him right now. He was fine, it was his turn to take care of them.

“He’s right Trent, you need to get back into bed and you can consider that an order.” Blackburn said, knowing that Trent was trying to look out for Clay over himself right now.

“Alright fine.” Trent said, giving in. He looked over at Yoder though before he walked away. “Make sure he eats something and is drinking water. Give him an Advil as well to help with the sore muscles.”

“I got him. Don’t worry I’m really good at holding him down and making him take a pill like a puppy.” Yoder said with a playful smirk.

“That’s not even a little bit funny.” Clay said in a dead tone.

“No it’s a lot funny. You’re just too tired to appreciate it right now.” Yoder said with a smirk.

“I’m going, I don’t know if I’ll end up in the same room as Sonny. Make sure you see him first. There’s only so long we’ll be able to keep him in bed.” Trent said.

“I will and you might want to let the doctors or nurses know that it would be a smarter and safer idea to have Vic in a different room than everyone.” Clay pointed out.

Trent groaned at that. He clearly hadn’t thought about that yet. Trent gave a nod as he turned and headed down the hallway. They could all tell how he was walking that he was in a lot more pain than he was letting on. They all needed rest and Clay was going to make sure he took care of his brothers. 

“Ok, you know they are all ok. So now it is time to take care of you. I’ll grab you something to eat, you need to sit down and take a pill.” Yoder said. Bravo was down, so it was on him to take proper care of Clay and make sure he was actually taking care of himself.

Clay gave a nod. He knew Yoder wasn’t going to give this up, but he also knew he needed to take care of himself so he could take proper care of his brothers. Clay went and sat down while they all waited for when they could finally see the others. 

XXX

It was three in the morning when Jason finally started to stir awake. He was on his right side, but his whole body was hurting, especially his back. Jason could feel that he was on something soft and the smell of chemicals told Jason that they had managed to escape captivity. Jason knew he should be opening his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that just yet. He needed to focus and try to remember the last thing that he could. He remembered getting grabbed thanks to Vic not listening. He remembered being hit and waterboarded. Then Yoder was there and Clay. Clay was there, which brought the anger back up, but then there was that explosion and it all went black. Jason knew he must have been hurt in the explosion. He had tossed himself on top of Clay to protect him. He had been worried that the explosion would have killed Clay based on how Clay was facing it. He had thrown himself over top of Clay in his last ditch effort to protect him from the blast and shrapnel that would have covered the front of his chest. 

Jason forced his eyes open. His need to make sure that Clay had been ok and had survived the blast was far stronger than his need for sleep. He had to blink a few times to make the blurriness disappear, but once it did he was instantly relieved. There asleep on his arms on the bed right next to him was Clay. He was sitting in the chair next to his bed and the position looked awkward, but Clay had clearly finally given in to his need for sleep right there. Clay was here though, so his son was perfectly ok. Jason moved his hand slowly over and placed it on top of Clay’s head. The sudden weight caused Clay to moan as he slowly started to wake up. The second Clay opened his eyes and saw that Jason was awake, had instantly woken him up. He sat up straight as he spoke.

“Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

Clay had been trying to stay awake so he could see Jason when he woke up, but at some point in the night he obviously had fallen asleep. Jason looked a little bit out of it, but that was to be expected from the anesthesia and pain meds that he was on.

“A little sore, but I’m good. Are you ok? Did you get hurt in the blast?” That was all that mattered to Jason. 

“I’m ok. I wasn’t hurt. You shouldn’t have done that. It could have killed you, what would I have told Emma and Mickey? You got two kids to live for, you shouldn’t have risked your life like that.”

“I have three kids to live for and I would gladly give my life to protect any of the three of you. Without any hesitation or remorse. The biggest job I have is making sure the three of you get to live very long and happy lives. That blast would have killed you and I wasn’t going to let that happen. If it was my time, then I would know that you would be alive and Emma and Mickey would have a great big brother to be there for them.” Jason reached over and placed his hand on the side of Clay’s face as he continued. “I’m ok Sunshine. I’ll heal and we get to go home together.” 

“I love you Dad.”

“I love you too Son.”

Clay let out a deep breath to get his emotions back under control before he spoke to lighten the mode up. “You are going to be absolutely useless on moving day.”

Jason gave a groan to that as his hand fell back down. It was far too heavy to hold up any longer. “How bad? Is everyone alive?”

“You have it the worst. You had to have surgery to remove the shrapnel from your back. The docs were able to get it all and you’ll have stitches for the next eight weeks that you’ll need to be careful with. You’ll be sore for a good week but then you’ll be able to move around a bit easier. You also had water in your lungs that they drained. The doc isn’t sure if you’ll have pneumonia, you might, but he said it’ll probably be more like walking pneumonia and not like what I had.”

“And the others?”

He was happy to hear that he was good, but he wanted to know more about his guys. They had all been separated and when they got back together, he didn’t have much of a chance to take in all of their injuries. Aside from Brock who couldn’t walk on his own and Sonny had been holding his wrist. Along with Trent holding his arm.

“They all have bruises, some minor and some more deep. They have some cuts, Ray is the only one that required stitches for his. He’s also got two broken ribs. Trent has a dislocated shoulder. Brock has a broken leg and Sonny has a broken wrist. Full Metal has a concussion and Pepper has a sprained front paw. Vic once again has just some bruises and the only one that walked away basically injury free. Everyone is being kept for observations just in case a concussion presents itself. You can’t go anywhere for a few days and once you are cleared to fly, everyone will be discharged and we’ll fly back. Bravo will be down until everyone is healed so about three months.”

“The Upper Brass is going to love this.” Jason was not looking forward to that conversation.

“It’s not something you have to think about right now. You just need rest. Everyone is probably sleeping. The nursing staff were kind enough and smart enough to put everyone close together. Sonny, Ray and Full Metal are sharing a room. Trent and Brock are in a room and for Vic’s own safety we thought it would be best to place him in his own room.”

“That fucker is dead when I get my hands on him.” 

Jason was pissed that Vic had started this whole thing. All he had to do was follow his order and go down the right tunnel with them. But for some stupid reason he decided to go left and it got them all blown up, captured and almost killed. Not only that it forced Clay to go out into the field when he wasn’t cleared for it yet. He could have gotten hurt and Jason knew there was no way in hell he wasn’t sore. That was a lot of physical labor and weight on his body. 

“Don’t bother, he’s going to be finished after this. He went against a direct order on video that resulted in your all being captured. Blackburn has already called Lindell about it and they are already working on a plan to get rid of him once and for all and this time there isn’t anyone that can help him.”

Lindell was pissed when he heard about what happened. There was no doubt that this time Vic would be off the team and out of DEVGRU. If he was lucky he wouldn’t be dishonourably discharged. 

“Good. It’s what he deserves.” Jason gave a long yawn and Clay could see that he was exhausted and in need of some sleep.

“Get some sleep. You’re gonna be here for a couple of days so get all the sleep that you can so we can get the hell out of here.”

“You need sleep too. You should get out of here and get some sleep.”

“They put a cot in here for me. You’re stuck with me until you can leave. Everyone else has gone back to the base.”

“Wait where are we?” Jason asked, his mind clicking in for the first time that they wouldn’t be on a base.

“Yoder and me had to airlift you to Kabul. We’re at the hospital here. You were bleeding a lot from your back. Trent wanted to go, but with his arm being dislocated it made more sense for Yoder to come with me. He’s got medical training, not as much as Trent, but more than the rest of us. We got you here and you were immediately taken into the back and then into surgery. The guys all came on the plane right behind us. We’re safe. Blackburn. Mandy. Davis and Support all went back to the base nearby to get some sleep, showers and food. Davis, Mandy and Blackburn will pop by tomorrow throughout the day to check in on everyone.”

Jason yawned again and Clay gave him a small smile. “Get some sleep Dad. I’m sure the guys will be coming in here tomorrow to check in on you.”

“Ya, probably right. Hey, where’s Cerb?” Jason asked, as normally Cerb would have been up on the bed long by now,

“When we went to visit Brock while you were still in surgery, he was really worried. He got up on the bed with Brock and Pepper and I didn’t have the heart to drag him away. He was really worried about them and I could tell Brock and Pepper needed some extra love.”

Clay knew how much Cerb loved Brock. They had been partners since Cerb was just a three month old puppy, that was a bond that didn’t just go away. Yes, Cerb was living with him now, but that didn’t change how much he loved Brock. Clay may have custody of Cerb, but Brock definitely had visitation rights.

“Are you ok though?” Jason knew how hard it was for Clay to sleep without Cerb.

“I’m alright. I can always go get him if I need to. Stop worrying about me. You need sleep. Good night Dad.”

“Alright, alright. Get into bed yourself. Good night Sunshine.”

Jason gave into his need for sleep as Clay got up and made his way over to the cot. Clay could finally lay down and relax now that he had spoken with Jason and knew for a fact that he would be ok. Now all he had to do was try and keep six Navy Seals and two dogs in a hospital. It was going to be one operation that Clay was certain would leave him exhausted and annoyed beyond belief. They couldn’t leave soon enough in his opinion. At least back home, they would be their wives and girlfriends problems. Minus Jason, that would still be his, but at least Jason was more manageable at home then trapped in a hospital bed. All Clay cared about was that his brothers were all safe and going to make a full recovery. That was all that mattered to him. 

XXX

It had been six days since the guys had been rescued. Three days since they had been back home. The second the plane touched down the guys had let Vic know he was no longer welcomed on the team. They knew Vic would try something though, but they were ready for it. Blackburn and Lindell had made sure they would be able to get Vic off of Bravo. The problem was going to be getting Vic out of DEVGRU. They could easily force a transfer from Bravo to another team, potentially Echo. Another team that was far away from Bravo and they didn’t have much of a connection with anyone as they were all new. That wasn’t what they wanted though. They wanted him out of DEVGRU, they wanted him out of the military completely. That was the only way Clay was going to get true justice. They had made a promise to themselves, to Clay and to the team that they would get justice for Clay and they were not going to stop until they got it. 

The past six days had been a lot on all of them. First, Clay was sore as hell for the past week. Him having to go out and rescue them had easily set his rehab back a few weeks, especially when they would be moving just two weeks after this operation. Clay didn’t care though, to him it was all worth it. He had been able to help rescue and save his family, he would take any pain that came with it. The three days in the hospital was a serious nightmare for Clay and the poor nurses. The guys were constantly getting out of bed and being in different rooms. Cerberus was wandering around from room to room freely in the hospital. Trent was surprisingly the worst because he continued to leave his bed and was constantly checking up on the others, except for Vic, and making sure they were healing and resting properly. Getting Trent to stay in bed had become an olympic task and they almost had to sedate him just to get him to sleep for more than an hour at a time. The only way they were able to get him to finally stay in bed was because Yoder promised to do his rounds for him. 

After the first day it was then Jason and Sonny that started to complain and wanted to get out and go home. Everyone was beyond done by the time day three came around and at that point Clay was fairly certain the hospital staff cleared Jason just so they could get a break. The flight was also interesting, because Trent, Ray. Brock and Jason couldn’t be in their hammock; they had to be on a cot. They didn’t have that many cots though so they had to double up. Trent and Brock shared one and Jason and Ray shared the other. Thankfully everyone else could be in a hammock. It also told them that they needed to have more cots on their plane just in case something like this happened again. If they had all been injured in an explosion or something, they would need a better way to transport everyone. 

Once they got back home it was easier to handle Jason. Clay had forced him to take his bed and Clay tucked him in and turned the TV on for him so he could zone out and just sleep. It was not lost on them that their roles had been reversed. Normally it was Jason tucking him in and making sure he had all of his meds. This time around Clay got to return the favor and help him with changing his bandages and making sure he had his pain meds. Jason did have pneumonia, but it wasn’t too bad. It was walking pneumonia so it meant he had a bad cough and some tightness in his chest, but he was mobile. He was still going to be down for at least three months with the rest of the guys. That was ok though, because to Clay that meant he had three months to train and get ready himself so he could join them on that first operation back. Only this time he would be in the field right beside them instead of being stuck in HAVOC. 

Today they were all being asked to come in so they could discuss their previous operation. They all knew it was only a matter of time before they would have to file their after action report. The Upper Brass were not going to be happy to hear about an entire Seal team getting captured. They all made their way into their war room and instantly noticed that Vic wasn’t here yet. He was still officially on Bravo until they were able to get him transferred. The guys were all hoping that meant that maybe they did get a transfer for Vic finally. 

“Couldn’t this have waited?” Sonny asked, as he sat down. He was not happy about having a broken wrist on his dominant hand.

“No it can’t. Everyone take a seat. I know most of you are not in the mood to be up and moving right now, but we have some news that we felt it would be best to share with you first.” Blackburn said. 

Everyone took a seat as Clay spoke. “What’s going on?”

“First off, the AAR needs to be in. As you can imagine the Upper Brass are not happy with how things turned out. They want to know who is responsible for the capture of an entire Tier One Team.” Blackburn started.

“That’s easy, Numnuts.” Full Metal said.

“Numnuts has already filed his AAR and according to him your capture was Clay’s fault.” Davis said, not impressed at all. 

“What?” Sonny roared.

“How is it my fault? I wasn’t even there and I told them not to go down the left tunnel.” Clay instantly said. 

This was bullshit. Clay had told them not to go left, he told them it was a trap and Vic didn’t listen. He chose to ignore what he said and put themselves and the operation in jeopardy. They had to send Alpha out to complete their operation while everyone was healing in the hospital. The last person to blame for what happened was Clay.

“Apparently your input put the operation at risk because you compromised the strategic thinking. It’s complete crap and something that Lindell and I were prepared for. Vic clearly went against a direct order to go down the right tunnel over the left. It was caught on camera with audio. That was what we needed to convince the Upper Brass that it would be better for Vic to be placed on another team. That there was too much history and Vic was disrespecting the chain of command.” Blackburn said.

“So he’s finally gone from Bravo?” Ray asked, very pleased by this.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that.” Davis started.

“As you know I have been working on tracking down who supplied the classified intel to Ash. We had ran Vic’s cell phone logs and emails, but nothing came up. I have been working on trying to find something that would lead us to who had done it. Whether that was Vic or not. My gut was telling me it was Vic so I’ve been working my way up the chain of command to try and get approval to run his GPS on his phone and his car. It’s been a long process and I’ve had to cash in favors and promise favors in the future.” Mandy started.

“Don’t care what favors we might have to do in the future if it gets us what we need.” Jason easily said.

“I’ll be a good little doggy and jump through any hoop.” Sonny agreed. 

“That’s good, because we are up to eleven favors that will be getting cashed in at some point. But I was finally able to get a meeting with the Attorney General, who hates Ash with a burning passion. But he loves Jason and when he discovered that you see Clay as your son he was more than happy to grant me official access to what I needed.” Mandy hit the play button on her laptop so it played on the screen as she continued. “I was able to get all of his GPS locations and then I ruled out anything that was routine for him. This was just days before Ash’s interview and as you can clearly see Vic is walking into the diner meeting with Ash. From this video, that came from the parking lot across the street at the gas station, you can see Vic meeting with Ash. Now, there isn’t any audio on this feed, but I was able to secure the diner’s security footage that does have audio. They got everything on tape, including Vic telling Ash about Clay’s injuries and the classified intel. I sent it directly to the Attorney General and he will be pulling Vic in to have him dishonourably discharged. He is also going to be sitting down with Ash and putting action against him into place. He was already drafting paperwork to block his next book from being published. He will also be under a gag order so he can’t talk about anything that had to do with that operation or Clay’s injuries. He will also be up on charges for divulging classified intel. He is no longer working for the military, but some of his operations have not expired on the classificate seal. He still has to work under the classification seal that he has and he broke that. I don’t know about jail time, he will most likely take a plea deal to avoid jail time, but he’s not walking away from this. And if Ash wants to work with the Attorney General, there is a good chance that Vic could be going up on charges and facing jail time for this.”

“Good they both deserve to be sitting in jail for this shit.” Sonny said, very happy that they were finally going to be getting justice for what happened to Clay. Vic wouldn’t be going down for cowardice, but he would be getting punished and that is what mattered to them all. 

“Bout fucking time they both got what is coming to them.” Full Metal agreed.

“It’s good that Ash won’t be able to release that book and he’ll never be able to talk about what happened to Clay again. I hate that Vic turned out this way. I really thought he would make a great member of Bravo. I’m sorry guys.” Ray said. He still felt guilty and responsible for all of this. If he had listened to Jason and gone with Yoder, so much pain could have been avoided. Having Vic on the team not only almost cost them Clay, but they almost died on this past operation because of Vic’s decisions. One man almost took them all down and it was a man that he put here. 

“You made a judgement call, you had no idea he would have turned out this way. We all liked him too.” Trent commented.

“You alright Sunshine?” Jason asked, as Clay was very quiet over there.

Clay wasn’t sure how he felt about all of this. He was happy to hear that Vic was off of Bravo, out of the military. He didn’t deserve to be here and it would keep everyone else safer. He wasn’t expecting anything more than that. He wasn’t expecting any type of charges for either Vic or Ash. He didn’t want to have to go through any type of trial or anything like that. He just wanted it all behind him. He wanted to be able to move forward and not have to constantly reflect back on what happened. He would in therapy, but that was only so he could be cleared for active duty again. Court cases could be dragged out for years. Clay didn’t want to do this for years.

“If charges are placed against either of them, I don’t have to be involved do I?” Clay asked Mandy.

Mandy turned to look at Blackburn, as she wasn’t aware of the full system. 

“Depends. If there is a plea deal and it is taken, then there won’t be any court case. I’m sure Ash will pick the plea if he can keep things quiet and get himself a better deal. As for Vic, it depends on the charges and if he does take a plea or not. If he fights it, there is a chance you would have to testify in a court in front of him, the two lawyers, the judge and the jury. It would be closed to the public due to the sensitive nature of the testimony and with you being a Tier One Seal.” 

“And if I say no?” Clay asked.

“If you don’t wish to testify, it could go either way. If he wins the court case then he could turn his attention to getting his dishonourable discharge removed and get back into the Seals. It’s not a decision you have to make right now Clay. We can see what happens and how things play out. Vic might take a plea deal to have it over and finished with. If it kept him out of jail, he would most likely take it.” Blackburn answered.

“I think we should be focusing on one step at a time Sunshine. Chances are they are going to take plea deals to get a better deal instead of risking everything with a roll of the dice. For now, Ash can’t talk about what happened or publish it in a book and Vic won’t be able to get someone else hurt. This is a battle won, focus on that and not the end war.”

The guys all knew that something like testifying wouldn’t be ideal to Clay. They could understand that and if it came down to it, they would respect his decision if he chose not to do it. His recovery is what mattered most to them. They would face this war if it presented itself. 

“I am glad that he can’t put anyone else at risk.” Clay said with a small smile.

That was the good part and for now Vic wasn’t someone they needed to worry about. What would happen down the road might be something they would need to deal with, but for now there was one last hassle they all needed to deal with. 

“I will be kept informed moving forward and when I get any updates I will let you all know. For now, Bravo has been placed inactive until you all have healed. Be prepared though for a rough three months. The Upper Brass are looking to implement some changes and with those changes comes online learning.” Blackburn said fully prepared for the groans. 

“Like school?” Sonny asked, completely horrified by this new development.

“Pretty much. You all will be in here with laptops working through different courses to better yourselves and the team. Now some of them won’t be so bad. Some of them will be the same for all of you and then you each will have different courses to complete depending on your skills. So Trent, will obviously have different medical courses then everyone else. It’s all virtual and you go at your own pace, but you will be required to complete the courses before you can become active again.” Davis explained.

“I would start off with the courses you all have the same and work through them together to help get everyone through. There are quizzes and exams at the end of them. Once you pass the course the certificate will be added to your military file. Ray has offered to learn Pashtu.” Blackburn started.

“Really?” Clay asked, slightly surprised by that.

“Ya brother, you shouldn’t have to be the only one pulling the weight when we’re out in Afghanistan. Us both knowing Arabic has really helped. This lets me help carry that load.” Ray said with a warm smile.

It was a huge help to have Clay being able to speak Arabic and for him to be a sniper. There were now two guys on the team that could carry that load. Clay had brought that to the team and helped Ray. Ray figured it was only fair to learn Pashtu and help Clay carry his own load.

“Appreciate it.” Clay said with an easy smile.

“Spenser, the Upper Brass has also assigned you a language. You will be the only Tier One operator that speaks Farsi.” Blackburn commented and he knew they were all going to be upset. Clay’s language skills were impressive, but Blackburn also knew how much the guys worried about him speaking all of these speciality languages. It was a lot to have floating around in your head.

“He knows enough languages.” Jason instantly said.

“It was one of the favors that got cashed in by Admiral Hightower. Which puts us down to ten.” Mandy said with a small shrug.

“It’s fine, I got ten languages already, believe me one more isn’t going to make a difference.” Clay said easily. He loved to learn and he had no problem learning another language. Especially if it was one of the favors that the team owed. 

“You know there is going to be some operation tied to that now right?” Sonny commented.

“Ya, could we maybe try and avoid having Clay learn a new language as one of the favors. All it means is us having to go to some sketchy and shady place because of it.” Full Metal added.

There was no way in hell the Upper Brass was going to let this one slide by them. Full Metal knew Clay spoke different languages, but he had no idea how many until he started to run with Bravo. Just like he had no idea how many times they were sent somewhere because Clay could speak the language and it eliminated the need for a Strap or a local interpreter that you couldn’t always trust. By having Clay learn another language, one that no one else within DEVGRU knows, only meant they would be going somewhere they didn’t want to be going.

“I will keep that in mind. I am sure it won’t be happening again.” Mandy promised.

“For now, go home and rest up. You are all due back in two weeks to get started. That should help you to start healing and being able to sit in a chair for eight hours.” Blackburn said.

“Do we have straps for Sonny to keep him in the chair?” Clay joked, as they all started to stand up.

“Me? I got no problem sitting still.” Sonny said right back.

“Seriously?” Jason said with a smirk.

“Hey, I can sit still. I got some sniper skills over here.” Sonny said offended that everyone seemed to believe he couldn’t hold on for eight hours.

“I’ve seen you get bored within ten minutes of being in a hole.” Ray commented, as they all headed out.

“Well, it’s boring waiting for someone to pop their head up so you can shoot em. It’s the worst version of Whack-A-Mole.” Sonny said right back.

Clay couldn’t help but smile at the easy banter between his brothers. He had no idea what the future would hold, but he was sure as shit looking forward to it.

XXX

“Alright put it down.” Jason said, as Full Metal and Blackburn moved the very heavy pull out couch into the living room from the truck. 

Today him and Clay were finally moving in together in Clay’s family home. It was not how they were expecting to be doing this. With Jason’s back and his pneumonia he couldn’t be lifting anything. Clay couldn’t lift anything heavy on the team’s orders and Big Chief who was planning on getting Clay back into top shape within three months. Brock with his broken leg, Sonny with his broken wrist, Trent with his disclosed shoulder and Ray with broken ribs, put them all firmly in the unless box. Which left just Full Metal, Yoder, Blackburn, Davis and Mandy to help lift the furniture. Clay was helping to lift things that were lighter and easier to carry. All in all, it was a sad show of Tier One Navy Seals. Clay walked in carrying a large box and Jason was instantly speaking.

“That better not be books.”

“It’s towels.” Clay said, as he lightly tossed it up and caught it.

“I got the damn books.” Yoder said, as he placed the box down the second he got inside the house. “Please tell me this does not go upstairs.” Yoder said with a heavy breath.

“Um.” Clay said with an awkward smile. 

“Fuck.” Yoder said, he knew that look all too well. 

“Sorry.” Clay said with a small smile.

“I appreciate you helping us with this.” Jason said on their behalf.

“It’s not a problem at all. Anything for my little brother.” Yoder said with a wink at Clay.

“He’s lucky to have you. And Bravo is lucky to have you, Bravo Seven.” Jason said with a warm smile.

“Wait what?” Yoder asked, both shocked and confused.

“You should have been picked the first time. That was my bad and I’m sorry for that. We were trying to figure out who the best person would be to be Clay’s number two when the time comes. Jason trusted my gut, but we should have trusted Clay’s. You’re Bravo through and through, you’ve proven that multiple times now. It would be an honor to call you Bravo.” Ray said with a warm smile.

“It would be an honor to serve and fight beside all of you. Thank-you.” Yoder said, as he held his hand out to shake Jason’s.

Jason easily took the offered hand as he spoke. “Thank-you for keeping this one safe all of those years. You’re the right man for the job.”

“And now you get to enjoy the fun of online learning next week.” Clay said with a smirk.

“Oh shit.” Yoder said with a sigh. 

The guys all chuckled to that. Yoder was going to be a perfect fit for them. He would not only be there to add in his own skills, but he was someone that knew and understood how precious Clay was and he would keep him safe. 

“Knock, knock.” 

Everyone turned to see Emma walking in with a huge smile on her face. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Jason asked, instantly going over to pull Emma in for a hug.

“You said you guys were moving today. I wanted to be here to help. I know you guys are all injured.” Emma said, before she pulled back.

She had been really worried when she heard from Davis that everyone had gotten injured, minus Clay. She was relieved that they would all heal, but she hated that she couldn’t come down and see them. She was in the middle of exams and she knew everyone would be pissed at her if she came down when she needed to be there to study. She had also been really worried about Clay. She had been trying to give him space, but it was hard considering everything that was going on with him. She wanted to be there for him, even if it was texting or phone calls. She wanted to make sure he knew that she was on his side and always would be. 

“It’s great to see you.” Ray said, as he moved in for the next hug.

“It’s good to see all of you guys.” Emma said, as she hugged Ray.

“You aren’t missing school are you?” Sonny asked.

“Nope, I’m home for two weeks. Exams are finished. Which means I get to help these two get everything set up.” Emma said with a warm smile.

“It’s good to see you.” Clay said, as he moved over for a hug. 

“It’s really good to see you too.”

Emma easily welcomed the hug and she held on longer than she did with the others. It felt great to be able to see that Clay was doing a lot better and he seemed to be in better spirits. Clay couldn’t even tell you how amazing it felt to be hugging Emma. He had missed talking with her. She was his little sister, the sister he had always wanted, and to go from texting everyday to not speaking with her for months had been really hard. Clay just wasn’t sure he was ready for it though. He wasn’t sure how she would have reacted to the news of what happened to him and the very last thing he could handle would be to see any pity in her eyes. But he didn’t see any in her eyes. Instead it was that calming strength she always had within her. That strength that made you want to keep pushing through and Clay missed it dearly. He missed her. 

“I missed you.” Clay whispered.

“I missed you too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Clay kissed the side of her head as he pulled back and Emma gave him one of her signature smiles that always had a way of lighting up the room. 

“This place looks great.” Emma said, as she looked around.

“Come on, I’ll show you around.” Jason offered.

Everyone else went back to doing what they could for the move. The guys couldn’t do much, but they were able to help put things away that didn’t require them to lift anything. Clay and Yoder made their way over to the kitchen to start putting the dishes away. Yoder’s phone buzzed and Clay noticed the instant smile on his face.

“And who might that be?” Clay asked with a smirk.

“It’s no one.” Yoder said, as he didn’t pull out his phone.

“That smile says otherwise. Come on, you seeing someone?”

“Yes, for a couple of months now, since I made the switch to Bravo Support.” 

“A couple of months and I’m just finding out now. Since when do you not tell me about who you are dating?” Clay said, as he leaned his right side against the counter. 

“I just didn’t want to trigger anything is all.” Yoder softly explained so the others wouldn’t overhear.

“Your sexual orientation has never bothered me D. I don’t care that you’re gay, you know that. I don’t want what happened to me to change how close we are, what we share with each other. I don’t want you feeling like you have to hide who you date from me or the conversations we have about it.”

“I just didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. And I was scared that you would hate that part of me now after what happened to you.” Yoder said honestly.

“I could never hate you and I know what happened to me was about violence, it has nothing to do with someone being gay. You are my big brother, I love you, and there is nothing that could happen to me or to you that would make me hate you. I don’t want secrets between us. We’ve never had any and I don’t want that to start. We’ve always been able to talk to the other about our relationships or one-night stands. We’ve always been able to talk about all of the dirty details without a problem. I don’t want that to change. I don’t want us to change.”

That was the last thing Clay wanted. He didn’t want Yoder to feel like they couldn't talk about this stuff anymore. He wanted to know about Yoder’s life, just like he had always wanted to know. He didn’t want anything in his life to change because of what happened to him.

“I don’t want that either. I’m sorry Squirt.” 

“It’s not your fault. Now, who is texting you?” Clay said with a playful smirk.

“Devon, Charlie Five.”

“I didn’t know he was gay.” Clay said, slightly shocked by that. 

“People don’t know I’m gay.” Yoder said with a shrug. “It’s just fun right now, nothing serious.”

“I know you are in a weird position. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, isn’t in effect any longer, but that doesn’t mean everyone is open-minded and ok with it. The guys though, they would be ok with it. They don’t see people that way. All they care about is if you are a good person and can do your job. You don’t have to come out, but you don’t have to feel like you need to hide it either.”

Clay knew that Yoder was always caught in this grey zone. He couldn’t come fully out because there were a lot of people that still had issues with it. Or they were cool with it, as long as the guy wasn’t on their team. He was constantly having to hide pieces of himself or about his personal life. It was hard and it made it hard to have a team close to you, especially a team like Bravo. They wanted to meet spouses and girlfriends. They wanted to know everything about you, because you became a brother the second you put that trident on your chest. Eventually they would find out about it, but it would stop some potential arguments and thoughts of mistrust if they knew sooner compared to later. 

“They seem like great guys. I’m just not at that trust point just yet. He’s made it pretty clear that he would never come out. We’re not having anything serious, it’s just fun right now.” Yoder said with a warm smile.

“Be careful ok. I don’t want you to get attached to someone that won’t ever be able to give you what you need, what you want.”

Clay knew that Yoder wasn’t out right now, but he also knew it would happen one day. He wanted a family, he wanted a husband and kids and that couldn’t happen if he was hiding in a closet. The last thing Clay wanted was for Yoder to be hurt by being with someone that would never leave the closet.

“Don’t worry Squirt, we’re just having fun.” Yoder said with an easy smile.

“I hate that nickname, you know.” Clay said with his own smile.

“I know, that’s what makes it so much fun.” Yoder chuckled at that as he went back to work.

Clay rolled his eyes and went back to getting the kitchen in order. It was nearing nine at night when everyone was outside sitting in chairs around the fire pit. Everyone had a beer and a belly full of pizza. It had been a good day and one that everyone had despite having to be moving furniture.

“I would like to propose a toast to Bravo, to this family, both old members and new ones. We’ve been through a lot within this past year. A lot of pain came our way, we almost lost a very precious member of this family. We almost lost all of us. But once again we proved why this family is unbreakable. We were able to push through and we have come back stronger than ever. And now we not only have a new brother to welcome home, but we also have the heart of this family to welcome back home. This family is finally complete again and in three months we are going to prove once again why Bravo is the best. There have been a lot of bumps in our road this year, but I am deeply proud of each and every single one of you.” Jason said, before he raised his beer bottle. “Welcome to the family Bravo Seven and welcome home Bravo Six.”

Everyone raised their bottles and clicked them against the people around them. Clay couldn’t help but smile as he sat back and looked at his family in front of him. He never thought he would have this again. He thought he would have lost everything when he finally got free. But here he was, here they all were, sitting around a fire drinking beer, as if nothing had ever changed. He thought he lost them, but he didn’t. They had pulled him through, even when he didn’t have the energy or the strength to fight himself. His brothers, his dad, had made sure he didn’t get pulled down into the darkness. Clay thought he lost everything, but he hadn’t lost anything at all. In three months they would all be going back into active status and Clay was determined to be right beside them when they do. He was back home with his family and he was not going to be left behind again. It was time to fight and he was going to win. He was Bravo Six and he wouldn’t have wanted to be anything else.

The End

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is the end of this story. I have left it a bit open, because I’m uncertain if I am going to do a sequel to this book. Originally I wasn’t going to have it as anything more than a stand alone, but now I am unsure. I left some pieces that could be explored more in another book. Let me know if you would like a sequel and what you would like to see in it.


End file.
